Title: Kopi Luwak
By: lower-case-me
Pairing: mild 11/Ianto
Rating: PG
Summary: It's probably helpful to read this first. I turned on the TV tonight, and saw something that reminded me of Ianto. So, fic.

***

'Ta daaaaa!' The Doctor beamed. Delight radiated off his every feature. Ianto, who had opened the big red box carefully, keeping his face at a safe distance, was slightly more guarded.
'Ah. Thankyou Sir.' With effort, he managed to keep the question mark off the end of his reply. Inside the box, carefully nestled in some rather luxurious-looking rags, was a tiny animal that looked a little like a baby raccoon. It blinked in the sudden light, and made a soft enquiring noise.

'I couldn't have you getting lonely back in Cardiff, now could I?'
'I suppose not Sir, but honestly I'm not at all sure I'll have the time to look after a pet.'
'Nonsense! Everyone should have a companion. I should know, eh?'
'Well, of course, but I've already got Myfanwy and quite a collection of trilobites and prehistoric jellyfish that've fallen through into the rift pool over the years, if Tosh remembered to feed them while I've been away...'

The Doctor paused for just long enough to pique Ianto's guilt, and then brought out the sad-puppy eyes.
'Oh, well. In that case I'll just take the little scrap back where I got her from. The factory farm will be glad to get her back.'
'Factory farm?' Ianto said, knowing very well that he was rising to the bait and should know better.
'Weeeeeelll, she's only a baby, this one, but she'll be a valuable part of the production process before too long.'

And with that, Ianto knew he'd lost, but privately felt the Doctor had cheated by using his grudgingly-confessed meat-related trauma against him. The Doctor obviously felt the same, because he looked vaguely sheepish as he held up a bright red cat collar and lead, although that might have had something to do with the little bell on the collar.

Ianto sighed, and reached a very tentative finger towards the fluffy creature. It showed no sign of aggression, which was good, but that didn't stop Ianto wondering if there was rabies on whichever world the Doctor had decided to go pet shopping on.

'Meeewwwmeep?' The raccoon-creature raised itself up on its hind legs and grabbed Ianto's finger. It had claws, but gripped lightly with paws instead, and stared up at him with a pitiful, big-eyed look that had clearly been copied from the Doctor's.

'What does it eat then?' Ianto asked, allowing the creature to crawl into his cupped hands.
'Anything, really! Insects, soft fruit, berries...' The Doctor was grinning again, and Ianto wondered what he'd missed. The best strategy, as always, was to stay silent and wait for him to get to the point, so Ianto stroked the soft fur of his new friend and tired to remember the name of the villain from the Inspector Gadget series.

'It's got some favourite foods though...' The Doctor paused, looking so hopeful that Ianto hadn't the heart to deny him what he obviously wanted so much.
'Really. What would those be then?'
'Oh, nothing really. Mango's one. The sap of the palm flower. And, ah, coffee cherries.'

If he grins any harder, Ianto thought, the top of his head really will fall off this time. Then realisation dawned.
'Paradoxurus hermaphroditus. The Asian Palm Civet.'
'Yep!'
'So I can make my own Luwak Coffee. Oh dear.' Ianto couldn't help but smile. 'You're-'
'Wonderful? Fabulous?' The Doctor prompted happily. 'Fantastic! It's fantastic, isn't it?'
'You're a very good friend. Thank you.'

+

Toddy the palm civet chittered angrily as she bounded across the hub kitchen floor, leapt up and off a chair and landed lightly on Ianto's shoulder.
'You really are getting to big to do that' Ianto said absently, minutely adjusting his balance.
'Ianto, your bloody rat has been in my desk again!' Owen yelled from the main atrium.
'If you'd stop hiding leftover pizza in your top drawer, I'm sure she'd stop' Ianto called back, walking carefully to the fridge and taking a small, cherry-like fruit from a bowl inside. The creature on his shoulder took it eagerly in both front paws and bit in.

Ianto sighed peacefully, and picked up his coffee.

***