Title: The Joker
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: R
Table: 5
Prompt: 30, Joker
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

***

Ianto looked up as a familiar tune began to play on the Tardis' speakers; he hadn't heard this song for a long time, but it had always been one of his favorites. He was pleasantly surprised to find that the Doctor apparently liked it, too.

Standing up, he walked to where the Doctor was sitting, reaching for the Time Lord's hand and pulling the other man to his feet. In one sinuous motion, he looped an arm around the Doctor's waist and began to dance slowly around the room with him.

"Has anyone ever called you a space cowboy before?" Ianto asked with a smile. "I could see myself thinking of you in that way, if I'd never traveled with you. After all, you do fit some of the cowboy stereotypes, you know."

"Do I?" the Doctor asked, laughing as Ianto dipped him slightly. "No, I've never been called a space cowboy before, more's the pity. I've been called a spaceman, an alien, and lots of other things, but that would be a new one."

"That's a shame," Ianto told him, a mock-sorrowful note in his voice. "Well, I'll think of you as a space cowboy from now on, just so you can say that there's been someone who's given you that name. And I think it fits you in some ways, anyway."

"So if you're going to think of me as being a space cowboy, can I think of you as the gangster of love?" the Doctor asked, his tone light and teasing. "After all, you did steal my hearts, which makes you a gangster of love as far as I'm concerned."

Ianto pressed his hand into the small of the Time Lord's back, affecting a growl in his voice when he spoke. "Stick 'em up," he said, trying to sound like a tough American from a classic film. But the effect was somewhat spoiled by the laughter that he couldn't hold back.

"You'd never make it as a gangster, Ianto!" the Doctor admonished him, shaking his head even as he laughed. "But you're my gangster of love, so it doesn't matter what anyone else might think of that terrible American imitation."

"You would think that I'd have learned to do a better accent, after being around Jack for so long," Ianto laughed, whirling the Doctor around. "But it's harder to talk like that than I expected. I tried it a few times, but I'm hopeless at accents."

"I like the accent you have," the Doctor murmured, nuzzling his cheek against Ianto's throat. "Though I could always call you Maurice, and ask you to speak French," he added, glancing at his young lover from under his long lashes.

It took all of Ianto's self-control not to double over with laughter, but he managed to keep moving around the room with the Doctor in his arms. They were both laughing uncontrollably by this time, and their movements were more stumbling than graceful.

"I think we should stop while we're ahead," the Doctor gasped, disentangling himself from Ianto's arms and sitting down on the couch. "If we keep on making jokes about the lyrics to that song, we'll barely be able to breathe from laughing so hard."

"You know, I've always wondered what the pompatus of love could be," Ianto mused, collapsing on the couch next to the Doctor and sliding an arm around his lover's waist. "That's one of the oddest words I've ever heard. It sounds made-up to me."

"It does, doesn't it?" the Time Lord agreed. "But actually, I think it means 'pompous.'" He laughed softly, shaking his head. "It could describe several people I've met over the centuries. Though I don't know how it applies to love."

"Well, it certainly doesn't apply to us," Ianto said firmly, pulling the Doctor close against him. "Neither of us are pompous when it comes to love." He nuzzled the Doctor's cheek, whispering into the other man's ear. "I have to ask -- are you a lover or a sinner?"

"I'm both," the Doctor told him, turning his head to give Ianto a devilish wink. "Just like the song says. I think I'm a bit more of a lover when it comes to you, though. And I can certainly say that you're both, because your lovemaking could be called sinful."

"Sinfully good, I hope!" Ianto laughed, brushing a kiss across the Time Lord's mouth. "I think the title of the song fits you, too. You're a joker a lot of the time. When I first started traveling with you, I wondered if some of the things you said were meant to be a joke."

"Some were, and some weren't," the Doctor told him, leaning into his embrace. "But I think you know me well enough by now to be able to tell when I'm being a joker and when I'm deadly serious. You certainly know me better than anyone else ever has."

"And you know me just as well," Ianto murmured with a smile, leaning his head back on the couch cushions and closing his eyes. They flew open again a moment later, as he realized that the Doctor was moving over him, straddling his lap.

The Time Lord laughed at Ianto's startled look, leaning forward to take his lover's face between his hands, his dark eyes gazing into Ianto's as he spoke softly. "Well, the song does talk about being lovey-dovey all the time, doesn't it?"

Ianto couldn't keep himself from bursting into laughter at the Doctor's words, but that laughter was pushed away when their lips met; it was impossible to be amused when arousal was quickly becoming the dominant sensation for him.

His hands moved down the Time Lord's sides, pushing up the soft fabric of the cotton t-shirt the other man was wearing to stroke gentle fingertips over velvety flesh. The Doctor's eyes closed, a soft moan coming from his lips when Ianto touched him.

"I could quote the song with the French lyrics right about now, if you still want to call me Maurice," he told the Time Lord, his voice husky and seductive. "Voulez-vous couchez avec moi? I think that's how it goes."

The Doctor nodded, swallowing hard before he spoke. "Yes, those are the right lyrics," he whispered, his eyes dark and fathomless when they met Ianto's gaze again. "And I'd love to go to bed with you tonight. Or any time you like."

Ianto let his hands move further down, curving to cup the Doctor's ass cheeks and pull the other man closer to him. He couldn't keep back a smile as he looked up at the Time Lord, singing along softly to the song that had begun playing again.

"'I really love your peaches, wanna shake your tree ....'" he sang, gently squeezing the Doctor's bottom as the words left his lips. His laughter finally broke free as a pink blush crept over the Time Lord's face, though the other man didn't try to pull away.

"You're welcome to shake my tree any time you want to," the Doctor breathed, leaning forward to nibble at Ianto's earlobe. "Don't you think that you should take me off to the bedroom and work on doing that right now?" he added, his voice barely a whisper.

"Your wish is my command," Ianto told him, his own voice breathy. He felt as though a fire had been ignited deep within him, a fire that would grow into a roaring conflagration within just a few minutes. He wasn't even sure if they'd make it all the way to the bedroom.

The Doctor stood up, holding out a hand to Ianto and pulling the young man up from the couch. Ianto moved to take the Time Lord into his arms, pressing a kiss against the other man's parted lips before he twined his fingers through the Doctor's.

"I want to spend the rest of the night shaking your tree," he said, winking at the Time Lord as they headed for the corridor that led to their bedroom, both of them trying hard not to break into a run in order to reach their bed more quickly.

***