Title: But only for a heartbeat
By: MrBrightside
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: PG-13
Summary: First Jack/Ianto fic. Written to kind of convey thoughts. But also cos I love Jack/Ianto-ness.

***

"Sir?"

It was late at the Hub, and all the team had gone home except Jack and Ianto. Jack was at his workstation - head in hands. His pet position. Ianto was wandering aimlessly - tidying here and there. His pet late-night hobby. It was the same every night. Ianto found his way to Jack, asked if he wanted anything, brought him a vodka on command, then left.

"Sir, can I get you anything?"

It had been going on for weeks. Neither slept, neither awoke. Jack neither needed nor wanted sleep - what with every subconsious moment riddled with nightmare. Ianto neither wanted nor could get sleep - what with every dream leaving him sweating.

"A vodka, Ianto"

Both knew that the drink wouldn't help Jack. It never did. Ianto, however, had vowed not to drink again. He occupied himself with countless trips to the pharmacy to buy painkillers. Inbetween these errands, he consumed the painkillers alarmingly fast. Both knew that the drugs wouldn't help Ianto. They never did. Anything to take away the heartache.

"Of course, sir"

Shit, I can't do this much longer, Ianto thought to himself every night. But every night he let every opportunity slip through his fingers. Fuck, I can't keep hurting him, Jack thought to himself every night. But every night he never tried to stop himself. Couldn't. But every time they put these things off, it was less likely they would do them at all.

"Here you are, sir."

After Ianto handed Jack his vodka, he always lingered just in sight of Jack. Each night, he fought the same mental battle. Say something, his heart was telling him. You'll make a fool of yourself, his head retorted. And each night his head got the better of him, and he walked sadly away. Tonight, though, he lingered for longer.

"Thanks, Ianto."

Every time Ianto turned his back on Jack and walked away, Jack vowed to himself that he'd never hurt Ianto again. The following evening he'd always curse himself for the flippant way he made vows. When Ianto stood sadly in view, Jack stared at him with longing out of the corner of his eyes. Eventually, he concentrated on nursing his vodka. Tonight, thought, he stared for longer.

"I ought to get on."

Ianto couldn't keep the tremor from his voice. It had taken him however long to muster up the courage to stutter 5 words. 5 simple, pathetic words. But it was a start. Anything could happen with 5 words. It just depends on your choice of words. Had he chosen 'I think I love you'... that didn't bear thinking about. How Ianto longed to utter those words to Jack. He wished with all his broken heart that he would say it one day.

"With what, Ianto?"

Jack almost choked on his words. Almost choked on 3 words. 3 simple, meaningless words. But were they meaningless? Jack didn't even know what he meant. An accusing jab? Sexual innuendo? An innocent conversation starter? What would Ianto think? Jack cursed with every past, present and future word he could think of. Oh how Jack prayed he could say the 3 words he wanted to. So simple - 'I love you'.

"With what indeed."

Ianto's eyes flashed with lust. But only for a hearbeat. What did Jack mean? Did he really want to start something? Or had Ianto made a fool of himself for nothing? Shit Ianto, he thought, just mind what you say. He had tried to make it sound casual, but it had come out all wrong. It sounded accusing, harsh, and so unlike himself. What would Jack think of him?

"There's no one around."

Time had slowed. Every hearbeat was worth a hundred hours, each thought no more than a thousand days. Silence burned holes in the air. Words weren't needed, they were just and accessory of the human body. Eyes told stories, painted pictures, sang songs. Eyes were a gift and a curse - they explain everything in a single look.

"No sir, just us."

A single look could last an eternity and explain the Universe. But a single look could mean nothing if you weren't looking properly. Ianto's look screamed 'I need you'. Jack's exclaimed 'I'm sorry'. Neither knew exactly what the other meant, but neither cared. All that mattered was the other's presence.

"Alone."

Jack's movements were slowed to the speed of the moon - almost unnoticable. The vodka had vanished, and slowly he pushed himself away from his desk. He stood at almost alien speed. He walked towards Ianto, but it was a miracle he made it there that evening. Somehow he managed to reach Ianto, and stood silently together.

"Together."

Ianto found his hands wrapped in Jack's thich hair. Jack found his arms around Ianto's waist. Both found their lips on the other's. Tongues tangled, fingers fumbled, and it was impossible to tell who carried who to Jack's cold bedroom.

***