Title: Jack Loves Ianto’s Coffee
By: amuly
Pairing: Jack/Ianto’s coffee, Jack/Ianto
Word Count: 1,054
Rating: R
Summary: When Ianto is away, even his coffee appears sexually attractive to Jack.
Warnings: Massive, and I’m talking massive, crack. Also, coffee sex and dildos.
A/N: I’m…I’m so sorry. I just…there is no explanation for this. Besides overworked thesis brain?

 

 Jack stared at the coffee sitting on his desk. More specifically, Jack stared angrily at the coffee sitting on his desk. Stared angrily and frustrated.

 Ianto wasn’t at work. Ianto wasn’t at work, and Jack was.

 Leaning back in his chair, Jack rubbed his face with his hands. He shouldn’t really be bothered: Ianto was only gone for a day. He had asked Jack earlier for the day off, so he could go visit his sister and her kids. Ianto had even offered to make him a batch of coffee before he left, and had left a steaming hot mug on Jack’s desk before kissing him goodbye.

 “It’s just for the day. I’ll be back tonight.”

 “But…Ianto…what’ll I do all day?”

“Don’t care what you do, only who you do. Now, behave yourself. I’ll be back in a few hours. Just think of it like that. Pretend I’m in the archives.”

“But, when you’re down in the archives, I know you’re there. I can just go down and…”

“Jack. I’m going. I’ll see you tonight.”

And with that, Ianto had left. Left, and left behind just a mug of coffee in his place.

Jack stared at the coffee some more. It had gone from steaming hot to comfortably warm by now, Jack noticed. Rousing himself from his irritable contemplation, Jack dipped a finger into the coffee. Yeah. Comfortably warm. Suddenly, Jack sat up straighter. He raised an eyebrow. Comfortably warm…

With all the speed born of years of getting out of sticky situations, Jack leapt out of his chair and office. He glanced around the Hub. No Tosh, no Owen, no Gwen. He wasn’t sure where they were, but he really didn’t care. Grabbing the coffee cup off his desk, Jack raced down the ladder to his bunk, trying his best not to spill any coffee in his haste. He set the coffee on the small table above the head of his bunk, then practically threw himself under his bed. Where was it, where was it…Aha!

 Triumphant smirk on his face, Jack pulled out his prize: a hollow rubber dildo. Carefully, hands almost trembling in anticipation, Jack poured Ianto’s coffee into the dildo until it was full. He stuck his finger in: still warm. Perfect. Now his hands really were trembling as he maneuvered the dildo over his own cock, like he might a condom.

“Oh, Ianto…” Jack’s eyes slid closed as the warm liquid slid over his arousal, stirring it into fully erect glory. He stroked the dildo firmly, the coffee squelching inside. Oh, it felt so good. Too good. Coffee sex should in no way feel this amazing. But it was Ianto’s coffee. Jack increased the speed of his strokes. Ianto’s coffee was good for more than just drinking…

 Jack continued to stroke his erection, throwing his head back and licking his lips. He dipped his free hand into the remaining coffee in the mug, then dragged it down his stomach, past his thrusting hips, down to his perineum. He pressed his coffee-slicked fingers there for a moment, moaning lewdly. His fingers continued their journey after a moment, pressing inside the tight ring of muscle back there.

 Jack’s hips stuttered in their rhythm as his two fingers thrust inside him. So good…Ianto’s coffee, inside him, and on him…thrusting into it and thrusting it into him… “Oh, Ianto…your coffee…so good…” Jack moaned as he thrust his fingers into him, as he thrust forward into his tight fist. Some coffee leaked out of the dildo and dripped into his pubic hair. He moaned, picturing Ianto in front of him, eager tongue lapping up the spillage, beautiful blue eyes staring up at him with lust-blown pupils, lips closing around the head…

“Ian…Ia…ah…” Jack came inside the dildo, hips jerk spasmodically, walls clenching around his fingers. He stood there for a moment, panting hard with the force of his orgasm. Then he started to collect himself: pulling his fingers out, carefully sliding the dildo off. He glanced down inside of it, at his milky come floating around inside the coffee. “Heh. Cream in the coffee…”

“Did I really just hear you say that, Jack?”

Jack jerked, spilling some of the coffee mixed with come onto his hand. Ignoring the mess, he glanced up, spotting a very amused Welshman’s head poking through the manhole. “Ianto? What are you…”

 “Sister called before I could even get onto the motorway. Kids both came down with a bug, had to take them to hospital. Looks like my visit has been postponed.” Jack watched Ianto’s head disappear, only for his feet to reappear and start descending down the ladder. Jack waited, grinning toothily as Ianto stepped down onto the floor, then turned around to face him. “Honestly, I was gone how long?”

 Jack rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “But, Ianto, I was lonely. And your coffee was just the right temperature, and it reminded me of you.” Teasingly, Jack took a step forward. “Everything you touch is sexy, Ianto. I can’t help myself.”

Coolly, Ianto arched an eyebrow, nodding down at the dildo Jack still held. “So you decided in lieu of me, you’d screw my coffee.”

“In lieu of you,” Jack agreed. “But, now that you’re here…”

 Ianto sighed and put his hands on his hips. “Do you really think it’s appropriate right now, Jack? Middle of the day and all.” Ianto cut off Jack before he could even begin to pout. “Besides, you just came. So I suppose you’ll just have to wait for tonight.”

“Oh, but Ianto…”

Ianto sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Jack, if I let you give me a quick blowjob, will you lay off until tonight?”

Jack’s grin broadened. Giving Ianto a blowjob was one of his very favorite things to do. He might even like it better than getting a blowjob from Ianto. Jack rushed to toss the dildo in his sink, then ran back to Ianto, dropping to his knees obligingly as Ianto unzipped his pants. His proud erection pushed out from between the cloth, and Jack licked his lips. As he tongued the underside of the shaft, and Ianto hummed appreciatively above him, Jack made a mental note: to mention how orgasmic Ianto’s coffee was in front of the rest of the team, and as often as possible.