Title: Children
By: ninefics
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto, Suzie, Owen, and Tosh
Rating: All Ages
Warning(s): None.
Spoiler(s): None. Set pre-series.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction. I am not affiliated with the television series Torchwood, nor any of the cast and crew. No harm is intended. It's all just for fun.

"Oh my God. Have we been invaded?" Tosh stood at the top of the steps and surveyed the Hub. There were boxes stacked haphazardly. An empty desk had been upended. There was what looked to be bedsheets hanging from random points in the second level supports, and somehow or another there was (please God, let that be) ketchup on her chair.

Suzie came in behind her and also stopped. This was not what Torchwood looked like when they went home for the night. Cautiously, the two women made their way to the middle of the Hub.

A pool of dark blue fabric turned out to be Ianto's jacket. The lining of the right sleeve had come unstitched. The lapel pocket was torn.

They found his waistcoat thrown across Owen's desk. Three buttons from Owen's shirt were on the floor nearby.

One of Owen's trainers bobbed cheerfully in the pool that collected under the water tower.

Suzie picked up a screwdriver as a weapon. Tosh grabbed her scanner and checked for life signs. Back-to-back, they circled slowly.

"Over there, behind those boxes," Tosh said softly. "I think it's human."

The screwdriver in Suzie's hand trembled with the shaking of her hand. "Right, you! I don't know who you are, but I demand that you show yourself right now. I'm armed and I will shoot you."

They heard Owen's unmistakable laugh come from behind the boxes. "Oh get off, Suz. You wouldn't know what to do with a gun if you had one." He stood up with his hands raised anyhow. Just in case. His shirt was untucked, half unbuttoned, and streaked with ketchup. One foot was (as expected) bare, and he was holding a bright orange, plastic, child's toy gun in his right hand. There were suction-cup darts in his shirt pocket.

Suzie didn't bother hiding her laughter. Tosh raised an eyebrow. "So that means the man behind the curtain is...".

"Ianto," Ianto sighed and stepped from behind it. He was the most dishevelled any of them could remember seeing him. His shirt was untucked, torn, and filthy. His tie was actually around his head and there were feathers stuck in it, hanging down his back. He was clutching a tiny, plastic bow and a handful of the suction cup darts. Ketchup was streaked like warpaint across his face. He looked down at his shoes and looked incredibly repentant.

Suzie was laughing so hard she had to sit down. Tosh leaned against the wall for support, giggling madly. Owen threw his hands up in the air. "What. What is so strange about two grown men playing cowboys and indians in an empty office?"

Ianto shrugged and smiled crookedly. "Women," he said.