Title: A Stranger's Heart
By: sqyd
Characters/Pairings: Jack/Ianto, team
Rating: NC17
Warnings: angst, verging on AU
Thrace Warning Level 3.5
Word count: 3,300
Disclaimers: I don't own Torchwood or any of the characters. If I did, I'd take better care of them.
Summary: Jack and Ianto from the start. Up till just before Cyberwoman.
Beta: The amazing and tireless Rootesie. Naturally, I couldn’t stop messing with it. All mistakes are mine alone.
Notes: I wrote a first-time Jack/Ianto fic a million years ago. It assumed that they didn’t start shagging till after Cyberwoman. My opinion on the matter has changed since. Not that I think that either way is more “true” than the other. It’s all fiction. Making the assumption that Jack and Ianto got down and dirty while Lisa was still hiding in the basement naturally makes for a darker, angstier story. I had to get it out my system, and here it is. It seems it’s not only me; there have been a few of these stories recently. It must be a zeitgeist thing.

*************************************

Ianto Jones

Like all new recruits, he went through psych testing at Torchwood One. He was found to have mild empathic abilities. Nothing really useful, not to Torchwood anyway, they had better empaths. The real prize were those who could actually read minds, but they were few and far between, and almost always mad. So he ended up assigned to the Archives, and for all practical purposes forgotten; they didn't even bother to train him how to shield others out.

He figured out as a child that he was different. He had always been able to sense what people had foremost on their minds - not the things hidden deep down, just the surface, what they projected. It’s been a useful survival skill; it helped him avoid bullies, to do and say just the things that would appease the adults without drawing too much attention to himself. He knew when his dad came home in an even fouler mood than usual, and he knew when to make himself scarce. The people around him were like a background noise, a constant hum. Most of the time he wasn't even consciously aware of it.

He would make a perfect butler; the most important skill of a servant is anticipation, knowing the wants and needs of his master. In Torchwood Three he uses it to become invisible. He gets their coffee, files, whatever they desire, before they ask for them, before they would even think of his name to call. He senses other things too; resolved and unresolved sexual and emotional tensions, and of course the daily minutiae. Those he mostly ignores, since they don't pertain to him, and his mind is already occupied with Lisa. The ebb and flow of her pain is a never-ending presence in the back of his skull, a constant reminder why he is there. It weakens, but is never completely gone when he's away from the Hub. The connection is strong, and the dull throb in his head is his constant companion.

*************************************

This is the hardest thing he's ever had to do. Just caring for Lisa, keeping her from deteriorating and managing her medications is a challenge. He also has myriad small tasks to carry out as his job of general support. On top of it all, there are these bewildering vibes coming from Captain Harkness.

It's not like Ianto hasn't had the random twitch of interest in men. It's something he's come to accept about himself, along with his unbidden talent, but it isn't something he could've ever shared with his mates over a pint. He used to study them sometimes, their casually homophobic jokes and their displays of machismo. He wondered if any of them ever secretly longed to know how another man's naked body would feel against theirs. Or if any of them had ever fingered themselves just out of curiosity. At least he can admit to himself that the fascination is there.

In the end it was just easier not to act upon his curiosity. He wasn’t exactly the kind of bloke people noticed, and whenever he sensed attraction it was always from the guys who were acting the most macho. It was confusing, but also dangerous. Men didn't mean what they said, and didn't say what they felt. He didn't want to risk the mortification - even more than the possibility of grievous bodily harm - if he read the signals wrong, or even worse, if he read them right. Girls, women - were far more forthright; they either liked him or not, and if they did they wouldn't fault him for his advances. Then he met Lisa and fell in love for the first time. Love, as he came to learn, is a perilous business.

His bi-curiosity only made it easier to prepare for his role in the seduction of the infamous Captain Jack Harkness. Getting results was harder than he had expected. According to the many rumors that had circulated in Torchwood London, the good Captain would shag anything with a life-sign, and possibly a few things without. The rumors didn't mention that said Captain had some sort of scruples that excluded young and reasonably good-looking Welshmen - who happened to have been employed by Torchwood London at one point. In the end it was luck in the shape of a dinosaur that helped Ianto out. There was a moment there, on the floor of the warehouse, when Ianto accidentally lost control of his carefully constructed facade, and as a result he connected with the other man on a visceral level. It got him a job and his first pang of shame.

There is nothing vague about the signals Captain Harkness sends out. He is like a lighthouse to show the way to sexually wavering young men (or sentient beings in general). His mind whispers filthy sweet nothings to Ianto's. Even with the Captain half way across the Hub, Ianto can feel phantom hands sliding up along his thighs, fondling the curve of his arse, dragging along his cock - confidently and unhurriedly. This he hasn't prepared for, hasn't experienced before. Nevertheless, he can hold himself together. He maintains his self-control, even when the Captain and his cloud of pheromones are near him. He's unable to be within ten feet of him without getting a hard-on, but his mask holds. It's not so hard - as enticing as the Captain is, he is also an arrogant bastard. Knowing that makes it easier to play his role. Ianto deflects the flirtatious advances without actually closing the door on them, just in case.

He goes home and wanks in the shower. He tries to think of Lisa, the way she used to be, her supple flesh, her hot, wet cunt, but images of cold jagged metal keep invading. So instead he thinks of muscular thighs wrapping around him. It's of no consequence; all that matters is that he can plunge into dreamless sleep afterwards. The next day he’s back at work, cool and professional.

In the end what undoes him is an unguarded moment. It's the end of a long day - one of those when they are too late to prevent civilian casualties. Ianto is not in the field, but he is the one to orchestrate the cover up. It's been long day for him too. Lisa's in pain, though she tries to downplay it, but he can feel it. Ianto sneaks down to see her every chance he gets. He sits with her, tells her stories, recalling memories of happier times. His voice softly murmurs the words, his mind recalls all the little details. Finally, she relaxes and gives into sleep. Looking at her, his insides twist painfully. The burden of his mission weighs on him hard. Is he smart enough, strong enough, to see this through? He has to be, there's no other option, but he feels so exhausted.

By the time he’s back in the main Hub, everyone but the Captain is gone. Ianto stops dead in his tracks at the sight of the familiar figure behind his desk, unaware of being observed. He takes this rare opportunity to take a good look at the Captain. Gone is the usual surface of charm and self-confidence. Ianto can taste the sorrow and desolation surrounding the other man. Beyond that he senses something deeper and darker that he can't quite make out. Later, much much later, Ianto will speculate that there is something buried deep within his genetic and psychological makeup that gives him the urge to care for, service, love those whom he sees even more broken than himself. In the light of hindsight, it will make sense that he instinctively fixes on the one person who's just as much of a lost cause as Lisa.

At that moment however, with his inner balance toppled, all he knows is that he is not ready for a Captain who is more than just an arrogant wanker - not with Lisa helpless and vulnerable in the basement. It's too much; his heart can't take so much misery. He needs the Captain strong and invincible, a cocky bastard even. So he sets out putting things right with whatever tools he has in his arsenal.

He starts again, shuffling deliberately noisily this time. By the time he gets to the office door, Jack's upright, hands in pockets, jovial expression on his face. The pose is right, but even with the previous emotions tucked away, a shade of weariness is showing through. Jack makes some remark about the lateness of time, but Ianto isn't paying attention. He pauses only for a moment at the threshold, before stalking up to the other man and pressing their lips together. Jack's jolt of surprise seamlessly melts into desire. Pheromones and caressing thoughts wrap around Ianto, and this time he gives in. The stubble is distracting for a fleeting moment, but Jack's lips are warm and firm and he tastes of coffee. He eagerly sucks on Jacks tongue till Jack pulls back with an amused flicker in his eyes.

"Ianto Jones, what a pleasant surprise. What's the occasion?"

Ianto purses his lips. Flirting, hiding meaning behind words, it's easy, familiar ground. Its playfulness layers over that wicked craving that he isn't entirely sure is his own or the other man's.

"Just checking if there’s a bite to go with your bark, sir."

His right hand wanders from Jack's jaw to his chest, and feels his heart thump-thump-thump with thrill under his palm. He finds it incredibly arousing to have that effect on another person. Jack's arms coil around him, and Ianto suddenly feels like a furry critter in the muscular embrace of a snake, but unlike them, he doesn't struggle. When Jack leans in, Ianto readily offers his throat for Jack's teeth and hungry lips. He grinds his hips against Jack's and is rewarded by a groan. The ruse works. The Captain's thoughts switch tracks completely. Ianto is not foolish enough to believe that Jack has a one-track mind, but when it's focused on Ianto, it's easy to think so.

He fully expects to be bent over the desk, but he finds himself in the small room under Jack's office. Undressed, Ianto is self-conscious of his body - unlike Jack, who of course is even more perfect naked. The sight of their bare cocks rubbing together is so fascinating for Ianto that he gets lost in it for a moment. Jack picks up on the clue.

"Ianto, have you ever done this before?"

"What, make a pass at my boss? Shag a man? No to both. Is that a problem?" he asks with a dare in his eyes.

"Not at all." Jack purrs with a predatory grin and pushes him down on the bed.  Being naked and spread-eagled feels extremely exposed and vulnerable, and for the first time he gets uneasy. Perhaps Jacks senses it, because his touches are surprisingly tender. It's Jack's lips and tongue around his cock that thoroughly wipe the anxiety away. Jack sucking cock is an unexpected and incredibly erotic sight: he does it with such shameless enthusiasm.

Ianto's "talent" has always been a curse and a blessing in bed. His partners' excitement has always spiked his own, but he never had the luxury of ignorance when they were just faking it for his benefit. Jack... Jack's different, intense, and very real; he wraps around all of Ianto's senses, till he starts losing himself in it. So, it may not be entirely him who halts the very pleasurable blow job to pull Jack up for a messy kiss, or who slides curious fingers along Jack's arse, into the cleft between the two mouthwateringly smooth mounds. Jack approvingly pushes back against his hand and laughs breathlessly into his skin.

For a while they just touch, rub, lick, taste - it's a whole new world to explore. Jack's muscles are taut under the impossibly velvety skin. The hairless panes of his stomach lead to a shock of dark curly hair at his groin. His cock is like Jack himself: proud, alluring, cocky. Ianto smiles at his own joke, and traces his fingers around the contours of the Little Captain, tracing the similarities and the differences, finding the spots that make his own cock react. Perhaps his movements are more curious than erotic, but Jack doesn't seem to mind. Jack himself has a talented mouth, and fingers that expertly find all the erogenous spots Ianto had no idea he had. When he is flipped onto his stomach and those fingers spread him, Ianto tenses only for a second. The warm, wet tongue pushing into him, fucking him is far past what he's been expecting, but it makes him wondrously squirmy, and makes it very hard to think - so he stops trying. A prickly sense of anticipation fills him, and it's at least partially his own. By the time Jack's cock bluntly presses against his hole he's too turned on for second thoughts. Jack's sudden concerns, his inquiry about how Ianto's doing is irksome, and frankly isn't it a bit too late for that? Ianto semi-coherently suggests Jack to bloody get on with it.

Jack stretching him, filling him is almost too much, but it's also just fucking right, and when they get moving there is that pang of pleasure that jolts through him every time Jack's cock hits him at just that spot. Jack's everywhere, in him, around him; Ianto can feel his touch on his skin, his taste on his tongue, in the back of his mind. It's Jack's hand around Ianto's cock that twists and squeezes his orgasm out of him, making him white out, and it's Jack spilling into him, making him gasp at the strange sensation.

Lying in the puddle of stickiness that's slowing trickling out of him, Ianto muses that "fuck your brains out" is perhaps more than just an expression. He feels pleasantly sore, and blissfully empty. It's not till reality with all its guilt and grief-tinged complexities starts to seep back that he realizes that for a little while, Jack blocked everything else out of his mind. He blotted out grief, fear, even Lisa's pain - especially her pain - anything that normally rushes around in Ianto's overtaxed mind. Only the tactile and tangible were left, slick, sweaty flesh, the pain and the pleasure of it. The moment flees, and Ianto has to start thinking practically again. He has to go home, have a few hours of sleep before coming back, taking care of Lisa and keep looking for a way to fix her. He slips out of the bed and starts pulling on his clothes. Jack thankfully doesn't ask him to stay, and he doesn't offer.

*********************

The next day everything goes on as normal; the Captain's back to his normal commanding self, and the rest of the team are also their normal selves, at least as normal as they get. They are a pretty dysfunctional bunch to be honest. He shouldn't care, but he can't help noticing; it's the downside of empathy.

When Gwen shows up on their doorstep Ianto knows immediately what draws Jack to her. There is of course the sexual attraction, but Jack has that in oodles. Gwen's different than the rest of them; she is brash, guileless, and optimistic - sometimes to the point of being exasperating. She's also all there. The rest of them are all hiding. Owen lost something somewhere and is now hiding his woe behind sarcasm, booze and sex with strangers. That's why Ianto never pays much attention to Owen's barbs - they are part of his self-defensive mechanism, they mean nothing. Tosh is much the same way, but she protects herself from harm by hiding in a shell. He'd like to do something for her, but his schedule is already full. Not that it matters; she only has eyes for Owen. Ianto wonders if her attraction to the doctor is her subconscious self-defeatism; coveting the one thing she has no chance of getting.

Suzie scares Ianto a little. She is more closed off than the others, but the few telepathic whiffs he has gotten off her are perturbing. There’s without a question more to her than meets the eye - and probably not in a good way. Then there is Ianto, hiding himself and his terrible secret under all their noses. So yeah, uncomplicated, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed Gwen must be a breath of fresh air to Jack in their damp dungeon. Ianto doesn't begrudge her for it. He's not planning on staying long. Perhaps, once he's gone she can be the next person to divert the Captain's attention.

Which is when they all find out what Suzie's been hiding. Her homicidal tendencies don't surprise Ianto much, and he's relieved when she's gone. While Jack goes off to satisfy his fascination with Gwen, Ianto sneaks downstairs to check on Lisa, whose pain is intensifying again.

*********************

Ianto and Jack shag on most nights, once the others are gone. The trouble starts when the Rift is too quiet and Jack gets bored during the day, so he comes looking for Ianto. Fortunately, he's in the archives really working, but it’s not good, he can't have Jack wandering down there. He firmly pushes Jack away.

"No sir, not now."

Jack pouts, and it's just ridiculous that he can carry it off.

Steeling himself, Ianto pulls out his stopwatch. "I have to pull these files for Tosh first. Be in the back room of the Tourist Office in twenty minutes." His tone is commanding. Jack cocks a surprised yet pleased eyebrow, and leaves with a smile. Nineteen minutes and fifty-two seconds later Ianto enters the Tourist Office through the secret door. In the back room he's greeted by the sight of a shamelessly naked and ready Jack.

From then on he pays even better attention to desires of his Captain. He can distinguish between passing fancy and the craving that will send the Captain hunting for him. He knows just how to avail himself at the right time and place. They shag all over the Hub, from the supply closet to the Tourist Office, but Ianto keeps them away from the lower levels. Mentioning the stopwatch becomes a code for sex. It’s tricky to stay unnoticed in a busy Hub, but Ianto is nothing if not resourceful.

It crosses Ianto's mind, more than once, that shagging the Captain is more than reckless even in his crooked little world, but putting an end to it isn't an option. He knows he's just a fling for Jack, an office romance to be easily forgotten. He's thankful for it; it makes the double-betrayal a little easier. As he learns how to be on hand just when wanted, he becomes invisible to the Captain in-between those times. He's manipulating the other man, and he could tell himself that it's for Lisa, but that would be a lie. He wants this… he needs this for himself. He might just be a convenient lay for Jack, but when they are together Jack's attention is focused on him, only him, with an intensity that he has never experienced before. He suspects that this is Jack's true appeal, not the handsome face or the flirting, but the promise that while you're together, however temporary, you'll be worshipped and properly ravaged. When Jack's shagging him everything else is drowned out, and for that time Ianto can breath freely. He knows he should feel bad about it, but he can't, because those few minutes help him through the day.

Soon - he knows - Lisa will be well, and they will leave together, go far away, and Cardiff will be nothing but fiction. This is what he wants; this is why he's here.

He finally gets in touch with somebody who could help, a doctor from Japan. Lisa is excited to hear the news. They both think this could be the breakthrough they have been waiting for.

Then the world falls apart.

Next story in series - The Lover's Breath