Title: Comfort Zone
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG
Table: 5
Prompt: 49, Weird
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.***
Ianto sighed as he looked around him at the city streets of Cardiff, busily teeming with people as usual. He hadn't been away from here for very long, but he already felt like an outsider; this wasn't the same city that he'd left only weeks ago.
Even though he'd grown up in Cardiff, a short time away had already made him feel that he was no longer at home here. He was as much of a stranger as he'd have been if he'd never lived here, though he knew more about it than a tourist ever could.
He was familiar with most streets here; nearly every place in certain parts of the city held meaning and memories for him. But he would never be able to feel that it was "home." Being with the Doctor had changed that feeling forever.
Not that he would change that in any way, he told himself hastily. He was exactly where he wanted to be; if he'd had the choice of being with the Doctor or staying in Cardiff to make over again, he would choose to be with the Doctor in a heartbeat.
There was no question of that. There never would be. When he was with the Time Lord, he was exactly where he belonged. He'd made his choice, and it was one that he was completely happy with. He'd never want to be anywhere else.
It just felt very strange to be in the city that had always been his home -- other than the time he'd spent in London when he'd first worked with Torchwood, before Canary Wharf had happened and he'd met Jack -- and feel like he was outside of all that he knew.
He'd felt the same way when he'd returned from his time in London, he remembered. It had taken him a few months to get used to being back in Cardiff; it had seemed slower, more provincial, even though it really wasn't. It had just felt .... different.
He should have expected to have that feeling now, considering that he hadn't even been in one place, as he'd been when he was living in London. He'd been traveling amongst the stars, with no fixed home and no one place to call his own.
No, that wasn't entirely true, a voice piped up in the back of his mind. He had the Tardis; she was his home now, just as she was the Doctor's home. She was safety and security for him; his relationship with the Time Lord ensured that.
The Doctor had said that he didn't have to worry about the Tardis having accepted him -- that had been obvious from the time she'd come to him to take him to the Doctor when he'd been needed. If there wasn't a certain amount of trust, she never would have done so.
His lover had told him over and over again that Ianto's home was with him -- and since the Tardis was the Doctor's home, that made her Ianto's home too. He was having a hard time getting used to that fact, but he'd managed so far.
Ianto couldn't keep back a sigh, wondering just when he would be able to settle into the life he led now. He wouldn't change it for anything in the world; he was happier being with the Doctor on a constant basis than he'd been at any other time in his life.
But it all felt .... weird. Unsettled. It was hard to get used to traveling in a spaceship -- and a ship that was sentient in some ways, at that. A ship that had literally helped to bring him closer to his lover, in more ways than just the distance factor.
The Doctor looked over at him when he heard the sigh, a slight frown puckering the Time Lord's brow. Ianto immediately felt contrite; the Doctor had enough problems to deal with. He didn't need his lover adding more to the pile.
"Are you all right, love?" the Time Lord asked, his voice soft as he reached for Ianto's hand and twined their fingers together. "I'm not sure, but I could swear that sounded like a sigh of frustration. Or maybe I'm completely off base."
Ianto started to deny that there was anything wrong, then changed his mind. It was impossible for him to keep anything from the Doctor for long; the other man could read his mind, of course, and easily knew when something was eating away at him.
"It just feels so weird to be back in Cardiff, and to know that I don't live here any longer," he said, his voice soft and a bit hesitant. "When I came back from London before, I knew that I could go to my parents' house -- but now, I feel as if I don't fit in here any longer."
The Doctor nodded, his dark eyes sympathetic as they rested on Ianto's face. "Well, love, the truth is, you don't really belong here now," he told the younger man. "You'll always have an affinity for this city, because it's where you grew up, but you've moved on."
Ianto nodded, sighing again as he cast a glance around them. The city street they were walking on looked innocuous, but it was a place that he'd come several times with his grandfather, a place where he'd thought he would always feel at home.
"Even places that I've always felt comfortable in don't seem to 'fit' me any more," he answered, feeling a bit troubled. "Is it always like this when you've been in the sort of places we have? Was it that way for you when you went back to Gallifrey?"
The moment that the words were out of his mouth, Ianto could have cheerfully bitten off his tongue. The last thing he wanted to do was to make the Doctor melancholy about Gallifrey; that was a question that was better off left unasked.
But the Time Lord didn't seem to be upset, nor was he sinking into his habitual sadness whenever his home planet was mentioned. "Yes, love, I did feel that way for a long time. I never really seemed to fit in with my home after I'd been away from it for a long time."
Ianto almost wanted to breathe a sigh of relief when he heard those words. So he wasn't alone. The Doctor had felt this way too; he wasn't the only being in the universe who had felt cut off from his home and the life he'd been familiar with in the past.
It wasn't the most comfortable of feelings, but he was sure that he'd get used to it. After all, Cardiff was still here; he had something of a comfort zone, a place that he could come back to at any time, even if it felt strange at first. The Doctor hadn't been so lucky.
His home was gone forever; he couldn't return to the Gallifrey he'd known and walk along its streets. He couldn't relive old memories, let himself relax and start to feel at home again in places that he'd once known and loved. He didn't have that luxury.
"I'm sorry that you can't go back," Ianto murmured, squeezing the Doctor's hand. "I'd give anything for that to be different, Doctor -- even if it does feel very weird to have the sense of being a stranger in the place I used to call home."
The Doctor shook his head, giving Ianto a wan smile. "It's not something I like to think about -- or talk about. But what's done is done, Ianto. My home is gone, and yours is still here. That's nothing for you to feel badly about."
Ianto moved closer to the Doctor, slipping an arm around the other man's slender waist as they walked along. "I suppose everyone feels that way about a home they've left -- that it's weird trying to adjust when they come back. I can't be the only one."
"You're not -- at least, not in my experience," the Time Lord told him. "I'm sure that humans feel much the same way. But we can stay here for a while, if you feel that you'd like to get to know the city again. We have time, Ianto. We don't have to rush away."
He considered the prospect, turning it over in his mind. If he stayed here in Cardiff, he would become comfortable with being in the city again -- even if he had no permanent home here. And then, when they left and he came back again, the weird feeling would start all over.
"No, I don't think we need to do that," he said, a smile curving his lips as he spoke. "This isn't my home any more, Doctor. I love the city, but .... my home is on the Tardis. With you. After all, home is where the heart is -- and mine is always in your hands."
The Doctor said nothing, only smiling at him and moving closer. That was all the confirmation Ianto needed to know he'd definitely found the place that would always be his biggest comfort zone.***
- Main Torchwood slash page
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- Amazon.com - Torchwood: Children of Earth
- Amazon.co.uk - Torchwood - Children of Earth [DVD] [2009]
- Amazon.ca link - Torchwood - The Complete First Season (7DVD)