Title: Keep the Fire Burning
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 3, letter100
Prompt: 13, Warm
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

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Dearest Ianto,

Have you ever noticed that traveling in space and time can be a cold prospect? It's true. That's something I've found out through all my long years of living, and something that I've never quite gotten used to.

Oh, I don't mean that it's cold in the physical sense -- though that can certainly be true. I've been to enough planets that have made even me, with my slower metabolism and my low body temperature, feel chilled to the bone.

And I've certainly been to enough places that have chilled me in other ways. There's nothing quite so chilling as finding out that I've stumbled into a plot to cause some harm to the world in some way, a plot that I have to foil.

I've done that, and though I don't want to seem as though I'm ringing my own bell, I'm proud of it. But I'm getting distracted.

The coldness that I'm speaking of is that cold that can seem to seep into the very marrow of your being when you're alone -- and when you know that you're always going to be alone. When that feeling sinks in, it seems as though nothing will ever make you feel warm again.

You've changed all that for me, Ianto. You've given me your love, and your warmth. A warmth that I had given up on finding, thinking that I'd never be able to have it, that it was something I had to give up in order to be what I am.

I've believed that for so much of my life, that I had to give up having a lover to be a Time Lord. I've never been so happy in my life as when I discovered that wasn't true.

Yes, I know that we won't always be together. I know that there will come a point when you'll have to let go of this life, and bid me farewell. But I won't think of that, and I won't let you brood on it, either. We'll deal with it when that time comes, and not sooner.

I've never felt so warm as I have in the time that we've been together -- emotionally more so than in any other way. When you wrap your arms around me, and gaze at me with that look of love in your eyes, it's more than a physical warmth that envelops me.

It's the warmth of knowing that I'm loved, that I have someone in my life who would lay their own down for my sake. Not that I would ever expect you to do that, of course -- I hope we'll never be in that situation -- but it's comforting to know that you would.

That's the kind of love that I've always wanted, and thought that I could never possibly have. It's still hard for me to believe at times that I've found it with you.

I've had warmth and caring from others in my life -- past lovers, for a while, friends, family. But I can honestly say that none of that ever came close to what I feel from you. I've never had the kind of love and warmth that you wrap around me.

There have been times in my life when I've been sure that I would be frozen inside for the duration of my existence -- when I felt that no one would ever get through the walls I'd built up around myself, to keep my emotions from ever coming into play.

You broke through those walls, Ianto. You tore them all down, melted away the ice that surrounded them, and made me realize that I don't have to be emotionally cold and distant. That's a gift that I don't think I can ever repay you for.

It's hard to describe just how your warmth has taken over my life, the million and one things that it's changed about me.

All of those changes have been for the better. You've taken a man who still felt broken and guilty over something that was inevitable, and turned him into someone who can face life with a much lighter soul than would have been possible without you.

The guilt of Gallifrey's fate and my part in it will always be with me. That's a coldness that won't ever stop seeping into me, and I've accepted that. But with you in my life, I can hold that coldness at bay, and make sure that it doesn't trap me in a frozen prison of my own making.

It was hard for me to accept that warmth at first -- but a part of me gravitated towards it, drawn like the proverbial moth to the flame, beating the wings of my own self-destructive tendencies against your light and warmth until they were shredded.

I may never be able to completely make those feelings that I've carried with me for so long go away -- but I know that with your help, I'll have an easier time pushing them away.

There's a warmth in my hearts and in my soul whenever I look at you or even think of you, Ianto, a warmth that's never been there for anyone else. I hope you know that I'll always keep that fire burning, and that there's always a place for you in my arms and in my hearts.

Always,

Your

Doctor

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