Title: The Letter
Author: Jedi Princess Clarrisani
Pairing: TenxJack.
Prompt: 99. "I wrote to explain"
Rating: PG
Warnings: N/A
Summary: The Doctor writes a letter to Jack to explain the real reason he left him behind on the Game Station.
Author's Notes: Flicking back through the tenxjack LJ, I discovered fishesofdoom's prompt list, which can be found here.

Dear Jack,

After all that has happened lately, I think it's time I finally wrote to explain to you about what really happened on the Game Station. I owe it to you to tell the truth this time.

What I told you at the end of the universe was true. You did die and Rose did bring you back to life using the Heart of the TARDIS. As I have told you before, it is a power that even I do not fully understand. All I know is that it brought you back indefinitely, and it was that power that caused my old incarnation to die, forcing me to regenerate. I sacrificed myself for her, but somehow I think you know that already.

I also didn't lie when I told you that I don't know how to reverse the effects. I'm sorry Jack, but no matter where I look I can't find out how to make you mortal again. I will keep trying for as long as you want me too, but so far I've found nothing.

As for why I left you... I dodged this. You know it too. I could see it in your eyes. I did run away from you Jack, that much is true. And part of that reason is because I didn't know what to do with you in regards to your immortality, but that's not the real reason.

Truth is Jack, hearing you die... it tore me apart. Over the centuries I've lost a few companions, most of them giving their lives to save someone, usually for me or my other companions. Sometimes to save the entire population of the world we're on. Heroes, all of them.

But the thing is Jack, you were always different. There's just something about you that has always drawn me in. Since we first met, so long ago now, you have proven yourself over and over again. You could almost say you're the perfect example of the all American action hero... if you were American, that is. It's rather interesting how accents carry around the Universe. I mean, we Gallifreyan always sounded British, and the people of the Boeshane Peninsula sound American.

Anyway, getting off topic. I can just see you rolling your eyes as you read that. So as I was saying, you're different. I can't explain exactly what it was, but it was there. Usually it takes me a while to become comfortable around a companion with the odd exception, and you're one of them.

I always felt I could open up more around you, and I felt threatened by that. Didn't stop me from doing it mind, but it did make me a bit uneasy. I told you things I hadn't told anyone for centuries, including some things I'd almost forgotten myself.

And then there's the fact I was just comfortable around you. I don't let just anyone sleep in my bed. Usually if one of my companions fell asleep in my room I'd carry them to their room (which I obviously can't do with you), or wake them up and kick them out. I even used to put Rose back in her room you know.

You... I always let you stay. And I didn't mind as much as I complained about waking up to find that you'd either stolen all the blankets or were clinging to me so hard that you'd cut off all circulation to my lower body. I actually kinda liked it. I'd never admit it, but I did. Well... I guess I did just admit it, didn't I.

It's like how we used to eat each others food. Just steal each others chips, which we still seem to do I noticed. Some things don't change. Normally I'd complain, but I couldn't with you. Instead I made a game out of it.

Then there was the flirting. Rose used to complain about it, did you know that? Told me once that the two of us should just get a room. She said that after we were working on the TARDIS and managed to turn everything we said into innuendo. I still get the giggles when I think about that.

Speaking of getting a room, Martha said the same thing you know. Can't remember what we did to trigger that one, but she did. And you know what, they may just be right.

So here I am, telling the truth. The real reason I left you, Jack, is because I'm in love with you. Have been for a while, and I just didn't know how to deal with it. And then after what happened, I freaked out and just ran away. Yes, I'm a coward. I admit it.

But that's it, Jack, that's the truth. I love you. After what happened during that year that didn’t happen, after what happened to you... as you said, it put things into perspective. You probably don't want to hear it. You're probably angry right now, and I wouldn't blame you. I shouldn't have done it, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It was cruel of me, leaving you like that.

Well, that's it then. You'll probably never want to speak to me again, but that's it. I wrote it down because I knew that if I was facing you I'd end up babbling and never get it out. Anyway, I'll let you get back to it. Saving the world. I am proud of what you've become you know. Anyone else would have broken, but not you. You're stronger for it. I admire you for that. You're a better man than I'll ever be... if I were a man... which I technically am even if I am Gallifreyan...

Anyway, my phone number is at the bottom if you ever forgive me. Oh, and Martha's back in London. And if you ever want someone to whine to about me abandoning you, you could always look up a Miss Sarah Jane Smith. She never forgave me either. She also has a dog you might be interested in looking at, being from the 51st Century.

Take care, Jack.

Love
The Doctor