Title: Damnit Ianto
Author: emeraldsage85
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: PG
Author's Notes: I am so going to hell for writing this.
Disclaimer: I don't make any money from this. Torchwood belongs to RTD and the BBC.
Summary: Torchwood, Rocky Horror style, with Jack and Ianto as Brad and Janet. Crack galore.

***

Jack: Hey, Ianto!

Ianto: Yes, sir?

Jack: I've got something to say.

Ianto: Yes?

Jack: I really liked the skilful way you beat the girls to Gwen's bouquet.

Ianto: Oh, Jack. *Rolls eyes*

Jack:

I've got a present for you, you know (Ianto)

It's tied up with a nice little bow (Ianto)

It's good for sex and a blow (Ianto)

I've one thing to say and that's damn it Ianto

I love you so

The weevils were mean but I let them go (Ianto)

Then I came to give you a strip show (Ianto)

I liked watching your cock grow (Ianto)

I've one thing to say and that's damn it Ianto

I love you so

Here's a cock ring to prove that I'm no joker

There's three ways that love can grow

That's good, bad, or mediocre

Oh, I-A-N-T-O, I love you so

Ianto:

Oh, it's exactly what we lack! (Oh, Jack)

Now we can get it on in the sack! (Oh, Jack!)

As long as we don't hurt my back! (Oh, Jack!)

I've one thing to say and that's Jack I'm mad

For you too

Oh, Jack

Jack:Oh, damn it.

Ianto:

I'm mad.

Jack:Oh, Ianto.

Ianto:

For you.

Jack:

I love you too.

Both:

There's one thing left to do ahooo

Jack:

And that's go see the pterodactyl who flew low (Ianto)

When we met in the warehouse so long ago (Ianto)

Made me give you the eye and then just know (Ianto)

Now there's one thing to say and that's damn it, Ianto

I love you so

Damn it, Ianto

Ianto:

Oh, Jack, I'm mad.

Jack:

Damn it, Ianto.

Both:

I love you.

Jack: Enough singing. Let's go back to your place.

Ianto: I'll drive.

Owen: I think I'm going to be sick. *Throws up*

Tosh: Well, at least if they're shagging they won't be singing anymore.

Gwen: Actually, I thought it was kind of cute. I wonder if Rhys would sing that with me.

***