Title: Dreaming My Dreams
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ianto Jones
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1, letter100
Prompt: 14, Daydreaming
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Ianto Jones, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

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Dear Doctor,

Being here on the Tardis has been like a dream come true for me. In fact, there are some days when I wake up by your side and wonder if I am dreaming, and if all of this will fade away and I'll find myself back in my own flat in Cardiff.

It doesn't seem real sometimes, this life I lead with you. Reality was when I knew you were out here in the stars, and I was back on Earth, searching the sky with an anxious gaze every night and wondering if you were safe.

That seems so long ago now -- almost as though it happened to someone else. It doesn't feel as if it was ever a part of my life, yet there are times when this life doesn't feel like my own, either. It's like I'm living in a movie, or a wonderful daydream.

This is what I used to daydream about when you were away from me, you know. I'd constantly think about what it would be like to be with you on a permanent basis, to live on the Tardis and travel through time and space with you.

I even envied Jack terribly, because he'd been able to do that with you. I felt that, in some ways, he had meant more to you than I did, because you had chosen him to share your life in a more permanent way that I felt I would ever be able to.

It was wrong of me to feel that way. I know that now. You suffered just as much as I did when we were apart -- I know that you were just as worried about what could happen to me working with Torchwood as I worried about you being on your own.

But still, it was hard for me to get past that feeling of somehow being less in favour with you than Jack was, even though I'm the man you've chosen to give your hearts to and bond with. I felt that he'd shared more with you than I ever could.

That's not true, I know. I knew it then, but I think there was a part of me that was looking for reasons why you wouldn't want me to be with you other than the obvious one of you being afraid of losing me. I didn't want to see that point of view.

I would sit at my desk at Torchwood when the team went out and they needed someone to stay behind to guard the Hub, gazing out of the window at the sky and wondering if you were out there somewhere, looking down at Earth and missing me.

I'm sure that you were. I know you missed me just as much as I missed you; there was no doubt of that in the way that you would wrap yourself around me when you returned. I know your hearts longed for me in the same way that mine wanted to be with you.

My daydreaming only got more and more involved as time went on. I would worry about you constantly, to the point where I couldn't sleep at night and the Torchwood team started noticing that I was tired and irritable all the time. And noticing that I was daydreaming all the time.

Jack finally took me aside one day and asked what was bothering me. At first, I denied that anything was -- but you know Jack. He'd always able to get a confession out of someone, especially someone he knows well.

He has a way of breaking people down, of seeing into their souls, in a way. And considering how well he already knew me, it wasn't hard for him to discover that the daydreaming and the sleepless nights came from worry over you.

It wasn't any use for him to tell me over and over again not to worry about you, that you could take care of yourself. He knew that I would keep worrying as long as we were apart, that I was always going to long to be out there in the stars with you.

I think that's the main reason he told me that I should leave Torchwood and be with you permanently after we brought you back from that dark place you'd cast yourself into after we fought. He knew that I'd never be happy unless I was by your side.

My daydreams have all come true, thanks to you. Not only am I living a life that would have seemed like nothing more than a daydream to me before I met you, but I've found the love of my life, the person I want to be with for the rest of my days.

This might not seem like the sort of life you would think a human wanted to lead, but I'm perfectly happy with it. Now that I'm here with you, rather than looking up at the sky and wondering where you are, I have the peace of mind that I need.

Yes, it might be a bit dangerous at times for me to be here -- but I'd much rather face danger with you than with Torchwood. They're my friends, and I care for them, but you're my soul mate -- and I want to be here by your side to keep you safe.

Admittedly, I'm not always so good at doing that, but I try. And as long as we're together, that's the most important thing to me. Yes, I want us to be safe and to enjoy a long life together -- but if that means being away from you, I'd prefer a shorter life spent by your side.

No matter what the imperfections of our life together might be, I'm more than willing to face them and work through them. Being here with you is a dream come true for me, Doctor, and it's a dream that I never want to end.

I think my daydreaming is at an end, love. I don't have to daydream any more -- I'm living those dreams, right beside the man I love. A life that might not seem perfect to most people, but it's perfect to me, and I couldn't ask for anything more.

Forever yours,

Ianto

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