Title: Hand on Heart
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG
Table: 2, letter100
Prompt: 31, Messenger
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

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Dearest Ianto,

There are times when we talk lately that I feel I'm tripping over my own words. They don't seem to come out in the way that I want them to, even though I know you understand and would never take offense, even when my words feel clumsy and half-formed.

Still, I hate that I have a hard time trying to express myself in speech. It seems so much easier to say what I mean in letters -- then, I have a facile command of words and they just seem to flow onto the paper from the pen in my hand.

So much of the time lately I feel that my letters are a messenger for what's in my hearts, because my hearts -- and my tongue -- can't say the words aloud that I want to tell you.

That may sound silly, considering how long we've been together. I shouldn't have such a hard time with talking to you -- I know that we can tell each other anything, and that no matter what I might have to say, you'll accept me and love me.

I suppose that there's still a part of me that fears to say the wrong thing -- and that's why I can be so tongue-tied. Though when it comes to matters of the heart, there never seems to be a problem with communication between the two of us.

You know what's in my hearts. I don't have to put it down in words -- though I realise that I should tell you more how much much I love you. I don't do that nearly enough, though the emotions are there, growing stronger every day.

These letters that I write to you are the messengers for my hearts. They can often say the words that I don't say, express the feelings that don't come easily to me in speech. I'm working on being able to say those words aloud more often, but until then, these letters will have to do.

Sometimes I wonder why I worry so much about expressing those words to you aloud. I know that you feel the same as I do when we look into each other's eyes; I can see everything that you feel for me there in those blue-grey depths when I gaze at you.

It's really rather ridiculous that I have a hard time putting my emotions into words. As you've seen before, I'm usually never at a loss for words. I've always been able to talk a mile a minute, especially since I've been in this body.

Words have always slipped off my tongue without my thinking about them -- except when it comes to expressing my innermost emotions.

Then, I feel inadequate, as though no words could ever be enough to express what I'm feeling in my hearts. I've told you that several times, and I think you're the first person who's ever understood -- probably because you've admitted that you feel the same.

You've put your hand on your heart many times and declared to me that I'm your one and only, and my own hearts have melted at the sight. I can't doubt the sincerity in your eyes whenever you've done that; all I can see is love in that simple gesture.

Whenever I've seen you in front of me, hand on heart, gazing into my eyes and declaring your love for me, I've known that I don't need a physical messenger to get my emotions across to you. You can see that message loud and clear, without needing words to express it.

I may not need these messengers to express my emotions to you, but I want to have them. I want to let you know in every way -- written and spoken words, as well as my actions -- that I'm declaring my love for you as adamantly as you've done for me.

I've never knelt in front of you with my hand over my hearts, whispering to you that you're everything to me and that you're the centre of my life. But you know that the sentiments are there, even though I've never expressed them in such a beautiful way.

Seeing you there in front of me, hand on heart, head bowed and declaring your love for me, was the most beautiful message I've ever received.

And then when you got to your feet and kissed me .... that feeling was the most overwhelming sense of joy and purpose that I've ever had. In those moments, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that you were the man I was meant to be with.

So, this letter is the messenger for my hearts, telling you how much I love you. This is to tell you that not only are you the centre of the universe for me, but that you always will be, through the time that we have together and beyond, into infinity.

Maybe I don't need a messenger, but it gives me a feeling of peace and security to have these letters. Just so you'll know that you're on my mind, as well as in my hearts. It's one more link in the chain that connects us -- a bond that grows stronger every day.

Your

Doctor

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