Title: Can't Go Back
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Owen Harper
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Rating: PG
Table: 50ficlets
Prompt: 2, Leave
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Owen Harper, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

"Do you ever wish that you could go back to your life before Torchwood?"

The words were asked innocuously enough, but Owen couldn't help believing that the Doctor had more than just an idle curiosity in that question. Why would he want to know such a thing? Could he honestly think that Owen had a life left on Earth?

He wasn't entirely sure just how to answer that. Would he go back to how his life had been before he'd joined Torchwood, even if he could? It was a hard answer to formulate; he'd been happy then, happier than he'd ever been in his life.

But had he been happier then than he was now? That was hard to say. It had been an entirely separate life; he'd been a different person then.

Of course, he'd known that he was bisexual at the time, that he liked both men and women. And the woman he'd been engaged to had been the person who was the love of his life -- at that point, anyway. He'd been a man who was on top of the world.

He'd thought that he had everything he'd ever want, and that nothing could bring him down.

That life had come crashing down around him in the blink of an eye, and he'd thought that he would never get over the crushing sadness of that end. Everything that he'd lost seemed irreplaceable; it had seemed that he would never be that happy again.

But now, he was. He had the Doctor; he was with a man who he loved more than he'd ever thought it was possible for a human heart to love. With other men, it had just been sex; with the Doctor, it was a meeting of hearts, minds, and souls.

At one point in his life, he'd given up believing in the human soul. But the Doctor had brought his out, front and center, and made happiness return to his life.

"What would make you ask that?" he finally questioned the Time Lord, shaking his head in negation. "No, I woudln't go back to that life. I thought I was happy then -- but that was a different me. I've changed so much since then -- for the better, I think."

"I suppose I worry that you might want to leave me," the Doctor admitted, his voice low and strained. "I know that you were happy with what you did on Earth, Owen. And I can't give you that. I can't give you back your career, and make you happy in that sphere of your life."

"But you make me happy in so many other ways," Owen told him, moving to where the Doctor stood and slipping his arms around the other man's waist from behind. "I feel that this is my place now. I've grown so much since I've been with you."

"Do I make you happy enough to keep you here?" the Doctor asked him, his voice sounding choked. "I need to know, Owen. I need to feel secure in having you here."

Owen didn't hesitate for a moment, the words coming out before he could think.

"I never want to leave, Doctor. This is where I belong -- here on this ship, with you. Maybe I've always belonged here, and my life on Earth was all a prelude to this just to show me that I could never be completely happy anywhere else -- or with anyone else."

He stopped speaking, startled at his own words. Did he believe them? Of course, he told himself, a feeling of surprise sweeping over him. Maybe he hadn't expected to say those words, but they were true nonetheless.

He really was happier here with the Doctor than he could ever be in any other place. This was where he belonged. He'd never been more sure of anything.

"Everyone leaves me," the Doctor whispered, his small hands clenched into fists, his thin body rigid in Owen's arms. "Everyone has their own lives to go back to, lives that I'm not a part of. And you had more of a life back on Earth than most people do."

Owen slowly shook his head in reply to the Doctor's words, groping for what to say. He desperately wanted to reassure the Time Lord that he wouldn't leave, that he wasn't going to be left alone again. It was something that the other man needed to hear.

All he could do was give that assurance over and over again, until the Doctor believed him. He couldn't blame the Doctor for feeling doubtful. After all, hadn't he thought the same about people leaving him? That was one more thing that suited them to each other.

The Doctor had shown him that there were people in the world who were constant, who wouldn't leave. And he wanted to show the other man the same thing.

Besides, he couldn't go back. That part of his life was over, and he didn't want to return to it. It was done, in the past. He'd made peace with his losses; and he'd gained so much more that those losses no longer seemed the sum total of his life.

"I'll never leave," he whispered into the Doctor's ear, feeling the slender body start to relax in his arms. "You're stuck with me, Doctor. I'm right where I belong -- and right where I want to be. Here with you is the only place for me. I can't go back. I never would."

He believed that with all his heart. He only hoped that the Doctor believed right along with him.

***