Title: Day For Night
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG
Table: 3
Prompt: 68, Daydreaming
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

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Dear Doctor,

Whenever I decide to pen a letter that I know you won't read until you're with me again, that's always the salutation I give it. Why not "beloved"? Why not some other words that would seem to fit our relationship better? You know, I can't say why. I suppose it's because I'll always think of you as "the Doctor."

I've never known your name. Perhaps I never will. Perhaps you don't even have one, for all I know. I've no idea how the naming system worked on Gallifrey. But as I know you're half-human, I'm fairly sure that at one point in your life, you've had a proper name.

There's a part of me that's a bit unsettled to not know it. I know everything else about you -- well, most things about you, at least -- but not the simple expedient of knowing what your given name is. And that feels a little strange to me, when I consider that we're so close in every way.

But I won't push you for a name. I don't need to know your name. I need no other name for you than to know you're my beloved, and to know that you'll always be secure in the place you hold in my heart.

Secure in that place, forever. I could never let anyone else into my heart. Not after you. Not after everything we've shared.

If only we could share more, meld our lives into each other completely.

I daydream about what our lives would be if you weren't a Time Lord, you know. I sit at my desk in the office at Torchwood and think of what it could be like if I didn't have to throw myself into the path of danger at times, and if you didn't have to leave me to roam the universe throughout time.

I spend too much time thinking of what it would be like if we could always be together.

Do you ever think of that, my beloved? Do you wake alone at night, unable to fall asleep again, and sit there holding your pillow in the darkness, desperately wishing that it was me in your arms? Do you ever want to spend your life with me?

I shouldn't ask you that. I know that you do. I know that you've chosen me, that you've sworn to return to me each time that you have to leave. But the next time .... the next time I'll be with you. I can't bear this. I can't stand to be away from you, to not know what may or may not be happening to you.

I can't bear to think of living the rest of my life in daydreams, rather than living it with you, no matter what danger that might put me into.

That doesn't matter. All that matters is that we're together. And we will be. I've promised myself that, over and over again since the night you had to leave.

Yes, there are good and bad points to me coming along with you. But the only thing I know is that I'm dying here without you. Every day a piece of my soul dies, not knowing when I'll be with you again.

Every night is longer than the one before, and my dreams are the only thing that help me through the hours without you by my side.

I keep clinging to your promise of returning. I know you will. I know those words weren't empty, that you meant them with every fibre of your being. I hold on to those words and repeat them like a mantra.

I'll never let go of those words. Each night when I go to bed and search the stars outside the window, I close my eyes and let the memory of your presence fill me, the sound of your voice when you spoke those words to me. It's all I have to keep me warm through these nights when you aren't lying next to me.

I dream about you every night, every day. You never leave my thoughts. Nor my heart.

And soon, you'll be back in my arms.

Hold me in your hearts and in your dreams, my beloved. And I'll keep hoping that my own dreams of a life with you will come true sooner than I might think.

Your

Ianto

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