Title: Staring Down the Demons
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: R
Table: 30_sex_scenes
Prompt: 22, Bound
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor flexed his wrists experimentally, testing the silken bonds that held him captive. Yes, Ianto had tied the knots quite well; he wouldn't be able to wriggle free. Which was good, as he didn't want to suddenly find himself untied.

His hearts were beating much faster than normal from the anticipation; this wasn't something he'd thought he and his lover would be doing any time soon. But Ianto had been firm in his belief that the Doctor had to try to free himself from the past somehow.

All the times that he'd been held prisoner by the Master, a bound captive, forced to do things that at some points of his life he wouldn't even have considered doing with a lover who he trusted .... it was past time to put that behind him.

He couldn't keep being afraid of experiences like this forever. And he couldn't keep equating what the Master had done to him with things that Ianto wanted to do.

There was such a huge difference in those two men; the Master had only wanted to cause him as much pain as possible, to control him. Ianto, on the other hand, was only intereted in giving him pleasure, in loving him in every way.

The Master's intent had always been to control him, from the time they were very young; he'd only wanted to exert his superiority over the Doctor -- as well as over everyone else in their world -- and he'd gone to great lengths to attempt to do so.

He'd always been defeated, but it hadn't been easy. And there had been times that the Doctor had suffered more than he'd ever thought possible -- times that he didn't want to remember. His hearts still trembled at the thought of those times.

But he'd made it through in one piece, if not unscathed. And as time had gone by and he kept encountering the Master time and time again, his scars had intensified.

This body seemed to attract the renegade Time Lord more than any other; the Master had been intrigued by him from the first they'd met in their new incarnations. His desire was becoming more pronounced with every time they faced off, and it made the Doctor uneasy.

Not just easy. Truth be told, he was frightened by that intensity, by the Master's seeming need to envelop him completely. He knew that it was just one more manifestation of the other man's control issues, but it was terrifying to be such a target.

He flexed his wrists again, taking a deep breath. He couldn't even begin to remember all the times that he'd been bound like this, waiting for the Master's pleasure -- which would inevitably result in excruciating pain for him.

This wasn't going to be like that in any way, he told himself, trying to stay calm and not let his heartbeats escalate. Ianto would never harm him, not for any reason.

Ianto was sweet and gentle and loving. He wasn't the type of man who enjoyed causing pain, and certainly not to someone he cared for. He wasn't the Master, and he wasn't doing this to hurt his lover. He was doing this to help him.

Being bound wasn't frightening, Ianto had told him soothingly as he'd wrapped the silk scarves around the Doctor's thin wrists and bound his hands to the bedposts. It was a form of relinquishing control, of establishing trust. That was all.

He knew that Ianto was going to make love to him, and that he wouldn't be able to move, touch the other man, defend himself in any way. Why should he want to defend himself? a small voice piped up in the back of his mind. This wasn't a battle.

The Doctor took another deep breath, closing his eyes. No, lovemaking was never a battle. It never should be. But being bound took it into that realm -- at least for him.

He wanted Ianto in a way that he'd never wanted anyone else before. This young man had captured his hearts from the moment they'd met -- one look into those deep blue-grey eyes and he'd somehow instinctively known that this was his mate.

They'd only grown closer in the time that they'd been together; nothing had been able to keep them apart. He trusted Ianto with his life, with his hearts and soul. He'd given himself to the young Welshman completely, in a way that he never had with anyone else.

And Ianto had done the same for him. They'd made confessions to each other that he was sure they had never told another living soul; Ianto knew more about him than any other person ever had. Ianto was the other half of his soul.

Why was it so hard to put the memories of what the Master had done to him into the past, and be able to enjoy something like this with the man he loved?

He sighed, concentrating on that thought. Maybe the problem was that the Master's latest violation of his body had been so recent. Ianto had found him, bound and broken, trembling with fear and so unnerved that even a simple touch had made him scream.

He'd slowly gotten past that horrific experience, but the scars that had seemed to be receding had become even more pronounced after that. Just the thought of being restrained had been enough to make him break out in a cold sweat.

Yet here he was, allowing his lover to tie him to their bed, waiting for Ianto to make love to him. He was going to be afraid, he knew -- at least until the passion that always overwhelmed the two of them when they were together swamped his senses.

Being bound hand and foot, spread-eagled naked over someone's bed, wasn't a new experience for him. What was new was the knowledge that this wasn't meant to be painful.

The Doctor looked down at his own body, swallowing hard. What was it that attracted the Master to him? Was it merely the fact that his body was much more physically desirable now than it had been in any other regeneration? Or was it just his insatiable need for control?

Whatever it was that drove him, that didn't really matter. What mattered at the moment was staring down that particular demon, shoving the Master and everything he'd done to the back of his mind and letting himself himself enjoy what was to come.

Relinquishing control wasn't something he'd ever been comfortable with doing, mainly because of the Master's insistence on having control over him. It was time that he learned to turn those reins of control to to someone he trusted -- someone he loved.

He'd been forced to do it all too often in the past with someone he loathed. Now, it was time to turn that around, to transform bad experiences into good ones.

This would be different, he told himself, pulling at the bonds experimentally. Ianto would make it different. Together, they would chase his doubts and fears away; they would banish all of the bad memories that clouded his mind, and create new ones.

Another deep breath; he let himself go limp, casting his mind forward to what would happen between the two of them when Ianto came into the room. This wouldn't be a fierce taking of his body; rather, it would be a slow, sensual lovemaking.

He could hear Ianto's footsteps in the hallway; just the sound of them, the knowledge that his lover would be here with him in a matter of seconds, made his heart thump in his chest so loudly that he was sure the other man could hear it from outside the door.

The Doctor kept his eyes fixed on the door, waiting for the first glimpse of the man he loved as he entered the room. He was more than ready to banish his fear to a far-off place, to put the past behind him and move forward into the future.

***