Title: Breathe
Author: Captains Cariad
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: They're definitely not mine, but the boys like to play and so do I.
Summary: "While you were sleeping." Internal monologue/diary entries from Jack and Ianto.

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Jack

"In the dead of night I lie awake and watch you sleeping. At first, it was to ensure you didn't do anything to harm yourself as you struggled to grieve for Lisa, then later it was to check you were calm, not plagued by nightmares in the aftermath of the Brecon Beacons. Now, I watch to marvel that you're here beside me - loving, vibrant, passionate, trusting and oh, so alive.

I savour these hours; mapping every line and contour of your face, exploring the curve of your hip, the sweep of your back and the lithe muscular limbs entwined with mine. I'm thirsty - drinking you in with my eyes. I'm committing you to memory. For it will come; that inevitable time when you are gone and I'm alone. Again.

Until then I will hold you close as the shadows wrap themselves around us and watch you as you sleep. It's just you and me...no past, no present, no future. Just this moment. Just you and me. Nobody else, no Weevils, no aliens, no Rift. Just you and me. Here. Now. Together. That's what makes me happy. Just watching you breathe."

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Ianto

"I always try to be there to catch you when you fall. I gather you to me, whispering endearments and smoothing your hair. I kiss your forehead as life slips away and hold your hand waiting for the spark to reignite. I know you'll revive, you always do for that is your fate; your curse. Immortal - ageless and beautiful, an endless existence; a fixed point. You've lived so many lives, died so many deaths, but for you there is no end; just a brief escape in those pauses when you're suspended in silence, caught between darkness and light.

In those moments my world fades to grey because no matter how many times you're taken from me it never hurts any less. It still rips at my soul and punches big, gaping holes through my heart. Despite knowing you can't stay dead there's always that nagging question on the edge of my thoughts: "What if this is the time he really dies and doesn't come back?"

That's a question even I don't have the answer to and to be honest I try not to think about it. I banish the notion to the deepest recesses of my mind where it lurks, poised and ready to pounce at the next opportunity. So I catch you and hold you and tell you you're not alone. It's just you and me...waiting for life to return. Here. Now. Together. Just waiting for you to breathe."

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