Title: Be My Hero
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG
Table: 2, letter100
Prompt: 27, Hero
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.***
Dear Doctor,
Do you remember some of the conversations that we had when we first met? I was so in awe of you then; I referred to you as a "hero" more time than I can count. And you would always shrug, laugh, and say that no one should think of you in those terms.
I still do. I believe that I always will. To me, you'll always be a heroic man, even if you don't want to admit that you are. You should be recognised and thanked for all that you've done for the world, and I dislike the thought that you never will be.
Yes, I realise that it might not be the best idea for the world at large to know who you are and what you do. I can understand your desire to stay under the radar. But to not acknowledge your own worth -- that's something I wish you wouldn't do.
Sometimes I don't think you know just what you mean to people, my love. I don't mean the world in general. I mean the people who know you and care for you.
It seems unbelievable to me that you can give all that you do and not expect any acknowledgement for it. Do you know how few people like that exist in the world? What a silly question -- of course you do. You know far more of the unvierse than I could ever hope to.
Jack told me once that there had been times when he was traveling with you that he found it very humbling to be in your presence -- to know all that you'd sacrificed and know that if it came down to him making those same sacrifices, he didn't think he'd be able to do it.
I feel the same way, beloved. Sometimes I look at you and I can feel my heart swell with gratitude that you've seen fit to dedicate your life to protecting the world that we all exist in -- because if not for you, I doubt that this world would still be here.
There's no way that I could ever impress on you just what you mean to people -- or even what you mean to me. No matter how many times I tell you how much I love you, how many different ways I find to express it, I still can't seem to encompass all of what I feel for you.
Every time I try, I always seem to fall short. Yes, I know that you're fully aware that I love you -- but I never seem to be able to express the enormity of my emotions.
Maybe it's because, in some ways, I'm still just as much of you as I was when we first met. I still see you as that mythical hero, the man who saves worlds, the man who may not be able to do anything, but who will still try to the best of his ability.
You'll always be my hero, Doctor. You always have been, even before I'd ever laid eyes on you. I heard so much about you from Jack that I had built up a picture of you in my mind before I met you, of what I thought you would be like.
Of course, you turned out to be none of those things -- or, at least, not many. I don't think that my own imagination could ever have conjured up anyone as absolutely wonderful as you are -- and I know that I'd never have been able to dream what you would come to mean to me.
I still have a sense of wonder every time I look at you, and there are times when it's hard for me to believe that you've actually chosen me as the man who gets to share your life. That's more than I could ever have hoped for from anyone.
You've never intended to be anyone's hero, I know. And that's why I've always hesitated to tell you out loud that in so many ways, you're mine.
But it's something that I feel needs to be said. I can't keep holding back my admiration for you and all that you do for the world so unselfishly. I know you're aware of how I feel -- but I don't think that I've ever said it to you in so many words.
So I'm saying it now, Doctor. I know you've never expected to be anyone's hero, least of all your lover's -- but you are. I won't deny that. Hero-worship may be a little strange when it's directed at the man I love, but it's there nonetheless.
Never in my life have I met a more heroic man -- and I'm sure that anyone else who knows you and knows of all you've done for the universe would agree with me. There isn't another man like you in the world -- literally or figuratively.
I can imagine the look on your face when you read this. You'll sit there at your desk, your eyes widening as you're reading; you'll shake your head, blush, and the corners of your lips will turn up as though you can't help smiling at the words you're reading.
I know that you don't consider yourself a hero. You're not that sort of man; you don't need any of the accolades that anyone else would consider their due.
And I know what you'll be thinking as you read -- that this isn't something that needed to be said, and you'll be slightly embarrassed that the words are there, put down on paper for you to read and to know exactly how I feel.
You've never intended to be my hero, or anyone else's. And out of deference to you, I'll respect that. I'll never insist that people thank you for everything you've done, and everything that you'll continue to do. You'll be an unsung hero, just the way you want it.
To you, this is merely what you do, a part of who you are, and I don't believe you could see yourself doing anything else. It's not a job, it's not an obligation. It's a part of you; you couldn't change it if yu wanted to. And I hope that you never do.
That heroic aspect of who you are is only a small part of everything about you that made me fall so hopeleslly in love. You would be a different man without it -- and also without that self-deprecation that makes you back away from the appreciation that's your right.
I'd never force you to accept something that you don't want, Doctor. I'll never make you admit that you're a hero or that you have a right to be called one.
But know that you'll always be my hero -- in every way possible. You'll always be the keeper of my heart and soul, the man I love, the man who I'm proud to call mine. And even though you refuse to acknowledge that you're a hero, you'll always be one in my heart.
Your loving
Ianto***
- Main Torchwood slash page
- New stories page
- Jack/Ianto stories
- Ianto/Owen stories
- Other pairings stories - ie threesomes
- F/F stories
- Gen stories
- Amazon.com - Torchwood: Children of Earth
- Amazon.co.uk - Torchwood - Children of Earth [DVD] [2009]
- Amazon.ca link - Torchwood - The Complete First Season (7DVD)