Title: Holding On For Love
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 5, sound_of_drums
Prompt: 7, Holding On For You
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor blinked, trying to focus on his surroundings. Dimly, he realized that he was in the Tardis, apparently tucked into the bed he shared with Ianto. At least, it certainly felt like their bed -- and he could feel the comforting presence of his ship around him.

What had happened? The last thing he remembered was clinging to one of the hands of Big Ben by his fingertips -- and Ianto reaching for him, grasping his wrists. Everything that had taken place after that was a blur in his memory.

He raised his arms in front of his face, squinting at the bruises. Judging by the way his arms looked, Ianto had succeeded in pulling him back onto the ledge just behind the face of the world-famous clock -- and just in the nick of time.

The Doctor let his arms drop, leaning back against the pillows and closing his eyes. He still felt weak and disoriented, but at least he was safe here. Ianto had apparently gotten him to the Tardis, so all must be well.

At least, he hoped it was. He frowned, wishing that he could burrow down underneath the covers and forget about the rest of the world for a while. But of course, he couldn't do that -- he had to be sure that he'd managed to stop the Master.

He heard a slight rustling sound next to the bed; opening his eyes again, he turned his head to see Ianto leaning over him, looking concerned.

His young lover reached out a hand to stroke his cheek, sitting down on the bed beside hm. the Doctor let himself relax when Ianto touched him, managing a slight smile and hoping that the other man hadn't been too worried about him.

The Doctor caught Ianto's hand in his own, his gaze meeting the young Welshman's. "I'm all right, Ianto. Really," he said softly, knowing that the young man wouldn't believe him, but feeling that he had to say the words anyway.

Ianto shook his head, squeezing the Time Lord's hand. "No, you aren't, but you will be. You need some time to rest and recuperate. I know Gallifreyans aren't as fragile as humans in some ways, but you have to take care of yourself."

"I know," the Doctor answered, looking down at the blankets. He felt guilty for pulling Ianto into this life sometimes, putting him into the position where he had to risk his own life to run after a Time Lord and watch his back.

"If you don't, then I'll do it for you," Ianto admonished him, settling himself on the bed. "Believe me, I'm a rather good caretaker. I wasn't the Torchwood teaboy for all those months for nothing, you know. Dispensing care is my specialty, it seems."

Was it the Doctor's imagination, or did his lover's voice sound somewhat bitter? He hoped not; the last thing he wanted was for Ianto to feel that he wasn't important.

He knew that his boyfriend had felt that way when he was a Torchwood member -- at least until the bastard who called himself their leader had given the young man some recognition. From that point on, he'd seemed to view Ianto as being the most expendable member of the team.

But the Doctor had changed that when he'd whisked Ianto away with him. The young man was no longer a member of Torchwood; he didn't have to take orders from someone who viewed him as nothing more than a nonentity who didn't matter.

The Doctor's grip on Ianto's hand tightened at the thought; it was a good thing he'd decided to take his lover away with him when he'd had the chance. If he hadn't, he was sure that the "captain" would have thrown him into danger just to be rid of him.

But that hadn't happened, he told himself, trying to push down the anger that had flared near to the surface. Ianto was with him -- maybe not safe, given that his own life was fraught with all kinds of dangers, but at least with someone who loved him.

The love they shared was unlike anything he'd ever known, he mused, sighing and letting his tense muscles relax. Ianto had been a revelation in his life, someone he'd never expected. He'd quickly become the center of the Doctor's universe.

Maybe that was a mistake -- falling so deeply in love with a human. But Ianto was his soul mate, the man he was destined to be with. It would be impossible not to love him.

"I'm glad you were able to hang on to that ledge," Ianto murmured, slipping an arm around the Doctor's waist and pulling the Time Lord close against his body. "If you hadn't ...." His voice trailed off, a slight shudder going through his body.

The Doctor snuggled closer to his lover, feeling grateful that Ianto was there. "I was holding on for dear life," he said, not wanting to admit just how frightened he had been. "I was terrified that you wouldn't be able to grab me in time."

"So was I," Ianto whispered, his lips brushing the Doctor's hair. "All I could think of was that I might lose you -- and I knew that I couldn't let that happen. I just kept praying to whatever deity I could think of that you wouldn't let go."

"I would never have let go," the Doctor told him, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. "I was holding on for you, Ianto. For us, and for our future. I wasn't going to give up until I knew that it was absolutely hopeless."

"Thank goodness you did," Ianto murmured, tilting the Doctor's face up to his own and gazing into the Time Lord's eyes. "I wouldn't be able to exist without you, Doctor. If I'd lost you .... then I might as well have jumped off that tower and died with you."

"Don't say that!" The Doctor's voice was sharp, like the crack of a whip. "Don't think like that, Ianto. I don't want you to think you have to end your life if something happens to me."

"My life wouldn't be worth anything without you in it," Ianto told him, a frown creasing his brow. "I'm not going to go through the rest of my life mourning you, Doctor. I'd rather die with you than have to spend a lifetime regretting what I'd lost."

"But you wouldn't lose me," the Doctor said softly, his steady gaze holding Ianto's. "Physically, yes -- but I'd always be with you, Ianto. No one you truly love ever leaves you, you know -- even if you aren't with each other in the physical sense."

"I don't think I could get through the rest of my life if you weren't there," Ianto whispered, closing his eyes and resting his cheek against the Doctor's hair. "And I don't want to think about it. That's not something I like contemplating."

The Doctor nodded, resting his head against Ianto's shoulder and closing his eyes. He was more drained than he wanted to admit; hanging off the edge of that clock tower for what had seemed like an eternity had taken more out of him than he'd realized.

He'd held onto that ledge for Ianto -- knowing that his lover wouldn't be able to cope with a world where he was once again alone. If he hadn't had the knowledge that Ianto was there for him, he very well could have given up and just .... let go.

But he hadn't. He'd held on -- though he had to admit to himself that he'd thought how easy it would be to let it all end there.

"Then let's not think about it, love," he murmured, settling himself more comfortably into Ianto's embrace. "It's not going to happen for a very, very long time -- if ever. There's no reason for us to brood on something that's far in the future."

He didn't add that it was much more likely for him to be the one mourning Ianto. That inevitability was one that he didn't want to examine too closely. As he'd told others before, they could spend the rest of their lives with him -- but he couldn't spend all of his life with them.

But, as he'd already told his lover, those were things they didn't need to think about at the moment. It was all that had been on his mind while he'd been holding on to that ledge -- but now wasn't the time for those thoughts to plague his mind.

At the moment, they had each other, and they had come through another situation safely. They might both be a bit battle-scarred, but those scars were proof of their fierce devotion to each other -- scars that they had earned and could wear proudly.

The future was ahead of them -- and there was no use anticipating it before it reached them. The time when they would be parted was always looming ahead of them, but they didn't have to dwell on that parting. It would get there soon enough.

Far too soon to suit him, the Doctor thought as he relaxed in his lover's arms, letting himself drift into sleep.

***