Title: Lessons in Love
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Jack Harkness
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Rating: PG-13
Table: 2
Prompt: 32, Lessons
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Jack Harkness. Please do not sue.***
The Doctor made his way out of the crowded bar that he'd been in with Jack, letting the door slam shut behind him and not looking back. He was sure that Jack wouldn't even notice that he was gone, given what he was doing.
He should have known that going anywhere with the immortal would be a mistake. Yes, Jack was faithful to him -- but only when he didn't have the opportunity to hit up someone else. Which was exactly what he was spending his time doing now.
He'd known that there would be trouble from the moment that woman had walked up to Jack at the bar, he reflected, trudging down the sidewalk with his hands jammed into the pockets of his trench coat. Just the sound of her oily voice had made the hairs on the back of his neck prickle.
But that was just the type that Jack would go for, he told himself bitterly. Trashy, slutty, and obviously available. Jack would take advantage of that, he had no doubt. He wouldn't even notice that the man he was supposed in love with had disappeared.
And if he did, by the time he tore himself away from that hideous woman's greedy mouth and all the indelicate insinuations she'd pour into his ear, the Doctor would be long gone.
Would he come back? the Time Lord asked himself, biting his lip as he considered the question. He always did, no matter how much Jack angered him. After all the man was his companion, not just his lover; he felt a sense of obligation towards the immortal.
Not this time. His hands clenched in his pockets, his mouth settling into a thin line. This time, he was going for good. He was tired of Jack amusing himself with others, male or female, and then expecting the Doctor to take him back as though he'd done nothing wrong.
That wasn't the way that love was supposed to work. If you loved someone, they were enough for you. You didn't want to be with others, to "sample the merchandise," as Jack put it. And you didn't want to hurt the person you supposedly loved by doing it.
He'd had enough of this. He deserved someone who would treat him as though he was the person they loved with all their heart, and not just another body they wanted to have sex with. He deserved someone who would be faithful to him.
This wasn't the first time he'd wanted to leave -- no, he'd thought about it every time Jack had done this. But the immortal had finally pushed him over the edge.
It was bad enough that Jack seemed to feel he had the right to sleep with anyone he chose to, even when he claimed to be in love with the Doctor. Bad enough that he didn't even attempt to control his primal urges.
The worst part was that he didn't care about how the Doctor felt. He expected to be able to smile and cajole, to charm his way back into the Time Lord's bed and then be allowed to hurt him again any time he chose to amuse himself.
There came a time when he could no longer debase himself and still feel that he was a decent person. He'd taken the kind of emotional abuse Jack heaped on him for far too long; it was past time that he left. Past time that he could feel good about himself again.
Oh, Jack didn't abuse him physically. Quite the contrary; the immortal went out of his way to make sure that he was well taken care of physically. That was, when he wasn't busy finding excuses for the way he treated the Doctor emotionally.
The Time Lord shook his head, as if trying to clear away the mental images of Jack telling him that he simply "couldn't help himself."
Yes, he could. The problem was, he didn't want to. He wanted to be able to have his cake and eat it too -- and never have to pay the consequences. He wanted a lover who would always be there, no matter how many times he strayed.
Yet he didn't want to give that kind of reassurance to anyone himself. He wanted to be able to do whatever he wanted to, and always have the knowledge that there would be a lover waiting in his own bed on the off-chance that he couldn't find anyone else for the night.
It was sad, in a way, the Doctor mused as he turned the corner of the street that he knew would lead him back to the Tardis. Jack didn't want to give his heart to anyone -- not fully. He would never know what it was like to truly be in love.
He certainly wasn't going to know it from this quarter, he thought sourly, looking up to see the Tardis standing only a few feet from him. The Tardis -- his home, his refuge, the one thing that he'd always know he could count on in the shifting, changing universe.
What need did he have of a relationship? The Tardis kept him safe, protected him, and took him to any place he wanted to go. That should be enough.
It was more than most people had, wasn't it? A home, safety, a place that he could call his own and would never let him down. Yet in spite of all that he had, there was still something missing when he didn't have someone to give him companionship.
Jack had taught him that wanting that kind of companionship only led to disappointment. He'd been right to stay away from that before, holding his companions at arm's length and not letting them get overly close to him.
Not that he'd ever wanted to be close to any of his former companions in that way. He'd only thought of them as friends, nothing more. But it had been different with Jack. He'd fallen for the immortla much more quickly and completely than he would have believed possible.
And what had that gotten him? he asked himself bitterly. It had broken his hearts, that was what. He had wasted far too much of his time feeling that Jack's philandering was his fault, when it was really Jack's faithlessness and nothing more.
Well, he was done with that. There was no use in blaming himself for someone else's perfidy and worthlessness, something that he couldn't change or control.
He'd certainly learned a lot of lessons from Jack, the Doctor told himself as he approached the Tardis. Too many of them had been lessons that he'd probably have been better off not learning -- or not being in the position to have them brought home to him.
They'd all been lessons in love, and they'd taught him a great deal. Probably too much, but they were valuable lessons, even if they'd hurt to learn. He knew now that he was better off keeping his hearts to himself, not trying to share them with anyone.
What hurt the most was being abandoned for a woman. He knew that Jack liked both sexes, but he'd never been so obvious before about the fact that he wasn't satisfied being with a man. It hurt more than the Doctor had expected it to. Much more.
As he opened the door, he turned back to stare at the street behind him, half-expecting to see Jack come running towards the Tardis, perhaps even falling on his knees, begging him to change his mind and forgive him.
He'd heard that before. Would he fall for it this time, and let Jack stay in his life? He wasn't sure. He'd know if and when it happened.
But of course it didn't. Jack didn't come running down the street; he was probably still in the bar with that woman nearly wrapped around him, whispering sweet nothings into her ear and promising her all the exotic, wonderful things he'd promised the Doctor in the past.
No more of that. It wasn't going to happen again. Even if Jack were to come running along the street, even if he were to beg the Doctor to give him another chance, it wouldn't happen. Not this time. He'd given too many of those chances already.
Jack was out of his life. No longer a companion, and certainly no longer his lover. The other man could stay here and find his way back to Cardiff; he didn't have the luxury of having the Tardis take him any place he wanted to go. Not any more.
Scanning the street, he let out a heavy sigh, closing his eyes for a few moments. Jack wasn't going to just appear. He'd made his choice, had probably made it quite a while ago. Tonight had just been his way of letting the Doctor know that, finally and irrevocably.
Turning his back on the quiet street, the Doctor walked into the Tardis and closed the door without a backward glance.
He'd learned his lessons in love well, he told himself as he leaned over the control panel, pressing the buttons that would make the ship shimmer into time and space. They were lessons he probably should have learned long ago, and he was going to make sure that he never forgot them.***
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