Title: Both Sides Now
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG
Table: 2, letter100
Prompt: 87, Playful
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

***

Dear Doctor,

Another one of these letters, ones that I'm writing much more frequently. That's a little odd, considering that I'm here on the Tardis with you, whereas I used to be miles away on the face of my own planet while you were out adventuring in the stars.

But that was a while ago -- it seems like a whole lifetime has passed since then. It took me a while to adapt to being here, but now, I've gotten used to it. The Tardis actually feels more like home to me than my flat in Cardiff ever did.

That place never really seemed like a home to me until you were part of my life. It was just somewhere that I ate and slept, and spent time to myself when I wasn't at work -- which was rare. I was trying to bury myself in Torchwood for a long time.

The moment that you became a part of my life, and began spending time there as well, that flat felt like a home. Your presence transformed it from four walls and a roof that held my belongings to a place that I loved and wanted to be in.

Your sense of joie de vivre, your playfulness, your wonderment at so many things in the world -- they all surprised me. From what Jack had told me, I'd expected someone a bit stodgy, someone who I wouldn't have more than a polite acquaintance with.

I would never have guessed that you would be my soul mate, the love of my life. I don't believe that anyone could have been more surprised than me the first time that our eyes met, and I knew, just knew, that you were the one.

When we were first getting to know each other, all of your qualities hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks. It took me a while to get used to being around someone who could be serious and playful by turns, going from one to the other in the blink of an eye.

I love seeing both sides of you -- well, all of your different sides. There are many more than just those two, but those are the ones that are most predominant. Those and the romantic lover, but that's a granted, given the bond that we share.

Your playfulness and almost childlike wonder at some of the things you encounter in the world is one of the most precious qualities you have, Doctor. I love seeing that in you; I love knowing that you'll never become cynical and jaded in that respect.

You can argue all you want that you are cynical in so many ways -- but I would disagree with you. There's still that playfulness about you in so many things that you do; I think anyone who's been around you for any length of time can see it.

So many people lose that as they grow older; they fall prey to the beleif that they have to put aside that kind of enthusiasm and be "serious adults." But you, even as many centuries as you've lived and all that you've seen, still retain that playfulness, and it's a beautiful thing.

Seeing you like that makes me happier than I can say. Everything that's happened in your life to bring you to a state of melancholy falls away from you, and you're like a child -- so happy and exuberant. I wish you could be that way more of the time.

Of course, I know that's impossible. Your life is one that only allows for certain moments of letting that playful side of yourself come out -- but at least I know it's there, and that you haven't let life and the universe beat you down and destroy it.

I would hate to see that happen, and I try my best to keep as much of the dark side of your mind away from the forefront as I can. But I know that there are times when that side needs to be front and centre -- even times when it's imperative that you unleash that darkness.

I'm just glad that doesn't have to happen too often -- and even thought it might be presumptuous of me to think this, I do believe that I make you happier than you've been in centuries. After all, you've told me that -- and I believe those words when you say them.

I know that you can't always evince that playful, happy side of yourself. But there are times when I revel in it, and when I can't help but smile and feel completely happy myself at knowing that I have a lover who's a combination of light and dark.

So many people lean more to one side or the other of that spectrum -- but you, beloved, manage to stay right in the middle. I might have seen more of the darker side when we first met, but I'm seeing both sides now, in equal measure.

Both sides of you are precious to me. The darker, serious man who knows how to face adversity, who isn't afraid of anything and who is the protector of the universe. I love that strength in you, that resolve, that hero who can take on the world.

And I also love the lighter, playful side of you, the side that spontaneously laughs and dances, the manic side. That's the part of you that I probably cherish more than any other, because after all you've seen and done in your life, it could have so easily disappeared from view.

But it hasn't. You've kept that playful, childlike side of yourself intact, and I'm grateful that you have. I hope it's going to stay there for all of our lives together, and that it's something you'll never lose. I want to keep seeing that side of you far into our future.

That playfulness of yours brings out that side of me, as well. And it's something that I hope we both keep for the rest of our lives.

Yours always,

Ianto

***