Title: Gaffer Tape
By: hobbit985
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: PG
Summary: Why did Jack suddenly retreat back into his office after he caught sight of Ianto holding the aerial? Set after 'Sleeper' but no actual spoilers for the episode.

***

Jack knew he was in trouble. He'd known from the moment he'd seen Ianto enter the Hub after detaching the aerial from the SUV. He managed to avoid the Welshman until after they'd finished dealing with the Sleeper, but when the others had slowly drifted home he knew it was an unavoidable confrontation.

Jack filed away his paperwork and locked the Sleeper blade in the archives, before heading out of his office where he almost fell over Ianto.

"Gaffer tape?" The look on Ianto's face said Jack needed to tread VERY carefully.

"Um… yes…" Jack said quietly. Clearly this was the wrong answer.

"What were you thinking?"

"I needed a way to get in contact!" Jack protested, attempting to move past Ianto and failing miserably.

"Couldn't you have just held the aerial?" Ianto asked.

"Well I was driving and I had to use the metal of the SUV to boost the signal," Jack was flapping his arms now, looking flustered.

"So you decided to stick it to the wing mirror with gaffer tape?" Ianto was waving the aforementioned aerial at Jack threateningly now.

"Well… yes…" Jack shifted uncomfortably, feeling very much like a naughty child.

"Do you know how long it's going to take me to remove the tape, all the residue and replace the mirror?" Ianto asked.

"Why do you have to replace the mirror?"

"Because, Jack Harkness, it is impossible to remove the tape residue from the mirror!" Ianto was seriously close to shoving the aerial up Jack's nose the way he was gesturing.

"It can't take that long surely?" Jack knew the minutes the words had left his mouth they were the wrong ones.

"To remove the tape fourteen minutes, to remove the residue one hour and twenty three minutes, and to drive to the nearest garage, be told they don't do the right size mirrors and have to drive round trying to find one that does four hours, sixteen minutes and thirty two seconds, to actually fit the mirror one hour forty two minutes and to drive back here two hours, seven minutes and twenty one seconds," Ianto replied heatedly. "That's nine hours, thirty five minutes and fifty three seconds of my life I will never get back!"

Jack looked at him sheepishly.

"The stopwatch came in handy again then?"

Ianto growled and started whacking Jack with the aerial.

"Ow! Hey that hurts!" Jack complained, covering his head with his arms.

"So did fixing the SUV!" Ianto snapped, finally relenting and stalking off.

"Does this mean you don't want to have sex later?" The only reply Jack got, was the aerial being thrown at the back of his retreating head.

***