Title: Crash and Burn
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 2, 10_hurt_comfort
Prompt: 7, Heartbreak
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

***

Ianto hurried down the hallway to the sitting room of the Tardis, sure that he would find the Doctor there. It wasn't often that he didn't know where the Time Lord was when they were on the Tardis, but he respected his boyfriend's need for privacy.

Still, it had been a few hours since the Doctor had excused himself and said that he had some things to do. Ianto hadn't been worried about him; after all, the Doctor knew the Tardis like the back of his hand, to quote a phrase.

He himself still had a hard time finding his way around the ship at times, but he knew where the basic things were, and he was getting better at learning the different rooms. The Tardis seemed to want to keep him from getting lost, which was a good thing.

It was strange how he'd developed a rapport with the ship, he mused, putting his hand on one of her walls and smiling. Maybe it was because they both loved the Doctor.

Ah, yes, his lover must be in the sitting room -- there was a dim light coming from the room, not the silvery glow that meant the only light around was the Tardis herself. No, this was lamplight, casting a golden tinge over the walls by the doorway.

Ianto hesitated for a few moments; the Doctor had seemed as though he was in a thoughtful mood, and he didn't want to disturb the other man if he felt that he needed to be alone. The last thing he wanted was to be intrusive.

But he couldn't help feeling a little uneasy about being away from the Doctor for too long, even if they were both on the ship. The other man had seemed more than usually quiet over the last day or two, and he wanted to find out why, if he could.

There was a thought tickling at the back of his mind, something that the Doctor had told him was taking place just a few days ago -- and if he remembered correctly, today was the day that the Time Lord had pointed out.

Not that he was so good with time any more, he admitted to himself. Time didn't seem to exist here in the Tardis; it slipped away so easily.

He didn't mind that. He liked the feeling of timelessness, the attitude that they had all the time in the world to explore the galaxy at their leisure, time to just be together. It was so different from the orderly, sometimes regimented world that he'd always lived in.

Taking a deep breath, he entered the sitting room, to find the Doctor sitting motionless on the couch, staring down at his hands. The Time Lord didn't even seem to realize that the lamp was on, or that someone else had come into the room.

Ianto cleared his throat softly before he spoke. "Doctor." The one word hung in the air between them as he moved to the couch and sat down beside the other man, reaching out to take one of the Time Lord's hands in his own.

The Doctor's head jerked up when Ianto spoke, his dark eyes widening. The younger man realized that his lover's thoughts had been far away -- and judging from the expression on his face, those thoughts hadn't been pleasant ones.

It took Ianto a moment to realize that the Doctor's eyes were misty, and there were obvious signs that he'd quickly wiped tears away from his face.

He moved closer to the Doctor, his brow furrowing into a worried frown. "Doctor, what's wrong? Has something happened?" He realized only seconds later how silly those questions were; nothing could possibly have happened, not here on the Tardis.

The Doctor had been in this room for a while now, and Ianto knew that nothing could possibly get to him here on the ship. So whatever was making him this upset had to be in his head -- or in his hearts. And the young man was determined to find out what it was.

Ianto reached out a hand to brush his fingers against the Doctor's cheek, wishing that the other man would look at him but not wanting to force anything. When he spoke, his voice was soft and husky as he searched for the right words.

"Doctor .... whatever it is, tell me, please. I might not be able to help, but I can at least listen." It was hard for him to keep the sadness out of his voice; he hated seeing the Doctor like this, hated knowing that the man he loved was in some kind of pain that he couldn't prevent.

"Today is the anniversary," the Doctor whispered, freeing one hand and wiping ineffectually at his eyes. "Today is the day that I destroyed Gallifrey. It's one of the days that I can never forget -- even though I can let every other date slip out of my mind, I'll always remember this one."

Ianto could do nothing but nod; his own throat tightened, the tears rising into his throat so suddenly that it was a struggle to keep them back.

"I'm sorry, love," he murmured, wishing that there was something he could do to allevaite the Time Lord's pain. But he knew that there was nothing to be done, other than to try his best to be there for his lover if he needed to talk, to be held, or anything else.

"If only I could go back and undo it all," the Doctor said, as though he hadn't heard those few whispered words. "But I can't. Even if I could, it wouldn't be right. I have to live with that, with knowing that I destroyed my world and the rest of my race."

Ianto couldn't stop himself from moving to take the Doctor into his arms; he let the Time Lord rest his head against his shoulder, wrapping his arms around the other man's slender body. He wished there was more he could do, take away the memory, the heartache.

"Sometimes I wish I could just forget it ever happened," the Doctor whispered, closing hs eyes. "But if I forgot -- then there would be no who remembered Gallifrey. I can't let that memory die, Ianto. No matter how much remembering breaks my hearts, I can't let go of it."

"Something like that isn't meant to be forgotten, no matter how much it hurts," Ianto murmured, stroking the Doctor's hair. "Some pain can't be put aside."

He'd had his own share of heartbreak, but never anything like this. His own losses seemed almost insignificant compared to what the Doctor had suffered. No wonder his hearts broke at the thought; Ianto's own heart ached at the thought of what he must be going through.

The Doctor only nodded, sniffling and sliding his arms around Ianto's waist. Ianto fell silent, resting his cheek against the Doctor's hair and hoping that the other man could at least take some comfort from knowing that he wasn't alone.

The young man had no idea how long they sat there, holding each other, his heart reaching out to the man in his arms. He'd had no one to be there for him when the tragedy of Gallifrey had taken place, but at least he could be there for his love now.

The Doctor had been through so much in his life, Ianto thought to himself, so much that he couldn't even begin to imagine. And yet this man was still strong; he still carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, doing everything he could to protect it.

He didn't blame the Time Lord for feeling that his hearts were breaking -- but he would always be there to comfort him, to soothe the heartbreak and put the pieces back together.

Ianto tightened his grip around the Doctor's waist, vowing to himself that the Doctor was never going to crash and burn. Not as long as he was around to catch the Time Lord whenever he might happen to stumble. He would always be there to support his lover, in every way that he could.

How many people told themselves that same thing, and then didn't live up to it? Ianto took a deep breath, his resolve strengthening with the thought. He wasn't going to be one of those people. He'd be stronger than that -- the Doctor deserved no less.

Pressing a soft kiss to the top of the other man's head, Ianto closed his eyes, hoping that the vow he'd just made to himself was one that he'd be able to keep no matter what. After all, he was just a man -- and he knew that he had a lot of weaknesses.

But he'd overcome those failings, he thought to himself; he'd be the man he'd always wanted to become. He'd be everything that he wanted to be for the man he loved.

Maybe he wouldn't be able to make the Doctor's heartbreak over his home planet go away, but he could at least be there to comfort him when he needed it -- and maybe help to assuage the guilt along the way. He just hoped that it would be enough.

***