Title: I Was Made For You
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ianto Jones
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1, letter100
Prompt: 70, Fight
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Ianto Jones, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

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Dearest Ianto,

Everything seems to be going along so well for us lately that I can't help thinking the tides will turn sooner or later. I know that I shouldn't worry about whatever hard times or bad situations may be ahead, but I can't help doing it.

I've always had a tendency to worry a bit when it seems as though things are going too well for me. That usually means there's some sort of trouble brewing, a catastrophe that's going to burst over my head with all the ferocity of a thunderstorm.

Only this time, you'll be right in the midst of that storm with me -- and that makes me worry even more. Yes, I know that you're capable of taking care of yourself. But that doesn't make me worry about your safety any less.

I know that I shouldn't do that. You've proven time and time again that you can watch my back, and that you can handle yourself in dangerous situations. In fact, if it wasn't for you being here by my side, I'd probably have died on more than one occasion.

But you do see what I'm getting at, don't you? It's because I love you so much that I worry about losing you. Which is really rather selfish of me, as I'm thinking of how I would feel if something happened to you. But I suppose that's the nature of worry.

Even when we were parted during that terrible time after we fought and separated, I worried about you. I thought about what could happen if the Master decided to come looking for you -- even when I was in his clutches, I thought about you more than myself.

No, that doesn't mean that I'm some sort of noble hero. I just couldn't stop thinking about you, and that awful fight we had. The last words we exchanged, words of anger that I wanted to take back more than I've ever wanted anything.

All I could think about was the last words you said to me, and my angry reply. I didn't want to die or regenerate with you thinking that I hated you, or that I didn't want to be with you. I don't think my hearts have ever ached as much as they did then.

My only thoughts were for you -- how you would feel if I died in his hands, or if he forced me to regenerate. What hurt the most was feeling that if I was forced into that, you wouldn't be able to love me in another body. That our fight would be the last thing between us.

That fight was the worst thing that I've ever been through -- even worse than any of the tortures I've ever suffered at the hands of the Master, or any other enemy that I have. No torture could be worse than thinking I'd lost you forever.

I didn't expect you to come to my rescue. Not after those angry words. I thought that you had washed your hands of me, and that you would find someone else who you could love and be with on a more permanent basis. And that almost made me give up.

But there was always that small spark of hope burning within me that the fight hadn't ended what we share, that you would see past the anger and the resentment and come looking for me. Even through the hurt, I knew how strong your emotions are.

I should never have doubted you, Ianto. I should have known with all the certainty my hearts are capable of that you wouldn't turn away from me. I'd completely forgotten about the pendants, and that the bond we have through them would let you know that I needed you.

And I should have known that you would find me, no matter what it took. I was a bit startled that the Tardis helped you as much as she did, but she was worried about me, too. And I think she knew that you were the only hope I had of being rescued.

I hope we never fight in that way again, my love. Those hours with the Master when I was sure that I had lost you were enough to bring about my end -- but even then, I couldn't completely give up hope. Some spark in my inner self still reached out to you.

Now that you're here on the Tardis with me permanently, I can't imagine why I ever thought that it wasn't the kind of life for you. I shouldn't have waited so long to consent to your being here; we're both much happier for it in the long run.

We really have no choice in the matter, do we? Our hearts bring us together; we were meant to be from the very beginning. I might not have realised it then, but I was made for you, even though it took me a while to see that.

I was wrong in insisting that you shouldn't be here. I was wrong in thinking that you couldn't handle it, that it would be too dangerous a life for you to lead. And one thing that I've always been able to do is to admit when I'm wrong, and admit that I make mistakes.

That was the biggest mistake I've ever made, my love, insisting that you shouldn't be with me. What good came of it? None, really. You were miserable being left behind on Earth, and I was equally unhappy without you.

Even the knowledge that you were on Earth, and far away from whatever dangerous situation I may have been facing at the time, didn't make me worry less about you. In fact, I probably worried more, wondering how you would fare if anything happened to me.

You were probably in much more danger working with Torchwood than you are with me. No, I shouldn't say that. You're in a great deal of danger at times, being here -- but you're by my side, where you belong, rather than a galaxy away on Earth.

I would much rather the two of us face whatever dangers lie ahead in our lives together than apart. And if that means that we risk losing each other sooner than if we were apart .... well, then, that's the choice we've made to be together.

I'll never fight with you on that score again, Ianto. And even if we do have fights in the future, I trust that we'll always be able to resolve them. We've made it through the biggest obstacle that's yet been thrown into our path, and I'm confident that we'll make it through anything else that might stand in our way.

Your loving

Doctor

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