Title: Live My Life
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: C, lover100
Prompt: 87, Life
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.***
Ianto lay back against the pillows of the bed he shared with the Doctor, waiting for his lover to come back into the bedroom from the shower. He'd thought of following the Time Lord, but had decided to give the other man a bit of privacy.
After all, he was used to that, wasn't he? Even though Ianto knew that the Doctor's greatest fear was being alone, and that he didn't like to be, he felt that everyone deserved to have their private moments, no matter how much they wanted company.
Besides, they had the rest of their lives to do things like shower together, the young man though, a smile curving his lips. He intended to spend all of his remaining days with the Doctor -- and woe betide anyone who tried to take him away from the man he loved.
So far, no one had tried, but Ianto was sure that eventually, there would be those who wanted to separate the two of them -- perhaps for good.
He wasn't going to let that happen. The Doctor was the man he'd been searching for all of his life; he wasn't going to let anyone come between the two of them, no matter how hard anyone might try. And he was certain that his lover felt the same.
He'd never felt like this with anyone before -- not Lisa, not Jack. Admittedly, they'd been the only serious relationships he'd had before the Doctor, the only people that he'd given any consideration to spending the rest of his life with.
In fact, he hadn't given serious thought to spending his life with either of them. He'd simply taken the days as they'd come to him, living in the moment. He hadn't really been able to do anything else at the time; he hadn't thought he had much of a future ahead of him.
With Lisa, he'd just been trying to get from one day to the next, in the hope that she could somehow be saved and they could continue as they'd always been.
When that hadn't happened, and he'd started the relationship with Jack, he'd always known that it wouldn't last forever. Jack wasn't the kind of man to give his heart; that was something he'd known from the first, even though it would have been nice.
Of course, he'd given Jack his heart -- and it had hurt immeasurably when the other man had told him that they needed to take a few steps back from each other. But he'd accepted the decision stocially, not letting his emotions show.
That was what Jack had wanted, wasn't it? Someone who would be there for him when he was needed, who wouldn't cling, who wouldn't expect more than the immortal wanted to give. Someone who wouldn't expect love.
So Ianto had turned himself into what Jack had wanted -- and he'd thought that he was happy doing that, being someone he wasn't and really didn't like very much.
And then the Doctor had come into his life -- and he'd realized that here was someone who wouldn't expect him to be anyone but who he was, someone who would accept him and love him for himself and not for what they wanted him to be.
Still, it had taken him some time to convince himself that being with the Doctor was the right thing for him to do -- and he could kick himself for that now. He'd wasted so much time that they could have spent together, time that he didn't have.
Time didn't seem like much to the Doctor -- but the Time Lord had what seemed to Ianto like an unlimited supply of time. He himself was human, with a life span that would seem to go by in the blink of an eye for his lover.
But at least he could spend that time with the Doctor, he told himself, pushing away the disturbing thoughts that wanted to crowd into his mind.
He knew all too well that his life wouldn't last as long as that of the man he loved. It was something that he thought about nearly every day; that he would be forced to leave the Time Lord alone to go on with his life at some point.
That wasn't something he wanted to contemplate; it made him feel guilty to think that he would have to leave the man he loved alone, even though he knew that it was inevitable. Of course, the Doctor wouldn't blame him for it, but he still couldn't help feeling guilty.
It didn't seem fair that the Doctor had searched for over 900 years to find his soul mate, the person who he wanted to spend his life with -- and that person would turn out to be a human, someone who didn't have nearly the life span of a Gallifreyan.
Ianto felt inadequate whenever he thought of that fact; he really wasn't a good enough partner for the man he loved, not with his human failings and weaknesses.
He knew that the Doctor would argue with him about that; the Time Lord would insist that he'd be happy with whatever time the two of them had together, that Ianto's short life span didn't matter, and that they should enjoy what they had while they could.
But he was sure that the disturbing thought of eventually being alone again did linger in the back of the Time Lord's consciousness, whether he would admit to it or not. And he knew that his lover would suffer terribly when his soul mate was taken from him.
How could he stop that? There was no way to make his life last longer than it was meant to; if only there was some way that he could be what Jack was, immortal, and have a way to ensure that he could be with the Doctor forever!
Even as the thought struck him, he pushed it away. No, that wouldn't work. The Doctor had told him that Jack was something he didn't quite understand -- and the he was wary of.
He hadn't always felt that way about Jack, of course. But then, Jack had been an ordinary human when the Doctor had first known him, not an immortal who couldn't die and was something outside of anything the Doctor had ever dealt with before.
Ianto couldn't keep back a smile at that idea. Ordinary. Jack was anything but that. He couldn't be ordinary if he tried, not even if he was back in his own time. But then again, the Doctor was anything but ordinary, either, even to his own race.
It was strange how their lives seemed to be tied together, the three of them. They'd all been involved in some way -- even if the Doctor might have been in another body when he and Jack had been lovers. Ianto had never been quite sure of that.
If he'd loved Jack when he was in this body, it really didn't matter now. He was with Ianto; the two of them were together, for the rest of whatever life remained to him.
Leaning back against the pillows, Ianto closed his eyes and tried to push that thought away. He didn't want to think about his mortality. He wanted to concentrate on the life that he did have with the Doctor, to make the most of that life.
His life with the Time Lord was beyond anything he'd ever dreamed that he could have; and it wasn't for him to question what had given him this life. He should accept it, and whatever it happened to bring his way -- and be grateful for having it.
He wasn't going to spend his time worrying about his life and how he should live it, or wasting that life being afraid of how and when it would end. He was going to live that life, spending it with the man he loved and not letting anything get in the way of their happiness.
With that thought in mind, Ianto's eyes went to the door as he heard the Doctor's footstep in the hall. He propped himself up on one elbow, a welcoming smile on his lips as he held out a hand to beckon his lover to join him in their bed.***
- Main Torchwood slash page
- New stories page
- Jack/Ianto stories
- Ianto/Owen stories
- Other pairings stories - ie threesomes
- F/F stories
- Gen stories
- Amazon.com - Torchwood: Children of Earth
- Amazon.co.uk - Torchwood - Children of Earth [DVD] [2009]
- Amazon.ca link - Torchwood - The Complete First Season (7DVD)