Title: Look Me in the Heart
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG
Table: 3
Prompt: 81, Heartache
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

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My dearest Ianto,

I hope you've managed to find this letter. I left it in a place where I know you would look -- underneath my pillow. I knew that I didn't have the emotional strength to leave it where I knew that you would discover it as soon as you were home. I couldn't bear to think of you reading it so soon after I had left, you see.

It isn't that I don't want you to read this. On the contrary, I hope that I can explain my feelings more articulately in written words than I could when we were speaking of why I have to leave you.

This isn't forever, dearest. I can promise you that. It's only for a short time, and I'll be back in your arms sooner than you think.

I know that you were upset when I told you I had to go. The accusations you threw at me were understandable, and I know that the angry words didn't come from your heart. I understand, my love, much better than you think I do. I would feel the same, if I were in your place.

Do you think that I didn't leave a piece of myself there with you? That my hearts don't wither and die a bit more each day that I'm away from you? Do you really think that I want to spend my nights cold and lonely, away from the safety and shelter of your arms?

I have to, Ianto. I am the last of the Time Lords. The responsibilities of what I am all fall upon my shoulders. And I can't turn my back on them.

You are the only thing that makes those responsibilities bearable. You are all that keeps me going, all that makes me continue to draw breath into this body.

I'd have chucked all of this and been more than willing to see the end of it, before I met you. The first time that I looked into your eyes, I knew that I couldn't give up on life. On myself. I knew that there was something more than an interminable number of empty days stretching ahead of me. Days, nights, time, going on for an eternity. And all of it empty.

That was before you, my beloved. Before I had the courage to take the risk of opening my hearts completely.

Those hearts break a little each day, each hour, each minute that we're parted.

Each time that I wake, alone in the confines of the Tardis, I automatically reach for you. And I can feel my hearts clench in my chest when I realise that you aren't there beside me. Each day that goes by only increases my longing to be with you again.

It won't be long, my beloved. I promise, with all the love that I hold for you in both of my hearts.

You have always been able to divine what's in my heart. Even when we first met, you had that odd way of breaking down all of my barriers, disarming me and seeing into my soul. You've always been able to draw me into you, to envelop me in the kind of warmth and safety that I could never find with anyone else.

And I've always come to you willingly, more than eager to surrender myself. That will never change.

No one else has ever had the power to see into the core of me. Into my hearts, into my soul, into the very essence of who I am.

Look into my hearts now, Ianto. Know that those hearts belong to you, that they beat for you, that you will be a part of me until I cease to exist.

I know that you may feel alone and abandoned now, beloved, but you aren't. I carry you with me, in my hearts, in my soul, and that's a place you will never leave. I may not be with you in the physical sense, but I am always by your side.

What you are to me can never be replaced. And I promise you, my love, that I will return. Keep that promise close to you.

Hold me in your heart, my darling. Just as I hold you in both of mine.

Your

Beloved

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