Title: King of the World
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG
Table: 2, letter100
Prompt: 81, King
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.***
Dear Doctor,
I'm getting more in the habit of writing you letters, it seems. I spent so much time writing them when I wasn't with you that they became a habit for me at one time, and now I feel like I'm slipping back into something that's comfortable and familiar.
But it's much easier to write these letters than it was to write them when I didn't know if I'd see you again. I think that's what I poured my heart out to you so much, because there were times when I wondered if you would ever read what I'd written.
I feel much better about that now, knowing that I don't have to look up at the stars and wonder when and if you'll be coming back to me. I always tried to keep up hope, but the fear that I wouldn't see you again was always there.
Now, all I have to do is leave the letter that I've written neatly folded on the table beside our bed for you to find in the morning. I know that you'll be here to read it.
Yes, I still have the fears that something will happen to force you to regenerate. That's one of the biggest fears I live with on a daily basis. But if it happens .... then we'll figure out where to go from there. All we can do is hope that it won't happen.
Being here with you is still something of a shock for me. I feel like I've been transported into a word that I never thought I'd be a part of; even in the times that I came out into the stars with you before, it never felt permanent.
Now that it is a permanent thing, I feel more at home here on the Tardis than I ever did. She's always accepted me because of our bond, but now, I feel that she's my home. I feel more comfortable here than I ever did in my flat in Cardiff.
I suppose it's because that place was never a home. When I lived there, first there was all the worry about Lisa, and then my relationship with Jack and my work with Torchwood. I was never truly happy there until I met you.
And even then, there were worries and anxieties because you had to be gone so much and a part of me was terrified that you were never coming back.
I'm not saying that to make you feel bad, love. It's not that I didn't have faith in you. I always did. But I was so afraid that something would happen to take you away from me. After what happened in my other relationships, I couldn't bear to lose you, too.
That flat in Cardiff was just a place where I slept and kept my belongings, a place that I went to when I wasn't at work. I never knew contentment there. Even when you were in my life, I still wasn't really in the place where I belonged. I was always .... waiting.
But here, in the Tardis with you, I know that I've finally found my place. There are times when I feel as though I'm the king of the world, as though I have everything that I could possibly want or ever have dreamed of.
You've given me everything that I could have ever wanted out of life, Doctor. That, and more. Not just a place to belong -- but a love that I never thought I could have.
Being with you has made me a much stronger person. I could say the same thing about being with Jack at one time, I suppose -- he did help me to realise that I wasn't the background person I'd always seen myself as.
My relationship with you has done so much more than that. You've brought me out of myself in a way that I didn't realise I needed; you've opened my eyes to so much of the universe that I'd never even have known existed if not for you.
I've felt like I was king for a day at other times, but with you, I feel as though I'm always on top of the world. You've given me a belief in myself that wouldn't have been possible without your love and your support of me.
I almost sound as though I'm making some sort of laudatory speech, don't it? That's not what this was meant to be. I just wanted to express all the love that I feel for you in words. I don't feel like I say it often enough, and I wanted you to see it written down.
Saying "I love you" isn't something that most couples do enough, I suppose. But for you and I, it's even more important than most that we say it as much as we can.
After all, you lead a dangerous life -- and admittedly, now that I'm here with you, I'm right beside you in facing those dangers. If anything should happen to either one of us, I want you to know assuredly how I feel. I want it to be there, in writing, and in every other way.
Yes, I know you already feel that. I know that you say you can tell in the way that I hold you, or kiss you, or just look at you. I can feel all of those things, too. But still, I want it to be written down in words, so you can see in black and white what's in my heart.
I can never repay you for all that you've given me, Doctor. The love, the confidence, the place to call my home when the one I had no longer seemed to fit me, if it ever did. All I can do in return for that is to give you the same, if I can, and try to make you happy.
It may be silly to feel that I'm completely content here, because I don't believe that there's any such thing as total happiness. There's always something else to strive for, otherwise, life wouldn't be worth living without some goal in mind.
But I'm happier than I've ever been before, here with you on a permanent basis. I've known since the moment I made the decision to leave Torchwood and Cardiff that this was the right thing to do.
And I knew, from the first moment it dawned on me that I could be here with you and that this would be my home for the rest of my life, that I'd found my niche in the world. After I looked for my place for so long, I've found it with you.
I don't need to be king of the world, Doctor. I don't need to be a king for even one day, one hour, one moment. As long as I'm the king of your hearts, then I'll be happy. And as long as I have you by my side to the king of my world.
Your loving
Ianto***
- Main Torchwood slash page
- New stories page
- Jack/Ianto stories
- Ianto/Owen stories
- Other pairings stories - ie threesomes
- F/F stories
- Gen stories
- Amazon.com - Torchwood: Children of Earth
- Amazon.co.uk - Torchwood - Children of Earth [DVD] [2009]
- Amazon.ca link - Torchwood - The Complete First Season (7DVD)