Title: Smile! You're on Candid Camera
Author: Clarity
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Jack/Ianto (and Gwen/Owen to a lesser degree)
Summary: On the perils of having CCTV all over the base.

***

"One second. Just need to finish this so I can switch the computer off without losing anything important."

Owen rolled his eyes and huffed. "You can sort out that stuff tomorrow. Or just make Ianto do it. Come on let"s..." Something flashed past his vision that he knew couldn"t be right. "Hold up, go back a few."

Her fingers danced over the keyboard, taking them back through the various footage rolling in from the network of CCTV cameras.

"There."

"Oh my!" Tosh squeaked, a hand hovering over her mouth, her eyes open wide. "What... what are they doing?"

"Well I"ll be..." Owen chuckled. "...œGo home early, you guys deserve a break..., my backside."

"Are you two coming or... oh my God!" Gwen nearly tripped over as she came towards them, coat in hand. "Is that...?"

"Yep."

"Jack...?"

"Yep." Owen tried not to look smug, but he really couldn"t help it.

"Ianto...?"

"We shouldn"t be watching this," Toshiko muttered, so quietly it was largely unheard.

Owen nodded but didn"t move. Instead he leaned back in his seat and started chewing the end of his pen, unconsciously imitating what was happening on the screen.

"I don"t believe it." Gwen had to hold onto the back of Owen"s chair for support. She was shaking her head yet couldn"t quite manage to look away. "Wait... is that...? Are they in the autopsy bay?" She grimaced. "That"s not very hygienic."

"Or romantic," Tosh added, and ate a mint, entirely unaware of how much like a cinema-goer munching on popcorn she looked. She didn"t even notice as Owen reached over her to turn on her speakers until the sound of Jack roaring out filled the hub.

Ianto leaned back, away from the strong thighs he had had his face buried between, fighting to catch his breath. Jack reached down and grabbed the end of the tie which was still hanging around his neck, even though his shirt and indeed every other item of clothing was conspicuously absent, and dragged him up into a kiss.

"Like to taste yourself don"t you?" he muttered and laughed, purposefully sticking his tongue down Jack"s throat and kissing him hard and rough.

"Like to taste you too," Jack promised when they broke apart, hands stroking down his back to cup Ianto"s ass.

"Another time perhaps." He pushed Jack"s shoulders back so he was lying on the autopsy table rather than leaning against it. "Right now I"m a little busy." Ianto hooked his hands under Jack"s knees and used the leverage to lift him up onto it.

"Oh yeah? Doing what?"

"Fulfilling a promise actually." He reached aside onto the tray nearby and squeezed out some blue jelly from a tube onto his hand, which he dabbed deliberately on each of Jack"s nipples.

Both Gwen and Tosh jumped as Owen banged his hand on the side of his chair. "I wondered where the hell all my ultrasound jelly had gone!" he grumbled.

"Um, why are they..." Gwen asked, her fingers waving haphazardly at the screen.

"That stuff tingles. Can be quite... Damn, and Ianto had the nerve to ask me if I"ve been using it for sexual purposes when I asked him to order more! The cheeky bastard!"

Tosh giggled and had to press her hand firmly over her mouth to stifle it.

"Might I ask what this promise you"ve made is?" Jack asked, pleasantly, as if he was asking about the finer points of bone china or discussing the clement weather on a trip to the Royal Ascot. "I hope it"s worth it."

"I think so," Ianto replied, with equal politeness. "I promised I"d fuck you senseless."

"Ah yes. So you did."

"Although if you have other plans...?" He stepped back, waving the question aside casually.

"No no. The fucking senseless is fine by me."

Ianto nodded, grinning wickedly. He loosened his tie and circled around Jack to put it over his neck instead, whispering something into his ear as he did.

Gwen, Tosh and Owen all leaned in closer simultaneously, even though it was obviously too quiet for the mics to pick up.

Whatever it was, it made Jack laugh out loud. Ianto squeezed out the rest of the tube of jelly on Jack"s stomach as he moved around to the other end of the table again. He rubbed it all over the Captain"s now semi-hard dick, around his balls and all over his ass, fingers straying inside him every now and then, teasing and stretching. With his other hand he gathered the rest and spread it on himself.

"Quit messing around, I"m dying here," Jack groaned.

"Bored, Captain?" He slung Jack"s leg"s over his shoulders and pressed forwards.

Jack arched his back up off the table, mouth open wide, both his hands clenching in the air above his head over the side. "Mmmmore," he gasped and appeared to stop breathing as his request was met. "Oooohhh yeah. That"s it."

Gwen"s attention was caught by the movement of Owen"s hand down by his crotch. He was rubbing his thigh just a few inches from a very well developed bulge, probably without even knowing it. Her mouth went immediately dry.

"So uh," she stuttered, mostly to take her mind of the very wrong thoughts now racing through her mind, "how long do you reckon they"ve been... you know?"

"Must have been some time after that whole thing with Lisa. Though, I didn"t even realise they were on speaking terms much after that." Tosh popped another mint into her mouth, eyes still completely glued to the screen. If anybody had looked they would have realised that she hadn"t blinked in at least two minutes.

"Naaaah! I bet they"ve been at it since the moment they first met," Owen contradicted her with a snort. "Bet they did it in his fucking interview! ...œAh hello, Ianto Jones, is it? You make coffee, do filing, worked for Torchwood before and, oh I see you have a nice big cock. Welcome to the team,..." he mimicked in an outrageous American accent. "It"s obvious."

"That"s not possible. He loved Lisa." Gwen wanted to sound stronger in saying that but still couldn"t quite get past the croak in her throat.

Owen shrugged. "Ianto"s fucked in the head. Hell, they both are! I"m telling you, I bet they"ve been at it like a pair of horny bunnies since day one."

"It would explain why Jack went so completely beyond crazy over that incident," she said, thoughtfully. "Guess he was more betrayed than we ever knew."

"Would explain why he let the freak stay as well. I never could figure that out." Owen finally bit the end off his pen with a crunch. He threw it aside in disgust. "Yeah it"s all looking a whole lot more clear now, wouldn"t you say?"

A loud cry of pleasure drew their attentions back to the computer screen and a moment was taken to appreciate the sight of Ianto making Jack gasp and puff and moan and thrash about, begging for more and for him not to stop.

"I hope Ianto"s getting paid overtime for this," Owen commented, and flinched as Gwen tapped him on the shoulder in rebuke. Their eyes locked and she gasped a little, biting her lip, feeling her cheeks flush. Owen"s eyebrows steadily rose and that cocky little smile ...” the one that said he knew exactly what she had been thinking and was all for it ...” spread across his face.

"He never struck me as the bisexual type," Tosh said, completely oblivious to the eyefuck going on beside her. "Ianto I mean. Obviously I"ve never been sure about Jack."

"Told you he"s gay." Owen turned to her, but was careful to give the girl behind him a little wink of message received first.

Toshiko continued to stare at the computer. "You know, I"ve never seen anything like this before. Not, not really. I didn"t really think two men together would be so..."

"Hot?"

Everybody froze.

Then Toshiko"s hands made a made clattering dash for the keyboard as she fought the buttons to turn the footage and then the speakers off.

The squeaks made by the two chairs as they slowly turned them around towards the source of the voice seemed incredibly loud. The three of them looked for all the world like three naughty children caught shaking their presents the night before Christmas.

Jack was at the bottom of the steps, leaning against the railings. He looked pretty dishevelled; his hair plastered to his forehead, one bracer unfastened and a red silk tie that didn"t belong to him hanging loosely around his neck. "There"s about a ten minute delay for the secondary recordings onto the computers," he informed them, expression giving nothing away.

A pause, and then Tosh pointed at Owen. "It was his fault!"

"Hey! My fault...?!"

"Didn"t I tell you all to go home early today?" Jack asked over them like a schoolmaster. "Do you need me to give you some extra work?"

That got them moving.

"Hey Gwen, you need a ride home?" Owen offered, quietly as they hurried towards the exit.

Though she"d sworn to herself that she was never going to do this again, she found herself nodding with definite enthusiasm.

Jack waited for them to leave and for the big metal door to slam closed before letting the grin that had been trying to break out reach his face. He took a seat at Tosh"s desk and flipped the computer and speakers back on. After all, there was no reason not to enjoy the show before Ianto came to delete anything incriminating, as usual.

"Hot," he agreed, and laughed to himself.

***