Title: Caring For Ianto
By: x-juicy-lucy-x
Pairing: Jack/Ianto & Tosh/Owen
Rating: AO
Warning: WiP
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Wish i did, then i could hug them all whenever i wanted. Everything belongs to RTD.
Summary: The team have found a strange device, which has had an even stranger effect on Ianto.

***

Ianto heard his name being called from somewhere vaguely above and behind him. He wondered as he responded why it was that Jack didn't use the comm. network to call him when he was in the cellblock, instead of just bellowing at the top of his lungs.

"Iantoooo!" Jack bellowed again. Obviously he hadn't heard the reply to his previous yell. "Get up here, I need you. And I need more coffee." Rolling his eyes, Ianto touched the button on his earpiece which connected it to Jack's,

"I'm on my way up, Sir. Just washing my hands. Unless you'd like raw meat and Weevil saliva in your coffee?" He quirked an eyebrow, forgetting he was alone in the room, then realised and laughed at himself, reforming his face into its usual polite mask, before turning the taps off, drying his hands, and heading up towards the main area of the hub. Upon his arrival, he noticed that everyone was grouped around Tosh's desk staring at, but keeping their distance from a strange metal oblong with five round buttons on it. Ignoring the group, he went to fix them all their preferred refreshments. Judging by the set of Jack's shoulders and the intense stare he received, he decided that the Captain wanted cappuccino. Tosh, since it was after eleven, would be wanting tea. Earl Grey with lemon, he thought to himself. Gwen always wanted latte. Always semi skimmed. Always heavily sugared. Sometimes Ianto wondered why the gap in her teeth didn't extend further, but who was he to judge. Owen was looking decidedly grumpy, and had only arrived at the hub twenty minutes before, so Ianto guessed (correctly) that he needed an espresso and two painkillers. He made himself an Americano - simple and strong, no sugar - and headed over to the group.

The others took their drinks and continued eyeing the new artefact like it was going to bite. Ianto smiled inwardly. He had seen one of those before, in the Torchwood 1 archives. It was a musical instrument. A look of distinct mischief crossed his face as he reached out a hand, knowing full well that the only result was going to be a plonk somewhere in the region of an f#.

"Hmm... I wonder what this button does." He grinned, looking into Jack's eyes, and ignoring the yells of 'Ianto, NO!' He pressed the button, and everything went a little bit fuzzy. His ears rang, and he bent double in pain, gasping. As quickly as the pain had started, it stopped, and his vision cleared. Standing up, he smirked. "See, nothing to wo..." He stopped mid sentence and flopped lifeless to the floor, completely unconscious.

"No. Fucking. Way." Ianto heard Owen's voice as if far off, his eyes still closed. Evidently he had been wrong about the musical instrument. Still, he wondered what the panic was about; he'd only collapsed for a second. He felt large hands lift him up, and blinked his eyes open. Wait. Large hands... why so large? He focussed on Jack's face, which was far too big and getting closer. Hold on, Jack had picked him up. He knew Jack was strong but... what was going on? "Tea Boy's turned into a baby? Just great. If I'd known that was gonna be my last good coffee, I'd've savoured it a bit more."

"Owen, I think we have more pressing matters than your coffee." Tosh snapped curtly. "I wonder if he can understand us... Ianto? Can you speak?" Ianto considered this. Ok. He was a baby, that was fine. Jack was holding him and looking at him like a Weevil bogie. That was fine. What wasn't fine was that he had no clothes on, his suit being waaay too big now. He decided there was nothing he could do about that and answered Tosh. Or tried to. He said yes, he was sure he did. Only his mouth formed a word somewhat like 'nyi' followed by a strange gurgle. Jack's eyes sparkled.

"Awww... He's so cute! Look at him! Look at his eyes! Look at his cute little hands and feet and... whoa... maybe we should put some clothes on him... He's looking daggers at me so I'm guessing he understands what we say, just can't speak himself?" He looked questioningly into baby Ianto's eyes. Ianto smiled and nodded.

"He looks like he's got wind..." Owen commented, earning him an angry scowl from the infant.

"Aww that's such a sweet smile Yan... I could just eat you up!" Jack grinned, tickling Ianto's tummy. Ianto tried to wriggle away, and Jack got the point, nearly dropping him in the process.

"Jack! You're holding him all wrong! You have to support his head, like this!" Gwen snapped, taking Ianto from the Captain and cradling him softly. Ianto looked at her with what he hoped was a bemused expression (it actually just looked like your average baby stare) whilst Jack pouted a bit because he was sort of falling in love with how cute a baby Ianto was. "Right, I'll go find some kind of blanket to wrap him up in. Tosh, do you reckon you could pop to the shops and get us a beaker of some kind? He looks co-ordinated enough to hold a cup." She smiled and cooed as Ianto nodded, picking up a blanket from the r&r area she wrapped it round Ianto until he was cocooned safely. Ianto smiled and closed his eyes, he hadn't realised how cold he was, and Gwen's gentle rocking was subtle, but extremely hypnotic and relaxing. Without thinking, he drifted off to sleep.

Only to be woken minutes later as he was placed gently onto a hard surface. Opening his eyes, he blinked at the bright lights and tried to ascertain his surroundings. In his confusion, his sanity gave way to baser instinct, and he found himself wailing in frustration and confusion. Gwen's face appeared above him and cooed softly, with no result. Suddenly it disappeared, as though she had been thrown aside, and was replaced by Jack's. Ianto stopped wailing, half from the shock of the sudden change, but also because Jack had shoved his little finger into Ianto's mouth. Considering his pride and dignity versus the insanely strong urge he had to suck on the finger, Ianto settled for chewing it gently, realising as he did so that he must have teeth, because Jack was pulling his best 'Ok, that hurts, but I can deal with it' face. Contemplating the face, he listened to what Jack was saying, not noticing that he had stopped chewing the finger and was now sucking it like a dummy. Jack cooed at him between explaining.

"It's ok, Yan, calm down. You're in the autopsy bay. That's it, good boy." A gasp due to the chewing. "Owen's gonna take a look at you, see what's going on, and check exactly how old you are. You're gonna hate me for saying this but you are beyond adorable." Another coo, and he unwrapped the blanket so that Owen could get at Ianto with a stethoscope. Ianto let out a mewl around Jack's pinkie as the cold air hit him, and scrunched his face up in dislike as the freezing stethoscope pressed against his chest. "Shush," Jack half whispered, transfixed by Ianto's big, shiny blue eyes. "Just gotta take a blood sample. Won't hurt too much, I promise." He soothed, removing his finger from Ianto's mouth and holding his arm gently. Ianto saw the needle coming towards him and found the ability to form words. Or rather, a word.

"NO!" He insisted, trying to wiggle away, but failing as he was obviously no match for an adult Jack. "NONONONONONONO!" When this tactic failed, he wailed as loud as possible as he felt the needle break his skin, and sank his teeth into the finger Jack offered. Hard. Jack winced and drew back his hand, his heart breaking at the sheer despair and betrayal on Ianto's sweet innocent baby face, and the sound of the wails and sobs wracking his body. Once the blood was taken, he lifted Ianto gently into his arms, blanket and all, and slowly bounced him on the spot, swaying from side to side and whispering to him softly.

"Hush, Baby, hush." He placed a gentle kiss to Ianto's temple as the sobs subsided to quiet gasps, and marvelled at the softness of the fine black hair that sprung like an adorable mop from Ianto's head. Looking up, he saw Gwen gazing at him adoringly with a maternal look on her face. "I'm gonna put him in my room for a nap, whilst Owen goes through the test results. I'll have to stay with him just in case. Call me when the blood's been analysed." With that, he slowly made his way through the Hub and into his office, before sliding down the ladder into his bedroom, rocking Ianto all the while. Deciding that Ianto would be cold if he just set him down, Jack lay back on the bed himself, cradling Ianto in his arms. The child was already napping, one hand clenched into a tight fist on Jack's shirt, clutching his braces, the other thumb tucked neatly into his mouth like a pacifier. Smiling, Jack brushed the hair out of Ianto's eyes and gazed at him in wonder. What was the usual procedure when the guy you'd recently been pulling moves on turned into a baby, by the looks of him, no more than a year old? Ianto had only just been through the ordeal first of losing Lisa, and then of being nearly eaten by crazed cannibals. What would his fragile, brilliant mind be doing trapped inside this baby's body? Still, Ianto had managed to say no earlier. Perhaps he would be able to talk soon enough, and Jack would just have to be there for him. Although he felt like he'd only been lying there for seconds, Tosh's voice drifted down to him from his office, warning him that it was nearly noon and the blood analysis was complete. Ianto stirred, which was lucky because Jack didn't think he'd have had the heart to wake him. Allowing the baby to cling to his chest with one arm and wrap the other round his neck, Jack made his way back into the Hub and over to Owen's desk.

Tosh gestured to the r&r area, in particular the sofa, which had all sorts of baby stuff on it, from nappies and dummies to a cute, fluffy baby grow with little bear ears on the top. Jack handed Ianto over carefully, and Tosh hugged him to her chest and bopped him up and down a bit as she made her way over to the sofa, Gwen in hot pursuit. Ianto sensed that they were about to put nappies on him, and when Gwen reached for the talc, a look of intense happiness on her face because she rarely got to play Mum, but was so broody she practically ached, Ianto decided that there was no way in hell either of the women were going to be wiping his bum for him, and he had a sneaky suspicion he might have accidently let go earlier. He decided to try out those tiny vocal chords again, earning a respectable result this time.

"No. Gwen. No. No want you... change me." Gwen's eyes widened in shock.

"So you can talk now?" She asked slowly. "What about Tosh?"

"Can talk bit. No Tosh. Embarsin." He scrunched up his face with effort, and Tosh smiled sweetly.

"I understand, Ianto." She said softly, aiming to comfort, "But someone's got to change your nappies and dress you. You obviously can't do it yourself. How about I ask Jack?"

"NO!" She'd barely got the sentence out before he was desperately refusing. "Jack worse. More embarsin! Only Owen. Safe." Tosh understood. Ianto didn't want the girls to do it, and having your new partner, who you're just getting comfortable with, caring for you in that way would certainly be embarrassing. She just wished it didn't sound so cute that he couldn't form words properly. Gwen looked even more confused, but set the talc down.

"Well, lovely, I'll go make you a beaker of juice, I'm sure you can manage that. Tosh'll go get Owen to sort you out eh?" Ianto nodded and the girls set off to perform their tasks. Wriggling, he managed to free himself from the confines of the blanket, and sat up carefully as Owen came over.

"Right Tea Baby, what've we got here then?" He almost sneered. Ianto was glad he was only a baby, because he might have taken a swing at the doctor had he been bigger. He was also glad because even though he and Owen didn't get along, they had this kind of mutual respect thing going where they put incidents like this behind them once they were over. If anyone was going to forget changing his nappy as quickly as possible, it was Owen.

"If wanted call me baby, shud have sed." He managed. "Asiden. Need." He pointed at the nappy, ashamed.

"Well, my scans say you are only one year, one hour and 7 minutes old, so it's not really surprising that you need a nappy." Owen said, ignoring the first comment, and unwrapping the blanket completely. "Right. This is my first time doing this, so bear with me." He smiled in a reassuring way as he grabbed a wipe from amongst the mass of baby stuff, (Tosh had really gone to town. Ianto was gonna be a super-spoilt baby!) and gently cleaned away the evidence of Ianto's 'accident'. "That's better," He finished with the wipes and added some talc. "Now, we don't want you getting sore do we?" He winked mischievously, and Ianto scowled. "Only kidding. There all done." He fastened up the nappy, earning him a bright baby smile. Even Owen was unable to resist the charm of baby Ianto's gorgeous blue orbs, and ended up grinning and tickling his feet. Ianto giggled and gently kicked against him. "Let's put some clothes on you eh?" He grinned as Gwen settled beside him.

"Oooh! Can we put him in this?" She asked with delight on her face as she lifted the fluffy baby grow he had noticed earlier.

"If have to." Ianto pouted. Which only earned him a collective aww from the other four, who were now all gathered around. Quickly and efficiently, Gwen bundled him into his new variety of cute-suit and popped it up at the front, pulling the hood up so that he looked like a cute, fuzzy, gorgeous, blue-eyed bear. Once he was dressed, she handed him the beaker, which he took with both hands by the handles on the sides. It was pretty easy to hold, and he managed to get it into his mouth with little effort, sucking on it possessively and wondering how she knew he wanted apple juice. He drained half the liquid before deciding that was enough. "Hungry. Want 'nana." He said matter-of-factly. Everyone looked confused, except Jack, who seemed to deal with 'nanas every day.

"He wants a banana. Ok. We don't have any, but Gwen, can you pop to the shops and fetch some stuff that a baby can eat? Rusks and breadsticks and plenty of fruit and veg. And formula milk, babies can't drink cow's milk 'til 18 months, or so the internet tells me." Whilst Jack had been talking, Ianto had decided to test his legs. If he was 1, he should be at the stage where he could just about toddle around. He slipped off the side of the sofa, to the gasps of the girls, and landed on shaky legs. They were shaky, but they were holding. He decided to take a step, and did so hesitantly, holding onto Jack's trouser leg for balance. He found he could walk as long as he had something to hold on to. The others cooed at him, and Gwen gently stroked his hair before setting off to the supermarket. He looked up into Jack's worshipping eyes, and grinned a toothy baby grin. "Keep up like that mister and I'm gonna end up blowing raspberries into your tummy and talking to you in an annoying baby voice. Right, Owen, see what you can work out from the test results, is this reversible? I know you said that there's no change in DNA, just age, but that thing is definitely alien, so check everything again. Tosh, get to work on that artefact. Don't do anything stupid, but work it out. Try and find out where it comes from, or anything that might help us restore Ianto to his proper age. I'm going up to my office. I'll take Yan with me for now, but we'll have to take turns watching him..." He was interrupted by a small 'ahem' from below him.

"Don need watching." Ianto insisted. To prove his point, he toddled off towards Gwen's desk, leaning on various things as he went, and attempted to climb into her chair. Once more, he felt strong hands envelop his middle, and the ground began to disappear beneath him. He was turned and rested on Jack's hip. He grabbed hold of the shirt, absently playing with one of the buttons at Jack's neck.

"Sure you don't, but what if you fell or something? Or you needed us for anything else and we weren't around? I'd hate myself if something happened to you. Come on, I'll take you to my office. You can play with the stuff on my desk, and point out my mistakes whilst I fill in reports." He wandered off, leaving the other two to settle down to work, and closed the door to the office behind him. Settling in his chair, he put his extremely young lover on his lap, and opened his laptop, passing Ianto the artefact he was reaching for, which, although it looked alien, was really only a pretty paperweight from the Isle of Wight.

Ianto played with the thingy. He wasn't sure what it was, but when you tilted it this way and that, the colours changed and new patterns emerged. He was enthralled. After a while, he dropped the object, which rolled away across the floor, earning him a soft tut and a stroke to the hair from Jack, and stared at the computer screen with interest. Jack was reading his emails, and the one currently up was a mundane piece of everyday stuff from the Prime Minister. Something to do with the possibility of Aliens living in the sewers of Abergaveny. Surely the Weevil network didn't spread that far? Ah, no, the sightings were of giant rats. Up to a foot long. Just extra well fed rats then. Nothing special. Ianto wondered how it was he could read perfectly well, but talking like a normal person was beyond him. He supposed it was due to his vocal chords still being in development. He was bored now, so he twisted in Jack's lap and buried his head in the Captain's tummy, breathing in the familiar scent, and fiddling with the straps of his red braces. Less than 12 hours ago, the two of them had engaged in a steamy snogging session in this very chair, only stopping due to the interruption of the rift alarm. Now he was a 1 year old child. It was more than a little strange. He looked at the clock. It was 12:37. He'd been a child for just over an hour, and he was already getting used to it. Deciding there was nothing he could do, he burrowed himself further into Jack's tummy, receiving a warm hand protectively on his back, and slowly drifted off to sleep.

Jack looked down. Ianto was sleeping again, his face peaceful and happy, his little hands curled into Jack's pale blue shirt. He wondered what he was going to do with the boy. He couldn't face the idea of giving him to a foster parent, but he could hardly have a baby around the hub. Still, it was a baby Ianto, with an adult mind, who knew his way around the Torchwood 3 archives. The only person who did. Jack contemplated things for a while. He was certainly warming to the idea of looking after such a cute kid. Although, it did suck a little that he had no-one to flirt with now. He'd have to harass Tosh later. He absently stroked Ianto's back as he filled in his reports.

Twenty minutes later, Ianto stirred as Gwen entered Jack's office with a bag of foodstuffs. He mewled quietly, then shifted, twisting round with Jack's arm still protectively round him to gaze expectantly at the bag. When Gwen produced a banana, he gurgled with delight, mentally chastising himself for acting like a baby, and reached out to take it. Without thinking, Gwen handed it to him, and he spent a short while trying to open it. Failing, a moan grew in his throat, turning to a small sob, and tears began to form in his eyes. Jack chuckled softly and took the offending fruit, peeling open the skin, breaking a bit off and holding it out for Ianto to take. Ianto decided he was quite happy for Jack to feed him, and took a bite out of the banana, earning him another chuckle. He liked the way he could feel Jack's chest rumbling behind him when he laughed, and resolved to make it happen as often as possible. Swallowing the first bit of banana, he allowed Jack to pop the next bit into his mouth, and break some more off the fruit to eat himself. In this fashion, they finished off the banana and two bread sticks, and Ianto was finally presented with a sweet, sugary rusk. He popped one end of it into his mouth and sucked on it thoughtfully. Gwen smiled down at him from the other side of the desk, and he could almost feel Jack's grin behind him.

"Gwen, sweetie, do you think you could look after Yan for a bit?" Ianto peered up at Jack with hurt in his eyes. "It's not that I don't love having you on my lap, Yan, it's just that I can't concentrate on my work cos you're so goddamn cute. I really have to do these reports, but all I seem to be doing is staring at you and playing with your hair." He grinned. Ianto nodded.

"Kay." He stretched his arms out towards Gwen as Jack lifted him, and settled them round her neck as she carried him out into the Hub. Gwen smelt of a nice perfume, and Herbal Essences. Ianto liked it. He nestled into the join of her neck and shoulder and played with the ends of her hair gently, so as not to pull it. She settled at her desk, and pulled him back into her lap, fixing him with a knowing and secretive smile. "Wha?" He questioned, catching her infectious grin and giggling like the child he now was.

"Got you something. Mustn't tell Jack though!" She opened her top drawer, and pulled out a cute little toy elephant. "I know you've got your own mind and everything, but you need something to do, since you can't be working. I got you loads of toys and games. This one, you can take out the voice box and record it to say anything you like, then when you squeeze him, he plays it back to you. Like this." She squeezed and the Elephant said 'I love you!' in a cute annoying voice. Well, that was definitely being taped over. Grinning, he took the elephant and opened the Velcro slot, removing the big voice recorder. He was going to scare Owen shitless. He tucked the recorder into his baby grow when Gwen wasn't looking, and re-sealed the elephant before leaning over to peer into the drawer. Spotting a jigsaw with a picture of Mickey Mouse on it, he pulled it out and emptied the pieces onto a space on Gwen's desk. She giggled and began working, whilst he slowly put the 100 piece puzzle together. Not bad for a 1 year old, he thought, as he completed the edges and started on the middle.

Just as he was positioning the final piece, Owen wandered up from the autopsy bay and over to Gwen's desk.

"Right, Ianto... you big blob of weird. My tests can't find a way to make you a big boy again, so I'm gonna need to run a couple more tests on stuff like your reflexes and brain activity. You've finished your puzzle, so I'm gonna interrupt the party and take you over to my desk." He leaned down and lifted Ianto gently, like a bomb. His face looked like he was facing some sort of inner struggle, and he was about to hold Ianto at arms length before he considered that he was a professional doctor and Ianto was now a patient. He hugged Ianto to his chest firmly and went over to his own desk, setting Ianto down on the surface in a seated position. "Just gonna go get some equipment. Don't move." Owen sidled off and Ianto saw his chance. He shuffled to the computer and searched the internet for the sound clip he wanted. Playing it through the speakers he held his elephant's voice box up to them, holding the record button. Then he shut down the program, hid the voice toy and shuffled back to where he had been, grabbing a load of paperclips to look like he was playing with them. Owen returned.

"What that?" Ianto asked suspiciously eyeing the device in Owen's hand.

"It's a brain scanner. Should show me if your brain is functioning like an adult, or if that's slowly reverting to infancy too." Ianto nodded so Owen turned on the scanner and began to move it around his head slowly. "Looking good mate, your mind is functioning as normal. Good sign." Ianto grinned and swatted at the machine. It was humming quietly and the flashing lights were funny. He giggled. "Oh, I see... You've got your mind, but there are also the instincts that babies have in there. Like, you wanna chew things you've never ever wanted to put in your mouth before right?"

"Yup." Ianto responded "Like that scowpul." He pointed to the scalpel just out of reach. "Wesistin." He added, to let Owen know he wasn't really going to eat any scalpels, no matter how strong the urge became.

"Right, well, I'm done with you, you can go sit with Tosh." He scooped Ianto back up and ferried him over to where Tosh was gazing in awe at one of her many screens. "Special delivery!" He said as he popped Ianto onto her knee then sauntered off to tell Jack what he'd found, which was nothing.

"Hmm... It just doesn't make any sense!" Tosh muttered. "You ok down there Yan? Need anything?" Ianto considered this, then raised his arms imploringly.

"Hug." Tosh giggled and hugged him, and he turned a cute shade of red. She set him back down, reached over and passed him his beaker of juice. He took it and drank a bit more, then looked at her screens. They were boring. Once he was sure she was engrossed, he slipped carefully off her lap and toddled off to Owen's abandoned station. Grinning what could only be described as the smile of an angel, but what he wanted to be a demonic grin, he opened Owen's bag at the front pocket, which he knew was never opened, and inserted the voice recorder. Gurgling his approval, he sealed the bag and toddled back to Tosh's desk before she realised he was missing. Now he had no way of getting back up there. He decided to play on the baby side of things.

Sitting as though he'd just fallen, he began to wail loudly. Tosh looked down, eyes wide and gasped.

"Oh, Ianto I'm so sorry! I completely forgot you were there. Did you hurt yourself? Here, let me see. Come here." She lifted him into another hug, rubbing his back in gentle circles. He stopped the fake crying and sniffled a bit. Tosh was lovely. He felt himself growing relaxed, and drifted off to sleep again. He was doing that a lot today.

When Ianto awoke, he found he had been passed back to Jack in his sleep, and was nestled safely against his chest, his head buried in the join of his shoulder and neck. He smiled to himself so all it takes to get you to hug me is being turned into a baby. Making a sleepy groaning sound, he wiggled until Jack pulled him back and settled him on his lap. They were in the boardroom eating pizza. Ianto decided that pizza was the best idea anyone had had in ages.

"Want." He said, pointing to the slice in Jack's hand. Jack laughed quietly.

"You sure? This one's the spicy meat feast. You might be better off with Tosh's vegetable one?" Ianto considered this. He was willing to take the risk.

"Want yours." He smiled and opened his mouth. Jack laughed again and fed him some of the cheese from the top.

"What're we gonna do with you Ianto Jones?" He gently played with Ianto's hair, careful not to get pizza grease on it. "We can't find any indication that there's a way to reverse this, and I can't bear the thought of having to give you up to some foster parents. Besides, you're the only one who knows the archives. So, you're gonna have to live with one of us. Gwen's out of the question, because Rhys would ask too many questions. I don't trust Owen not to put beer in your bottle. That leaves me or Tosh. Which would you prefer?" Ianto considered this carefully. He was sure that Tosh would be perfect, and would cater to his every need, ensuring he never went without anything. However, if he lived with Jack he could curl up and sleep on him whenever he liked. The idea of falling asleep being cuddled by Jack, even if it wasn't in the sense he would have liked, appealed to him greatly.

"Stay here if kay wiv you." He said, grinning. Jack beamed at him like he'd said something right, and began to tickle his tummy and sides. Ianto giggled and gurgled, and tried to wiggle out of reach, but Jack's hands encircled him and held him up, stopping him from falling to the floor.

"Careful. Don't want you to hurt yourself." He smiled warmly, hugging Ianto to his chest and reaching for more pizza. "Want juice?" Ianto nodded and took the opportunity whilst Jack was distracted to take a messy bite out of his pizza. Jack turned round and guffawed, drawing everyone's attention to Ianto, and he received yet another collective 'awww'. "You've got tomato puree all over your face, c'mere." Jack picked up a napkin and began to gently clean Ianto's face, whilst the boy giggled. "Once lunch is finished, I'll leave you with Tosh so you can help her decode the alien language from that device. Gwen and I are following up a report on some weevil activity, and Owen's got to do an autopsy on that purple gelatinous alien from last Tuesday." Ianto nodded.

"Kay, can have Tosh pizza now?" Tosh smiled and handed a slice to Ianto, who set about messily devouring it, hardly noticing when Jack slipped a bib round his neck and fastened it securely. After his pizza, he was feeling full, so he drank some more juice, then waited for everyone to finish.

Jack and Gwen left the hub at 5, and Owen began his autopsy at half past, which gave Tosh and Ianto the whole hub to play with in an attempt to decode the language from the device. Time passed quickly, and when Gwen and Jack arrived back with three weevil carcasses at 10 pm, the two were still working. Owen was no longer up to his elbows in purple jelly, he was analysing samples and generally doing whatever it was he actually did to create so much mess in the autopsy bay.

"Anything?" Jack asked, whisking Ianto off of Tosh's desk, where he'd been working one of her many computers slowly, and hugging him, before settling him on his hip.

"Almost there I think." Tosh replied, still engrossed in her screens.

"Well, go home for the night. You can finish this in the morning." Jack smiled. "All of you go home. It's way past Ianto's bed time." That earned him a swift kick in the ribs, and Ianto yanked his hair as well just to make sure he got the message. The others grinned, abandoned what they were doing and said their goodbyes. Owen sloped off rather quickly, probably to go get drunk. Gwen kissed Ianto on the forehead and mumbled 'night sweetheart' before racing off to spend time with Rhys, and Tosh spent five minutes umming and aaing over whether she could leave the console running before Jack practically threw her on the invisible lift. "Right mister, bed time. Let's see if they left you any pyjamas..." Jack strolled over to the couch, setting Ianto down and rummaged through the pile until he found a cute pair of blue pyjamas with little yellow duckies on them. They were going to look adorable. He looked up to see Ianto slowly unpopping his baby grow with difficulty, and grinned. "Here," He said softly, helping the boy out of the fluffy prison, "Need a new nappy?" Ianto blinked, turned bright red, then nodded, averting his eyes. "Hey, no worries. You don't ever have to be embarrassed with me, Yan." He made quick work of changing the offending nappy, and putting on the nice clean pyjamas. Ianto smiled, suddenly realising how tired he was.

"Bed time?" He grinned, and then giggled as Jack swept him up and finally gave in to the urge to blow raspberries into his tummy. It tickled, and Jack was funny, and Ianto found himself giggling all the way to Jack's sleeping quarters, where he was tucked into the bed whilst Jack undressed, slipping on a pair of soft cotton pyjama bottoms and a fresh vest before settling himself in the bed with Ianto, his arms protectively round the boy. Ianto smiled, cooed, and snuggled up to Jack, burying his face in the Captain's neck. He wished this could be under other circumstances, but he wasn't going to turn his nose up at the chance to spend the night in Jack's arms.

"Nite nite." He whispered.

"G'night, Yan." Came the reply, but Ianto Jones was already asleep.

***

Jack woke himself up from the nightmare. The memories of pain he could deal with, but when the screaming started it all became too much, and he had to wake himself. Unfortunately, the screaming didn't stop. He realised that it had in fact been said screaming which had woken him, and that it was coming from the small wriggling baby he was half squashing in his sleep. Gasping, he sat up, lifting Ianto with him.

"Oh, Yan! Are you ok? Did I hurt you? Did you have a nightmare? What's wrong?" Ianto continued to howl, so Jack hugged him close and rocked him, sliding out of bed and shimmying up the ladder one-handed. As he rocked the baby, the sobs slowly quietened. He glanced at the clock, it was 1am. Sighing, he continued to rock, and headed towards the kitchen, whispering reassuringly to the tiny child in his arms. "Hey, Yan, it's ok. I'm here. Calm down for me now yeah?" He turned on the milk-steamer on the coffee machine, and found another beaker in the pile of baby things. As the machine whirred into life, Ianto finally stopped crying and clung to Jack's neck, sniffling. "You ok?"

"Mhm." Ianto mumbled, rubbing his eyes with balled up fists. "Nitemawe." He added, by way of explanation, before burrowing back into Jack's neck. Jack smelt comforting and warm. Ianto told him so as best he could. Chuckling, Jack filled the beaker with steamed milk, and checked the temperature on the inside of his wrist. Deciding it was alright, he handed it to Ianto, who stuffed it into his mouth and drank hungrily, his eyes falling half closed.

Jack paused to look at what had become of his new plaything. His hair was a mess, his cheeks were red from crying, his eyelids fluttered downwards as his slurped at the drink. His cute little blue pyjamas were riding up, and his skin was warm beneath them. In all his many years of living, Captain Jack Harkness didn't think he'd ever seen anything so adorable. He lowered his head and planted a soft kiss on Ianto's forehead. The baby's eyes opened wide and he smiled and cooed around the beaker, which was still between his teeth.

"Let's get you back to bed eh? Tomorrow promises to be a loooong day." Jack grabbed himself a glass of water and headed back to his hole. Settling down again, he made sure Ianto was comfortable, and watched him fall asleep before allowing his own eyes to drift closed, and succumbing to a dream about how gorgeous his and Ianto's children would be.

Jack felt like he'd only just closed his eyes, but the insistent bleeping of his wrist-strap told him differently. It was 7am already. He didn't mind, since he hardly needed sleep anyway. Pushing the button on the side of the console, he rubbed his face and sat up, gathering the still sleeping Ianto up as he went. He climbed the ladder slowly and deposited the child on the chair, before going back down to his room to retrieve some clothes. The others would be arriving within a short while, so he decided he could leave Ianto sleeping on his chair and go take a quick shower.

Ianto stirred in his sleep, wiggling to get closer to the warmth of Jack's body. He couldn't find it. He blinked his eyes open slowly, looking about him. Jack was nowhere to be seen. He supposed that he would be back in a while, and closed his eyes, snuggling back down onto the soft leather cushion of Jack's chair. In his efforts to get comfortable, he forgot quite how close to the edge he was, and found himself falling. There was a yelp from somewhere near his head and a pair of warm hands caught him just in time. Gasping in shock, he looked up into Owen's face.

"Who the hell put you down there Teababy?" He scowled. "Well, stupid question, we only have one resident idiot. Oh, speak of the devil." He hoisted Ianto into his arms and gently held him, spinning to face Jack who had just entered the office wearing only a towel and a few droplets of water. "Do you seriously have no brains at all? It's a good job I walked in here when I did because Ianto was about to fall of that bloody chair and hit his head on the floor. It's a long way for a baby, Jack. He could have been seriously hurt!" He half shouted, clinging to Ianto protectively. Jack's eyes widened suddenly, and he looked distraught.

"Oh, God. Yan, are you ok? I'm so sorry, I didn't think. God I'm so stupid." He reached out for the baby, but Owen shook his head and stepped backwards.

"Oh no you don't. Go and put some bloody clothes on. I'll look after him 'til then." He stalked out of the office, taking the baby with him, and Jack heard a soft, 'S'ok Jack,' over his shoulder. He shook himself and went to get dressed.

Owen carried Ianto into the kitchenette and began the process of making a coffee, under the child's instructions. Ianto wondered why Owen was being so nice. Had his prank not worked? He looked over at Owen's desk and saw the satchel exactly where it had been last night. So Owen hadn't taken it home. Perhaps he would tonight then. Either way, Ianto was sure he'd know when his plan had worked. Once the coffee was finished, he allowed Owen to change his nappy, scrub him clean with a soft flannel, and dress him in a cute miniature jeans and T-shirt combo. As Jack emerged from his office looking sheepish, with his hair still damp, Ianto remembered he was hungry. He stretched his arms out for Jack to pick him up, and the man did so, looking relieved as he hugged Ianto softly.

"Jack. Hungwy." He stated into Jack's shoulder, and was immediately passed a breadstick from Owen. He started to chew it vigorously.

"Eat that whilst I make you something proper for breakfast." The doctor announced. "Seriously, you need proper nutrition, not spicy meat feast pizza and bananas." Grumbling to himself in a manner that Ianto thought was quite sweet, Owen set about making this nutritious breakfast. It turned out to be pretty good. Five minutes later, Ianto found himself perched on Jack's knee at the boardroom table, feeding himself yoghurt, strawberries, banana and kiwi like a big boy, and washing it down with orange juice from the beaker he had now become quite attached to. He thought he was doing well, since none of it had gone down his front, until Gwen walked in and stopped dead before exclaiming,

"Oh you're just so cute!" In a voice so high pitched it hurt Ianto's ears. Rushing over to him, she took out a wipe and set about cleaning his face. He couldn't recall missing his mouth at all, but when Gwen had to use two wipes to get him clean, he realised he must have made quite a mess. Once he was clean, she scooped him up and spun him round, making him giggle and blush, before resting him on her hip and bouncing her way to the kitchenette to get him a rusk. Taking the rusk, he decided that the embarrassment of being treated like a baby wasn't so bad if he got sugary treats every time he looked at Gwen. As he was chewing on the rusk, Tosh walked in. Her eyes lit up when she saw him and she scurried over, taking him from Gwen gently.

"Morning, Ianto." She smiled as she hugged him. "Did you sleep well? How are you feeling today? Any changes?" Ianto grinned. At that moment, Tosh was exactly what he needed. She didn't fuss or mollycoddle him, and she spoke to him in the level, even tones ones used when speaking to an adult. On top of that, she wasn't concerned about his cute booties or the way his hair was fluffy and sticking up at the back, she just wanted to help him get his body back.

"Still same. Slept good but no difwense." She smiled anyway, and set him down on the floor to toddle around. Looking down at him, she sighed.

"We'll keep looking, Ianto, there has to be some way to reverse the effects of the artefact. There just has to be." Leaving him to plod over to Jack's leg by the coffee machine, Tosh settled quickly at her desk, and with one glance and a soft smile at Owen, she began her work again. It was barely 8am, and the whole team were at the hub. This, Ianto thought, was a first. They didn't normally arrive until 10, and Owen had been the first in, which was even more worrying, since he was early if he arrived before 11 most days. He slid his arms round Jack's calf and hugged onto his leg, watching the others doing jobs he would usually take care of. Gwen was preparing to feed Janet, and Owen was making his way up towards Myfanwy's nest with a bucket of raw meat and a bottle of barbeque sauce. Jack smiled down at him as he looked up.

"Whatcha up to trouble?" He grinned. Ianto grinned back. "Taking over the world from down there?"

"Mhm." Ianto countered. "Evrywon will do wot I say. I rool the yooniverse." Jack giggled and picked up the child at his feet.

"Well then, your majesty, what would you like me to do now?"

"You have a confwence call wiv the Pwime Minster in firty minits." Ianto said in his best authoritative tone, which was actually quite cute, "Then you need to send those weports to yunit, the wones abowt the jiyunt lizzurd. And aftur that you can have some mowe coffee." Jack giggled again and offered him a salute.

"Sir, yes sir!" He took his mug from the side and carried Ianto over to Tosh's desk, where he set him down next to a keyboard and watched him open Solitaire. Chuckling, he went to make himself look irresistible for his call with the Prime Minister. She always did what he wanted when his hair was just so, and he did that gorgeous pouty thing he had perfected over the years. He checked himself out in the mirror, decided that if he looked much longer he might pounce himself, and went to sort out the paperwork he needed to cite at her to stop her from meddling in Torchwood affairs. Ianto watched all this through the glass of the office walls and giggled to himself, before moving a red queen onto a black king, and putting up an ace.

Time passed quickly, and although he barely spoke a word, when Ianto next looked at the clock, it was 11:04. He'd been a baby for nearly twenty four hours. Still, no breakthrough had been made. All of a sudden, Tosh yelled that triumphant yell she had for when she'd just done something particularly amazing.

"Jack! I've translated the writing on the back of the device!" She exclaimed. Immediately the desk was surrounded. Even Owen stopped looking at porn and raced over. Ianto hadn't recalled any writing on the device, but sure enough, there it was upturned with a small inscription on it. "Oh..." Tosh's face fell, and she turned to look at Jack with an 'I'm sorry' face. "It says 'property of Doug, do not touch'." Everyone sighed collectively. All that excitement, all that work, for nothing. Ianto found himself looking at the clock again, it was 11:11. As he watched the face change to show 11:12, he found himself dizzy again. Things went fuzzy like before, and he felt the pain and heard the ringing in his ears again. He gasped and braced himself against the pain, then waited for the black out. Maybe he was changing back? That was his last thought before he crumpled onto the desk, to the shock of all the others.

"Don't let him move! I'll go get the scanner!" He heard Owen yell and then feet pounding off towards the med bay. He didn't feel much bigger, but he must have grown a bit because the jeans and T-shirt he had been wearing were now extremely tight. He blinked his eyes open and looked down at himself. He was still a child, although more like a toddler now. He looked up at Jack, Tosh and Gwen, who were gaping at him in curiosity.

"Don't move pet, are you alright?" Gwen asked, stooping closer to him. He nodded and remained perfectly still until Owen arrived back with another hand-held scanner and began to flash it over him.

"Ok... Exactly 2 years and one minute old. Looks like Teababy just aged a year..." He frowned, clearly perplexed by this new puzzle. "No changes in DNA again, just an age shift. Wonder what's going on?" Everyone looked supremely bemused, so Ianto thought he'd best point out the obvious, finding that his vocal cords worked a little better now.

"Well, I tuched the artefakt abowt this time yesturday. Maybe it does this evwy day?" He blinked up at everyone then sat up. "Can I get out of these clowves now? They're a bit tiyt." He plucked at the T-shirt, and Jack leaned down and scooped him up, releasing him from the Jeans too and taking him over to the sofa to see if there was anything that would fit him. He found a pair of loose pyjamas which would do for now.

"Gwen, can you go find something to fit him for today, and something that would fit a 3 year old, just in case this happens again tomorrow? I reckon you might be on to something, Yan. Did it feel the same today as it did yesterday?" Ianto nodded.

"Sorry to interrupt, Jack," Tosh butted in, "But I've been monitoring energy levels from the device. There was a huge spark of energy at exactly 11:12, when Ianto changed. Looks like it's definitely the device doing it. Maybe I can access the settings. If it can age him as well as making him young, I might be able to manipulate it to bring him back to his real age."

"Worth a try. Don't do anything stupid though." Jack smiled at his tech expert; she really was an amazing find. He turned to Owen and handed Ianto over. "Just check him again, make sure everything is alright and there's nothing untoward going on inside him." With that, he sauntered back to his office to finish sorting the Unit reports, and watched Gwen leave to find Ianto some proper clothes.

Ianto sat patiently through another round of tests and examinations. He even behaved himself when Owen stuck a needle in him, only complaining due to the quip about a lollypop if he was a good boy. Finally, Owen flashed lights in his eyes and peered into them before drawing back and hmming in a satisfied manner.

"Well, you're normal. Or at least as normal as you can be. Whose desk do you want me to plonk you on today then?" Ianto looked up at Jack's office. He was hard at work, and didn't look like he needed disturbing. He glanced at Tosh. She was beavering away as usual. He'd be bored over there. As he was weighing up the pros and cons of boredom versus Owen, Gwen bounded in with a Mothercare bag in her hand and a serene smile on her face. He grinned.

"I'll go with Gwen. She's a bit mowe sayn." Owen nodded and practically threw him into Gwen's arms. She caught him deftly and gasped.

"You're getting heavy!" She managed, manoeuvring him so that he rested on her hip.

"I can pwobabwy walk." He pointed out, and she placed him down gently, relief on her face. He followed her over to the r&r area and she produced some bigger jeans and a cute red T-shirt with 'TROUBLE' on the chest. He grinned and put them on with her help, feeling much better in clothes that fit him. She passed him his beaker and together they headed off to her desk. Gwen was working following up a lead on several sightings of strange light patterns over the Splott area, so Ianto busied himself with a pack of picture cards, answering the occasional question or giving a solution to the occasional problem.

Just as Ianto was settling into a rhythm, the rift alarm went berserk. Jack appeared at the door of his office, and Tosh pulled something up on another screen and whizzed through a few scans. She finally scanned some CCTV footage and brought up an image of what appeared to be a bundle of lights in the middle of an abandoned warehouse. They matched Gwen's sightings perfectly. She jumped up form her desk and rushed over to Tosh, eyes wide.

"Can you tell what it is from the scans?" She asked, peering at the screen intently. Jack sauntered over, and placed a hand on her bum. Ianto noted this and stored it away for later. Jack caught him looking and gave him a sheepish glance, mouthing 'what?' and moving his hand upwards, but only slightly. Gwen turned and glared at him pointedly, so he removed the hand and leaned on Tosh's desk chair instead. Tosh, oblivious to Jack's horniness, simply stared at her screens, tapped a few buttons and said,

"There are records of them in the archives, but no name. Says they need to be shown their reflection, then they melt into the mirror. Weird, but we'd best get down there and sort it out. Gwen, why don't you and Jack go and I'll direct you from here?" Gwen rolled her eyes.

"Can't I take Owen?" She whined. Jack smacked her bum lightly.

"Nope. Let's go. I'll drive." He grabbed the keys off Owen's desk, ruffled Ianto's hair and headed out. "We'll be back soon. Owen, Chinese for lunch, order it. And look after Ianto. If he's any less gorgeous when I get back, you're cleaning out Janet for a week." Ianto smirked and went back to playing. He was trying to make a card castle, but his little hands weren't co-ordinated enough. It kept falling over. He lost patience and wondered up to Jack's office to play on his laptop. Climbing the stairs was a mission, but thankfully the door had been left open. He struggled onto the chair, and standing on it, accessed Jack's internet, and began ordering things from online, smirking to himself as he entered Owen's credit card details for his... interesting... purchases, and addressed them to Jack. Once that was done, he managed to delete the records (third time lucky) and toddled back down to the main hub, where Tosh was getting hysterical and looking under desks, yelling.

"Ianto? IANTO? Where is he? Oh God, Owen, he could have been hurt. OHMYGOD Myfanwy could have eaten him!" He coughed to stop her and waved from the stairs. She rushed over and swept him up. "Ianto, where have you been? I was so worried. I thought... I thought. Don't walk off without telling me again. Ever!" She shook her finger at him in a way that was slightly comical but also a little menacing. He pulled his, 'oh I'm sorry' pout, which had added cuteness effect due to his new baby face, and she softened visibly. "Just, let me know next time you're going somewhere.

"Kay." He mumbled. "Owen, can you take me to the toylet? I need to pee." He glanced at the doctor, who sighed and rolled his eyes.

"If it means I don't have to change those nappies again, then YES." He got up, hauled Ianto into his arms and trudged towards the toilets. Toshiko sat where she'd been left, and stopped her hands from shaking. Her comm. bleeped, so she went back to her screen to direct Jack and Gwen to where the lights were floating serenely about the warehouse. She saw the two run into the scope of the camera, flashing a mirror at the lights, which absorbed themselves into the glass slowly. She continued to watch, and listened in through the earpieces as Jack slid his arm round Gwen's waist and whispered something just a little too filthy into her ear. Gwen pushed him away and told him he was disgusting. He shrugged and Tosh heard him say 'worth a try' over the comm. before the two disappeared out of shot, and all she could hear was their conversation. It seemed Jack was extremely horny today, and Gwen was having none of it. Although, when they stumbled into the hub 15 minutes later, she looked flushed and he looked pleased with himself. Nothing had happened, Tosh knew from the conversation, but Jack had obviously known he was flustering Gwen, who was completely infatuated with him. Tosh smirked, she was glad Jack had chosen Gwen as a target; she always reacted badly when he harassed her.

As the two arrived, the Chinese Owen had ordered showed up. Owen spent ten minutes in the kitchen fixing up something suitable for Ianto, by which time, the boy had eaten half a tub of chicken chow mein and was asleep in Jack's lap again. Owen sighed in exasperation and ate the avocado from Ianto's lunch himself. He glanced at his watch, 3pm. He had nothing to do, no evidence to test. It looked like he was going to be babysitter for the rest of the day. He went to the kitchen and got a beer for himself, and one for Tosh. Thinking about it, he could always try to get out of work early. Since he'd finished with Gwen, he'd been noticing Tosh more and more. Maybe he'd ask her out tonight, just for drinks. See where it went. Daydreaming about pool and proper beer, he settled at his desk and played on the internet a bit. Sure enough, within half an hour, Jack decided he had to do work, and delivered Ianto to his desk, with strict warnings not to let the baby drink the beer. He smirked, waited 'til Jack was out of sight, and offered Ianto the can. He wrinkled his nose and shook his head.

"Tastes lyke piss. Not proper beer." Hearing the words 'tastes like piss' coming out of the mouth of a two year old proved to be one of the funniest things Owen had ever heard, and he descended into a fit of laughter that lasted well over 10 minutes. When he recovered, Ianto was missing. He sat up shocked, then decided it was best not to draw attention to himself until he'd found the irritating toddler. He used his computer to run a body heat scan of the building but found nothing on interest, unless you counted the fact that the camera angle of the heat receptors made it look like Jack was touching himself. Owen mused that perhaps he was, then brought up another screen to show the lower levels. Nothing. He tried upwards, and found a small human shaped red blob halfway up to Myfanwy's nest. Sighing, he closed the screen and headed up to intercept him. As he closed the other screens, he noticed that the Jack-shaped blob was now slumped in his chair. Suspicious? Owen certainly thought so. Ah well, he considered, at least someone was having a good time at work. He followed Ianto and caught him about three quarters of the way up to the nest.

"What are you doing Teababy?" He demanded.

"Gonna see Myfanwy. Nowon tikuled her under her chin... She lykes that." He stated simply, and continued toddling upwards. Owen picked him up and headed back down.

"Not a chance buster, she could swallow you whole now. I'll tickle her later." He put the baby on his desk, and looked up to see Jack watching him from his office with a quizzical look on his face. He shrugged. "You really have to stop walking off like that. Jack's gonna have my ass." Ianto snorted and giggled.

"Jack wudn't go near your ass. You're not pwetty nuff." He giggled some more. Owen realised the sexual innuendo and groaned.

"Funny, Teababy. Very funny." He plopped down into his chair, opened his desk and pulled out a Nintendo DS. "How bout you shut up and play this for a while? It's got Mario in it at the moment." Ianto grinned and took the console, switching it on and turning the annoying music up as loud as possible, he began bashing away at the buttons, in a surprisingly co-ordinated manner. Owen smiled at him, until the noise grew annoying, then he scowled. Ianto just looked at him, the picture of innocence and carried on playing.

Jack sat at his desk, playing furiously with his wristband underneath. He really wanted to get some more functions working, but try as he might, he couldn't. He glanced at Owen, who was looking at the heat signature monitors. That meant he'd lost Ianto. Jack sighed and slumped back in his chair. He'd find him. He looked again, and Owen was making his way towards Myfanwy's eyrie. He stood and went to the window, watching as Owen retrieved Ianto and made his was back downstairs. He gave Owen a look, and the younger man shrugged, before sitting down and handing Ianto, who was giggling like a girl, a games console. Jack withstood the noise for 30 minutes, before looking at the clock. It was four. There was no point in keeping Owen in, and the others' work could wait until tomorrow. He decided enough was enough, and went out into the main area.

"Right. Everyone, go home. Owen, take your Gameboy with you." He bellowed.

"It's not a Gameboy it's a..."

"I don't care, just leave and take it with you." Jack stood in the doorway and watched, pleased, as Owen asked Tosh out for drinks and she said yes. Gwen disappeared quickly to go see Rhys, and once Tosh and Owen had decided he'd pick her up at 7, they left too, she by the lift and he by via the tourist office. Jack padded over to Ianto and picked him up, cuddling him close. He sighed in irritation. His advances on Gwen earlier had failed, even though he knew she wanted him. He was getting seriously horny. He'd been waiting for ages and had been so close to getting into Ianto's pants, then this happened. All told, he hadn't had sex in over two months. He was starting to get seriously cranky. He collected his thoughts and tickled Ianto's ribs as he wandered over to the r&r area. "How about we watch a movie?" He asked, idly stroking the baby's hair as he settled onto the sofa, Ianto in his lap.

"As long as it isunt Si-Fye or Howuw." Ianto replied, his cute lisp making Jack almost say 'squee'. "I'm in the mood for a comudy." Jack peered at the DVD collection, picked out 50 First Dates and slotted it into the machine, snuggling down on the sofa with Ianto in his arms.

Owen changed his outfit four times. It wasn't that he cared what Tosh thought. He just knew he was amazing, and needed to look his best at all times. Deciding on jeans and a dark blue T-Shirt, which advertised him as 'THE SEX', he preened his hair a little, pulled on some shoes and a leather jacket, and headed out to pick Tosh up. She looked pretty good too, in a cute green dress which stopped at the knee, and showed some cleavage, and some matching green strappy shoes. Good enough to be on his arm, he decided, and told her she looked nice. Big mistake, her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree and she stuttered over her thank you. He took her to a favourite haunt, a bar in the city centre which was busy enough to be fun, but not too loud, and they began the evening with Mojitos and talk about work.

Several hours and several bars later, Owen decided it was time to head home. He asked Tosh back to his for a nightcap, and decided he wanted to have sex with her after all. They were both fairly pissed, so it could all be blamed on drink in the morning. As they walked, Owen recalled that he'd left his satchel in the hub. He really needed it, so they took a detour, and descended into the darkened building on the invisible lift. As they reached the bottom, Owen opened his mouth to speak, but was silenced by Tosh, who put her hand over his mouth and pointed. Jack was lying on the sofa, curled around baby Ianto. The two were sleeping peacefully, and looked the picture of cute. Even Owen had to let out a small awww, once Tosh had removed her hand. Quietly, he snuck across the room and retrieved his bag, before climbing back onto the lift with Tosh and riding it back to surface level. Time to head home. He wound an arm round Tosh's waist, and as they walked, his hand slowly slipped downwards to rest on her bottom. She looked at him through her lashes and smiled, so he left it there.

Tosh smiled as Owen's hand came to rest on her bum. He was finally coming on to her. HER. She was tempted to jump up and down and yell 'Yes! Yes! Yes!' at the top of her lungs, but settled instead for a coy smile and snuggling closer to him as they walked. He was really quite warm, and since she hadn't brought a jacket, she needed his body heat. Tonight was going to be fun, she mused, as they walked back to his flat, chattering about their childhoods, and stopping for an occasional drunken fumble or snog. Tonight was going to be very fun.

***

Owen fumbled with his keys, mainly because he was engaged in a fantastic kiss with Tosh. He broke the kiss, gasping for air, and managed to single out the right key and use it. They tumbled through the door together, and as soon as it was closed, Tosh had him pressed up against it, her hands up his shirt and her tongue in his mouth. Owen groaned and kissed back, throwing his satchel down and moving to wrap his arms round Tosh's waist. From out of the darkness to his left, a voice hissed, gravelly and distant,

"Witness the voice of the beast. I have come for your soul. Prepare yourself for death." Owen, who would later claim he just jumped a bit (Tosh would back him up because she was feeling sympathetic towards his ego) leapt about three feet into the air, screaming like a girl, and hid himself behind Tosh, shaking. Tosh simply straightened, and flicked on the light, displaying... nothing.

"Owen. I've heard that recording before. It's from a popular spoof on YouTube. I think you've just been had." She descended into fits of giggles, and made her way over to his bag.

"NO! Tosh! Don't! It'll kill you!" Owen yelled, backing into a corner.

"You're such a girl!" Tosh announced, opening the front pocket and removing the voice box. She waved it at him, and pressed the button down. It repeated the threat, slightly less menacingly this time. Owen stopped his protesting and simply looked at the box in utter shock. "Are you alright?" Tosh looked down at the box. "Hmm... This is the recorder from that stupid toy elephant Gwen bought for Ianto..." She was interrupted by a yell of fury.

"That little shit! I was nice to him! I changed his fucking nappies! I did it with minimal fucking ridicule. I'm gonna fucking kill him!" Owen lunged for the voice box as though it was Ianto and he wanted to strangle it. Tosh stepped sideways and he ended up falling over headfirst into his umbrella stand. Cursing a little more, he stood up and glared at her.

"Calm down, Owen. If you let it get to you, he'll have won. Anyway, it's probably payback for when you got him into real trouble last week by replacing Jack's special coffee blend with decaf. You two really ought to stop these pranks. Someone's going to get hurt soon. Although, I have to say... your face..." She burst out laughing again, and in between giggles managed to blurt out, 'Talk about killing the mood!" Owen fumed.

"Great, so not only has he nearly given me a heart attack and made me look stupid, he's stopped me getting laid. He's dead. I'm putting arsenic in his beaker. No... that's too nice... I'm gonna..." He stopped to see Tosh looking at him without a trace of humour on her face.

"Smooth, Owen. Next time you want to 'get laid', go pick up a hooker. I'm not your whore." She threw the voice box at him and stormed out, leaving him standing in his hall listening to the evil voice. It was then that he noticed the front of his trousers was rather damp... Thank God Tosh hadn't noticed THAT!

Ianto blinked and rubbed his eyes. He snuggled closer to Jack's chest, breathing in the comforting smell of sleep, and let out a satisfied mewl. Jack stirred, his arms wrapping round Ianto tighter, and groaned.

"You awake?" he asked, peering down at the baby burrowed into his chest.

"Nope," Ianto replied, looking up, bleary-eyed and gorgeous. Jack smiled down at him and pulled the blanket from the back of the sofa tighter over them both. Yawning, he wriggled into a new position, then allowed Ianto to settle himself, before he found the remote and switched the TV from the DVD menu screen to the morning news. As the reporter began a particularly interesting discussion about chavs with whomever the latest celebrity was, Jack roused himself and went to make coffee. To his dismay, he was almost out of his favourite kind. He'd have to go shopping later, and take Ianto. He wouldn't know where to buy the stuff. He finished his own, made a beaker full of steamed milk for Ianto and settled back down on the sofa, curled around the baby, who was sound asleep again.

When Ianto awoke, he found himself being carried carefully down to the Torchwood shower block. He blinked up at Jack, who smiled down at him.

"Morning sleepyhead." He grinned and allowed the child to shift in his arms. "Gonna give you a bath. I know you love to be clean." The grin on Jack's face was slightly inane, and Ianto wondered what he was in for. His suspicions, and worst nightmares, were confirmed when Jack set him down on a bench and revealed a baby bathtub which had been set up in the middle of the room. It was filled with bubbles. Ianto was sure there was water underneath them, but he was equally sure that there couldn't be much of it! The bubbles were overflowing, spilling across the white tiled floor, he was sure they would suffocate him. Gwen bounced in, her arms full of baby lotion, No More Tears shampoo, rubber ducks and other bath toys. Ianto suppressed the baby instincts which sparked with glee at the sight of a particularly interesting wind up boat.

"What time is it?" He asked, eyes wide.

"Nine fifteen." Jack replied, throwing him a smile. Ianto looked at the delight in Jack's face that he got to play with the bath toys too, and threw caution to the wind, deciding that if it made Jack happy, he could play the baby.

"Gwen's not gonna stay here wile I baff is she?" Gwen frowned.

"Not if you don't want me to sweetie." Ianto looked at the disappointment on her face. Frankly, Rhys needed to get her pregnant. And soon. Who was he to deny her deepest desires? It wasn't like she'd never seen him naked before. She'd walked in on him in the shower on her second day at work, and spent the rest of the week bright red with embarrassment. He was just a little... smaller... now. He shook his head and smiled sweetly.

"No, it's okay. Jack wood only get shampu in my eyes anyway." She giggled and grinned like it was Christmas before scooping some of the bubbles out of the bath.

"There are far too many bubbles in here. You'll suffocate him, Jack" She giggled again, flicking foam at the captain, who grinned in a predatory fashion and joined the game, coating her in a layer of foam. He sculpted a nice Father Christmas beard on her chin in foam, and she gave him lovely foam boobs. Ianto was so busy laughing at it all, that he didn't notice the shift in mood for a moment. One minute they had been wrestling each other to avoid more foam, the next, Jack was on the floor on his back with Gwen on top of him, and time seemed to stop. Ianto considered their position. It was vaguely familiar to him. Jack looked his way, guiltily, and that snapped Gwen out of it. She jumped back as if burned and turned a vicious shade of ruby, mumbling something about needing to get Ianto into the bath, and shuffled over to Ianto to help him out of his clothes. Ianto smiled at her warmly, then looked at Jack, who was looking at his shoes uncomfortably. Ianto giggled at him. He didn't really mind Jack flirting with Gwen, or the fact that if she lost her moral compass, Jack would be on top of her within seconds. Their love was more like a protective brother and sister thing. If they ever kissed, they'd work that out pretty quickly. Although, thinking about it, Ianto wasn't sure if Jack's lack of morality stretched to shagging his sister. If he had a sister. He hoped there was a line Jack wouldn't cross, and that incest was firmly on the other side of it. Either way he needed to lighten the mood, so he grinned what he hoped was a wolfish grin, and loudly said,

"Pass me the rubber ducky, Jack?" Jack grinned at him and giggled before gesturing at the pile of about 10 different varieties of duckies.

"Any particular model, baby?" Ianto giggled. Jack calling him baby was just too funny for him. He perused the pile, and found himself alarmed.

"Is that pink won a vibwator?" His eyes widened. "I'll go for the bwue one wiv the skweeker. It looks sayf at least!" Jack collapsed as he spied the vibrator duck Ianto had mentioned. It was, indeed, a bath toy for grown-ups. He looked at Gwen and cried with laughter. She looked innocent.

"Oh, I did wonder why the lady looked at me funny when I bought that. Well how was I to know it was a sex toy? Who turns a duck into a vibrator?" She began to giggle too. "She must have thought I had some kind of baby role-play fetish! Poor girl!" She scooped Ianto up and plopped him into the bath. It was satisfyingly warm and smelt of soap and jasmine. Ianto inhaled the smell and relaxed into the bubbles, smiling. Then jumped out of his skin as Jack advanced on him menacingly with the vibrator duck. He squeaked and threw his hands up in defence. Jack stopped his attack and dropped the duck to the floor, laughing like a loon.

"If we cawwy on like this, I'll never be cwean!" Ianto giggled. "Can I play wiv the bowt?" He pointed at the one he had seen earlier and Gwen passed it to him. He began to look at the wind up mechanism, and within seconds, had taken the boat apart.

"Not what you're supposed to do, Yan, you're supposed to play with it in a childish sense, not tinker with it like Tosh!" Jack grinned, reaching for the shampoo. Ianto just grinned and put the boat back together as Gwen wet his hair and Jack gently massaged in the shampoo.

Thirty minutes of giggling later (trying to wash Ianto's feet had been an experience. How could one person possible be that ticklish?) Jack carried a freshly bathed Ianto upstairs and sat him beside the coffee machine.

"Crap. Yan, I left my earpiece in the shower room. Don't move, I'll be right back." Jack sauntered off back to the shower block. Ianto sat and twiddled his thumbs. He noticed Tosh looking at him strangely, but she looked away when she caught his eye. He wondered how her date with Owen had gone. Thinking about it, where was Owen? He barely had time to register this question before said doctor stormed into the Hub and towards him, menacingly, with fury written all over his face. 'Oh,' thought Ianto, 'the trick worked...' He then stopped thinking promptly as Owen was still advancing and he was looking like he might hurt Ianto, baby or not.

"You think you're so fucking funny Teaboy! Well how about I knock your smile off your stupid baby face?" The doctor screamed, advancing rapidly. Just as Owen was about to enter the kitchenette and knock Ianto out, Jack's arm appeared and stopped him.

"I wouldn't even try it." Jack sneered in his most commanding voice, which, despite his usual shouting, was quiet and sounded deadly. "You touch him, you die." Jack dropped his arm, and Owen glared at Ianto for a second before sagging, turning, and storming off into the tunnels. Ianto heard a door slam, and blinked, releasing the breath he hadn't realised he was holding. Owen had gone even more ballistic than he'd thought. That could mean only one thing, he must have gotten in the way of sex. Ianto looked at Tosh. She was a little pink in the face, and wouldn't meet his eye. When she did, he mouthed, 'sorry' and she looked away again quickly.

Jack sighed, and scooped Ianto up into his arms, hugging him close and breathing in the smell of shampoo and baby. Ianto buried his face into the Captain's neck, embarrassed, and made himself small.

"I'm taking Ianto shopping with me, we're almost out of my coffee. I'll be back as soon as possible, but I'll have my earpiece if you need me. Gwen, don't go after Owen, give him some time to cool down, then Tosh, you go. He's much less likely to punch you. See if you can calm him enough to do a report for Unit on the composition of that serum we confiscated from the Tamorphian tourist last month." Jack smiled warmly at his team, hitched Ianto further up his body, grabbed his coat, and left.

Ianto insisted that they go to Tesco for the shopping, saying that they were the only place which stocked Jack's favourite coffee, so Jack parked the massive SUV in the 'Mothers with Children' space (actually, over two spaces, but who's counting?) and went round to help Ianto un-strap himself and get out of the car. Carrying Ianto on his hip, he sauntered over to the trolleys, winking at a young woman struggling with a toddler about Ianto's size, who was throwing a tantrum. He looked questioningly between Ianto and the trolley seat, and when Ianto nodded, he slotted the boy into the chair and wheeled the trolley into the shop. Immediately, Jack wished he went shopping more often. The supermarket was full of fun things. He was immediately faced with the flowers.

Although everyone assumed that Jack was quite masculine, he had a soft spot for beautiful things, and flowers were certainly beautiful. In fact, sunflowers were one of his favourites. He had fond memories of a young Estelle blushing like a schoolgirl when he presented her with a beautiful bouquet of the bright yellow blooms when he was courting her. They had been his choice of flower since then. He plucked a bunch which contained a couple of sunflowers out and handed them to Ianto, smiling. The boy took them with a grin and put them into the trolley neatly. Jack looked down at him. It was odd. Jack Harkness had slept with men, women, aliens, the lot. He'd had species some people, even in his own time, had thought it was impossible to be sexually active with. Occasionally, he'd met someone and had a short relationship. He'd loved many people, but only three times in his life had he fallen in love. All three times it had been with women. He hadn't loved Captain John, and he hadn't really loved the Doctor, just been infatuated with him. The first woman he loved had been a kind of mentor to him. After his father died, his mother had wasted away so quickly. He had been left alone, but she had taken him in and looked after him. She was impractically too old for him, and loved him like a son, but he was devoted to her. She had introduced him to the Time Agency, taught him everything he knew, then had disappeared without a trace, leaving him broken.

The second woman he had fallen in love with had been an alien. It hadn't mattered to him. She was beautiful, humanoid, with flowing purple hair which fell to her waist, each strand capable of moving independently. He remembered waking up to her gently tickling him every morning. He'd had to kill her himself, she had been a terrorist of sorts, attempting to undermine the Shadow Proclamation, and it was his job at the time to deal with such things. He had locked away his heart for nearly a hundred years, even married without love, until he met Estelle. Yes, Captain Jack Harkness had had men, but he loved women, so why was it that he found himself wanting to throw himself to the floor and propose to Ianto Jones, even though he had been turned into a baby? He stared into Ianto's eyes and smiled. Maybe he was changing, and maybe it was a good thing.

He was snapped back to reality when Ianto coughed suddenly and pointed at the clock. He checked, it was 11 am. He wasn't sure why Ianto wanted him to know that until he put two and two together and remembered that Ianto might suddenly age a year any minute. He wheeled the trolley to the section of the shop which had toilets, and lifted Ianto out, taking him into the baby changing unit. Setting him down on the nappy changing surface, he smiled, and waited. Sure enough, at the appointed time, Ianto felt the dizziness and the pain, and collapsed once more, ageing another year in the process. Thankfully, Jack had dressed him in age 3 clothing, so he wasn't uncomfortable. He blinked up at Jack, and hauled himself into a sitting position.

"Ok. Let's do sum shopping yeah?" He asked with a cheeky grin. Jack smiled and lifted him, leaving the toilet and collecting the trolley before setting off into the shop to get supplies, and wondering when watching the object of your affections collapse and age a year at just gone eleven in the morning every day became normal.

He wheeled the trolley through the aisles systematically, and picked up the items Ianto pointed at. Many shoppers found it perplexing that he was listening to the commands of a three year old. One woman even choked on her chewing gum when Ianto said matter-of-factly,

"No, you imbursill! Tosh onwy likes soyer milk. Put the goat's milk down and get the soyer. And then we want sum probuyotic yogurts." Jack had done as instructed, smiling sheepishly at his mistake, and rolled over to get some Yakult.

Finally, with an almost-full trolley, (Jack had insisted on buying lubricant, strawberries, massage oil and a My Little Pony lollipop, for himself) they reached the tea and coffee section. Jack gazed at the mesmerising and seemingly limitless variety of coffee. Bypassing the instant section, which he knew Ianto wouldn't even spit at, he stopped in front of the expensive real coffees and looked expectantly at Ianto.

"Which one is it? I've never seen the packaging, just the jars you keep it in." Ianto smiled a devilish smile and pointed to the bottom shelf. Jack stooped, went to pick up the coffee, and stopped. He read the label, looked at Ianto and back and then re-read Tesco Value Cafetiere Coffee. He straightened and glared at Ianto. "Seriously? You're kidding? You give me own brand value coffee?" Ianto looked innocent.

"You like the coffee. You say it's the best in the wurld. Who am I to cwueshchun your obviouswy cweshchunabul taste?" Jack glared some more, before bending to retrieve the biggest bag he could find. When he straightened, Ianto was actually crying with laughter, and there was quite an audience of amused spectators, smirking and wondering why the child was being asked for coffee advice. "You compwete dunce! Do you weally fink I'd buy vawue coffee? I'm a snob!" He giggled as Jack replaced the coffee, and pointed instead at a fancy looking bag about halfway up, with gold lettering and several 'awards' advertised on it. "Your won is that won. Owen and Gwen have the purpul won on the top shewf, and Tosh has the black bag next to yours." He grinned as Jack got the coffee, then proceeded to tickle him senseless, before grabbing him out of the trolley and swinging him round a few times, causing Ianto to giggle and wriggle. One lady placed a hand on Jack's arm as he settled the boy back in the trolley. Jack turned to face her, and she said, her tone serious,

"Your son is very intelligent." Jack fought the urge to laugh, and went with it, he knew kids could be a real lady magnet.

"Thanks so much. Do you have kids of your own?" The woman smiled and shook her head.

"No, but I'd love to one day. Just thought I'd compliment you, you're obviously doing a great job on his education." She turned on her heel and left, as Jack called a 'thanks' after her. Ianto rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Alrite Captin horny! Get a mowve on!" Jack chuckled and began to push the trolley towards the checkout.

Once Jack had finished flirting with the till assistant, and successfully gotten her phone number, and had goosed the man who looked after the trolleys, the two clambered back into the car. Or rather, Jack deposited Ianto on his new car-seat, which had been bought in store, and climbed into his own side, before starting the engine.

"Now, I was thinking. It's pretty obvious you're ageing a year a day, every day. So, we're gonna need some more clothes for you. How about I take you to the centre and we find some stuff for the next week or so?" Ianto nodded sagely, and Jack set off, parking in the multistorey by Debenhams, and carrying Ianto into the huge building. It didn't take long to find somewhere which sold children's clothes, and soon, Ianto was picking out outfits for the next week. Ever practical, he chose several pairs of jeans, and a few cute T-Shirts. Jack had insisted on some cute dungarees and an orange top for tomorrow, so he only had six outfits to compose. Finally, they had all the necessary items in all the right sizes, and Jack bought a few pairs of shoes too, for safety, and also because he found himself with a non-sexual fetish for tiny, tiny trainers. They went to the check out and put everything on the Torchwood credit card (that's right, designer baby gear courtesy of her Majesty!) before getting coffee for Jack and steamed milk for Ianto (with vanilla syrup this time) and getting into the SUV for the third time that day.

Safely back at the hub, Jack instructed Gwen to put the shopping away, and look after Ianto. Tosh was nowhere to be seen and nor was Owen. Jack took that to be a good thing, and went to have a shower. He was feeling seriously distracted... He stripped off his clothes, and stepped under the hot spray, tilting his face upwards to allow the water to fall on him like rain. He ran a hand through his hair, smoothing it back, and let his mind wander to before Ianto had changed...

Jack heard a crash from somewhere in the hub. He jumped up, gun already drawn, but realised it was Ianto shifting things, and holstered the Webley quickly. Smiling, he stood at the door to his office and watched the young man for a moment. He was struggling with some boxes, containing new computer equipment for Tosh. Jack had gotten over the whole cyberwoman incident quickly. In fact, if anything it had strengthened his trust for Ianto. It was clear that the boy's loyalty was unbreakable. Now that loyalty was to Jack. It turned him on more than a little. He decided to have mercy on Ianto's biceps, and slunk down the steps to relieve him of one of the boxes. He'd begun to flirt with Ianto more and more recently, even going so far as to kiss him gently on a few occasions. Nothing but chaste pecks for now, he knew that Ianto had never been with a man before, and that despite the obvious attraction between them, the boy was nervous. Quite rightly so, Jack thought, considering his track record as a sexual beast.

He took the box and hefted it onto the space that had been cleared for it on the desk, then stood back to allow Ianto to deposit his, before moving in as the younger man turned to pin him to the edge of the desk. Alarm crossed Ianto's face, but he quickly relaxed and smiled slightly, blushing a little.

"I really have to set these consoles up, Sir." He said, looking down, and avoiding Jack's eyes. Jack reached out to tilt Ianto's face upwards, forcing him to meet he gaze, then let his hand move to cup the boy's cheek, gently trailing the pad of his thumb over his cheekbone. This skin was hot to the touch, and redenning quickly unter Jack's intense attention.

"They can wait." He whispered, his other had gently trailing up Ianto's side, fingertips barely brushing the charcoal wool of his suit. Ianto shuddered almost imperceptibly, and had Jack not been so close, he may not have noticed. "May I kiss you?" He asked, looking into Ianto's eyes and smiling softly. His eyes widened slightly, and his mouth fell open temptingly.

"Uh... Ok." He nodded, and Jack slowly closed the distance between them, gently sealing their mouths together in a soft, chaste kiss. He was reluctant to pull back, so let the kiss linger a little, and was taken by suprise when Ianto began to kiss him back softly, his hands coming up to rest on Jack's shoulders. Jack slid his hand round to cup the back of Ianto's neck, and opened his eyes, to see Ianto's closed before him, a look of concentration on his face. He smiled into the kiss and Ianto's eyes opened suddenly, before he pulled away a little too soon for Jack's liking. "What's funny?" He asked, a look of panic on his face.

"Nothing, it was more of a smile of triumph actually." Jack grinned, carressing Ianto's face again, and was yet again surprised when instad of dropping his hands to his sides, Ianto returned the favour, fingertips ghosting over Jack's cheekbones, tickling him a little, but in such a good way. "You're even more than I expected you to be." If it was possible, Ianto blushed even more, and took Jack by surprise for the third time that evening by leaning forward to place a more exploratory kiss upon the Captain's mouth. Jack groaned and tightened his hold on Ianto, pulling their bodies flush together, and causing Ianto to gasp. He used the opportunity to run his tongue over the exposed bottom lip, earning him a shudder, as Ianto allowed him to deepen the kiss. He used his tongue to explore his new lover, finding out what Ianto liked and disliked, the things which caused him to make small sounds of pleasure and convulsively grip harder with the hand which had now slipped to the back of Jack's head, and was gently carding through his hair. He held Ianto steady with the hand on his face, and ran the other over his shoulders and back, settling it at his waist. Finally, they had to break for air, and when he opened his eyes, Jack saw Ianto panting, his eyes dark and his lips swollen from the kisses. He groaned again, wishing he could just have him now, take him to his room, throw him on the bed and... But no, he had to take this slow, he had promised Ianto not to push him, and he didn't want to hurt the boy.

"Wow..." Ianto said, blush returning and a small, shy smile tweaking the corners of his mouth. "That was amazing." Jack grinned and stepped back a little, breaking the contact.

"Let me know if you ever want a repeat performance." Jack winked. "Now, get back to work!" He mocked, wagging his finger, before turning and striding back into his office, half because he loved being a tease, and half because if Ianto saw how aroused Jack had become, he'd be sure to get scared off.

Jack smiled at the memories as the water rushed over him. He massaged some shampoo into his hair, and rinsed it as he recalled how shy Ianto had been for the rest of that day. Finally, he was clean. He looked down at himself, grimacing as he noted his reaction to the memories. He'd tried it on with practically everyone he'd met today and still no luck. Sighing, he resigned himself, and stepped back under the spray to solve his 'problem'.

Tosh sighed, and continued on through the maze of tunnels, following the clanging sounds coming from up ahead. She tried calling again,

"Owen! Owen, can we talk?" No reply. Once more, she sighed, and rounded a bend just in time to see Owen kick a pipe and then flop to the floor in frustration. She'd been slowly trailing him through the corridors for nearly an hour now, so to actually catch up with him was a bit of a shock to her. She stood and watched momentarily, before advancing slowly, as one would advance on a wild animal. "Owen? Are you okay?" She asked softly, as she drew alongside him, crouching to be on his level. He glared up at her, the very picture of a stubborn, moody teenager, and snorted. Taking that as a 'I'm sulking, leave me alone', she put her hand on his arm and smiled weakly.

"Go away Tosh." She grinned in a conspiratory way.

"Can't I'm lost. I haven't been keeping track of the turnings, just following you. Now, are you going to talk to me?" He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face.

"Thought you were pissed off at me?" She lowered her eyes and considered this. Sure, she was a little angry that he had seen her as a cheap lay, but she had to admit, she had wanted the sex anyway.

"No, I was just playing hard to get..." He almost smiled then, and she knew she was winning the fight against the sulk monster which resided within Owen. "Maybe we could try again sometime?" Now he did smirk.

"As long as we don't take my bag with us this time." She giggled a little. "Why is Ianto such a cock?" He pouted.

"To be fair, Owen, you're a bit of a cock yourself where he's concerned." She smiled into his glare, and tried a more diplomatic approach. "If you'd done it to him, you'd have found it hilarious." He smirked a little.

"True." He looked across at her. "How come you're so bloody fantastic Tosh?" She blushed and smiled.

"I'm not, really.. I just..." Tosh was cut short by a forceful kiss from Owen. She gasped in surprise, and his tongue was down her throat before she could blink. Closing her eyes, she kissed back shifting her body so that she was over him, straddling his thighs. His hands were everywhere, her hair, face, shoulders, back, butt. Finally, they settled on her waist, pushing up the material of her top a little, and tickling at her sides. She whimpered and writhed, and that seemed to excite Owen even more, because she suddenly found herself flat on the floor with Owen on top of her, his mouth latched onto her neck. She gasped for air, and moaned again as he dragged his teeth across the sensitive skin before soothing it with a lick, his mouth working downwards and his hands upwards under the cotton of her top. She arched her back so that the offending article could be removed, and started to work on Owen's T-shirt, pulling it up over his shoulders, and running her hands down the exposed muscle of his arms. She shuddered as his mouth descended on her once more, and he pulled her into his lap, one hand working on the clasp of her bra, the other teasing her waist as he had before.

Owen triumphed over the underwear, and pulled back to look at Tosh's topless form. She really did have amazing breasts. He groaned loudly as she kissed him, then worked her way down his jawline to his neck, nipping at the pulse point, and sucking softly to leave marks of their encounter. His hands went instinctively to her chest, and she jumped.

"Fuck Owen, cold hands!" Before she pushed him onto his back, her mouth working further down his torso and her hands tickling his abdomen, before one slipped lower to toy with the catch of his jeans. He gasped and bucked his hips involuntarily, moaning as she found the zipper and undid it, her hand slipping inside.

"God, Tosh!" He groaned, pulling her face to him for another dizzying kiss as he worked on the buttons of her suit trousers. He wriggled out of his own trousers and underwear, gasping at the cold of the tunnels, then helped Tosh out of her own, noting with amusement that she didn't wear matching underwear. When they were both naked, he pulled her into his lap again, kissing her feverishly, before pulling back to look in her eyes. "Do you have condoms?" He asked, voice hoarse with desire.

"Uh... No... I... Wasn't expecting..." He silenced her with another kiss.

"Back pocket of my jeans." He gasped, as her hand moved lower between them. she turned and used the other hand to scrabble in the jeans, fishing in first one pocket, then the other before holding up a foil wrapper. "Perfect." He practically purred, as she ripped it open with her teeth, and sat back to allow her to roll the condom on. Sighing as she began to tease him, he looked into her eyes. "Sure about this?" He swallowed.

"Never more certain." She nodded, pulling him in for another kiss, as he lowered her onto the floor, shifting her to lie on his T-shirt to save her from the cold ground. Her lips travelled across his jawline, and as he pushed inside her, she whispered, her mouth on his ear, "I've wanted this for so long." He buried himself in her and stopped still, savouring the sensations of Tosh surrounding him, her mouth on his neck, arms around him and tangled in his hair, the scent of her perfume mixed with sweat and her own unique smell. It was sexy as hell. Groaning, he began to move, and that was when the insistant bleeping in both their earpieces started. Tosh moaned in frustration, bucking her hips into Owen. "Can't we just ignore them?" She groaned.

"Fine with me!" Owen replied, kissing the space between her neck and collar bone.

"No... No, we should answer." Tosh panted, pressing a hand to the earpiece. "Hello?"

"Toshiko!" Jack's voice sounded over the headset. "Is Owen with you?"

"Yes er... we're er..." She said, still gasping for breath as Owen purposely tried to distract her using his mouth in an extremely attention grabbing way on her left nipple.

"Get up here asap." Jack commanded. "Oh, hang on... You're out of breath. Now, I know what you sound like when you've been running and that's not it... Toshiko are you and Owen having sex?" Jack sounded half amused, half interested, and a little bit in awe. Owen smirked and touched his own headset.

"No, Jack, contrary to your fantasies, I am not bonking Tosh." Jack guffawed in triumph.

"If you're close enough to Tosh's headset to hear that, you really are having sex!" He started to giggle, so Gwen took over.

"Look, you two, Jack's received some stuff from Unit, we need to have a meeting about it so can you put your pants back on and get up here please?" Owen scowled. He wondered when he'd ever found Gwen attractive. Just her voice was scaring away his erection now! He rolled off Tosh, and helped her sit up.

"Sure thing, Your Majesty!" He said in clipped tones, before breaking the comm. link. Tosh did the same, and they dressed in silence, both embarrassed. "Look, Tosh, I don't want this to ruin us... I had a good time last night. Can we try to put it behind us?" Tosh smiled sweetly.

"Sure thing. It's not your fault Jack has the worst timing in the universe!" She giggled a little. "Ah well, time to face the music. Follow me, I'll lead you back to the hub." Owen turned to her.

"But you said you were lost."

"I lied." She turned and walked away, leaving him staring at her but, before jogging to catch up with her.

When Tosh rounded the corner into the main hub, she was met with raucous applause from her colleagues, and wehn Owen emerged behind her, someone pressed play on the sound system and a wedding march started up. Laughing his socks off, Jack turned on the fan on Gwen's desk, emptying the contents of a packet of confetti into the gust, and blowing the all over what he referred to as 'the happy couple'. Tosh glared pointedly at him, and she was pretty sure Owen was doing something similar, because the music and the fan suddely stopped with one press to Jack's wristband, and he exclaimed,

"Oh, come on! Your wedding day is a time for joy and elation! No more frowny faces, please." He giggled. "I now pronounce you may kiss the Tech Expert!" He threw his arms wide and the room filled with laughter from Gwen, giggling from Ianto, and inane chuckling from Jack. Even Tosh and Owen had to see the funny side, and both cracked a smile. "Now, work to do! Boardroom everyone. Owen, for being such a sly dog, you get to make coffee!" Owen scowled and shuffled towards the kitchenette, leaving Ianto looking after him, horrified. Gwen picked him up and together they all made their way into the boardroom, Ianto sitting on Gwen's knee as Jack was pacing and frowning in true 'I'm brooding, and isn't it hot as hell?' Jack form.

Owen returned with the coffees and some juice for Ianto, and once everyone had a drink, and Jack had drained half a mug in one go, complaining it wasn't as good as Ianto's, the meeting began in earnest. Jack explained that Unit were trying to undermine Torchwood's authority in Cardiff, and take over running fot he area. He claimed it was because they wanted to run dodgy rift experiments and generally play the playground bully.

"But!" He added, emphatically, "We all know that the geeky kid wins in the end!" He grinned a sly grin. "So! Tosh, I want you to hack their mainframe and find all their rift plans so I can throw them in their face in the meeting tomorrow. Owen, I need you to analyse that serum we found. I'm sure it's an Arcadian truth serum, in which case I can spray them all with it and there'll be no double-crossing. Gwen, compile me a report on reasons why Torchwood is necessary and successful, and why a strictly military approach would be devastating to the handling of anything that comes through the rift. Give 'em your spiel about heart and first contact and fluffy nice aliens who 'come in peace' and all that. Ianto, just be cute. I know that's not difficult because you're practically edible, but be adorable. I'm taking you with em tomorrow, and I need you to help me disarm them. Whilst your being cute, it wouldn't hurt to familiarise yourself with the case so you're useful in the meeting." He smiled, sat back in his chair, arms behind his head, and looked at his team. After a minute, he leaned forward, drained the rest of his coffee and whispered. "Go!" There was a rush of movement as everyone went to do as they were told, and Jack was left with ianto at the boardroom table.

"You're funkshoning a lot bettur now. I take it your showur was good." Ianto grinned and winked.

"You could say that," Jack smiled. "Oh, the things you do to me, Ianto Jones." He picked the toddler up, chucking his cheek. "Time to do some serious undermining." He grinned and carried Ianto into his office,allowing him to read all the correspondence from Unit, whilst he hacked into their system and placed false evidence...

Several hours later, a grumpy-looking Owen, a pleased-looking Gwen, and an extremely tired-looking Tosh appeared in Jack's office. Owen handed Jack a large perfume bottle filled with a translucent liquid.

"It's definitely truth serum." Was all he said. Jack smiled.

"Brilliant work. It's gone eleven, so you can go home. Owen smiled weakly and shuffled out. Next up was Gwen. She handed him a report, and smiled her most charming 'aren't I amazing? love me! please love me!' smile.

"Everything's in there, and i think it's pretty convincing." Jack leafed through it. She had put it all under headers, done bullet points, even indexed it, and added pictures. He almost laughed at the futility of it.

"Great job, Gwen, go home. See Rhys." She smiled and bounced out of the office. Tosh stepped forward and handed him a data stick.

"I found the things you planted." She held up her hand to stop him before he could interrupt. "Yes, I know you planted them. I also found some things you didn't plant. It's all on the stick, plus their access codes and a profile for the mole in their command centre who gave you all this information, which you obviously didn't steal by hacking their mainframe." She smiled, and she had a right to. She was truly fantastic. "You don't have to tell me, I did well, I'm going home." She turned to go, but Jack stopped her.

"Tosh..." She turned. "I'm pleased for you and Owen... And... Thanks." She smiled sweetly.

"Goodnight, Jack." Still smiling, she turned and left. Jack looked down at Ianto, about to suggest an Indian for dinner, but the boy was already asleep. He smiled and gently carried him to the bedroom, slipping under the covers beside him and drifting off. Not exactly sleeping, but dreaming nonetheless.

***

He tossed in his sleep, as dreams played across his mind. Strong hands caressed his chest, and he arched upwards into the sensation, feeling them travel lower, a warm mouth following their path down his abdomen and below the waistband of his pyjama bottoms. He looked down into his lover's beautiful blue eyes and sighed with pleasure as that mouth descended on him again.

"Jack" Ianto whispered as he woke, curled up in a ball and alone in Jack's bunk. He blinked, confused. Usually, when he had that kind of dream there was something to show for it. He looked down at himself, and rubbed his eyes groggily before he remembered that he was stuck in the body of a three year old boy. No wonder he didn't have a reaction! He scrunched up his face in a mixture of confusion, embarrassment and frustration. This was just so wrong! He couldn't be having sex dreams as a three year old, it was just… Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! How was he going to come to terms with this? It was just ridiculous. It had been bad enough having disturbingly vivid dreams about what he wanted his boss to do to him when he'd been an adult. Now it was beyond incomprehensible. Sighing, he decided to give sleeping another go, since Jack was so obviously absent. No luck there, as soon as he laid his head on the pillow, Jack bounded down the ladder, a bundle of electric energy, and swept him off the bed and into a bear hug.

"Morning baby." He grinned. "Hey, I could get used to calling you that, you don't mind do you?" Ianto sighed, decided to forget his rapidly fading dream, and snuggled into Jack's shoulder.

"S'long as you stop when I'm an adult agen, or you may find I start cawling you 'snuggul bunny' or somefing ecwuley sikuning and prissy." He smiled and played with a stray bit of Jack's hair, which was looking particularly fluffy today. Jack smiled down at him and began to climb the ladder back up to his office. "What time is it?"

"Eight thirty." Jack replied, padding towards the kitchenette for wake-up coffee. "We don't have to be in London until one pm, so I figured I'd let you sleep as much as you liked. We're gonna drive down, should leave at around eleven, after you've changed again." He plopped Ianto onto the work surface and proceeded to maul the coffee machine. Ianto grimaced. He'd seen that machine manhandled so much over the last few days. He couldn't wait until he was big enough to get it back under his control. It was going to need a thorough cleaning. Come to think of it, so was the rest of the hub. He glanced about the place at all the rubbish. Mugs, plates and bowls were interspersed with take-out packaging, chocolate wrappers, scrunched up bits of paper, and one sock. Honestly, one sock. Who loses a sock at work? And why only one? It wasn't even one of Jack's, because, Jack being Jack, all his had little tiny RAF symbols embroidered on them and the words 'Captain Jack Harkness- God of Sex' sewn around the tops, something which still made Ianto giggle every time Jack looked at him with puppy-dog eyes and asked him to do some washing for him because 'last time he broke the machine'. Yes, thought Ianto, hitting it with a hammer will do that.

"Can I have some tea?" He asked Jack, who turned looking scandalised.

"NO!" He practically shrieked. "You're a three year old! You can't have caffeine!" Ianto pouted his best pout, and Jack's resolve wavered, but remained. "I'll make you a herbal tea. Tosh has loads."

"Don't bover!" Ianto grimaced. "Mite as well just give me hot worter, that's all thay tayste of. Fine, appul juice pwease." Jack filled his favourite beaker and handed it over, and Ianto sucked on it greedily. Turning from the coffee machine, the Captain studied him, a look of adoration on his face.

"How did you get so gorgeous?" He smiled, tickling Ianto's tummy, and earning him a surprised giggle. "And to think, I nearly didn't hire you!" Ianto smirked at him, as best he could from a three year old face.

"It was inevitubul you'd fall for the charm. If the terodactul hadn't wurked, I'd've tried wearing lethur, and let's face it, fetish is your middul name." Jack choked on his coffee.

"Funny you should say that…" He considered, smiling that smile he had for fond memories. "It was… Will be… Was… Oh it's popular where I come from." Ianto just stared, jaw on the floor. Then realised how stupid he was, as Jack smirked and added, "Almost as popular as the first name Gullible." And began tickling Ianto in earnest.

"Stop! Stop! Stop!" Ianto giggled, breathless, and tried to wiggle away. "Jack! Stop it, please! I will not be held wesponsubul for any acsidunts!" Jack stopped, giggling himself as he stood up and knocked back half a mug of coffee.

"Right, I'm gonna have a shower. Behave until I get back. And no more pranks on Owen, please. If you were older, I'd discipline you for that one." He winked. "And not in a good way." He lifted Ianto off the work surface and let him toddle off towards the sofa, before wandering over to the shower block to make himself look sinful enough to make the Unit toffs grovel.

Ianto settled himself on the sofa and channel hopped for a while, before settling on some cartoon. It was crappy, and it had puppets, but the bright colours were distracting, and he soon found himself hypnotised by the screen. Jack returned twenty minutes later to find him sat exactly there, barely blinking, mouth slightly open, eyes wide. He smiled down at the child and went to put some clothes on. When he got back, Ianto still hadn't moved.

"Okay, I'm gonna ration your TV. It seems to turn you into a zombie." He said as he switched the box off. "And you know I don't like it when your full attention isn't on me."

"Huh?" Ianto said, blinking.

"Never mind. Let's get you dressed." He walked into the office, and Ianto toddled after him slowly, only falling over once, and it wasn't his fault he'd tripped on the wire, he blamed Tosh. Jack was waiting with a fresh set of clothes, a warm, soft flannel, and a fluffy towel. He quickly scrubbed Ianto clean and took his time gently drying him, tickling as he went. Finally, he helped Ianto put on his clothes, grinning with pleasure at just how cute Ianto looked in tiny dungarees and miniature Converse. He scooped him up again, and took him back to the kitchen to make breakfast, just as Tosh came in.

"Morning boys!" She grinned, sashaying over to the coffee machine to make herself a double espresso. Whilst the machine whirred to life, she turned to Ianto, a look of awe on her face, clasped her hands together under her chin and practically squealed. "Oh, you look adorable! Look at those little shoes! Sorry, Ianto, but I can't help it, you're just too cute!" Ianto grinned, and blushed, eyes directed firmly at the floor, swaying on the spot, hands clasped behind his back, he looked the picture of innocence. The coffee machine beeped, and Tosh took her coffee. "Right, I'll get out of your way. Jack, since the hub is set to alert us all by text if anything happens today, we've decided to take it in shifts of who's here. I'm up first, then Gwen, then Owen. Is that okay?"

"Fine by me. We're just about to have some breakfast. Want some?" He opened the fridge. "Mmmm, left over pizza, korma, and strawberry yoghurt. Niiice. Ianto's got fruit too, if you fancy something healthy."

"I hope you're not mixing the pizza, korma and yoghurt together! I could go for some yoghurt, and maybe an apple." She smiled. Jack plucked a few things out of the fridge and from the fruit bowl, and set about peeling and chopping them into a healthy fruit salad for Ianto. Once that was done, they wandered as a group over to the boardroom, where they sat and ate in a companionable silence. Jack glanced at the clock, it was 9:34. He had just over an hour and a half to buff up on his notes before he had to go to the meeting with Unit. Once the food was finished, he cleared his throat.

"Right, we'll get out of your way and prepare for this meeting. You do… whatever it is you're working on at the moment…"

"Calibrating the water tower to intercept all off-world communications before they go to NASA or anywhere else stupid enough to start a war."

"Yeah, that. You go do that…" He grinned and she stooped to clear the table. He lifted Ianto gently, and as he passed Tosh, patted her gently on the bum, leaving the room to the sound of her giggle and some half-hearted reprimand. He glanced down at Ianto, who was giving him a look. "What?" He asked, pulling his 'trust me I'm a sweet innocent ex-Time Agent, ex-con-artist, clinically insane nymphomaniac' face.

"You acshully are insashubul aren't you?" Ianto smirked. It was amazing, but even as a three year old, he'd already perfected the eyebrow thingy.

"Yup." Jack grinned, settling Ianto on his desk and passing him a file to read through. "Now, let's cram! They're gonna talk about the dangers of not having a full military force in Cardiff to protect against 'imminent alien invasion'. We need to counter with the fact that we've already stopped a few invasions ourselves, and quote a few references of times when using a military approach would have landed us in the shit. Like the time with the Hakerinian ambassador, who only decided not to destroy the planet because you offered him refreshments promptly. Then they'll say we've just been lucky, and we haven't had anything too dangerous to deal with. We'll tell them a few choice stories concerning some of out more challenging foes. They'll use that as an excuse to have a military presence. We'll throw out a few of their misdemeanours and their gun-happy mistakes, like the time they blew up a factory in Surrey because it was an alien base, and it turned out it was nothing more than a late-night bingo hall for OAPs. Finally, we'll present the 'secret plans' we found on the system detailing the heinous experiments they want to conduct on weevils, to see if they can be tamed an used as mercenaries, and the dangerous rift-probing they want to do. If that doesn't stop them, I'll go ballistic and you can cry." He grinned and Ianto laughed at him. The plan sounded ok to him. He closed the file he had been glancing over and wriggled off the table and into Jack's lap, snuggling into his tummy.

"M'kay." He mumbled, closing his eyes and willing himself to sleep. Jack smiled down at him, then carried on sifting through his seemingly endless string of emails. Only a couple of weeks, he thought, then I can have my Ianto back. Ianto woke, in the same position, overwhelmed by a familiar feeling of pain, dizziness and tingling. He was conscious for all of a second, before he collapsed on Jack's lap. "Ngh." He groaned, rubbing his eyes as he sat up, feeling altogether more co-ordinated.

"You're getting heavier." Jack grinned, stroking a hand through the ever-thickening mop of black hair which Ianto was cultivating. "Feeling ok? Ready to go?"

"Yeah." Ianto nodded, and slid off Jack's lap to wander off into the Hub. He followed the Captain to the garage, and made his way towards the SUV before Jack coughed, and pointed to the other side of the large space. Where the spare SUV would usually be parked stood a shiny, silver, really quite pretty Mazda convertible. He grinned, and all of a sudden wished his legs were long enough to drive.

"You Don't think I'd turn up to Unit with the SUV full of all our special secret technology? This way, we not only look hot and make them stare, we avoid them stealing any of Toshiko's technical brilliance." He bent to lift Ianto gently, resting him on his hip as he clicked the button on the keys, opening the doors. Ianto soon found himself settled in the comfortable leather seat, and strapped in securely, whilst Jack flopped into the drivers seat and closed the door, starting the ignition. The roof was up, which was fine by Ianto, because it was bound to be raining outside. Jack leaned forward and fiddled with the radio until something he liked popped up. Ianto rolled his eyes, he himself had never been too fond of music from the 40s, but when Jack started quietly singing along, he decided he could cope. Who'd have known that his Captain was a good singer too?

They pulled out of the garage, waving goodbye to a smiling Tosh, and set off towards the M4. Jack's singing and the movement of the car soon lulled Ianto into a dreamless nap. Jack smiled over at him and continued to sing, whilst going at almost twice the speed limit. When Ianto woke, bleary eyed, he looked at the road signs to discover that they were already nearing London. He straightened himself and watched the world fly past - far too fast- from his window. After another ten minutes or so, they pulled into an imposing compound with armed guards patrolling the parameter, and a fully armoured gatehouse to greet them. Jack pulled up to the window and grinned his best charming grin.

"Captain Jack Harkness, here to see the General. This is my assistant, Ianto Jones." The man on the gate quirked an eyebrow in Ianto's direction, amused.

"Hard to find good babysitters these days, isn't it? Cute kid. I'll just get your passes now Captain, and Lieutenant Fielding will meet you at the car park, which is just off to the left after the barrier." He handed over a couple of ID passes, and Jack winked and thanked him, before pulling into the car park he had mentioned and stopping the car. Smiling, he turned to Ianto. "Plan! How about, we let them believe you're my kid and I'm babysitting you. That way, they'll be off guard around you, and you can soak up all the information and process it in that amazing brain of yours?"

"I'm not calling you 'Daddy'. That would just be wrong." Jack smirked.

"Why?" Ianto looked incredulous.

"I've seen you naked, all but had sex with you. I've had my hand down your trousers! I'm NOT calling you Daddy!" Jack laughed.

"You've done more than that! Okay, just call me Jack." He popped open the door and went round to help Ianto out. Holding Ianto's hand, he turned to face the Lieutenant, who turned out to be a stunning brunette with an amazing set of breasts. Jack grinned and practically drooled. "Hello" He drawled in his best 'I wanna throw you down and have my wicked way with you right now' voice. "Captain Jack Harkness, pleased to meet you."

"Stop it!" He glanced down to see Ianto giving him a stern look.

"What? I'm just saying hello!" He grinned, holding his hand out to shake the woman's.

"Lieutenant Fielding. I'll take you to the meeting suite now. Hope your journey wasn't too stressful?" She was putting on a great 'not gonna work on me' act, but Jack could see in her eyes that she was just begging to be seduced. He reminded himself just who it was he was holding hands with, and nodded, following the Lieutenant.

"Not that bad at all, actually. Traffic was minimal." She smiled a coy smile back at him, and continued to lead the way into a big, ugly building and over to a lift. Once they'd all piled in, she pressed the button for the 7th floor, and stood back, arms folded in front of her. "So, Lieutenant. Will you be in the meeting?" He resisted the urge to add 'because I'll need something to look at when things get boring', and simply glanced at her, a slight smile on his face.

"Yes, actually, Captain Harkness, I will. I'm heading the investigation into Torchwood's misdemeanours. They are… Numerous, shall we say." She smiled icily, and Jack saw the game she was playing. He decided not to let her have any effect on him, and smiling brightly replied,

"Please, call me Jack. Maybe I could show you a few misdemeanours after the meeting? Say over dinner then coffee?" Whilst he said this, he looked Ianto directly in the eye, and Ianto, instead of reprimanding him for his brashness, simply smiled. Jack's eyes had told him he had no intention of sleeping with her now, he was trying to fluster her. And it worked. She went visibly red, opened and closed her mouth a few times then cleared her throat.

"I'm afraid I have to work this evening." The lift reached the correct floor and the doors pinged open. "Here we are…" She bustled ahead of him, face flushed.

"Such a shame." Jack grinned at her back, following slowly so Ianto could keep up. Jack - One. Unit - Nil. He looked down at Ianto, who grinned and lifted his arms to be picked up. Grinning, he obliged the toddler, and settled him gently on his hip. Finally, after a maze of tunnels, they reached a small suite at the back of the building, away from the noise of the troops. Lieutenant Fielding let them into a small lounge, promising to return shortly with the other Unit participants of the meeting, and refreshments would be on their way soon. Jack glanced around. Three CCTV recorders with sound capability that he could see, and probably more besides. He gave Ianto a look which said 'play along' and settled them both on the sofa. "So, baby, what do you think of the nice lady Lieutenant?" Ianto grinned his best childish grin.

"I like her. She's nise. But she sed her name was leftenunt, and you said it was lootenut. it's a funny name." He giggled. Jack was immediately impressed by his 'I'm a harmless four year old' act. But then again, Ianto never failed to impress him.

"It's not a name, baby, it's a title. I don't know what her first name is, but her last name is Fielding. Lieutenant is an army title. Like Captain only lower. 'Cept it's said differently in the UK and America." Ianto looked puzzled.

"She doesn't look like a soljer…" He frowned.

"I don't think she is a soldier. I think she tells soldiers what to do." Ianto grinned again.

"So she's their Boss… Just like you're Auntie Gwen's boss." Jack's eyes widened momentarily, almost imperceptibly, then he saw where Ianto was going with this.

"Sort of, yeah." He smiled and ruffled the boy's hair, his other hand rubbing small circles into his back. "Okay! I spy with my little eye… something beginning with…. C" Ianto giggled.

"Curtuns?"

"Nope."

"Carpet?"

"Nu uh."

"Seeling?"

"Not even close." Ianto narrowed his eyes as if to say 'fool, I've know from the beginning'.

"Captin Jack Harkness." Jack laughed.

"Yup, your go." Ianto giggled. As he was thinking, four imposing looking military types walked in and introduced themselves. Neither Jack nor Ianto paid much attention to any names, except that of the obvious leader, General Stokes. He was a greying war veteran in his late fifties. A hard face, grey eyes cut like diamonds, and a fairly impressive chin. Jack doubted he'd ever seen a more stereotypical looking Unit general. He even had a small, bristly moustache! Lieutenant Fielding entered shortly, a young man following her with a refreshments table.

"We weren't aware that you were bringing a child with you. I'll get someone to find something suitable for him to drink." The General said, eyeing Ianto with barely concealed displeasure.

"Don't worry, my assistant" He placed extra emphasis on the last word, "Can have milk." the General nodded curtly and pointed in the direction of the meeting room.

"Shall we get this over with, Harkness?" Jack smiled his best 'fuck off' smile and followed the General and his cronies into the meeting room, remarking on how his was bigger, and grinning at the exasperated look Lieutenant Fielding gave him. He seated himself at one end of the table, settling Ianto into the chair at his right, and watching the General seat himself at the far end. He grinned as Ianto put on his baby act and pulled the meeting minutes towards him, before tugging on Jack's sleeve.

"Can I have a crayon?" He asked, a small pout on his face. Jack chucked his cheek as the entire table bar the General awwwed at him. He looked about the table.

"I only have the one pen. Sorry, does anyone have anything he can draw with?" One of the younger looking men smiled and passed Ianto a black felt-tipped pen.

"It's all I have." Ianto grinned.

"Thanks mister." He began to doodle what appeared to be a crude picture of a pony on the back of the minutes. The General glowered at him, but he just grinned right back, not intimidated by the stuffy old man.

"Right." Stokes growled. "Shall we get on with this?" He shuffled some papers before him.

"By all means, begin your presentation on why you want to take over the duties of my team and bully your way into running Cardiff." The General's eyes narrowed even more.

"First things first, Harkness" Stokes spat, "This is not a power struggle." Jack leaned back in his chair, hands behind his head.

"Could've fooled me." He snarled back.

"I am not concerned about your ego, Captain. Unit is only concerned about the welfare of the people of Cardiff, and the imminent alien threat. We want to protect them in the best way possible, and putting a military presence in Cardiff would help to do that." Jack would almost have believed those words as sincere, if the General's own team hadn't been looking at him like he'd just told the biggest lie in history.

"I'd love to believe that, General." Jack said with a sly smirk, then glanced at Ianto, smiling sincerely. "But I have my own people to protect." Ianto looked up and they shared a smile. "And I have a sneaking suspicion that you'd only put them in more danger." He rested his arm across the back of Ianto's chair and smiled at Stokes. "I happen to have a little idea of what your true plans may be." Ianto looked at Jack again, puzzled.

"Jack. Is that man gonna do bad stuff to Cardiff?" His lip began to wobble far too convincingly. "I don't like him." Jack took the opportunity to sweep Ianto into his lap, dragging the colouring over to them. He hugged Ianto tight.

"No, Yan, I'm not gonna let him do bad stuff to Cardiff. Not even the weevils." Ianto giggled.

"I like the weevuls. Thay make me larf." He grinned. "Mister Genrul… Do you like weevuls?" The General sighed.

"No, boy, I do not like weevils. I don't like any creature which imposes itself upon this planet." Jack sighed.

"And yet, you afford the Doctor security clearance to all areas of Unit. What you fail to understand, General, is that the weevils don't choose to be here. They're lost, thousands of light-years away from their home. We need to find a way to accommodate them, not eradicate them." He placed a folder on the table. "In this file, I have evidence of your extensive plans to conduct brutal, inhumane scientific experiments on weevils in order to attempt to train them for military purposes. It seems you're quite happy to exploit the war-like traits of any species unfortunate enough to fall through the Rift." The General stood quickly and loomed across the table to snarl at Jack.

"Torchwood is NOT qualified to question the actions of Unit personnel or research staff. We're at the top of the chain of governmental organisations." Jack and Ianto sighed and rolled their eyes, saying simultaneously,

"Torchwood is outside the government, beyond the police." Or in Ianto's case something similar and lispy. Jack continued, "I don't think that Queen Victoria would have wanted her 'access all areas, do whatever you need to' organisation to bow to a collection of corrupted army veterans." He smirked into the General's death-glare, sat back in his seat and added, "Trust me, I met her." The General clicked his fingers and pointed at Lieutenant Fielding.

"Present your findings Lieutenant." He growled, and the woman stood up timidly, shuffling a few papers.

"Sir." The General settled into his seat, his eyes never leaving Jack's. "I've prepared a portfolio of misdemeanours at Torchwood Cardiff which could have caused widespread panic, alien invasion, or even the destruction of the world. Needless to say, most of them include Jack Harkness." Ianto cleared his throat.

"That's Captin Jack Harkneth." The lieutenant looked at him and couldn't suppress a smile at the grin he was giving her.

"Anyway, I'll begin five years ago, when the Captain became leader of Torchwood three. On the New Years' Eve in question, there was a rampage of weevil activity across Cardiff resulting in two deaths and seven major injuries. These could have been avoided if sufficient personnel had been available to deal with the threats." Jack coughed.

"If the previous leader hadn't slaughtered everyone and then committed suicide, there would have been enough personnel." Lieutenant Fielding looked sceptical but flicked to the next page.

"In March this year, a new member of the team, Gwen Cooper, released a harmful alien into the atmosphere by not paying attention to her actions. That alien went on to end the lives of several civilians. If she had had proper military training then such an event would never have occurred." She looked pointedly at Jack, who grinned, remembering the merry chase the alien in question had led them on.

"She was in training at the time. People make mistakes on their first day. The alien was taken down as quickly as possible and no stories or conspiracies resulted. I'd say that's pretty good as a track record." the Lieutenant smirked.

"A good track record? Sir, with respect, I have a file here full to the brim with your own personal mistakes. The list is longer than this building is tall. Most of the problems could have been avoided if your mind weren't in your trousers." Ianto noticed Jack's eyes glimmer suddenly, but his face remained resolutely impassive.

"I hadn't realised that this was a personal problem, Lieutenant. If Unit are worried about my leadership skills, you can apply to have me replaced. The fact that I may be a questionable character by your standards does not make me any less adept at leading my team or at protecting this planet and the innocent lives upon it." He winked. "Anyway, if you'd said you were so interested in what's in my trousers, I'd have given you a personal demonstration." A slow, easy grin spread across his face the moment he realised he had won, and she sat, flustered and red in the face. "Now, how about I list a few of Unit's mistakes in turn? Don't worry, people, none of mine are personal, just demonstrating how Unit as an organisation would only serve to worsen the situation in Cardiff." He settled Ianto in the chair next to him again and pulled a piece of tech out of his pocket, placing it gently on the desk. "I brought pictures." He flipped the switch, and an image of a burning hotel complex appeared as a hologram.

"Two years ago, an unknown alien species made contact with Unit personnel at this hotel in East London. As far as anyone could tell, they were a peaceable race, and before you say anything General, yes, I did intercept their communications in order to check my translation equipment. There was no indication that they had any ulterior motives other than learning this planet's history and culture, then they were going to leave. Unit knew this." He pressed a button on the tech and the picture changed to an important file documenting the communications with the aliens. It was easily readable, and confirmed what Jack had just said. "Without giving warning (by the way that's breaking the biggest and most important inter-galactic peace law), Unit destroyed the hotel, and slaughtered the aliens, claiming their vessel for research purposes." Jack's eyes narrowed. "Seemingly no problem there, but as a result of the unceremonious destruction of their kind, a troop of the same species ended up in Cardiff three weeks later bent on destroying the human race. Torchwood barely stopped them. We could have eradicated them, that's not an issue. Instead, we conducted a conference, and apologised for YOUR actions. The argument was settled without any more bloodshed." The General smirked at Jack's speech.

"So you take a coward's approach to aliens?" Jack sneered and growled his reply,

"I'd like to see you have the guts to talk to any alien species face to face. The point here is, more gun happy welcoming of inquisitive races could cause an inter-galactic war. The earth, despite what Unit thinks, is NOT ready for that. There are races out there who would destroy this planet without any relative difficulty."

"We have nuclear weapons, Captain." The General stated. "And we have the Doctor." Jack sighed.

"So do I." He slammed a fist on the table. "Now, General, I want you to understand something. Nuclear weapons are primitive. Compared to what we dredge up from the rift, compared to the weapons used by some aliens we've faced, they're nothing but fire on a stick. Wouldn't damage the hull of most ships. This race…" He waved a hand around the room, "Is considered primitive. People are interested in Earth because it has true potential, not, don't kid yourself, not because it's powerful and interesting. The Doctor is here protecting you and your planet because he wants to nurture it, see where it goes." The General looked furious but said nothing. "Unit needs a new approach." Jack flicked the picture and an image of a young girl showed.

"This is Laura-Jayne Reynolds. Although everyone in this room is high-security clearance enough to know that already. Seven years ago, she was found wandering in Hyde Park. She had lost her memories, but claimed to be able to see the future, to 'see all of space and time'. Her parents filed a missing persons report. They're still searching for her seven years on. Unit stole her. She's kept in oohhhh… That bunker there." He pointed at one of the buildings visible out of the window. "Unit have plans to use her to close the rift. They want to sap the life-force out of a thirteen year old girl, she is thirteen now, isn't she? They want to use her life energy to permanently close the rift. Now, that's a bad thing for sooo many reasons. Firstly, SHE'S A THIRTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL! How sick are you people? She should be out playing, coming to terms with her unusual gift. She should be just learning what sort of woman she's going to become. Having all sorts of first-time experiences…" Fielding sighed and rolled her eyes. Jack growled. "I don't mean sex, although that may be one thing you'll be denying her. Smoking, drinking, drugs, alcohol, perfume, Chinese food, horse-riding and tennis and gossiping with friends. Hell, does she even have any friends? When was the last time that poor girl saw the sun? The real sun?" He sighed, tears welling up in his eyes. "It's not fair, but I'm not here to lecture you about her, she's nothing to do with me, unfortunately. If you use her to close the Rift, there will be violent repercussions. Firstly, the Doctor needs the Rift. It fuels his TARDIS. Without the Rift there is no Doctor."

"Without the Rift we no longer need a Doctor." The General replied, a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

"Oh really? Because every alien you've ever encountered came through the Rift? Certainly that's not true in Cardiff. Second Rift related problem, the Rift is a source of unending, immeasurably strong energy. You want to wall that off? That's like putting a dam made of twigs across the river Nile, never going to work. The result could be a temporal explosion. The Rift would re-open itself causing temporal flux and allowing God only knows how many things through. The Earth would most likely be destroyed. I'm not talking the size of explosion you get from nuclear warfare, I'm talking 'BOOM' Earth… Gone. No trace of it, no evidence it ever existed. You go through with this, and the Earth could be swallowed by the vortex. Finally, we learn so much from the Rift. We monitor it, and I'm sure it monitors us. It leaves us things and it takes things away. What it leaves, we research, and we learn so much. Without that research, so many developments we take for granted today couldn't even have been conceived. We need the Rift, Sir."

"The necessity of the Rift is not in question, Captain. The necessity of Torchwood is." Jack smirked.

"Firstly, I'm guessing that in here you've got some experts. Lieutenant Fielding is evidently a research expert, a sort of archivist." Jack smiled at Ianto. "Do you have a technical expert? A doctor?" The General blinked and indicated the person to Jack's left.

"Lieutenant Harris is out tech expert." He indicated the man next to him, "And Lieutenant Moore is an extremely skilled Doctor."

"Brilliant." Jack grinned. He slid a file across the table at Moore and a piece of equipment over to Harris. "That file, Moore, took my own doctor at Torchwood only seven minutes to interpret. That piece of tech took my expert four to work out. That's all its functions and where it came from. Time starts now, boys." The General looked perplexed but allowed his people to get to work. He was slightly confused, however, when he looked at the child Harkness had brought with him to see it wielding an old fashioned stopwatch and timing them intently. Surely, that kid was only about four… was it normal for four year olds to be able to tell the time so well? He went back to watching the two work. His tech expert seemed to be getting somewhere, and just as it looked like he'd cracked it, the kid piped up with,

"Four minuts Jack." Jack grinned and held out a hand to take the tech. They watched the doctor mumble for another three minutes before Ianto smiled and said, "Time." Jack cleared his throat.

"So, Lieutenant Moore. Your findings?" The doctor floundered. "Exactly. My doctor noted on that sample analysis that there were high levels of an unknown compound. Within minutes he had analysed the compound and decided it was some kind of symbiotic fluid making it possible for an alien parasite to reside in that body. Lieutenant Harris, did you do any better?" The lieutenant looked at him, more confident than his colleague but still unsure.

"It seems to be some kind of fold away blaster. When the side folds out and you press on the indentation on the side, it blasts air. Presumably the air would dispel a projectile if it were loaded." Jack laughed.

"Trust Unit to assume it's a weapon. Why would I give you an alien weapon?" He grinned and unfolded the shiny piece of tech. "It's an alien travelling hair-dryer. Like the type women take on holiday. It's easy to pack and works pretty well. I'm impressed you worked out how to work it though. There's some hope for Unit maybe." He grinned and turned to Lieutenant Fielding. "Now, Lieutenant. You've proved you can research, but how well do you know our database? Can you analyse this tech and tell me which species it comes from, and under what code you would file it?" she took the hairdryer and studied it.

"The style of the handle suggests a three fingered race. The smoothness counts out quite a few species. From the engraved symbols I'd guess at it being Venuvian. I'd file it under VDI 'Venuvian Domestic Item'." Jack smiled.

"You don't know what number code would come next? Learn your archives better. Now we'll ask my archivist." He turned to Ianto and handed him the hairdryer. The entire room stared as if the Captain had gone mad. Ianto studied the tool. He'd never seen it before, but he was sure after a second what it was.

"It's Krelushian. The simbuls on the side say 'hot' and 'cold' and that's a diyul underneaf them. The ones on the uver side say the dayte of manufacshure, 2147. The handul is made for a four-fingured species, the leftenunt forgot the thumb. The smoove shape fit's the palm of a Krelushian femayul. I'd file it under KNDI21473.12 'Krelushian Non-harmful Domestic Item, year 2147, fird category of item we've found, twelfth of its kind. We find a lot of Krelushian buty products." Jack beamed at him.

"Brilliant, Ianto. See what I mean, General? My team are the best. I don't want to insult you, but you need better experts. There's no way you'd work out some of the things my people have had to deal with.

"Never mind that!" The General spluttered. "That child! He's your archivist? He can't be more than four years old. Is he an alien? I'm going to have to take him into custody to run some tests." Jack stood, lifted Ianto with him protectively and growled.

"That's exactly what I mean. You see something different and instead of asking him for himself, you want to run experiments on him. No, you cannot take him into custody, and no, he isn't an alien. You people make me sick. How about you stick to your playground and I stick to mine." He turned to storm out, but Ianto stopped him.

"Genrul, you weally don't have the jurisdicshun to take over Torchwud. You'd need a speshul dispensashun from the Queen herself, and she weally weally likes my coffee, so it's nevur work. Sorry to burst your bubbul." He laughed, and Jack laughed with him, and they walked out to the sounds of the General yelling at his people.

Jack swung Ianto round as they left the building, planting a big sloppy kiss on his cheek and hugging him close. They giggled all the way to the car, and Jack settled them in, but not before checking the vehicle for tracking devices, and finding four. He flopped into the seat and buckled up, starting the engine, before descending into giggles and turning to Ianto.

"His face! When you spoke! Oh, God it's killing me!" He cackled, tears of laughter streaming down his face.

"I know! And the leftenunt's face when you said you'd show her what's in your trowsers! Pwiceleth!" They giggled a little more, but Jack settled enough to begin the long drive home. They spent most of it singing victory songs and giggling, and Jack even let Ianto have some lemonade and some chocolate as a reward for being so fantastic.

Tosh smiled and settled onto the sofa. She'd just finished her shift watching the Rift. It was nearly lunch time, and Owen was going to take her to the chic new restaurant which had opened near the millennium stadium. She hunted in her handbag for her mirror, and reapplied her mascara and lip-gloss, pouting at herself into the hand-held glass and giggling. As soon as she'd put the mirror back in her back, the doorbell rang and she went to open it, greeting a fairly shy-looking Owen. He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt combo, but he'd put a plain white shirt over the top in an effort to look a little smart without trying too hard. She looked him up and down and smiled, and he ran an appraising eye over her knee length skirt and gorgeous heels.

"You look great." He leaned forward to give her a cute peck on the cheek and she giggled. He held out an arm and she slid hers through to link them, stepping out and locking the door behind her. They walked slowly into town, enjoying each others company and the sun, which was gracing Wales with its' presence for once. Finally, they reached the restaurant, smiling and laughing together about some stupid stuff Owen had done over the past week. The waiter showed them to a table for two by the window, where they could chat and people watch at the same time.

"So, anything interesting happen this morning?" Owen inquired, glancing at the menu, which was fairly presumptuous and had a lot of dishes containing caviar or oysters.

"I thought we weren't going to talk about work?" Tosh smirked, raising an eyebrow. Owen grinned. "Nothing much happened, no. But you should see Ianto today, he looks so cute. In fact, the pair of them looked cute. This whole baby thing has really domesticated them. Before, I thought Jack just wanted to get into Ianto's pants, but now… the way he's looking after him makes me wonder…" Owen rolled his eyes.

"You know, Tosh, Jack Harkness would stoop to any level to get a lay. He's probably just pretending because he thinks that's what's most likely to get the Teaboy into his tiny little camp-bed under the office floor." He considered a moment. "Then again, he has gone a little bit too gooey this time… I wouldn't be surprised if it turned Ianto off…" Tosh giggled.

"Exactly. I don't think it's pretend. I think he's really gushing. He doesn't know how to do it if the emotions are real so he's getting a little too protective and all that. Trust me, I've been here longest, I've seen him bed a few people. He's tried the approach of making them feel special before, but never turned it on this much. And anyway, I don't think Ianto is the type to respond to that sort of thing. I think he sees through our Captain more than you give him credit for." Owen snorted, and after ordering a bottle of white wine from the waiter, retorted with,

"He sees through his clothes, that's for sure. Did you see the two of them, before the whole baby thing happened? They were constantly checking each other out. It's kinda sickening. Anyway, what're you gonna order?" Tosh giggled as she remembered catching Ianto staring at Jack, and his resulting blush. She considered the menu again.

"I think I'll have the warm goat's cheese salad." She smiled at him.

"Woman food." He grinned. "I'm having the steak." He accepted the wine from the waiter and ordered their food for them, smiling at Tosh who blushed a little under his gaze.

Lunch went well, and the two found themselves relaxing in each other's company. They had more in common than they had first assumed, both having a penchant for wine, spicy food, and both being cat people. Once the meal was over, he walked her back to her place, and they stood talking on the doorstep for a few minutes, before lapsing into a tense silence of anticipation.

"I'd invite you in, but your shift at the Hub starts in ten minutes, and you'd never get there in time." She smiled, blushing furiously. He had the decency to go a little pink himself as he mumbled,

"No worries… I had a good time. We should definitely do that again." He grinned as she nodded quickly. "So… I guess I'll see you later? I'll text you when the hub gets too boring and Janet stops being fun." He leaned forwards, catching her lips in a sweet, chaste kiss. She wound her arms around his neck, letting the kiss linger a while before pulling back and blushing even more.

"Thanks for today, Owen. I'll speak to you later." She gave him one last glance, then disappeared inside, leaving him to start the walk to the hub, his mind swimming with warm, fuzzy thoughts about how well the afternoon had gone.

***

When Ianto woke, he was sprawled across Jack's chest. Jack was lying on his back, one arm tucked behind his head and the other curled protectively around the child. They were in Ianto's bed, in his flat. The night before, they'd gotten back to the Hub and Ianto had said he'd needed to make sure everything was ok at his flat, and do some cleaning. He'd ended up watching some brain-melting kids TV whilst Jack did the cleaning for him. The result was an almost clean house. Now, Ianto noticed, Jack was actually sleeping for once. It was so rare for him to fall asleep that Ianto didn't dare wake him, so spent a while simply watching him sleep and enjoying the warmth and comfort of his own bed. After a few long minutes, Jack stirred lazily, and blinked himself awake.

It was common knowledge that Jack Harkness, on the rare occasions he did sleep, was not very good at waking up. He looked down at Ianto, bleary-eyed. His hair was messed up and his eyes were still clouded from sleep, and Ianto wished he wasn't a baby so he could ravish him, but there was nothing to be done about it. Instead, he grinned and extricated himself from the drowsy Captain's arms. He wriggled off the bed and toddled towards the kitchen, checking the time on the clock in his hall. It was 10 am already. Jack had slept in. Ianto rolled his eyes and pushed a chair up to the counter top, using it to climb up and open one of the cupboards where he kept his mugs. He pulled two out, and walked across the surface to the coffee machine, depositing Jack's mug under it, and hitting the switch for an espresso. First-thing-in-the-morning Jack needed all the caffeine he could get, so Ianto made it a double, and carefully stirred in some sugar. As he finished, said man stumbled into the kitchen like a drugged elephant and leaned heavily on the surface. He fixed Ianto with a somewhat unsteady glare.

"Not sposed to use the cfee mshine at your age!" He mumbled, before taking the drink anyway and knocking it back. He handed the cup back to the child, who placed it under the machine again to fill it with a latte.

"It wood have been mowe danjewus if you did it! You're still asweep!" He countered, handing the mug to the Captain once again. "You'd best have a showur. It mite wake you up." Jack nodded sagely and watched as Ianto toddled over to the Fridge and attempted to open it, balancing precariously on the edge of the surfaces. Jack shuffled over and murmured,

"Lemme." Before opening the fridge and passing Ianto the orange juice. They'd cleaned out the fridge the night before, so only a few things were left. It was amazing how quickly things went off if you left them for five days. Ianto poured himself some juice, then went to the breadbin, sliding four pieces into the toaster, and turning it on. He looked at Jack, who slowly got out the margarine and the jam. He scowled at the marmite as he placed it down for Ianto, and went back to drinking his coffee. Once the toast hap popped, Ianto allowed Jack to spread the margarine for him, declining the marmite as he was unsure if it would agree with his toddler tongue. Jack lifted him off the side and deposited him at the table with his toast.

"S'late. We shud chek our voysemale. Tosh mite have tried to call us." Jack grunted and sat himself down opposite, munching on some toast with jam.

"I'll check when I go to have a shower." Jack mumbled, washing the toast down with one last swig of coffee. "Stay here and don't do anything stupid." He stood slowly and stumbled out of the room in the direction of the bedroom. Ianto just grinned and carried on with his own toast. He smiled as he listened to the sound of the running water, and Jack's singing over the spray. 'Yes', he thought, giggling a little into the orange juice, 'he is if fact singing the Spice Girls'.

When Jack returned, clean, awake, and wearing only a towel and a few drops of water, Ianto was a mess. He had melted margarine all over his hand and face, and there were smears of the stuff on his cup and his clothes. He'd obviously tried to have some jam himself, because that was all over him too. Fighting the urges to both yell and go 'squee', Jack looked the child up and down. Ianto looked back forlornly, but had the grace to quickly direct his eyesight at the floor.

"What am I gonna do with you, huh?" Jack asked, laughter evident in his voice.

"Dunno really… I didunt meen to get this messy!" Jack chuckled softly and held out a hand. Ianto slipped off the chair and took it. "I think a bath may be in order." He grinned, looking down, "Oh ye Gods, you've got jam in your hair!" He guffawed. Ianto looked up at him apologetically, and the pair burst into fits of giggles. They were interrupted by bleeping in the bedroom, signalling that Jack had a message on his headset. The older man hustled his charge into the bathroom with strict instructions to do nothing, and went to retrieve the Bluetooth device. The message was from Toshiko.

"Jack, where are you? I'm guessing you're still at Ianto's… Could you get here as quickly as possible? I need your help with the device that changed Ianto. I can't for the life of me work out how to reverse it. It doesn't seem possible even. Anyway, Owen and Gwen are out catching a weevil which was sighted near Starbucks, so I'm all alone in here with Myfanwy. Hurry up, I'm going insane!" With that, it cut off. Jack grimaced. Bloody weevils didn't even like good coffee houses. Who goes to Starbucks when they can have Ianto's coffee? Thinking of Ianto, he padded back into the bathroom, and started the taps to run a bath.

"What's up?" Ianto asked, fetching the bubble bath and adding a little to the water.

"Tosh is all alone in the Hub. Oh, and she's working on the device you prodded. Doesn't look like there's a way to reverse the effects, we may have to do this the long way. I'll take a look later too, so don't give up hope." He stopped the water, and checked the temperature. It was fine, so he plopped Ianto in amongst the foam. Ianto smiled up at him and sank into the warm water.

"You know what, I don't weely mind too much. I meen it's boring and I can't do anyfing, but I get to welax and play. And I'm being pampered. It's nice." He closed his eyes as Jack wet his hair carefully. "And I get to spend time wiv you. We nevur weely had much time to tawk before…"

"I know. It is kinda nice to have some time to ourselves. Bit weird though. I'm not sure what to do with myself now I can't cover my mistakes with kinky comments." Jack admitted, pouring a little shampoo onto his palm and gently massaging it into Ianto's hair. Ianto laughed.

"You seem to be doing ok so far. It's just annoying cos I see the Hub all messy and I wanna cwean it up, but I can't. And I'm dying for a coffee." He allowed Jack to wash out the shampoo, and used a soft sponge to clean himself. Jack smiled down at him, he was still adorable.

"Let's get you dressed huh?" He lifted Ianto out of a bath and into a fluffy towel. "I think I'm gonna miss this when you get big enough to do it yourself." He gently dried the child and wrapped him up in the towel, carrying the fluffy bundle through to the bedroom. Once there, he set Ianto down on the bed and rummaged through the bag they'd brought with them to find them both some clothes. Today, Ianto was wearing some cute red shorts and a white T-shirt with a picture of a monkey on it. Jack handed him a pair of socks and trainers too, and he dressed himself clumsily. Once they were both presentable, Jack carried Ianto back to the bathroom so he could brush his teeth, then they set out to the Hub, arriving just before 11.

"We'd bets get inside kwikly." Ianto sighed as they pulled into a parking space. "We don't want anywon to see me change." Jack nodded and rushed inside, settling Ianto on the sofa and watching him collapse and age yet again. When the tingling stopped, Ianto opened his eyes. He'd filled out the clothes and felt much better co-ordinated. He was also quite a bit taller. "This is more like it," He tried, noting that his speech was almost perfect now. "I can at least see over the desks now." Jack grinned down at him and scooped him up for a hug.

"You're too darn cute, you know that Ianto Jones?" He set the boy back on the floor, noticing as he did so a slight pattering of freckles across his nose. Not too many, just enough to be gorgeous. "I'm gonna go help Tosh with this device. You do… whatever, but don't get into trouble!" He bounded off to Tosh's desk, leaning over her shoulder to read things on her screen. Ianto watched for a second, then decided to get to work. Grabbing a bin bag, he began to pick up all the crap which had accumulated over the past few days. Seriously, that was a lot. He wasn't sure how three people could make so much mess, but two hours and five bin-liners later, Owen and Gwen stumbled back into a debris-free hub, trailing a rather angry looking weevil.

Jack looked at the readings on Tosh's screen. There was a series of complex numbers and figures which detailed the energy reading from the device, where it was going, how strong it was, and what type of energy it was. As far as he could see, Tosh was right, there was no way to reverse the flow. It seemed that Ianto was going to have to go through this. They spent a long couple of hours reading through each and every figure together, and only became more confused.

"It's just weird." Tosh mumbled, tapping away again and bringing up a scan of the object. She stripped the layers away to show him the core. It appeared to run on batteries of some kind. "I don't want to take them out, because the energy is attached to Ianto, and I don't want to risk hurting him. I don't know what to do, Jack." She looked at him, worried, and he sighed.

"We can't know what to do until we know what it is." He said as Owen and Gwen stumbled through the door.

"Quite obviously it's a machine that turns irritating Teaboys into babies, Jack. I think we all worked that out." Jack turned to look at his hand-picked doctor.

"And there I was thinking you were intelligent. That's not what it is, that's what it does. Who makes a machine which turns people into babies then ages them a year every day? Why would they do that? There has to be some purpose to it. Tosh, do you even have any idea where it came from? A timeframe? A planet? A race? Hell, even a galaxy would be helpful right now." He heard Owen mumbling insults as he and Gwen hefted their weevil to the basement to meet it's new cellmate. Janet would be pleased, she'd not had anyone to play with for a while.

"I'm sorry, Jack… I… I have no idea." Jack thumped the desk a little too hard and Tosh jumped in alarm.

"Sorry Tosh." He mumbled, putting a hand on her shoulder. "I know you're doing your best. It's just… What if it doesn't stop aging him when he gets back to the right age? What if I have to watch him die?" He slumped against the desk, and she looked up at him and tried for a weak smile.

"It wont happen, Jack. And even if it does, we'll pull together. It'll be ok. We'll find a way to stop it, I know we will." She placed a hand gently over his and squeezed. "Now stop moping and go file some paperwork before Ianto kills us both!" She grinned. Jack looked down at her and smiled. She really was amazing, his Tosh. He patted her shoulder then left, plodding up the stairs to his office to face a mountain of paperwork which all wanted his signature. Ianto was in there, clearing up his crap as usual. Jack smiled. Maybe things would be ok after all.

"You think you're up to using the coffee machine? Now that you're five and all." Ianto looked up at him, eyes wide, and beamed.

"Yes sir!" He said with a giggle and a silly mock salute. Jack laughed at him.

"In that case, could you pretty please make me something that will restore my sanity? Something that will restore my sanity with cream and chocolate sprinkles?" Ianto giggled.

"Deluxe hot chocolate it is, Sir. Want marshmallows?" Jack nodded enthusiastically, and watched the young boy bound out of the room and down the stairs before skidding round the corner into the kitchenette. It was impressive, Ianto was all arms and legs, tall and quite gangly. He looked somewhat like a newborn foal crashing about the Hub in his trainers, sliding round corners. A catastrophe on legs. 'An accident waiting to happen' thought Jack as a crashing sound and a yelp reached his ears. He jumped up and raced down the stairs to find Ianto on the floor with a grazed knee amidst a pile of broken crockery. He raised an eyebrow questioningly at the child, and was met with a sheepish grin.

"I underestimated my skid." Ianto confessed. "Went straight into the cupboard." Jack tried to look stern, he really did, but his mouth twitched, and Ianto saw it and giggled, and that set him off, and then before he could think, he was giggling too, and Tosh had come in and was giggling and Owen was snickering in the background, and it turned into a full on fit of hysterical laughter, and they all had tears streaming down their faces until…

"Oh God!" Gwen screeched, pushing Jack aside and running to Ianto who had a small trickle of blood running down his leg. "Are you alright pet?" She turned to glare at Jack, and Ianto just ignored her and tried to breathe. "Why are you laughing? Shut the hell up, he could have been hurt."

"But he wasn't." Jack protested, sobering. Once everyone had caught their breaths, and Ianto had assured Gwen that he wasn't going to die from blood loss or have to have his leg amputated, it was just a graze, Jack and Gwen swept up the broken mess whilst Ianto made coffee in plastic cups. When the job was done, everyone drank gratefully, and missed Ianto sneakily drinking and espresso. He grinned to himself and snuck off to Jack's office to finish clearing up.

Ianto was cleaning peacefully whilst Jack filled in reports and signed documents and notices, and generally did the stuff the boss had to do. It was quiet and tranquil in the Hub, everyone was working. Gwen was… making the world a fluffy, nice place, Tosh was still trying to find out something, anything, about the new artefact, and Owen was playing Space Invaders and looking at porn on the internet, whilst occasionally checking the CCTV to monitor the new weevil's behaviour. Ianto scrubbed hard at a stain on the floor which looked suspiciously like… 'never mind', he thought, 'it's best not to know'. He focussed on removing the stain, and so jumped right out of his skin when Owen suddenly screamed like a girl and fell off his chair backwards. Everyone jumped up in shock, including Ianto, who thought he may have just had a heart attack, and raced over to Owen's desk to see what was wrong.

"Owen, love, are you ok?" Gwen asked, advancing warily. "What's wrong sweetheart?" She enquired gently when he shook his head vigorously and screwed his eyes shut. Grimacing, he pointed at the screen, but before anyone could turn to it, yelled,

"NO! Don't look, you don't wanna see! It's disgusting! it's scarring! It's gross! It's… It's…"

"Sexy!" Jack interrupted, leering at the screen on which CCTV footage of the new weevil and Janet going at it like bunnies could be seen. What was most worrying was that Janet appeared to be a bloke.

"Only you, Harkness, only you could find that sexy." Owen looked like he might throw up, so Jack closed the window for him. "Anyway, surely junior shouldn't be seeing this." He nodded his head towards Ianto. "He's only five for God's sake!" Ianto wanted to be angry, really he did, but he felt an overwhelming amount of energy bubbling up inside him. It escaped as a fit of giggles. He collapsed to the floor, giggling like crazy.

"Er… Ianto?" Jack tried, kneeling down to poke Ianto gently. This just made the boy giggle more, and he started to roll around. Jack looked up at the others, since Owen had managed to get himself to his feet. "I think we broke him…"

"Not… Broken…..Just… Hyper!" Ianto managed in between giggled and deep breaths. He was literally gasping for air. "Caffeine… was… a… bad… idea!" Jack looked at him sternly.

"Caffeine? You haven't had any caffeine." This sobered Ianto up a little. He stopped giggling and looked up at Jack, eyes wide and looking guilty.

"I had an espresso earlier." He confessed, biting his lip.

"You did WHAT?" Jack glared down at him. "Ianto, I told you not to have any coffee for a while. It's not good for kids! You directly disobeyed me. I'm gonna have to punish you… er…" The others gave Jack a look which confirmed he was insane.

"Go sit on the naughty step?" Offered Owen sarcastically.

"Yeah! Yeah. Go sit on the naughty step." Jack commanded, pointing to the steps to his office.

"But…" Ianto attempted.

"No buts!" Jack growled.

"Umm… which one is the naughty step?"

"The bottom one, so you're out of my sight. And no talking to anyone unless I say you can understand?"

"Mmmhm…" Ianto looked at the floor and shuffled dejectedly over to the step in question, slumping down on it. He wasn't sure why, since logically he could deal with being shouted at, but the five year old part of his brain just couldn't cope, and he began to sniffle. Sniffling turned into full on crying, and he buried his head in his arms and pulled his legs up, making himself small.

"Jack!" He heard Gwen scolding. Jack didn't reply, he simply hurried to the step and scooped Ianto up, hugging him tight. Ianto buried his face into the Captain's shoulder and sniffled some more.

"Baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell and be frightening." He rubbed gentle circles into Ianto's back, and felt the boy's breathing gradually return to normal. Ianto left his face burrowed into Jack's shoulder, but Jack still heard the muffled,

"I'm sorry I drank the coffee. Please don't be mad." Jack sighed and continued to hug the child.

"I'm not mad, I'm just worried you're gonna hurt yourself and not get better." He rocked gently on the spot, and wondered how a five year old could be so heavy. When said heavy lump started snoring gently against his shoulder, he rolled his eyes and went back to his office, settling Ianto on the sofa and putting his coat over his small form. The child snuggled into the heavy material and slept peacefully whilst Jack finished his paperwork.

When Ianto woke, it was 4:30 and he was starving. Problem was he was also too comfy to move. He had Jack's Military coat wrapped tightly around him, and every breath he took smelled and tasted like Jack. He was warm, the sofa was soft and Glen Miller was playing quietly in the background as Jack typed and rustled papers and made all sorts of other quiet sounds which Ianto couldn't quite distinguish. Ianto let out a yawn, which came out with a soft sort of mewling sound. The shuffling stopped momentarily before he heard Jack get up and walk over to him. Seconds later he came into sight and crouched down by Ianto's head, stroking his hair back.

"Hmmm… You feel warm. Did you have a good nap?" Jack asked, a soft, easy smile on his face.

"Mmmhm. I'm hungry but I don't wanna move." Ianto mumbled, closing his eyes as Jack continued to stroke his hair softly. Jack huffed a small laugh.

"Is that Ianto speak for 'go make me some food'?" He asked with a grin. Ianto nodded and yawned again, and Jack chuckled and stood. "I'll see what I can find." He walked off and Ianto listened to his footfalls on the stairs. He had the beginnings of a headache, but he was sure that a little food and something to do would take his mind off it. He lay still and basked in his comfort until Jack returned and crouched down again.

"You can't eat lying down, baby." Jack teased, and hefted Ianto into a sitting position. Ianto blinked up at him and rubbed his eyes. "I made you a sandwich." The Captain beamed, looking pleased with himself. Ianto looked down at the plate. There did indeed appear to be a sandwich on it. A cheese and pickle sandwich. He smiled and took half, biting into it hungrily, and was pleasantly surprised to find that it didn't taste too bad. He polished it off quite quickly, and wolfed down the other half too, washing it down with some orange juice Jack had brought him in his beaker. Ianto had grown quite fond of the beaker. Even though it was a bit silly for a five year old to have it, he liked it all the same. Jack laughed at him.

"You really were hungry huh?" He grinned, taking back the empty beaker and shoving the dirty plate on his desk. "Got anything you want to do? Or do you want me to find you something?"

"I was thinking of doing some filing." Ianto said, handing Jack's coat back and mourning the loss of warmth and scent. "There's loads of backlog from the past few days and I'd like to at least label it if not actually archive it." Jack gave him an odd look.

"Okay. You know you can just play if you want? I can make Gwen do the filing…" He offered, then giggled as he saw Ianto's reaction to that idea.

"Firstly, I have the mind of an adult, why would I even want to play, and secondly, the idea of Gwen getting into my archives is the very reason I insist on doing filing. I'm scared to death she'll offer to help. Remember what she did to X-Z last time?" He grimaced, and Jack laughed at the memory.

"Your face when you found out!" He chuckled. "Ok, go do some filing, you small, boring child." He grinned, and Ianto poked his tongue out in a defiant (and extremely adult) gesture, before bounding out of the room and over to Owen's desk. Owen always ended up with the most paperwork. Autopsy reports, blood-works, sample analyses. He had a mountain at one end of his untidy desk space, and several reports strewn over the rest of the surface. There was only enough space for a coffee cup and a pizza box on the desk, everywhere else was covered in crap. Sighing, Ianto began to arrange the paperwork into some semblance of an order. When he was done with that, he went through giving each one an archive label. Some already had one, as they were old files Owen was cross-referencing with new data, so that part was a bit easier. Once Owen's desk was finished, he made a neat pile of the ordered paperwork and went to tackle Tosh's station. She was the second worst offender for archiving workload. Even though she had managed to fit a truckload of computers and monitors on her desk, she still had enough space for several random pieces of tech for Ianto to file. He glanced at the clock, it was 6pm already. Owen was still in the autopsy bay making sickening noises with a Stryker saw, Gwen was still trying to better the world from behind her desk, although it appeared that at present she was merely daydreaming about something. Tosh was nowhere to be seen. Ianto glanced about, decided she must have gone home whilst he was filing, and carried on working.

Jack looked down from his office. Ianto had finished Owen's desk and moved on to Tosh's, Gwen was fantasising. He had strong suspicions she was in fact dreaming of him, but that may just have been his ego stroking itself. He spent a little time watching her eyes go hazy and her little smile she had for when she was thinking of the world being perfect and wonderful cross her face. She sucked thoughtfully on her pen, reminding Jack of just how horny he was, and he turned away, clearing his throat softly, to gaze at Tosh. For a second, Jack could actually see Tosh, bent low examining some kind of artefact. He even noticed the way her hair was falling out of its clips. Then he realised that that was just what he'd expected to see, and that Tosh wasn't there. She'd probably gone to the toilet or something he thought, turning his attention to the autopsy bay. That irritating saw was turned on and various grating noises could be heard, along with manly grunts from Owen as he dissected yet another weevil. All things considered, Jack reckoned Owen had dissected more weevils than humans. Sighing, he turned and sat at his desk again, trying to make his mind focus on paperwork, when actually all he could see was Gwen sucking on a pen. He refused to allow his mind to replace the pen with another… object, but didn't have any success in forcing it to concentrate on Owen's latest scintillating report about the consistency of weevil blood at freezing, room temperature, and 100 degrees Celsius. He couldn't think why that was. Giving up, he drifted into daydreams himself.

Ianto sighed and reached for the last artefact he was going to archive from Tosh's desk. He was leaving a few she hadn't finished with, so there was still a fair pile of tech for her to play with. This one was cylindrical, and extremely smooth. When he picked it up, it slipped from his hand and began to roll away across the floor. He got up to fetch it, but before he could catch the rolling object, Myfanwy swooped down and picked it up, flying off with it. Ianto looked up and let his mouth hang open. This was not good. He watched as Myfanwy continued to climb, before swooping out of the Hub on over the Plas outside. He groaned inwardly and raced to the invisible lift, heading up to try and coax the artefact back. As he reached the surface, he searched his pockets, finding that he did indeed have a bar of chocolate he had been planning to treat Myfanwy with this evening. The Pteradon screeched at him playfully and swooped about, and he thanked his lucky stars that there was no-one about to see this. Sighing, he cooed to her and she flew close, circling him suspiciously. He was sure she was confused because he smelt like Ianto, but looked like a child. Crossing the fingers of he other hand, he launched the chocolate into the air. Myfanwy instantly dropped the tech, and swooped to catch her new toy. Ianto watched the tech fall slowly, straight into the fountain, and sighed.

"Why, Myfanwy? Why?" He groaned, taking off his socks, shoes and T-shirt and jumping into the water, forgetting that he didn't learn to swim until he was seven, panicking, then sighing with relief when he found he could stand, the water was only chest-high. He located the shiny cylinder and took a deep breath before plunging in to grab it with both hands, taking no chances of dropping it this time. He stood up again, gasping for breath, and climbed out of the fountain, grabbing his clothes and jumping back on the lift to go down. Glad that no-one had noticed (Gwen was still daydreaming, Jack was still in his office and Owen's saw was still going) He pulled on his T-shirt and sock and shoes, grimaced at his wet trousers, and glared up at Myfanwy, who was looking smug and devouring the chocolate in her nest. He sighed and headed back to Tosh's desk, adding the new tech to the pile, and labelling it. He began work on Tosh's paperwork.

Jack shook himself out of his fantasy before it became too much for him. It was amazing how quickly Gwen sucking on a pen could turn into a full blown Torchwood-minus-Owen orgy. Shaking his head and sighing to himself, he stood to check on the team again. Gwen was still dreaming, and that was a little worrying in itself, but Jack ignored it, because she'd stopped sucking the pen so she wasn't a problem any more. Ianto was doing Tosh's paperwork, but he appeared to be soaked, which was in itself perplexing. Owen was still sawing and grunting, and Tosh was nowhere to be seen. All things considered, his team were behaving pretty strangely. Deciding to get to the bottom of these oddities, he leapt into action, putting on his best Sherlock Holmes face and descending into the Hub.

"Gwen… Wakie wakie!" Jack prodded his zoned out second in command. She jumped, looked at him blearily, then blushed frantically. That solved that then, he thought with a smug grin, she had been thinking about him. "You okay?" Gwen nodded, cleared her throat then said in a squeaky voice,

"I'm fine."

"Good. You can go home if you like. Go see Rhys. Don't let it fall apart." He reminded her. "Watch a movie or something." With that, he was gone, and sauntering over to Ianto. "Hey baby. Is it a stupid question for me to ask why you're soaking wet?" Ianto blinked, held up a hand for him to wait, shuffled some papers, scribbled a note, then looked up at him sheepishly.

"I fancied a dip in the fountain?" He more asked than replied, and Jack decided he didn't want to know.

"Your pyjamas are in my quarters. Go dry off and change before you catch a cold." He grinned, ruffling Ianto's damp hair, and moving towards the autopsy bay.

Tosh glanced at the clock on her monitor, it was 5:45. Owen was puttering around in the autopsy bay doing nothing, she was getting nowhere… Jack and Ianto were nowhere to be seen, and Gwen was daydreaming and muttering about bouncy castles. Smiling to herself, she slunk into the autopsy bay and leaned on a rail, waiting for Owen to notice her watching him. When he did, he turned round and grinned, then tried to lean on a gurney, which slid sideways, sending him stumbling across the room. Tosh giggled and he shot her an offended look, which she silenced with a wink. She wasn't sure what had gotten into her, but everyone else seemed to be having office romances, and since Jack and Ianto had been put on hold, someone had to be having fun in the Hub.

"Hi Owen." She practically purred.

"Hi Tosh." He grinned, walking across the room to meet her at the railing. "What can I do for you?" He leered, closing the gap so that their faces were only inches apart.

"Would it be ridiculous, cheesy and clichéd if I told you I was in dire need of a full body examination?" She asked, and they both cracked up, giggling. Tosh shushed him. "Shh, Jack'll be suspicious. Anyway, I mean it. I'm bored… You're obviously bored… How about we entertain each other?" She suggested, leaning close again so he got the message, I mean this was Owen, and he was notoriously slow on the uptake.

"Toshiko Sato, you are a genius." He told her with a grin before leaning forward to kiss her quickly. "But what about them hearing us or catching us?" He looked around conspiratorially. Tosh grinned.

"I have a plan for that. No-one comes in here when you do autopsies. So turn on the Stryker saw. It'll cover any noise we make, and it'll deter the others." She kissed him recklessly, and he pulled back to flick the switch on the Stryker saw. It whirred into life, and did a grand job of covering their noise. Didn't look like they'd be doing any talking for a while! Not that Owen minded as he pushed Tosh up against the autopsy table, kissing her hard. She pulled him close, sliding to sit on the table, and guiding him to stand between her legs. There was something truly erotic, Owen thought, about the quiet ones that took control in the bedroom. He wondered absentmindedly if Ianto was the same before grimacing and pushing that thought out of his mind. How could he perform for Tosh with THAT in his mind? Turning his thoughts back to the job in hand, he continued to kiss Tosh vigorously, whilst beginning to unbutton her blouse.

Jack reached the autopsy bay, purposely not looking down because half-dissected Weevil was not something he enjoyed looking at. He was here because the saw had been on for ages, and apart from the fact that it was hurting his ears, it shouldn't have taken this long to cut through the bones on the corpse. He glided down the stairs quietly, passing the saw, which was whirring to itself noisily. He almost passed it before doing a double take. It was indeed simply left on, and cutting nothing. Jack looked up, and instantly wished he'd stayed upstairs. Owen was lying on his back on the autopsy table, completely naked, and being ridden by Tosh, who had her skirt bunched up around her waist and was topless. She was wanton and sexy and hot and gorgeous and… 'Damnit' he thought, 'I've just managed to ignore away one erection. This is not helping…' If he had been any normal boss, he would have interrupted them and started yelling, however, he wasn't normal, he was Jack Harkness, and they hadn't noticed him. Deciding to practice his evil, he leaned on the railings of the stairs to enjoy the show. Tosh was riding for all she was worth, her hair loose and clinging to her neck and shoulders hands splayed across Owen's chest, Hips rocking back and forth so hard and fast Jack was sure Owen was going to break. For his part, Owen was gripping Tosh's hips so hard she'd have bruises. His head was thrown back, eyes closed, and his mouth was working but no words were actually coming out. Jack now understood where the grunts had been coming from. Owen was clearly trying to hold off, waiting for Tosh's orgasm. Jack grinned to himself. There was no way the young doctor was lasting… 'Famous last words' he though as Tosh came, gasping Owen's name softly, almost romantically, Jack considered, if taken out of context. Grinning at his evilness, Jack didn't give Owen a chance to finish, just flipped the switch on the Stryker saw, sending the room into silence except for heavy breathing, and one last moan from Owen. They both looked up shocked as the saw cut out, and swore loudly, Tosh trying to cover herself with her arms. Laughing, Jack threw his lab coat to her and she blushed gratefully, covering herself with it. Owen glared at him like he wanted to kill him, and Jack just laughed even more.

"Aren't I just the best boss?" He asked with a grin, "See most bosses would have stopped you when they found you, but I at least waited for Tosh to finish…" Owen paled significantly, and Tosh blushed even redder. It was cute how the redness spread down her neck and up her face.

"How fucking long have you been there?" Owen demanded, sitting up and covering himself with his hands as Tosh slipped off the table, pulling her skirt down, and set about finding her clothes, chucking Owen his pants so he could restore his dignity.

"A while." Jack grinned, still leaning casually on the railings. "I must say, I'm pretty impressed. That was hot. Mind if I keep the CCTV?" Tosh glanced at him, using her 'don't be so stupid' look. "Oh… Of course, you turned the camera off." He laughed. "Clever Tosh. Damn, guess that means I'll just have to remember it." By now, Tosh was fully dressed, and red as a beetroot, whilst Owen was wearing his trousers and fuming.

"Fuck you Harkness!" He yelled.

"Now now Owen." Jack said calmly. "I was going to be a nice boss and let you get away with it. I mean, I'm pleased that someone's getting some. But now, I'm going to have to punish you. Tosh is being suitably embarrassed and sorry, but that was just plain rude. You're on weevil and Pterodactyl clean-up for two weeks. Tosh, you can go home. I think your embarrassment is punishment enough for you. Although, I wouldn't be embarrassed if I were you… that looked amazing! Good technique." He winked, and Tosh blushed even more, and shuffled past him, eyes on the floor, mumbling,

"Sorry, Jack." As she went. Owen glared at him and pulled on his T-shirt.

"Owen, you can clean up the weevils then go home." He grinned, then turned to go back to his office, laving Owen glowering at the spot he'd just vacated and feeling like an ass.

Jack returned to his office to find Ianto in his chair, wearing some soft flannel pyjamas with the power rangers on them, and sorting Jack's paperwork into piles of finished and unfinished, then categorising the piles in order of importance, and what needed to be signed and what just needed to be read. Smiling to himself, he leaned down to place a kiss on the boy's forehead, and got a small smile in return.

"What do you want for dinner tonight?" He asked sitting on his desk and looking down at Ianto.

"Pizza?" Ianto asked grinning.

"Pizza." Jack confirmed. "Guess what I just caught Tosh and Owen doing on the autopsy table…"

"Oh God they didn't!" Ianto gasped, eyes wide and round. "That's just… ewww."

"Actually, I was pleasantly surprised by Tosh. She's hot. Then again… It's really is always the quiet ones." He grinned. "I'll go order pizza." He wandered off to get the menu, leaving Ianto to finish organising the paperwork, and trying to remove the images of Tosh and Owen from his mind.

When the pizza arrived, Owen had left, so the two of them snuggled up on the sofa, playing Die Hard on the TV in front of them, and munched their way through it by themselves. The evening went by quietly and they both enjoyed the peace and quiet and the chance to relax. Ianto noted that his headache hadn't gone away, and was the first to fall asleep around 11. Jack carried him down to his quarters and settled him, spending the rest of the night in his office finishing off odd jobs. He couldn't face lying down, having slept the night before, so went for a walk later that evening, returning to the Hub around 4:30, and settling in his chair to while away the remaining hours 'til dawn with memories and fantasies.

Owen finished cleaning out the weevils as quickly as he could. They had been separated after their mating session because they'd started to fight viciously, so he had to clean out two cells instead of one. He sped home just in time to catch his favourite TV shows, and relaxed with a beer, wondering why he and Tosh kept getting interrupted. Finding no answer, and resolving that he'd have to do it properly, off work time and in a bed and all that, he went to bed.

Gwen snuggled closer to Rhys, and he hugged her tighter in his sleep. They had watched a movie as Jack had suggested, and she'd cooked a nice dinner, then they'd gone to bed early and had some fantastic sex. Now, Gwen was agonising over things in her mind. She wanted to tell Rhys about what she did at Torchwood, wanted to tell him about her affair with Owen, which had just ended. She had been daydreaming earlier; about his response if she did tell him, and Jack had caught her. She had blushed, thinking he could read her mind and was going to yell at her for being stupid, or laugh at her for being sappy, but in fact he had just grinned smugly. She realised he must have thought she'd been dreaming about him. Sighing, she snuggled even closer to her boyfriend and went to sleep.

Tosh spent most of the night on her laptop, fiddling with various things. In her own time, she was developing a programme for the Hub. When she could no longer stand the streams of numbers, she slid in between the cool sheets of her bed, and let her mind wander. Unfortunately, it kept dwelling on what had happened that afternoon. She wasn't sure she'd be able to look Jack in the eye again. Still, she was cross that he'd spied on them like that, and felt guilty for using Torchwood's time for her own gains. She fell into a troubled sleep, dreaming about the possible reactions she might get from her colleagues the next day.

***

Next part of Caring For Ianto.

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