First part of story - The Prince's Groom

Ianto held the sword out if front of him and pushed Jack behind him. "You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept."

"I'll give you full marks for bravery, Don't make yourself a fool." Prince Hart sneered.

"Ah, but how will you capture us? We know the secrets of the Fire Swamp. We could there happily for quite some time. So when you feel like dying feel free to visit." Ianto replied.

Jack turned to and saw and archer come from behind a tree.

"I tell you once again." Prince Hart started to talk, "surrender.

"It will not happen." Ianto said defiantly.

Jack saw another archer come from the other side.

"For the last time surrender!" Prince Hart's voice rose.

"Death first." Ianto shouted back.

"Will you promise not to hurt him?" Jack said suddenly.

"What was that?" Prince Hart asked.

Ianto turned to look at Jack. "What was that?"

Jack slowly walked forwards his eyes on Prince Hart. "If we surrender and I return with you, will you promise not to hurt this man?"

"May I live 1,000 years and never hunt again." Prince Hart said formerly.

"He is a sailor on the pirate ship Revenge. Promise to return him to his ship." Jack said coolly.

"I swear it will be done." Prince Hart replied. He nodded his head towards the archers and whispered to Countess Gwen. "Once we're out of sight, take him back to Florin and throw him in the Pit of Despair." He ordered.

"I swear it will be done." Gwen replied and watched as the Prince rode towards Jack.

"I thought you were dead once and it almost destroyed me. I could not bear it if you died again. Not when I could save you." He opened his mouth to say something else when suddenly he was pulled onto horseback and taken away.

Ianto watched with pain in his eyes.

"Come, sir, we must get you too your ship." Gwen said.

Ianto turned and walked towards here, flanked by the archers.

"We are people of action. Lies do not become up." Ianto replied smirking.

Gwen grinned. "Well spoken, sir." With a nod of her head one of the archers tied Ianto's hands tightly behind him. Ianto looked at the woman on horseback and something caught his attention, her hand. It had six fingers on it. "What is it?" She asked.

"You have six fingers on your right hand. Someone was looking for you.

Gwen brings down the hilt of her sword and hits Ianto on the head with it, he falls to the ground unconscious.

XXXXX

Water drips from the ceiling, a door creaks open as a man with a tray walks in. The dungeon is in a cavern, stairs carved into the mud. Mickey slowly walks down them trying not to drop anything.

Laying tied to a rack was Ianto. His shirt had been removed and the wound on his arm still bleeding, his shoulder complete red with it.

Mickey damps a wet cloth and starts to dab at the wound. Ianto wakes up and looks around in confusion.

"Where am I?" He asks.

"The Pit of Despair!" Mickey replies hoarsely. "Don't even thing…" He coughs and hacks clearing his voice and starts again to talk, normally this time. "Don't even thing about trying to escape. The chains are far too thick and don't dream of being rescued either. The only way in is secret. Only the Prince the Countess and I know how to get in and out." He says as he continues to tend to the wound.

"Then I'm here till I die?" Ianto says.

Mickey nods. "Till the kill you." He walks away and gets a dry cloth.

Ianto turns his head and frowns at the wound that is being taken care off. He turns back to Mickey. "Then why bother curing me?"

"The Prince and the Countess always insist on everyone being healthy before they're broken."

"So it's to be torture?" Ianto says and watches Mickey nod enthusiastically. "I can cope with torture." Mickey shakes his head this time. "You don't believe me?" Ianto asks.

"You survived the Fire Swamp. You must be very brave, but nobody withstands the Machine." Mickey walks away, Ianto staring at him as he does so.

XXXXX

Jack walks down the long corridor forlornly, his arms dangling loosely at his sides. The Prince and the Countess as he walks sadly past them.

"He's been like that ever since the Fire Swamp! It's my father's failing health that's upsetting him." Prince Hart explains.

"Of course." Countess Gwen replies.

XXXXX

"The king died that very night." Grandfather said his voice soft, "and before the following dawn Jack and Prince Hart were married and at noon he met her subjects again - this time as their king."

XXXXX

King Hart stands at the edge of the balcony and shouts out to the crowd below. "My father's words were …."

XXXXX

"Hold it, hold it Grandpa you read that wrong. He doesn't marry Hart, he marries Ianto I'm just sure of it. After all that Ianto did for him, if he didn't marry him…it wouldn't be fair."

The Grandfather looks over at the boy in the bed. "Well who says life is fair? Where is that written? Life isn't always fair!"

The boys voice raises. "I'm telling you, you're messing up the story! Now get it right!"

"Do you want me to go on with this?"

He lowers his head and replies in a sheepish voice. "Yes."

"All right then, no more interruptions. 'At noon he met his subjects again - this time as their king."

XXXXX

"My father's final words were 'love him and I love him and there will be joy'. I present to you your king. King Jack." Hart said.

The crowd murmurs and turn to see their new king. The fanfare starts and slowly Jack walks towards them

"Boooo, booooo, boooo." Old woman Estelle shouts from the crowd, as the others go to their knees she stays standing.

"Why do you do this?" Jack asks.

"Because you had love in your hands and you gave it up!"

"They would have killed Ianto if I hadn't done it."

"Your true love lives and you marry another." Estelle points a finger at him. "True love save him in the Fire Swamp he treated it like garbage and that is what he is - the King of Refuse. So bow down to him if you want. Bow down. Bow to the King of Slime, the King of filth, the King of Putrescence! Booo! Booo!" Estelle walks towards him. "Rubbish! Filth! Slime! Muck! Booo! Booo! Boooo!"

XXXXX

Jack awakes with a gasp and climbs out of bed in a hurry.

XXXXX

Grandfather said almost whispering. "It was ten days till the wedding, the King still lived but Jack's nightmares were growing steadily worse."

"See! Didn't I tell you he'd never marry that rotten Hart!"

"Yes you're very smart. Shut up!"

XXXXX

Jack rushes to see his husband-to-be. "It comes to this I love Ianto. I always have. I know now I always will. If you tell me I must marry you in ten days please believe I will be dead by morning."

Prince Hart watches him and sighs. "I could never cause you grief, consider our wedding off." He rises to his feet. "You, erm, returned this Ianto to his ship?"

"Yes." Gwen replied.

"Then we will simply alert him. Beloved, are you certain he still wants you. After all, it was you who did the leaving in the Fire Swamp. Not to mention that pirates are not known to be men of their words."

"My Ianto will always come for me." Jack replied.

"Ah…I suggest a deal. You write four copies of a letter, I'll send my four fastest ships one in each direction. The Dread Pirate Roberts is always close to Florin this time of year. We'll run up the white flag and deliver your message. If Ianto wants you, bless you both. If not…please consider me as an alternative to suicide. Are we agreed?"

Jack nods.

XXXXX

"Your Prince is really quite a winning creature." Gwen says. "A trifle simple, perhaps but his appeal is undeniable."

"I know. The people are quite taken with him. It's odd, but when I hire Owen to have him murdered on our engagement day I thought that was clever but it's going to be much more moving when I strangle him on his wedding night. Once Guilder is blamed, the nation will be truly outraged. They'll demand we go to war." The two of them snigger at the thought.

"Where is that secret knot?" Gwen asks herself. "It's impossible to find." She starts to push at the tree until a door opens. "Are you coming down into the pit. Ianto's got his strength back. I'm starting him on the Machine tonight."

"Gwen you know how much I love watching you work but I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my husband to murder and Guilder to frame for it. I'm swamped." Prince Hart said.

Gwen walks over to him. "Get some rest, if you haven't got your health you haven't got anything."

XXXXX

Ianto is strapped down with leather to the rack and there is a piece that runs over his mouth.

Mickey sets Ianto up to the Machine as Gwen walks over to him.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" She whispers. The strap moved from his mouth to his chin. He looks at her with disbelief. "Took me half a life time to invent it. I'm sure you've discovered my deep and abiding interest in pain. At present I'm writing the definitive work on the subject." Gwen explained as Mickey attached clamps to Ianto's nipples. "So I want you to be totally honest with me on how the machine makes you feel. This being our first try I'll use the lowest setting." With that Gwen grabbed the lever and pushed it to level One. Water was released and rushed down to a wheel, which in turn started to move.

Ianto's body started to jerk as electricity pulsed through his body through the clamps that were attached to his body. Gwen and Mickey watched him, their faces full of interest. Gwen puts the machine back to 0.

Ianto pants as the pain stops going through him, his body still jerking.

"As you know, the concept of the suction pump is centuries old." Gwen walks away and sits down. "Really, that's all this is, except that instead of sucking water, I'm sucking life. I've just sucked one year of your life away. I might one day go as high as five but I really don't know what that would do to you, so let's just start with what we have. What did this do to you? Tell me, and remember, this is for posterity, so be honest. How do you feel?" Ianto whimpers quietly. "Interesting."

XXXXX

Prince Hart is sitting as he desk surrounded in scrolls. A man walks in and clears his throat.

"Tommy." Prince Hart says.

"Sire." Tommy replies.

Prince Hart indicates impatiently that the young man come stand next to him. Tommy kneels down and places a hand on the side of the chair. Prince Hart glares at him until the he moves it and places his own arm there instead.

"As Chief Enforcer of all Florin, I trust you with this secret. Killers from Guilder are infiltrating the Thieves Forest and planning to murder my groom on our wedding night."

Tommy shook his head. "My spy network has heard no such news."

"Any word from Ianto?" Jack asks as he walks into the room.

The two men stand. "Too soon, my angel! Patience."

"He will come for me."

"Of course." Prince Hart replies and watches Jack leave. "He will not me murdered. On the day of the wedding, I want the Thieves Forest emptied and every inhabitant arrested."

Tommy sighs. "Many of the thieves will resist. My regular enforcers will be inadequate."

"Form a brute squad then." The Prince shouts at him. "I want the Thieves Forest empty before I wed!"

"It won't be easy sire."

"Try ruling the world sometime."

XXXXX

There was lots of commotion as the brute squad enter3ed the forest.

XXXXX

Grandfather spoke softly. "The day of the wedding arrived. The Brute Squad had their hands full carrying out Hart's orders."

XXXXX

"Is everyone out?" Tommy asked.

"Almost but a Japanese woman is giving us some trouble."

"Well you give her some trouble." Tommy replied.

XXXXX

"I am waiting for you Owen." Tosh called out drunkenly. "You told me to back to the beginning, so I have! This is where I am! This is where I'll stay! I will not be moved!"

"Ho there." A soldier turned the corner a axe in hand.

"I do not budge, keep your 'Ho there'"

"But the Prince gave orders."

Tosh stumbled to her fling swiping her sword from side to side. "So did Owen, when a job went wrong you went back to the beginning. Well this is where we got the job, so is the beginning and I am staying till Own come."

"You, brute! Come here!"

"I am waiting for Owen." Tosh said as she sat down.

Large hands grip hold of her shoulders. "You surely are a meanie." Tosh pulls one away and puts her tiny hand against it and the she looks up and smiles. "Hello." Rhys says.

"It's you." Tosh said.

"True." The soldier comes forward and with one hit Rhys knocks him down. "You don't look so good." Rhys moves head away as Tosh breaths on him, alcohol making her stink. "You don't smell so good either."

"Perhaps no. I feel fine."

"Yeah?" Rhys taps her on the shoulder and releases her, she falls to the ground.

XXXXX

Tosh and Rhys were reunited and as Rhys nursed his inebriated friend back to health he told Tosh of Owen's death and the existence of Countess Gwen, the six-fingered woman, considering Tosh's lifelong search he handled the news surprisingly well." Tosh slowly ate her food and then collapsed her face landing in the stew. "Rhys took great care in reviving Tosh." Rhys had grabbed the back of Tosh's clothes and was dunking her head in cold water and then hot water.

"That's enough! That's enough! Tosh said pushing away from Rhys her hair plastered against her head. "Where is this Gwen now so I may kill her."

"She's with the Prince in the castle, but the castle gate is guarded by 30 men." Rhys explained.

"Ah!" Tosh said in disgust turning around kicking the table behind her. "How man could you handle?" She asks Rhys suddenly.

"I don't think more than ten." Rhys says.

Tosh holds out her hand and counts her fingers. "Leaving 20 for me, at my best I could never defeat that many." With a sigh she sits down. "I need Owen to plan. I have no gift for strategy."

"But Owen's dead."

"No. Not Owen. I need the man in black." Tosh says with a smile

"What?"

Tosh stands quickly. "Look, he bested you with strength - your greatness. He bested me with steel. He must of out-thought Owen and a man who can do that can plan my castle onslaught any day. Let's go." Tosh says as she walks off.

"Where?"

"To find the man in black." She said simply.

"But you don't know where he is."

"Don't bother me with trifles! After 20 years, at last my mother's soul will be at peace. There will be blood tonight!"

XXXXX

Prince Hart slowly sharpens his dagger on a stone. Tommy walks in heads towards the desk and gets down on one knee.

"Rise and report." The Prince orders.

"The Thieves Forest is emptied - 30 men guard the castle gate."

"Double it, my prince must be safe!"

"The gate has but one key and I carry that."

Footsteps are heard and the Prince sees Jack arrive.

"Ahhhh my dulcet darling, tonight we marry. Tomorrow morning your men will escort us to Florin channel where every ship in my armada waits to accompany us on our honeymoon." The Prince says as he holds Jack's hands.

"Every ship but you four fastest you mean." Jack says, the smile falls from the Prince's face. "Every ship but the four you sent."

"Yes, yes of course." Hart replies quickly. "Naturally, not those four."

Tommy clears his throat and bows. "Your majesty's," and leaves quickly.

"You never sent the ships. Don't bother lying. Doesn't matter - Ianto will come for me anyway."

"You're a silly man."

"Yes, I am a silly man for not having seen sooner that you were nothing but a coward with a heart full of fear."

"I would not say such things if I were you." Prince Hart says coolly.

"Why not? You can' hurt me. Ianto and I are joined by the bonds of love and you cannot track that, not with 1,000 bloodhounds and you cannot break it not with 1,000 swords. And when I say you're a coward that is only because you are the slimiest weakling ever to crawl the earth!"

Hart hit's the table and grabs hold of Jack's arm. "I would not say such things if I were you!" He pulls Jack through the stone corridors and locks him into his room. The Prince leaves running.

XXXXX

He rushes down the mud stairs of the pit and heads straight for Ianto and looks at him. "You truly love each other and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the storybooks say and so I think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will!" With that he moves away and pushes the leaver to the top.

"Not to 50!" Gwen shouts

Ianto's body arches as the excruciating pain runs through his body, his mouth open wide as he screams.

The Prince, Gwen and Mickey stand watching as Ianto's screams intensifies. The sound is heard through the forest and the kingdom.

Jack turns from staring into the fire at such screams.

XXXXX

"Rhys! Rhys! Listen! Do you hear? That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when Gwen slaughtered my mother. The man in black makes it now."

"The man in black?"

"His true love is marrying another tonight. So who else has the cause for ultimate suffering? Excuse me. Pardon me, it's important." Tosh says as she tries to move through the crowd. Rhys please."

"Everybody move." Rhys shouts out.

The crowd part and Tosh and Rhys start to walk.

"Thank you." Tosh says.

XXXXX

Mickey rushes back to the tree pushing a small cart. He stops suddenly as a voice speaks.

"Where is the man in black?" Turning around he sees Tosh and Rhys. "You get there from this grove, yes?" Tosh asks as she places the sword against his throat." Mickey stares at them terrified. "Rhys, jog his memory."

Rhys hits him hard on the head, the two friends watch as Mickey falls to the ground.

"I'm sorry Tosh. I didn't mean to jog him so hard." Rhys watches as Tosh walks away and gets down onto one knee and holds up the sword. "Tosh?"

"Mother, I have failed you for 20 years. Now our misery can end. Somewhere, somewhere close by, is a man who can help us. I cannot find him alone. I need you. I need you to guide my sword. Please!" Tosh gets to her feet, eyes closed. "Guide my sword." Rhys watches as slowly Tosh moves around the area, moving as if she were being guided. The sword finally ends up sticking in a tree. With a sigh and a disappointed look she leans against it. A door in the tree creaks open. Tosh and Rhys walk inside.

XXXXX

Ianto lay on the wooded bench, Rhys lays his head down on the still chest.

"He's dead." Rhys says.

"Just is not fair." Tosh said sadly.

XXXXX

"Grandpa, Grandpa wait. Wait. What did Rhys mean, 'He's dead?' I mean…he didn't mead dead? Ianto's only faking…right?"

"You want me to read this or not?"

"Who gets Hart?"

"I don't understand." Grandfather replies.

"Who kills Prince Hart, at the end? Somebody's got to do it! Is it Tosh? Who?"

"Nobody. Nobody kills him. He lives."

"You mean he wins?" The grandson says getting upset. "Jesus, Grandpa what did you read me this thing for?"

"You know, you've been very sick and you're taking this story very seriously. I think we oughta stop now." Grandfather closes the book and starts to stand.

"No, I'm ok, I'm ok. Sit down. I'm all right."

He sits back down again. "Ok. All right now, let's see where were we? Oh, yes in the Pit of Despair."

XXXXX

Tosh looks up at Rhys. "Well, we Sato's have never taken defeat easily. Come alone Rhys. Bring the body."

"The body?"

"Have you any money?" Tosh asks.

"I have a little."

"I just hope it's enough to buy a miracle, that's all."

XXXXX

Tosh and Rhys come to this little cottage on knock on the door.

"Go away!" A male voice shouts. Rhys hits it over and over again until it opens. "What? What?"

"Are you The Doctor, who worked for the king all of those years?" Tosh asked.

"The King's stinking son fired me and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. Why you're at it why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed." With that the tall good looking man shuts the small wooden flap. Tosh starts to hit on the door again until it opens. "Beat it or I'll call the Brute Squad!"

"I'm on the Brute Squad." Rhys says.

"You are the Brute Squad." The Doctor replies.

"We need a miracle. It's very important." Tosh asks.

"Look, I'm retired. Besides, why would you want someone the King's stinking son fired? I might kill whoever you wanted me to miracle."

"He's already dead." Tosh explained.

"He is, eh? I'll take a look. Bring him in."

XXXXX

Rhys and Tosh bring in Ianto and lay him on the table. The Doctor holds up one of Ianto's arms and watches as it falls onto the table.

"I've seen worse." The Doctor starts to push and prod at Ianto's chest." He mutters quietly to himself.

"Sir?, Sir?" Tosh repeats herself

"Huh?" The Doctor looks at her.

"We're in a terrible rush."

"Don't rush me girlie. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles. You got money?"

"65." Tosh answers.

"Phew! I never worked for so little. Except once, and that was a very noble cause."

"This is noble, sir. His wife is crippled, his children are on the brink of starvation."

"Are you a rotten liar." The Doctor tells Tosh.

Tosh leans forward. "I need him to help me avenge my mother, murdered these 20 years."

"Your first story was better. Where's the bellows? He probably owes you money, huh?" The Doctor asks as he gets the bellows. "Well, I'll ask him."

"He's dead. He can't talk." Tosh said confusion on her face.

"Whooo! Look who knows so much, huh? Well, it just so happens that your friend here is only mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Please open his mouth." Tosh opens Ianto's mouth, while The Doctor puts the end of the bellows in. "Now, mostly dead is slightly alive." He starts to push the handles together. "Now, all dead - well, with all dead, there's usually only one thing that you can do."

"What's that?" Tosh asks.

"Go through his clothes and look for loose change." He pushes a few more times and removes the bellows. "Hey! Hello in there! Hey! What's so important? What you got here that's worth living for?" With that he pushes down on Ianto's chest.

"True…love." Ianto says.

"True love. You heard him." Tosh said. "You could not ask for a more noble cause that that."

"Girlie, true love is the greatest thing in the world. Except for a nice MLT - mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich - when the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato's ripe. They're so perky. I love that." The Doctor said licking his lips. "But that's not what he said. He distinctly said 'to blave'. And as we all know 'to blave' means to bluff, huh? So you were probably playing cards and he cheated."

A woman shrieks from the door. "Liar! Liar! Liar!"

"Get back, witch"

"I'm not a witch, I'm your best friend Donna. But after what you just said I'm not sure I wanna be that any more."

"You never had it so good."

"True love. He said, 'true love Doctor." Donna repeated.

"Don't say another word Donna."

Donna turns to Tosh and Rhys. "He's afraid. Ever since Prince Hart fired him, his confidence is shattered."

"Why did you say that name. You promised me that you would never say that name."

"What Hart?"

"Arg!" The Doctor shouts.

"Hart! Hart!" Donna repeats over and over again following her best friend around.

"Arg! Arg!" He repeats every time she says his name.

"Hart! Hart."

"I'm not listening."

"True love is expiring and you don't have the decency to say why you won't help."

"Nobody's hearing nothing." The Doctor mutters.

"Hart! Hart!" Donna starts again.

"This is Jack's true love. If you heal him, he will stop Hart's wedding." Tosh explains.

The Doctor turns to her. "Shh! Wait. I make him better, Hart suffers?"

"Humiliations galore." Tosh says with a grin.

"Ha, ha, ha." The Doctor sings. "That is a noble cause. Give me the 65 - I'm on the job!"

XXXXX

The Doctor gently covers a large looking piece of chocolate.

"That's a miracle pill?" Tosh asks.

"The chocolate coating makes it go down easier, but you have to wait 15 minutes for full potency. And he shouldn't go in swimming after for at least. What?"

"An hour, a good hour." The Doctor answers

"Thank you for everything?" Tosh says as they walk out carrying Ianto and the miracle pill.

"Bye Bye." Donna calls out.

"Have fun storming the castle." The Doctor says as he waves.

"Think it'll work?" Donna asks.

"It would take a miracle."

XXXXX

A the castle wall Tosh and Rhys carry and dead Ianto along to where they could see the main gate.

Rhys looks over. "Tosh, there's more than 30."

"What's the difference?" Tosh grabs the back of Ianto's head. "We've got him. Help me here." They move Ianto until he is leaning against the wall. "We'll have to force-feed him."

"Has it been 15 minutes?"

"We can't wait. The wedding is in half an hour. We must strike in the hustle and bustle before hand. Tilt his head back, open his mouth." Tosh pushes the pill into Ianto's mouth.

"How long do we have to wait before if we know that the miracle works?"

Tosh shakes her head. "You're guess is as good as mine."

Ianto's eyes suddenly open.

"I'll beat you apart! I'll take you both together." Ianto said his voice rising.

Rhys clamped his hand over Ianto's mouth. "I guess not very long." Rhys said.

Ianto looks down at his body. "Why won't my arms move?"

"You've been mostly dead all day." Rhys explained.

"We had The Doctor make a pill to bring you back." Tosh said.

"Who are you? Are we enemies? Why am I on this wall? Where's Jack?"

"Let me explain…No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Jack is marrying Hart in less that half an hour. So all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, still the Prince, make our escape after I kill Countess Gwen." Tosh said quickly.

Ianto twitched his finger. "That doesn't leave much time for dilly-dallying." He said.

"You just wiggled you finger that's wonderful." Rhys said with a smile.

"I've always been a quick healer. What are our liabilities?" Ianto asks Tosh.

"There is but one working gate. Come here." They move Ianto so he can peek over the wall. "And it is guarded by..60 men."

"And our assets?"

"You brains, Rhys' strength and my steel."

"That's it? Impossible. If I had a month to plan, maybe I'd come up with something - but this." He said with a shake of his head.

"You just shook your head. That doesn't make you happy?" Rhys said grinning.

Ianto's head moved loosely as he turned to look at Rhys. "My brains, her steel and your strength against 60 men and you think a little head-jiggle is supposed to make me happy, hmmm? I mean if only we had a wheelbarrow, that would be something."

Tosh looked up at Rhys. "Where did we put that wheelbarrow that Mickey had?"

"Over by him, I think." Rhys replied.

"And why didn't you list that among our assets in the first place?" Ianto sighs. "What I wouldn't give for a holocaust cloak."

"There we cannot help you." Tosh answered.

Rhys pulled out a cloak from under his shirt. "Will this do?"

"Where did you get that?" Tosh asked.

"At The Doctor's. It fit so nice he said I could keep it."

"All right, all right. Come on, help me up." Ianto asked. Rhys and Tosh help him to his feet holding him tightly. "Now, I'll need a sword eventually, he said as his head flopped forward.

"Why, you can't even lift one." Tosh says as Rhys pulls his head back.

"True, but that's hardly common knowledge is it?" Ianto says as his head goes backwards. Rhys once again pushes it too its upright position. "Thank you. Now, there may be problems once we are inside." His head flops forward again, Rhys comes to the rescue.

"I'll say! How do I find the Countess? Once I do, how do I find you again? Once I find you again, how do we escape?" Tosh asks quickly.

"Don't pester him. He's had a hard day." Rhys says.

"Right, right. Sorry." Tosh says, Rhys takes hold of Ianto's head and makes him nod.

"Tosh." Rhys whispers

"What?" Tosh replies.

"I hope we win."

XXXXX

"You don't seem excited, my little muffin?" John asks Jack as she stands behind him.

"Should I be?"

"Grooms often are, I'm told."

"I do not marry tonight. My Ianto will save me." Jack looks at John briefly before he walks off.

John Hart smirks and then follows.

XXXXX

It has gotten dark as the three heroes poke their heads over the wall and then back down. The look at each other. Tosh holds out her hand, Rhys lays his on top. With a swing of his shoulder Ianto manages to make his land on the very top.

XXXXX

Inside the church, the music plays.

Clergyman Wilf turns to look at the two who are about to be married his raises his hands and everyone stands.

"Mawidge, mawidge is what bwings us together today. Mawidge, that bwessed awagement, that dweam within a dweam."

A man can be heard outside. "Stand your ground men. Stand your ground."

XXXXX

A huge dark figure surrounded in smoke moves forward

"Stand your ground."

"I am the Dread Pirate Roberts." Rhys' deep voice echoes around them. There will be no survivor." Tosh is pushing her friend in the wheelbarrow with Ianto over her back.

"Now?" She asks struggling to move.

"Not yet." Ianto answers.

"My men are here, I am here." Rhys continues but soon you will not be here." He raises his hand and points.

"Now." Tosh squeaks out.

"Light him." Ianto replies.

With a candle, Tosh lights the cloak which goes up in flames.

"The Dread Pirate Roberts takes no survivors. All your worst nightmares are about to come true." The soldiers keep backing away.

XXXXX

Clergyman Wilf continues his speech. "Wuv, twue wuv will follow you fowever."

Prince Hart looks at Gwen and nods. She turns walks away clicking her fingers so that some more soldiers follow her

XXXXX

"The Dread Pirate Roberts is here for your soul."

The soldiers in a panic run in different directions.

"Stay where you are and fight." Tommy orders. "Stay where you are." All the men are gone, he is alone. He turns and sees the flaming cloak.

XXXXX

"So tweasure you wuv."

"Skip to the end." Hart orders.

"Have you the wring?"

Hart places the ring on Jack's finger.

"Here comes my Ianto now."

XXXXX

Rhys pulls of the cloak. "Rhys, the portcullis." Ianto orders.

Rhys take hold of the metal bars and pushes them up. Tommy stands there scared.

XXXXX

"Your Ianto is dead." Hart says. "I killed him myself."

"Then why is there fear behind your eyes?" Jacks asks.

XXXXX

"Give us the gate key." Ianto says.

"I have no gate key." Tommy shakes his head.

"Rhys, tear his arms off." Tosh orders.

"Oh you mean this gate key." Tommy holds it out. Rhys takes it from him.

XXXXX

"And do you Prince Jwack."

"Husband and husband, say husband and husband." Hart orders

"Husband and husband." Clergyman Wilf repeats.

Jack stares, shock covering his handsome features. "Escort the groom to the honeymoon suite. I'll be there shortly." Hart shoves Jack at his father.

"He didn't come" Jack said dully.

Gwen runs down a corridor closely followed by guards. Tosh, sword in hand walks quietly around the castle, with Rhys who is dragging Ianto.

The come to a crossroad of corridors, Tosh pokes her head around the corner it is a clear. She turns and looks at Ianto who indicates which way they should go.

Suddenly from the other end Gwen and the soldiers appear, they meet in the centre.

"Kill the dark one and the giant, leave the third for questioning." Gwen orders.

The soldiers rush them and Tosh takes them all out with quick easy strokes of her sword

Gwen stands alone, sword in hand.

"Hello, my name is Toshiko Sato. You killed my mother, prepare to die." She says to Gwen.

Gwen aims her sword, then suddenly turns and runs, Tosh right on her heals.

Rhys and Ianto look at each other.

XXXXX

Gwen turns a corner, opens a door. Tosh tries to open the door but it is locked she bangs against it a few times but it will not budge.

"Rhys I need you." She calls out.

"I can't leave him alone."

"She's getting away from me Rhys. Please!" Tosh shouts. "Rhys."

XXXXX

Rhys wraps Ianto's arms around a suit of armour so it would keep him upright.

"I'll be right back." Rhys says as he rushes off to help Tosh.

XXXXX

Rhys stops Tosh from running at the door again, with one hard push the door comes of its hinges and then indicates for Tosh to enter.

"Thank you." She says as she rushes through.

Rhys turns away and heads back to where he left Ianto.

XXXXX

"Strange wedding." The King said.

"Yes very strange." The Queen replied. Jack walking numbly between them. "Come along."

Jack kisses the King on the cheek. "What was that for?"

"Because you've always been so kind to me and I won't be seeing you again. Since I will be killing myself once we reach the honeymoon suite."

"Won't that be nice, hmm?" The King replied. "He kissed me!" He said laughing.

XXXXX

Countess Gwen continues to run down a maze of corridors hoping to escape but Tosh is still right behind her.

XXXXX

Rhys stands and looks around, he was sure that this was where he left Ianto.

XXXXX

Gwen stops for a moment and pulls a dagger from her boot and runs down some stairs, she stops. As soon as Tosh is in sight she throws it and it plunges into Tosh's stomach.

Tosh gets pushed back to the wall. "Sorry mother." She whispers, her hand holding the hilt of the dagger. "I tried. I tried."

"You must be the Japanese brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago. Simply incredible. Have you been chasing me your whole life, only to fail now? I think that is the worst thing I've ever heard." Gwen utters as she walks towards Tosh. "How marvellous."

Tosh collapses to the floor in agony.

XXXXX

Jack walks into the honeymoon suite sad and alone. He sits at the table and opens a box. In there lay a dagger." He holds it up to his chest.

"There's a shortage of good masculine chests in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours." Ianto says.

Jack suddenly turns around and sees the man he loves laying on the bed.

"Ianto." Jack rushes over to the bed and climbs on top of Ianto. "Oh, Ianto, darling." He covers Ianto's face in kisses. Ianto tries to kiss him back. "Jack why won't you hold me?"

"Gently." Ianto says.

"At a time like this, that's all you can think to say - gently." Jack pulls Ianto head up and kisses him.

Ianto's eyes widen. "Gently." He repeats in a high pitched voice. Jack lets go of his head and falls heavily against the pillows and he groans.

XXXXX

Tosh pulls out the blade from her stomach. Gwen's eyes widen. Tosh stumbles to her feet.

"Good heavens are you still trying to win?" Gwen asks. Tosh takes a few steps forward and stumbles back, the pain obvious in her face. "You've got an overdeveloped sense of vengeance. It's going to get you into trouble some day." She pulls out her sword and plunges forward. It goes into Tosh's shoulder as soon as the blade is taken out blood pours from the wound.

Gwen plunges it into the other shoulder, there is no reaction from Tosh. She swings the sword, Tosh manages to block it.

She swipes her sword and scars Gwen's face, just as Gwen had done to her.

Tosh's voice is soft as she speaks. "Hello, my name is Toshiko Sato, you killed my mother prepare to die." She stumbles against the table. The sword fight continues across the room. "Hello, my name is Toshiko Sato, you killed my mother prepare to die." Her voice gets louder as the fighting gets more intense. "Hello, my name is Toshiko Sato, you killed my mother prepare to die."

"Stop saying that." Gwen growls, she swings her sword. Tosh ducks and then stabs Gwen in the shoulder. "Urggg." It happens again and Tosh gets the other shoulder. "Ahhh!"

Tosh now starts to shout as they continue to fight. "Hello, my name is Toshiko Sato, you killed my mother prepare to die." Tosh has the sword in front of Gwen's face. "Offer me money."

"Yes." Gwen replies.

"Power too, promise me that."

"All that I have and more. Please." Gwen begs.

"Offer me everything I ask for."

"Anything you want." Gwen attacks Tosh.

Tosh is too fast and slides the sword through her stomach. "I want my mother back you bitch." Tosh uses her foot to push Gwen of her sword who then collapses to the ground.

Tosh, holding her stomach turns and runs out, she has to go and find her friends.

XXXXX

"Oh Ianto, will you ever forgive me?"

"What hideous sin have you committed lately?" Ianto asks.

"I got married, I didn't want to. It all happened so fast."

"It never happened."

"What?" Jack asks.

"Never happened."

"But it did, I was there." Jack protested. "This old man said, 'husband and husband'."

"Did you say, 'I do'?"

Jack thinks about it for a moment. "Oh, no. We sort of skipped that part."

"Then you're not married. If you didn't say it, you didn't do it. Wouldn't you agree, Your Highness?"

Jack turned and standing in the doorway was Prince Hart.

"A technicality that shortly will be remedied." Jack climbs of Ianto. "But first things first." John pulls out his sword. "To the death.

"No." Ianto says. "To the pain."

John pauses for a moment. "I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase."

"I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon."

"That may be the first time in my life a man has dared to insult me."

"It won't be the last. To the pain means that the first thing you'll lose will be your feet below the ankles, then your hands at the wrists, next your nose."

"And then my tongue, I suppose? I killed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight." John takes a step forward.

"I wasn't finished. Next you lose your left eye, followed by the right."

"And then my ears, I understand. Let's get on with it."

"Wrong." Ianto shouts. "Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out. 'Dear God, what is that thing?' will echo in your perfect ears. That is what 'to the pain means' - it means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever."

John stares at the man on the bed. "I think you're bluffing."

"It's possible, pig. I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you miserable, vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. The again…perhaps I have the strength after all." With that Ianto slowly rises to his feet and holds up his sword. "Drop…your…sword." John throws it to the ground quickly. "Have a seat." Ianto indicates with his weapon. John quickly rushes over and sits down. "Tie him up." Ianto tells Jack. "Make it as tight as you like."

Jack walks over and ties him up tightly.

"Ow!"

Tosh runs into the room. "Where's Rhys?"

"I thought he was with you?" Ianto replies.

"No!"

"In that case.." Ianto's legs go out from under him.

"Help him." Tosh orders.

"Why does Ianto need helping?" Jack runs over and places Ianto's arm over his shoulder.

"Because he has no strength."

"I knew it." John gloats. "I knew you were bluffing. I knew he was bluffing." He turns and ends up staring at the sharp end of Tosh's sword.

"Shall I dispatch him for you?" She asks.

"Thank you but no. Whatever happens I want him to live a long life alone with his cowardice."

"Tosh." Rhys shouts out. "Tosh where are you?" The window above Rhys head opens. "Oh, there you are. Tosh I saw the Prince's stables and there they were - four white horses and I thought there were four of us if we ever find the man. Hello sir." Rhys says waving. Jack waves back smiling. "So I took them with me in case we ever bumped into each other. I guess we just did."

"Rhys," Tosh says smiling. "You did something right!"

"Don't worry I won't let it go to my head."

They help Jack onto the window sill and he jumps. Rhys catches him and they both grin. Ianto indicates that Tosh should go first.

"You know it's very strange - I have been in the revenge business so long now that it's over, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life."

"Have you ever considered piracy?" Ianto asks. "You would make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts." Ianto jumps out of the window,

Tosh thinks about this for a moment and then also jumps. The four of them ride off on their white horses.

XXXXX

"They rode to freedom and as dawn arose Ianto and Jack knew they were safe. A wave of love swept over them and as they reached for each other." Grandfather stops suddenly.

"What? What?"

"Nah, it's kissing again. You don't want to hear that."

The grandson looks down at his bed for a moment. "Well…I don't mind so much."

"Ok." Grandfather replies as he opens the book again. "Since the invention of the kiss there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure this one left them all behind

XXXXX

Jack and Ianto lean towards each other, their mouths touch and they lose themselves in the kiss.

XXXXX

"The End." Grandfather says softly. "Now I think you oughta go to sleep."

"Ok," the boy says as he lays down and pulls the duvet up over himself.

"Ok, Ok." Grandfather mutters as he collects his things. "All right. So long."

"Grandpa. M-maybe you could come over and read it again to me tomorrow."

"As you wish," he says with a smile looking at his grandson. He then turns, switches off the light and closes the door behind him leaving the young boy alone in his room.

The End