Title: Cold As Ice
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG
Table: 3
Prompt: 11, Cold
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

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Dearest,

Another letter that you may never see. I don't know that I'll have the strength to give you all these letters when you return to me; I don't want you to see just how dependent I've become on you. Though you've been gone for less than a week this time, and I'm expecting you back at any moment, I can't get the thought out of my head that I may never see you again. But that's what I think every time you have to leave me.

I know that it's inevitable, something that's out of your control. You aren't searching out trouble; you never are. But somehow, it seems to find you, to reach out and ensnare you even when it's the last thing you want and you've worked to avoid it. I can't help but worry about what's going to happen to you when you're away from me.

And for some reason, there always seems to be something standing in the way of my coming with you. It's not Torchwood -- no, Jack has given me his blessing to be with you when I need to be. He understands our bond, and he'd never try to hold me to this world and this time, not when he's told me over and over that my proper place is with you.

I sound as though I'm complaining, don't I? I try not to do that. I know that there are times when you have to be out there amongst the stars, on your own, away from the thoughts and the responsibilities that can be a part of the world we share. I know that I'm never far away from you in spirit, and that I never leave your heart, just as you never leave mine. But sometimes, it can be hard to remember that when you aren't here with me.

It's not that my love for you is fading, or that I'm looking in another direction. I never could; you know that. Ever since the day you walked into my office and became the center of my life, I've never been able to look at another man. You are the ideal, the only man I could ever give myself to. The others who came before you in my heart were only a dress rehearsal for the performance. They shaped who I am, but they couldn't hold my heart in the way that you do.

Outwardly, I seem as though I'm getting on with my life. I go to work, I talk with friends, I do all the normal, everyday things that I've always done. But inside, a part of me withers and dies away each day when you're not here in my arms. I don't resent you for that, my dearest. It's just hard to keep myself going when the light of my life seems so far away.

The nights are the worst. They're always so cold, even in this warm summer weather. I can't feel anything but cold and emptiness, lying alone in what seems like a much bigger bed than it used to, holding your pillow and wishing with all my heart that it was you in my arms. The coldness seems to permeate everything around me when the lights are out.

There are times when my heart feels as cold as our bed, but I try to keep the flame of hope alive. I can't let myself think that you won't come back to me. I can't let the loneliness overwhelm me until there's nothing left. I know that you must be just as cold and lonely as I am, my beloved, and I hope that you're faring well, wherever you are.

I'm holding you in my heart, and searching the sky every night, looking for you amongst the stars. I know that you're on your way back to me, my love. I won't let myself think otherwise. And I'm living for the day when you're back in my arms, where you belong. The day when the coldness that's surrounding me now will be driven away in the light and heat and love that you'll bring back with you.

Your

Ianto

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