Title: Cuddly Toy
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG
Table: 8, substituted for 3, letter100
Prompt: 1, Teddy Bear -- substituted for 5, Thanksgiving
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

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My dearest Doctor,

I'm still feeling shaken from our experiences on that last planet. Getting you back to the Tardis wasn't easy, but I would have managed to do it in any way that I could, no matter what it took. I can do a lot when I put my mind to it.

And I wasn't going to leave you there, even though I think that if you'd been conscious, you might have tried to insist on my doing just that. Even if you'd thought that was an option, it never would have been. Not for me.

If I ever had to be faced with the decision of leaving you behind or sacrificing myself -- then I know what I would decide, without a second thought. I could never conceive of a life without you, Doctor. I would much rather give myself up to oblivion.

Of course, that would leave you without me -- and it would feel as though I was betraying you. But I know that you're worth a million of me.

I can already picture you shaking your head and insisting that those words aren't true. But I know they are, and so does anyone else who's ever had occasion to come into contact with you in a good way. Anyone would say that you're worth millions of any other being.

As I look over at you, tucked into our bed with a small teddy bear by the pillow, I can't help but feel relieved, and even a little happy. Maybe it's a delayed reaction, that happiness, a feeling that's only coming over me now that we're safe and away from that place.

When I first stumbled through the door of the Tardis with you in my arms and got us to the console, I wasn't sure that both of us wouldn't slide to the floor in a dead faint. I don't really remember punching in the coordinates to take us to safety.

But somehow, I must have managed to do so -- because here we are. I'm finally not shaking any more, and you've been sleeping, getting your strength back. I can't feel anything but a complete and utter relief that you're safe.

I suppose that subconsciously, that was why I tucked that teddy bear into bed with you. To watch over you, the same way as I do -- to ensure your safety.

I know that's a ridiculous thought. It isn't as though a small stuffed animal can keep you safe -- but it's not as though I can so, either. I try my best, but it seems like my best isn't always good enough. That will just make me try harder in the future.

There's nothing in the world more important to me than you and your safety. I'd protect you with my life -- you've always known that. Though I hope that it won't come down to that, my beloved. I don't want you to have to face being alone agan.

I'm not going to harp on that thought. Either of us coming to harm is always a possibility, given the life that we lead. But with your experience through your long life, and even something of mine from working with Torchwood, we've managed to avoid harm so far.

It's terrifying to think of anything happening to either of us, I suppose. When I think of the fact that I could be harmed, or even killed, it doesn't seem nearly as significant to me as the fear I have deep within me of losing you.

Maybe that's why I still cling to those small stuffed animals I keep in our bedroom. They were magic talismans for me when I was a child -- they signified warmth and safety, and a part of that childhood belief has carried over for me.

It was never Superman, or any other hero, that I thought would save me when I was frightened. It was always those small, innocuous cuddly toys.

Why was that? I really don't know. But I've always had an affinity for those toys, and to me, in a way, they can still represent safety and security. They've always seemed like safe guardians -- at least of the heart, if nothing else.

That teddy is sitting there beside you, with a small smile on its face. I think it's smiling because it's there with you, protecting you, knowing that it's guarding the world's most precious treasure. And that gives me a feeling of peace, and of hope.

Within a few moments, as soon as I finish writing this letter, I'll be there beside you, and there'll be no more need for the protection of that teddy. But he, and the others that are there on the dresser, will always be there for protection and comfort when they're needed.

But for right now, my love, I want to climb into bed next to you and take you into my arms, to be all the safety and security that you need. I'll be the toy that you can cuddle next to, the one who'll guard you and keep you safe from anything that could happen.

Your loving

Ianto

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