Title: Online Dating: Commercials
By: Dark Cascade
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: PG
A/N: Randomly, my head muscle, aka my brain, starting working on something about 5 minutes ago. I saw one of those Eharmony, Match-dot com, and Chemistry-dot com commercials back to back...since I was flipping through channels, and this idea just popped right into my head. Its strange and probably won't come out like I want it to, but whatever. Oh reminder, these are separateyet equally important stories. So here we go!
Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood. BBC does and the brilliant writers...blah blah blah more praise...done? good.
Summary: Janto silliness through Eharmony, Match-dot-com, and Chemistry-dot-com...

***

Eharmony.

Jack and Ianto were placed in front of a camera and told to talk about their experience together. Jack, or at least somewhere in the back of his head, wondered why he'd been dragged to this. Especially since he'd never used this online dating site. It was explained sometime earlier that day, but he really didn't recall the conversation coming to this kind of end.

"Jack, a mate of mine works for this telly company, and one of his clients' clients dropped out at the last minute. I told him we could be over there later. We just have to talk in front of a camera about how we met and things. Please don't get too cheeky, you know that'll piss off everyone at this website." Ianto yelled from the bathroom of their flat.

"We have to work today, Yan." Jack called back, still messing with his waistcoat in the bedroom.

"I already called Daniel to tell him we would make it, then I talked to Gwen this morning and told her we wouldn't be 'round until three. She says 'Bugger off,' and sends her love. Jack snickered at the comment. Gwen, Gwen, Gwen, oh so funny Gwen.

Jack doesn't remember much of the rest of that conversation. Including when, how, and it was condition he was in when he caved.

Ianto's arms wrapped around Jack's waist and the director told them to talk to the camera about the first time they met and about how they love each other so much. Plus add in some nice product placement in there too. This was, in fact, one of those cheesy Eharmony commercials that Jack and his lover always made fun of.

"I'm doing this just because, although I don't remember how you got me there, I caved. Once, Yan, just for you." Jack smiled down at Ianto and started speaking.

"Well, we met through a Pterodactyl, actually. Her name is Myfanwy. Well, anyway, this man was bugging me, online, to meet up with him, so I got into the car and there he was,"
Jack grinned from ear to ear.
"standing in the middle of the street. I asked what he was doing and he wanted to know whether or not I wanted to help him out on this flying dinosaur he saw. That peeked my interest, if only for a minute. As I told him, I've eaten dinosaurs for breakfast."
Ianto, arms still around his boyfriend's waist, was staring at the man in question intensely; internally laughing his arse off.

"Jack..." Ianto trailed off as he looked over at his mate and the crew. Everyones' mouths doing the same thing made for an audience of 'ohs'. Jack loved the attention, Ianto just grinned sheepishly at the director and pulled his Captain out of the studio before the both got yelled at.

It's safe to say, Daniel doesn't take to Ianto much anymore.

***

Chemistry-dot-com.

"I promise never to talk about the Archives in bed." Ianto told Jack.

Both men were sitting in chairs at their favorite Italian resturant.

"I promise never to bring up any past relationship, even if it was 300 years ago." Jack smiled at his boyfriend.

"I promise not to get mad if one of those buggers comes through the Rift and tries to take you away again." Ianto smiled weakly.

"I promise to love you for ever, and ever."

"Or for as long as I live." The Welshman pointed out.

"Not if I can help it." Jack mumbled under his breath.

"I promise never to go Weevil hunting without you." Jack grinned.

Ianto shifted uneasily under the camera lights.

"I promise that when Owens being disgusting with one of the things he's got on the autopsy bay, I will promptly threaten him until he stops." Ianto laughed at that. Jack knows he doesn't have a weak stomach.

"I promise, that for the rest of my life, I will try as hard as I can not to be just another shag." Ianto stared into the blue eyes of his Captain, and the latter man's voice washed over him.

"Will you marry me?"

***

Match-dot-com.

"Yeah, I started noticing him, and realised that maybe I should actually start to talk to him." Jack looked off-camera where Ianto stood, waiting for his turn to speak. The Captain smiled weakly.

Ianto grinned; for some reason, Jack is uneasy when he has to speak alone in front of a camera crew.

The Welsh-man was asked to go into the shot, and as he did, Jack's smile grew to a familiar cocky smirk.

"And, for some reason, I let him flirt mercilessly. He asked me out, after a long and almost painful year. I said yes, and the rest is history." They smiled at eachother sweetly.

The cameras shut-off and the director walked on the set to talk to the couple.

"Jack, Ianto, I wanted to tell yeh about how the advert. When yeh are speakin' there wil be text, just like yeh wanted, at the bottom of the screen. It'll say when you two got married, and how long you've been togethe'. It'll ai' in about two weeks afte' editing. Thanks, boys. I'll call yeh if anythin' comes up." The tall, brown haired man called Don waved them off.

"For telling me I was a cheeky bastard this morning, you sure were confident in front of that audience today." Jack held Ianto's hand in the SUV.

Ianto smiled, and said, "I just knew what I was going to say before we went in there."

"Prepared then. I always like my men prepared." Jack winked, and Ianto's grip on his hand got tighter.

"Your man is prepared. Always."
The Torchwood employees returned to work, and were greeted with a smiley Gwen.
Ianto's stomach twisted when Jack dropped his hand.

"Hello, boys. Where were you off at?" she leaned against the counter of the kitchen. Ianto made coffee.

"We were at a commercial shoot for one of those dating sites. We never used it, but I always wanted to be on the telly." Jack winked again at his husband.

"I'm happy you settled on a commercial and not something else." Ianto laughed, and somewhere Owen gagged.

"Tosh!"

"Yan?" Ms. Sato called back.

"Coffee?"

"Always." Torchwood's resident tea-boy grinned, and walked to the work-station.
Once there, Tosh pointed to the ring on the man's finger.

"You better take that off before Gwen sees it." She commented, sipping her coffee.

"Shite! Thanks, Tosh." Ianto pulled off his wedding band.

"I'm still wondering why the hell Jack just won't tell her you two got married last month. She wasn't invited, so what?"

"Toshiko Sato!" Gwen yelled from the door in the kitchen, only 10 feet away.

"Bloody hell." Tosh breathed into her hands.
Gwen turned to Jack, back to Ianto, and then faced Jack again.

"Jack?"she looked to be close to tears. Jack either didn't notice, or had somehow gotten over his 'lets shield Gwen from the truth' kick.

"Yup. We got married. Didn't tell you, because,well, I thought that you were in love with me."

"I seconded that," Ianto's hand went into the air.

"Third." Tosh said absentmindedly.

"Forth." Owen called from where ever he was.

Gwen gauked.