Title: Dream To Believe
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG
Table: 3
Prompt: 6, Belief
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

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Dearest Ianto,

You've always had such a strong belief in the two of us, right from the beginning. Stronger than mine, I fear, considering that I was the one who left after that terrible argument that I thought was going to separate us forever. And it would have, if you hadn't held on to that belief that we belong with each other. I can never repay you for that.

What would I have done if you hadn't been so strong in your knowledge that we're soul mates? I don't know if I would still exist. I would have surrendered to the Master, and either have let him kill me -- or force me into an unwanted regeneration.

I couldn't have held out against him. You not only saved the two of us, but you saved me from something that I wouldn't have wanted, and would have regretted for the rest of my life, however much longer that might have lasted.

I can never begin to repay you for that. Saying "thank you" will never be enough for everything that you've done for me, love. I may not show it in so many outward ways, but with every day that goes by, I say those words silently dozens of times, maybe more. Each time I look at you, those words go through my mind.

There are so many times when I feel ashamed of myself for nearly letting us be torn apart, Ianto. So many times when I know that it's me who lost faith, after I swore that I never would. That's only one more regret that I have to add to thousands of others, one more thing that presses down on my soul and makes me realize that I'm not the man I could -- and should -- be.

But I'm trying. I want to be worthy of you and your love; I want to make myself a better man than I have been. And yes, I know that it's a very human concept, to want to better myself. Not that other races don't have that same wish, but it seems more prevalent in humans than in any other. At least, any other that I've found.

Being with you may have made me seem more human in many ways. But the fact remains that I'm not human, as much as I may seem so at times. I don't know that I would want to be, actually. The thought of having only one heart makes me feel .... a bit ill.

Be that as it may -- you've made me feel closer to the human race, just because I've fallen in love with one of their number. If anyone had told me in the past that I was going to mate with a human and feel the happiness that I have with you, I would have laughed at them. I would never have believed that a human could be my soul mate.

But you are -- and I have. And I don't regret that for one second. I don't believe that I could ever have found the bond that I have with you in any other part of the galaxy, with anyone else. It certainly wasn't expected -- but it was never unwelcome, and never unwanted.

Your belief in us has been what's kept that bond strong. I have that same belief, but I've let it slip and falter. Only that one time -- but once is usually enough. It was only through your strength that our bond didn't break. It may have become tenuous, but it didn't snap.

I owe you so much, Ianto, so much that I can never repay. I wish that I had words to say more than a thank you -- and I've tried to show you, in actions more than words, how grateful I am that you never gave up on us. I hope that I've managed to do that.

I'm sitting here writing this now at the desk in our bedroom, safely here on Earth, looking over at you as you're sleeping in our bed. Our bed. I never would have thought that I would come to think of anything in that way, as ours. I've spent so many centuries being alone that I'd given up on finding my mate.

That's only one of the reasons that you're so precious to me. You're what I've searched for through so many regenerations, so many years, decades, centuries of living and feeling a loneliness at the core of who I am that I thought would never be assuaged. And I'd almost resigned myself to that loneliness always being there. Almost.

You changed all of that. You gave me a companionship that I'd never been able to find with anyone else; you filled a space that no one had ever been able to touch before, no matter how much I may have cared for them as a friend.

And more than that -- you love me. Purely, completely, unselfishly. No one has ever given me that before, either -- not on Gallifrey, not in all my regenerations, not in all the time I've spent wandering the galaxy in the Tardis with nowhere to call my home.

I couldn't ask for more than that -- no man could. You've given me more than I've ever had a right to expect -- love, companionship, loyalty, and above all, that fierce belief that we belong together. No one else would have held on to me in the way you have. No one else would have had that kind of belief that never wavers, never falters.

I've let you down by not upholding that belief, and I regret that. But I'm going to try not to let that happen again, with every fiber of my being. If you can hold on to that belief as strongly as you have, then the least I can do for you is hold on to it just as tightly as you do.

I'm sorry that I haven't always done that, Ianto. The last thing I've ever wanted to do is let you down in any way, or disappoint you. In that respect, perhaps I'm more human than I could have ever thought I was capable of being. I do have failings, my love, though I wish I didn't. But with your help, I'm managing to overcome them.

I count myself the luckiest man in the world to have you by my side, and that's something I'll never forget. I'll try nto to let my belief in us waver again, and hope that if by some chance I do, you'll still be holding on tightly enough for both of us.

Your

Doctor

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