Title: Fierce Hairy Monsters
Author: ardea_herodias
Pairing: gen
Rating: PG
Summary: Jack goes on the easiest Weevil hunt ever, with help from a Cardiff resident.

***

I live here. I've always lived here, my children were born here, and I'll die here. It's a rough life, but not everybody was meant to live in the lap of luxury. Or any lap at all, for that matter. I'm not as young as I used to be, but I'm SMART and fast and I am a GOOD hunter. I have three young kids and they will never want for anything. I have to work for it a bit more now, but some nights it's just easy. Like tonight. That pitiful creature down there, which I will refer to only as "supper," might be just as big as I am, but it isn't as fast and it isn't as smart and it certainly isn't going to live through the night. I love the young ones. Not only are they really really dumb, they're still tasty and tender.

Carefully, carefully...oh, I can smell it and it will taste just so good...just a little bit closer...

HEY!

Oh HECK no. That was going to be MY supper so I could feed MY children. I don't care who you are or what you're doing here, but this is my turf and you just stole from my kids. Nobody steals from my kids.

If you know what is good for you, you will get out of here. Right now. And leave that right where it is.

I said, NOW.

You were warned! Now suffer the consequences, you foul-smelling, useless purulent piece of rotten meat! DIE EVIL SCUM!!!

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"So the Weevil killed a rat when it ducked into the alleyway?"

"Yup."

"And that rat had been previously claimed by somebody else."

"Yup."

"And that somebody else took offence."

"Sure looked that way."

"And so a little calico cat chased the Weevil into a dumpster?" Tosh and Suzie both snorted with amusement.

"Well, if you were attacked from behind without warning by ten pounds of hair, fangs, claws, and evil glowing eyes of death, wouldn't you run away without looking where you were going?" Jack grinned.

"So do we Retcon the cat?"

"I think in this case we ought to Retcon the Weevil."

***