Title: Love and Terror
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: R
Table: 15, substituted for 4
Prompt: 5, Terror - substituted for 17, Dog
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

***

Ianto blinked, awakening suddenly from a deep sleep. For a moment, he wasn't sure just what had pulled him out of his slumber and back into the real world, until he realized that the Doctor was sitting bolt upright next to him in their bed.

He could feel the Time Lord shaking, his thin body almost seeming to convulse with shudders. He sat up, wrapping his arms around the Doctor and drawing his lover close against him, whispering soft words into the other man's ear and hoping they were heard.

"Shhh, Doctor .... it's all right .... I'm here," he whispered, holding the other man against him as he tried to soothe the Doctor's agitated trembling. "Whatever you dreamed about, it was only a nightmare. You're safe with me .... don't be afraid, love."

After what seemed like a long time, he felt the Doctor relax in his arms; the other man took a few deep breaths before raising his head from Ianto's shoulder and looking up at his young lover. Ianto could still see the fear lurking in the depths of those dark eyes; he couldn't help but feel curious about what could have frightened the Doctor so badly.

"It was only a dream, sweetheart," he soothed, moving one hand down the Doctor's arm. "You're safe, I'm right here. I won't let anything happen to you."

The Doctor shook his head, gulping before he spoke. "It wasn't me who was in trouble, Ianto. It was -- you. And I couldn't get to you. I couldn't help you, couldn't save you. I kept trying .... and I couldn't do anything ...."

Ianto hugged the Time Lord close again as the other man's voice caught in his throat; he could tell that the Doctor was on the verge of tears, and now that the Doctor was past the bout of trembling, the last thing he wanted was a recurrence of that fear.

"It was a nightmare," he murmured, pulling the covers up around the Doctor's body. "After all that the two of us have been through together, I suppose those kinds of dreams are inevitable sometimes. I just wish they'd plague me instead of you."

The Doctor shook his head again, taking another deep breath and obviously trying to steady himself. "I don't," he said, his voice still sounding faint, but a bit steadier than it had only moments ago. "You've seen some of the universe, Ianto, but not nearly as enough to cause you to have the kinds of dreams that I sometimes do. And I don't want you to have them."

Ianto knew better than to ask just what the dream had been about; if it was enough to make the Time Lord awaken so precipitously and shake like a leaf in his arms, it must have been terrible, something that he wouldn't want to discuss.

"I have horrible dreams about things happening to you sometimes, too," he said, wishing that his words weren't true. He'd had nightmares about losing his lover that had terrified him to the point of waking up screaming after some of their experiences with the Master.

All of that was behind them now, he told himself firmly, resisting the urge to cling to the Doctor. They would probably tangle with the Master again in the future, but for now, those memories needed to be buried in the past -- where they belonged.

"The worst thing about it was that I couldn't get to you," the Doctor whispered, his thin arms sliding around Ianto's waist. "I had to watch you .... die."

Ianto closed his eyes, burying his face against the softness of the Doctor's hair. No wonder his lover had been so distraught when he'd awakened; he would have been, too, if the tables had been turned and he'd had to watch something like that unfold in front of his eyes.

But it had only been a dream, Ianto assured himself, releasing his pent-up breath. A dream that proved just how much the Doctor loved him, and how it would devastate the Time Lord to lose him. In a way, that was a gratifying thought, to know that he was so loved.

Of course, he'd already known that. He knew that the Doctor valued him over and above anything else in the universe. But it could still bring a glow to his heart to know that the Doctor's love for him threw the other man into such terror over the possibility of losing him. It might be a little selfish, but in a way, he was glad to know that his lover cared that much.

He'd felt the same when he'd known that the Master held the Time Lord captive; it was a strange commingling of love and terror that he'd thought would drive him mad before he'd formed the resolve to go after the Doctor and bring him back safely.

If he hadn't been able to do that, then he might have lost the one person who meant more to him than life itself. Ianto's stomach muscles tightened at the memory; for one moment, his body went rigid, his thoughts inexorably drawn back to those moments when he'd thought he would lose his love.

The Doctor pulled back slightly, as though he'd felt the tightening of Ianto's body, looking up at him with concern in those dark eyes. "Ianto, what is it?" he asked softly, his dark eyes searching the young man's face. "Did I say something to upset you?"

Ianto shook his head, chagrined that he'd let the memory filter through to the surface and disturb the Doctor. He should be comforting his lover, not the other way around.

"No, love," he murmured, pulling the Doctor close against him again. "I was just thinking that I know exactly how you feel when you have one of those dreams. I've had them before myself -- and we've both been through those emotions in our waking hours, too."

There had already been times in their relationship besides that terrible time when Ianto had thought he'd lost the Doctor to the Master when situations had threatened to tear them apart; they'd both felt that intertwining of their love for each other combined with the terror of losing that love. But they'd come through those times -- and they were still here, still together.

The Doctor nodded, snuggling against him and closing his eyes. "I know it was just a dream, but it -- it seemed so real," he whispered, his arms tightening around Ianto's waist. "The only thing in my mind was that I was going to lose you. I've never been so terrified in my life."

"It's not going to happen, Doctor," Ianto told him, keeping his voice firm. He wasn't at all sure that his words were true, of course; and he knew that the Doctor would see them for the bravado that they were. But it didn't hurt to try to keep up that pose of confidence.

"We'll just have to look out for each other as best we can," the Time Lord sighed, his voice sounding more steady. "Whatever happens, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it, as the saying goes. Neither of us can let nightmares hold us back."

"If we'd done that, then we wouldn't have made it this far," Ianto said, stroking the Doctor's hair back from his forehead and lowering his head to brush his lips across his lover's cheek. "I hope that our luck will hold out and those dreams will be just that -- only dreams that can't hurt us."

"It's hard not to let those kinds of nightmares affect either of us," the Doctor murmured, looking up at him again. "But we'll have to try our best not to."

"I know that you only feel that kind of terror at the thought of us losing each other because of how much you love me," Ianto whispered, his blue-grey gaze meeting the Time Lord's dark eyes. "I can't begin to tell you how much it means to me to know that you love me so deeply, beloved. And you know that I feel the same way about you."

"I know you do, love," the Doctor said softly, raising a hand to lay his palm against Ianto's cheek. "I don't believe that I've ever been loved in that way, not until I met you. I never knew what real love was until we came together. And I don't think I knew what real terror was, either."

Neither had he, Ianto realized. All the times that he'd thought he was frightened had been nothing, not compared to his terror at the idea of losing his soul mate. No one could know that kind of fear unless the terror was for the one they loved most.

Love and terror combined were the most potent mix of emotions he'd ever known -- and Ianto knew that he'd probably feel them again more than once through the course of his life. But having a lover who meant more to him than anything ever had was worth feeling that kind of terror.

"You're more than worth feeling terrified for," Ianto whispered, tilting the Doctor's head back and lowering his mouth to the other man's. As their lips met, the only thing he felt was the surge of love and desire rushing through him -- and he was sure that the Doctor felt exactly the same.

***