Title: Bodies and Words
Author: carrymary
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Summary: Just before finally going on their date, Ianto reflects on his relationship with Jack.

***

They'd set this date a week ago, long before all the business with Tosh and Tommy. It had been one hell of a day, and Jack had even dared to ask him if he wanted to postpone what he'd been looking forward to for so long.

So it had only been a few weeks since Jack had returned, and asked him out on a date, after declaring that he'd come back for him. But even before that, Ianto had been hoping that perhaps, one day, there might be more between him and his Captain.

It had been hard when Jack had left them, and for those few weeks, the words 'part-time shag' had haunted Ianto every night, and every day, up to the point where Owen had realized what impact his sneer had had on the office boy. And, unlike anything Ianto had ever experienced, Owen had apologized to him, saying that he hadn't meant it like that and that he knew Ianto meant more to Jack than just that. Still, knowing Jack had disappeared in search of his Doctor, even the most sincere words Owen had ever uttered to him did little to comfort him.

It had all started… actually, when had it all started? Ianto had never been sure. Part of him thought it must have been when he'd led Jack to the pteranodon — though at that point he'd thought it was a pterodactyl. She had grabbed Jack, only to drop him moments later, straight into Ianto's arms, and they'd fallen on the ground together, on top of each other. Looking deep into Jack's eyes as sensed the older man opening up to him, and he'd done the exact same thing without hesitation. As Jack had told him to report for work next day, Ianto hadn't looked back at him. Instead, he'd tried to hide his tears. Tears of gratitude, hope, shame, love, confusion; tears that he didn't want Jack to see. Already he had betrayed this man, and in doing so, deep down in his heart he had betrayed Lisa, his poor, semi-converted girlfriend. And he'd cried. He loved Lisa, with all his heart, with every bit of emotion and sanity in him that had survived Canary Wharf. So how could he be falling in love with someone else?

He'd never found the answers, but it had happened none the less. Looking back, Ianto wasn't sure whether it was a bad thing or not. It had been at the time, of course, but now?

Feeling Jack's eyes on him, he turned to the coffee machine, blushing and not even trying to bite back a small smile. He couldn't be bothered to ask himself how he could still smile, mere hours after Tommy had returned to his own time. A night after Jack telling him that he wouldn't change his own time 'for the world'.

That alone was more than promising for tonight.

Two weeks into his suspension, Jack showed up on his doorstep, carrying a bag of Indian take-away and a six-pack of beer. Neither of them said a word until halfway during dinner.

"Why did you let me live?" Ianto asked out of nowhere.

Jack sighed, putting down his cutlery but not looking up yet. For a moment, Ianto thought it was going to be yet another question left unanswered, but then he heard a broken voice. "Because I admired your loyalty to Lisa," Jack whispered. "Because I knew you'd lost your grip on the situation and you were as lost as we were. Because I'm convinced I would have done the same in your position."

As if on cue, both Jack and Ianto looked up, their watery eyes locking. Jack took a deep breath before continuing. "And because you were right," he confessed. "We, I, took you for granted for all that time. We never asked, we never cared. And in hindsight, I realized there was something wrong from the night we first met. I don't know why I never bothered, but I was wrong not to." He sighed. "Ianto, what happened that night… That was my fault. Not yours. Never yours."

Ianto swallowed, surprised and touched by Jack's honesty. He didn't notice his cheeks were wet from tears until he saw one single tear rolling down Jack's face. "I…" he stammered, not knowing what to say. Jack just smiled, a tight smile that no doubt was meant to keep him from crying. "Don't let your food get cold," was all Jack said, and he grabbed his fork, continuing his dinner. Ianto took a big swallow of beer before focusing on his food again. They didn't talk again that evening, and Jack left straight after dinner with nothing more than a curt nod.

Bringing coffees around the Hub, he recalled what had happened after Jack had left him alone for the night. He'd curled up in bed, not even bothering about the dishes, and cried. For the first time since he'd left the Hub two weeks earlier, he'd cried. He had been forgiven. And he could move on, to live another day, without having to feel guilty towards either Lisa of Jack. As he'd drifted off to sleep, he finally knew that things would be alright. And he'd been right, he thought to himself as he put a big pot of tea on Toshiko's desk, giving her a reassuring squeeze as he put his free hand on her shoulder.

After that drama with the Faeries, Ianto deliberately lingered around until the others had left home. He didn't have to wait too long; Owen, Gwen and Toshiko were more than a little pissed off with Jack, and having come back from his suspension no more than a few days ago, they weren't too keen on Ianto either. Of course it hurt, but then again, after everything that happened, he figured that we probably deserved it. Gathering all his courage and a cup of his famous coffee, he walked up to Jack's office. Even though the door was wide open, he gave a polite knock on the doorframe. Jack opened his eyes at the sound, and gestured Ianto to enter. He did as he was told, and put the cup in front of Jack. Then he just stood there, arms behind his back, not sure what to do. Jack raised an eyebrow at him as he sipped the still warm coffee. Ianto took a deep breath, and before he realized him, his mouth was spilling words like a waterfall.

"You did the right thing sir. Sacrificing one girl to save the planet. I mean, it might not seem fair, or good, but what you did saved us all." Oh, dear, he was rambling again, wasn't he? Ignoring his own thoughts, he opened his mouth to continue, but Jack held up his hand to shut him up.

"Ianto," he asked after a moment of silence, "why are you telling me all this?"

"Because someone needs to, sir," he replied with a small voice. "And because I would have done the same if I had been in your position." He looked down at his shoes, wondering what the hell had just happened. He heard Jack get up from his chair, the sound of his boots vibrating through the office as he walks around his desk, stopping when he invaded Ianto's personal space. There was a moment of confusion in his mind when Jack reached out for his chin, softly forcing him to look up.

But when Jack leaned in, all confusion was gone. Jack's lips touched his with no more than a light brush, but Ianto didn't hesitate to respond with a soft kiss on the Captain's mouth. A second later, their lips parted, but Jack's hands rested on his shoulders, and Ianto's hands were flat on Jack's chest. "Thank you," Jack whispered, breathlessly. Ianto just nodded, lost for words, as he turned around and left Jack's office.

Now, placing a new cup of freshly brewed coffee on Jack's desk, he remembered that day, and once again a small smile formed around his lips. Ignoring Jack's questioning look, Ianto picked up the now empty cup he put on the desk less than an hour ago, and headed back to the main Hub.

When they returned from the Brecon Beacons, Ianto didn't utter a single word for hours. He couldn't, just couldn't. Not after everything that had happened that horrible day. He had been kidnapped, locked-up, restrained and beaten up. Tenderized. Meat. That was all he'd been, just meat. No living creature, no human, no equal to the villagers. And truth be told, it had messed up his entire mind. He had heard Owen mutter something about shock, and the girls gave him looks of sympathy. He vaguely noticed Toshiko apologizing to him over and over again as he watched Owen patching up Gwen's shot wound in the ambulance. On the way back he just sat behind Jack in the SUV, looking to the world outside and half-remembering there once was a time when he believed in people being good and kind. It had only been last morning, but to Ianto it seemed months, even years ago.

Back at the Hub, Owen volunteered to drop Toshiko and Gwen off at their respective homes after Jack ensured him he'd make Ianto would get home. Ianto just sat on the sofa, hearing but not registering what was being said around him. He was in pain, overly exhausted and wondering if this would be a good time to leave Torchwood and get a life again.

He didn't even notice Jack sitting down next to him, wrapping his arms around him and enveloping him in words of comfort, in warmth and love. His lips found Jack's before his brain registered what was going on, and his hands found Jack's body before he realized he was able to move them. Without a word spoken between them, they tugged at clothes, revealing bare skin. Needing to feel, to know that yes, there was still something good in this world. As they clung onto each other, their kissed deepened and Ianto was off the world, holding onto Jack as if he was life itself.

Cleaning up the empty pizza boxes on the sofa, he remembered waking up this next morning, alone but covered in a thick blanket, a pillow under this head. It had taken him a moment or two before the fog in his mind cleared up. Then the realization had hit him. And Jack had chosen that exact same moment to re-appear, sitting down next to Ianto as he handed him a cup of tea. They hadn't looked at each other, not shared a single world, but Jack had pulled him close again, and Ianto had surrendered to the miracle that was Jack Harkness. Now, he grinned. If the rest of Torchwood only knew what had happened on this sofa, they'd never let him hear the end of it. Walking away with the litter, he realized that that specific night had turned his world upside down. And tonight would do that again.

He really didn't know what had gotten into him when he told Jack there was a quite a list of things you could do with a stopwatch. When he walked to Jack's office after the others had left, making sure he was there in exactly ten minutes, he decided that he just needed to be reassured again, and that it was so much easier to say so with innuendos than with actual feelings. Luckily, Jack had got the idea, and the first thing he did when Ianto closed the door behind him was taking the stopwatch out of the younger man's hands. His lips were soft, yet demanding, and Ianto just let himself go. He didn't care about anything anymore, all he wanted as he returned the kiss was to be loved, and to know that life was more than what it seemed to be in the cold place that was Torchwood.

Ianto felt so alive that night. Jack's hands were everywhere, and their bodies never once separated for four full hours. By then, Ianto knew every inch of Jack's body, and every inch of his soul. And, to his own surprise, he found that he knew every inch of Jack's heart. And, as their eyes locked just before they drifted to sleep, laying next to each other, Ianto knew that the feeling was mutual.

He looked up as he heard the sound of heels on the metal grating to find Gwen and Toshiko leaving the Hub. Presumable, Gwen would drop Tosh off home, making sure she was alright, before she would go back to Rhys to be comforted herself. Owen was just emerging from the hothouse, making his way down to the autopsy room. Jack stood in the doorway to his office, having caught Ianto daydreaming. A loving smile played around his lips, and Ianto then caught himself blushing.

Nothing much changed over the following weeks. The horror that they kept hidden from the outside world still drove him insane. Nothing much changed. But Jack was there, and Ianto even dared to hoped that Jack would still be there on the long term. Not that he ever voiced his thoughts, mind. Jack didn't talk, nor did Ianto. They spent most of their time together in silence, letting their bodies speak for them, apart from the occasional moan or plead.

Then, everything changed. Jack got stuck in 1941, and met Jack, and, according to Toshiko, fell in love. Ianto swallowed, not wanting to admit to himself that yes, he had only been a plaything and yes, he had fallen for Jack's trap with his eyes wide open.

He would never have the chance to ask, since Owen opened the Rift and all hell broke loose. He'd helped him, in the end: He still loved Lisa after all, and Lisa deserved to live.

He would never have the chance to apologize, since Jack ran off, minutes after declaring his love for Ianto to the team, once again not with words, but with his body. It had felt so good, and every doubt he had about Jack's heart being stuck in the early forties was gone. Even Owen's words, calling him Jack's 'part-time shag', didn't seem to matter anymore. Jack was alive, Jack loved him, and he loved Jack.

But Jack ran away. Away from Ianto, away from Torchwood, and, probably, away from Earth. And Ianto was alone again.

It had been only two weeks, but those two weeks had nearly devastated Ianto. He recalled them vividly as he waved goodbye to Owen, who put on his coat and left the Hub. Ianto put his hands in his pockets and made for Jack, still leaning against his doorframe.

Jack returned. For him. For all of them, but for him. Ianto couldn't believe his ears when Jack asked him out on a date a few hours later. As soon as John had left and Ianto had arranged a hotel for them, Jack took his hand, guiding him to his room. And they talked. For the first time, they sat down together, and talked. They spoke about everything, from Lisa to the Doctor and from Jack Harkness to The-Year-That-Never-Was. They talked, and they listened, and they didn't go to bed until the sun was up. They fell asleep in each other's arms, and just before drifting off into a deep sleep, Ianto smiled. Who needed bodies if they had words?

"You ready?" Jack asked, his coat already flung over his arm.

Ianto nodded, nervous as a teenage boy. "Always," he replied, leaning in to kiss Jack's lips.

"Good," the Captain smiled, grabbing Ianto's hand. They shared a brief look that told them more than bodies or words could ever tell them, and without uttering another word, Ianto gently led him out of the Hub, and into his heart. And together, they walked into a night of bodies and words. Into a night of understanding and touch. But most of all, Ianto thought, into a night of love.

***