Title: In the Gloaming
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Jack Harkness
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Rating: PG-13
Table: VRD challenge - Purple, 5_prompts
Prompt: In the violet twilight
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Jack Harkness. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor sighed as he looked around him, feeling more at home in the darkening twilight than he had thought he would. It had been so long since he'd let himself come to a place like this and relax; he'd forgotten how it felt to let his guard down.

Of course, after Jack had left, he hadn't felt much like being in a place that would make him feel calm and relaxed. He'd concentrated far too much on keeping busy, always being on the go, keeping his mind as occupied as he could.

He'd been trying to push the fact that Jack had left him out of his mind, to make himself forget that the man he loved had walked away from him. He'd refused to look that fact in the face, preferring to push it as far to the back of his memory as he possibly could.

But now, Jack was back with him; he could let himself enjoy places like this again, even though that little seed of doubt still remained in the back of his mind, waiting to jump out at him and extend its claws, ready to tear his hearts to shreds.

Jack had assured him that would never happen again; he'd looked the Doctor directly in the eyes and told him that he wasn't going to leave. They'd talked this over, not once, but many times. Yet that doubt still remained, even here in this peaceful place.

The violet shadows lengthened across the ground; the Doctor watched them without really seeing what he was gazing at. The only thing that he could visualize was how Jack had looked when he'd said those fateful words, those words that had cut so deeply into his hearts.

He really shouldn't cling to that part of his life; it was over now, and he believed Jack when the immortal told him that there wouldn't be a repeat. Jack had done what he felt that he had to do, and he'd found that his place was here, by the Doctor's side.

It was just so hard not to bring those memories out and relive them when they had been a part of him for so long; even now, when he spent all of his nights in Jack's arms, those memories could manifest as dreams, shaking him awake in the dead of night.

How many times had he awakened in a cold sweat, swallowing a scream that he didn't want Jack to hear? Not that many, really, but those dreams shouldn't be happening at all. He should be able to accept his lover's words as truth and put his memories aside.

The Doctor sighed, laying back on the blanket that Jack had spread out on the ground. It wasn't that easy to forget the pain he'd been through -- not physical, but emotional. That pain slicing into his hearts had been worse than any physical agony he'd ever had to endure.

He didn't turn his head as Jack came out of the Tardis to sit down beside him with a sigh. He didn't even make a sound or say a word when Jack's arm wrapped around his waist; he simply sat there, his gaze focused on the deepening purple shadows all around them.

"Okay, Doc, what's wrong?" Jack finally said, his voice soft. "And don't try to tell me it's nothing. I know you well enough to know when something's bugging you. When you get this quiet, you've got a lot on your mind. And unless I miss my guess, it's about me."

"I keep thinking about -- well, you know." The Doctor knew that he didn't have to elaborate any further; Jack would know exactly what he meant. "I can't get the doubt out of my head that even though you say you won't leave -- it could happen again."

Jack sighed, shaking his head as he moved his arm from around the Doctor's waist and turned to face the Time Lord. Reaching out, he took the Doctor's face between his hands, forcing the other man to look at him, locking their gazes.

"I'm not going to leave you again," he whispered, the words strong and firm even though they were barely audible. "I was fucking miserable in the time I was away from you. I tried to pretend that the life I made for myself was enough -- but I was lying to myself."

The immortal heaved a sigh, closing his eyes for a few seconds before he opened them again as he continued to speak, holding the Doctor's gaze with his own. "All I wanted was to be back with you. I've never regretted anything so much in my life as leaving you. I should never have done it."

The Doctor couldn't tear his gaze from Jack's face; his lover's gaze was boring into his own, so deeply that he could swear Jack was seeing into his very soul. He didn't need to say a word; Jack had heard all of his doubts and fears already. He was familiar with them.

"How many times can I tell you that I won't leave again? All I can do is say it over and over again until you believe me," Jack told him, his voice gaining strength and volume. "I'll keep saying it, Doc, as many times as I need to. Maybe one day you'll believe it's the truth."

"I want to believe it," the Doctor whispered, unable to speak any louder. "I want to with all my hearts. I'm just .... I'm scared, Jack. I'm terrified of doing or saying something wrong and making you leave again. I couldn't bear that. Not a second time."

"You don't have to be afraid of losing me," Jack murmured, releasing his hold on the other man's face and gathering the Time Lord into his arms. "You're never going to lose me. You didn't lose me before. I might not have been with you physically, but you never lost me."

The Doctor struggled to hold back the tears that rushed to his eyes at those words; Jack had never lost him, either, though he'd wondered through many a long night if the immortal thought of him. Now he had his answer, one that he'd hoped to hear for so long.

"I'm going to be here with you for the rest of our lives," Jack whispered, pulling back slightly and focusing his gaze on the Doctor's face again. "I have to make up for lost time, y'know. We spent too much time apart, and I've got to make sure you know that's in the past."

The Doctor sniffled, blinking back the moisture that threatened to spill over from his watering eyes. He wasn't going to cry, he told himself fiercely. Not here, not now. The words that Jack was saying made him happy; there was no need to weep over them.

He let out a deep sigh, pulling back from Jack's embrace; turning slightly to look around them, he gave his lover a tremulous smile, letting Jack know that he accepted his words, and that there would be no more doubts, no more questioning.

"I won't doubt you again," he murmured, feeling a little guilty that he hadn't been able to bring himself to completely trust in what his lover had been telling him ever since they'd found each other again. "I have a hard time letting my guard down, you know."

Jack nodded, a smile tugging at his lips. "When we're alone in the gloaming like this, I think it's a lot easier for both of us to open up to each other," he said softly, leaning forward to brush a gentle kiss over the Time Lord's lips. "Don't worry about it."

"Can you ever forgive me for not completely trusting you from the moment you came back?" the Doctor asked, his words hesitant. He held his breath as he waited for the answer; he thought that he already knew what it would be, but he wanted to hear the words for himself.

"I forgave you for that from the first day," Jack told him, pulling the Doctor close against him in a warm embrace. "You had a lot to forgive me for. And honestly, I think it's probably easier for you to forgive me than it is for me to forgive myself."

"You should do that," the Doctor said, his voice catching in his throat. "Because I've forgiven you, Jack. There might still be doubts that hide in the back of my mind -- but I'll never listen to them again. They mean nothing to me. Not any more."

As Jack's lips met his again, the Doctor closed his eyes, letting himself relax completely in his lover's embrace. The violet twilight closed in around them, enveloping them in a dusky velvet cloak of near-darkness that drove every thought from their minds but their mutual need of each other.

***