Title: Lucky Strike
By: x-juicy-lucy-x
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: AO
Warning: WiP
Author's note: This is my first smutfic.. I'm trying to practice for my ongoing fic Caring For Ianto, and I guess I just needed to write something short and sexy and see how it was received. Obviously I don't own any of the characters and I'm not making any money from this. I came across another fic in which Jack and Ianto played battleships and it inspired me to write this one. Unfortunately I can't remember who wrote it or where it was, so I can't credit it properly, but it was my muse so please don't be cross at me for borrowing the idea! Be nice folks, it's my first time ; ) Reviews are love, and I sort of need them at this stage, so please let me know if you liked/hated it and how it can be made betterer! love and cookies! Enjoy xxx
Summary: Jack and Ianto are playing games...

***

Jack smiled, leaned back in his chair and offered Ianto and apologetic smirk. Well, an insincere one, anyway. Ianto merely raised an eyebrow, shook his head and took another red peg from the pile, slotting it into his penultimate ship. Jack looked at his own board, littered with white pegs, not a single hit, and grinned to himself again.

"Hit. Do I even need to say that anymore?" Jack laughed and put a red peg in his own projection of Ianto's battlefield. He'd only missed twice. Strip battle ships was so much fun, and now he was going to make Ianto lose his trousers. He smirked.

"Course you do, it makes me feel good. E4." Ianto sighed and reached for another peg.

"Hit again. It's getting tedious saying it. And I'm getting bored of losing these games. It wouldn't be so bad if you won fairly!" He pouted, and Jack suppressed the urge to lean over the table and devour him. Instead, he chuckled an evil, dirty chuckle, and stuck a red peg next to the previous one on his projection grid.

"Aww, I don't cheat. I'd accept that I'd cheated if you could prove it… But you can't, so you'll just have to admit defeat and succumb to my inevitable victory. If you surrender now, I'll let you chose your position." He winked. Ianto sighed and rolled his eyes. "E3."

"Hit. Ianto reached for another peg. "And sunk." He stood, and his hands moved to remove his suit trousers. Jack stopped him by holding up a hand.

"Allow me." He grinned, standing and stalking round the table to stop a little too close to Ianto for comfort. Ianto looked down to see Jack's hands playing with the waistband of his trousers, but instead found himself focusing on the obvious signs of the Captain's arousal. Did the man have no shame? He wore his erection like it was a boring, old T-shirt. Had no regard for who noticed it, or what their reaction might be. Luckily, Ianto was feeling quite horny himself, and had no objections to the frisky state of his lover. He gasped as Jack flipped open the button of his trousers quickly, and bucked his hips involuntarily as the older man slowly slid down the zipper, being very careful to deliberately brush against Ianto's own erection as he did so. "You're not very good at this game, are you?" Jack asked, and Ianto looked up to catch his eye.

"Sir, after this next move, I will be able to categorically demonstrate what a fiendish cheat you are, and then we will understand how my luck has been so bad." Jack grinned, and leaned forward to kiss Ianto softly on the lips, before dropping the trousers, which pooled at his ankles. Ianto sighed and stepped out of them, and waited until Jack had sat down before he bent over suggestively to retrieve them, and maintained eye contact whilst he folded them carefully and added them to the ever-increasing pile of his clothing which rested on Jack's desk.

"F2" Jack smiled as he sat, and the gleam in his eye said he knew he'd won. Ianto sighed and reached for a peg.

"Miss." He grinned, popping the white peg into place. "My go." Jack's eyes momentarily betrayed his shock that he had missed, but then his face was impassive again.

"Don't waste it." He winked. "You don't get any more chances."

"Nor do you." Ianto smirked. "H7." Jack laughed.

"Miss." He plugged in a white peg.

"Aha! Cheat!" Ianto grinned, triumphantly. "You thought you'd tricked me when you didn't put any of your ships onto the grid, just hid them in your pocket. I've been setting up a network. How, Captain, is it possible for me to have no hits, but for there to be no spaces on your board left which are big enough for your biggest ship?" He rested back in his chair, smiling that evil smile Ianto had for when he'd just one-upped his perplexed boss. Jack considered momentarily.

"Poop." He pouted, and Ianto suppressed the urge to lean over the table and devour him. "Does that mean I lose?" Ianto nodded sagely.

"Indeed, cheating does make you the loser. So.. I believe you may be wearing a few too many layers." Jack grinned mischievously.

"Are you asking for a strip tease?" Ianto raised an eyebrow.

"I wouldn't say no to one." He grinned and leaned forward to whisper, "But the quicker you get naked, the quicker I'll be fucking you…" That was all it took. Miraculously, as though his clothes hung on merely by willpower, Jack was devoid of clothing in mere seconds. Ianto laughed a true laugh for the first time in a little while. He had missed the fun of sex with Jack. It was so much better if you could laugh and be turned on at the same time.

"So… Where do you want me?" Jack grinned, standing proud (in more ways than one) hands on his hips and a look in his eyes which said 'take me. Take me now. I'm yours.'

"I don't think we've done it on Gwen's desk for a while…" Ianto mused, and Jack's eyes twinkled suddenly.

"You seem to like it there, any particular reason?" Ianto grinned and stepped close to Jack, one hand reaching up to caress his face, the other slowly trailing across the taut muscles of his abdomen.

"Yes, actually. It makes me insanely jealous when you flirt with Gwen, and the only way I seem to be able to get revenge is to make it so that whenever you go to her desk to talk to her, all you can see is the pair of us on top of it, moaning and panting. I'd like to think that tomorrow, when she comes in and you go over to say good morning, you wont be able to look her in the eye because you're so desperate to come find me for a repeat session." Jack blinked, then grinned. He loved it when Ianto talked straight to him. The fact that he could tell such simple truths without even a hint of embarrassment made talking dirty to him all the more fun.

"I already have difficulty whenever she shows me stuff on her computer, 'cos all I can think about is last time when I fucked you right in her chair… It drives me crazy. Then again, so do the autopsy room, the hot house, the boardroom, my office, the archives, the armoury and the tourist office. Seems like the only safe place here is the toilets. Since my bedroom's just full of delightful memories." He grinned, and Ianto leaned forward, trailing his fingers over Jack's lips, and leaning to bite gently on his earlobe.

"I'm sure that at some point in the future we can find you some memories for the bathrooms." He allowed his hand to wander lower, gently brushing over Jack's erection momentarily, earning him a startled gasp and a buck of the hips. Grinning, he pulled back removed his own briefs, and allowing a second for the appraising look he knew Jack was giving him, backed off even more and beckoned. "This desk wont dirty itself cariad." Jack moaned at the word cariad. Seriously, his obsession with Ianto speaking Welsh was reaching deranged. He'd even bugged Ianto's phone so he could get off listening to Ianto call his mum. Jack Harkness was a sick, sick, bad, bad man. He followed Ianto over to the desk in question, stopping only to retrieve the necessary supplies from in his drawer. Ianto smiled, and pushed Jack up against the desk, claiming his mouth in a bruising kiss. He tasted, Jack mused, like coffee and strawberries and all Jack's favourite flavours. Ianto moaned into the kiss, his hands flying up, one to cup the back of Jack's head, holding him close, the other to tease it's way across his neck, shoulder's chest and sides, stroking and digging his nails in as he went, eliciting small gasps and moans from the older man. Their tongues fought against each other, and Ianto eventually won the fight, before he broke the kiss, panting and needy.

"God you're hot when you're possessive." Jack moaned, his own hands moving to grope Ianto's arse, pulling him closer. "Fuck me now?" He grinned, nibbling on Ianto's lower lip.

"Patience is.." Jack stopped him with a squeeze to his bum and an experimental thrust, grinding their hips together and creating a wonderful friction.

"For suckers…" He finished for his lover, panting, before engaging him in another round of ferocious tonsil hockey. It was cut short as Ianto spun Jack round and closed in behind him, kissing and biting at his neck and shoulders. Jack didn't much mind, because it meant he was that little bit closer to getting what he ultimately wanted.

"Indeed." Ianto grinned, nipping at a particularly sensitive spot just behind Jack's ear, earning him an involuntary moan. He slipped one hand round to gently stroke Jack, whilst using the other to open a bottle of lubricant. 'multitasking during sex…' Ianto thought to himself 'unnecessary, but still pretty awesome." He had to take his hand back from Jack, who had begun to enjoy it a bit too much and was getting close to coming already, in order to squeeze a small amount out onto his hand. He rubbed his hands together to warm to oil up, and absently put the tube where he could reach it, considering the label which advertised 'amazing great sensational sex' as he began to prepare his lover. Jack keened his name and writhed underneath him, and he smirked into the skin of his shoulder, taking his time to stretch Jack, whilst leaving tiny love bites just below where Jack's collar would rest. In the morning, he would know they were there, but no-one else would. It made him impossibly more aroused just thinking about it.

He took in the sight in front of him. Jack was bracing himself on the desk, brow furrowed in concentration, sweat beading on his forehead. He licked a bead of sweat from his lovers spine and decided that they were both ready. Removing his hand, he opened a condom and rolled it on carefully, before coating himself in more 'amazing great sensational sex' lubricant. He vaguely noticed the scent of strawberries from the tube, before Jack was groaning, frustrated, and looking over his shoulder to gasp.

"Hurry up. Need…" He trailed off as Ianto settled himself behind him and gripped his hip with one hand. Jack whimpered and it was all the encouragement Ianto needed. He gently pushed inside his lover in one smooth motion, and buried himself completely. Jack moaned and pushed back against him gently, encouraging him to move, so he began to thrust, gently, only withdrawing a little each time. The Captain practically growled, "Hard. Fast. For fuck's sake Ianto. FUCK ME!" Ianto was all to eager to comply. He set up a rhythm, pounding into Jack, who was meeting each thrust enthusiastically and losing the ability to form coherent sentences. Ianto listened to him wildly moaning his name, and the occasional 'oh yeah' or 'oh god yes!', he watched him bucking his hips desperately, he felt the way Jack's body jerked with every thrust, and found himself close to the edge far too soon. Reaching round, he began to stroke Jack's neglected cock in time with his thrusts, gasping and moaning himself, praising all sorts of deities he didn't believe in. After a few more thrusts it became too much for both of them. Jack came first, with a hoarse yell of, "!" Ianto followed him soon after crying out himself, but just one simple,

"Jack!" He collapsed on top of the Captain, who in turn collapsed on top of Gwen's desk, which was coated in the sticky, gooey mess that was Jack's come. Pulling out, Ianto fell back into Gwen's chair, allowing Jack to collapse into his lap and snuggle into the join of his neck and shoulder.

"If that's what I get for losing, I don't think I want to win our games anymore." Jack panted, pressing soft butterfly kisses up Ianto's neck and along his jaw line. "God you're so hot. You're so beautiful. You're so perfect. Ngh!" He moaned, wriggling to be comfortable. Ianto simply smiled and nudged Jack, knowing they'd have to move now or they'd never find the energy to make it to Jack's bunk.

"C'mon. I need to clean up this mess and you can't fall asleep here." Jack grinned and stood, stretching lazily, and helping Ianto up. "Go get in the shower, I'll be there in a minute." He watched a slow grin spread across his lover's face.

"Round two already? Wow… such stamina…" Ianto laughed and pushed Jack playfully.

"No round two yet, but I'm not getting into a tiny, tiny bed with a man who's coated in his own come." Jack looked down at himself and seemed proud of the mess he'd made.

"Okay. I'll go get in the shower." Ianto smiled and watched him head off. He grabbed the cleaning wipes from where he'd left them on Owen's desk earlier that evening, and set Gwen's desk in order, only stopping once he was sure she wouldn't be suspicious. Then, he left to join Jack in what promised to be an extremely fun shower.

***

PCGwen: Iantoooo... why is there lubricant on my desk?

IantoKingOfCoffee: Um, I'm not really sure Gwen, why don't you try asking Owen?

PCGwen: why would Owen have lube? And why would he put it on my desk... do you think Jack would know?

TheSex has joined the conversation

PCGwen: Owen... you don't own any lube do you?

TheSex: Yeah Teaboy, why would I, sexual non-deviant that I am, leave lube on her desk?

PCGwen: Oh God, Ianto you don't think that Owen and I...

PCGwen: That ended aaages ago!

TheSex: Of COURSE not Gwen... Why would I?

PCGwen: Oh. Good...

ElCapitan has joined the conversation

ElCapitan: Aren't you kids supposed to be working?

IantoKingOfCoffee: No Gwen, you and Owen, are definitely not an item of any sort…

PCGwen: Exactly, I mean, I'm a one man woman and everything...

TheSex: Well we would be, Jack, but Gwen wants to know who the lube belongs to.

PCGwen: I don't even look at other guys

TheSex: (pointed look at Jack)

PCGwen: Owen

YourMightyLeader: Snicker

TheSex: Ha, that's believable Gwen.

PCGwen: Shut up you asshole!

TheBoss: Play nice kids.

GOD: Ianto. Will you fingerprint the offending lube tube?

TheSex: Oi, who're you calling an asshole, its not me who likes it...

TheOneWhoGivesTheOrders: Hehe... Lube tube... rhymes... I am made of awesome

PCGwen: OWEN!

TheSex: Well, sorry, slipped out…

PCGwen: Sometimes, you should try keeping your mouth shut.

TheSex: I'm gonna go... autopsy... Something.

CaptainHandsome: Ooh... It's all coming out now...

LeaderOfTheWeak: Leaving so soon? That just proves it's your lube!

TheSex has left the conversation, in a hurry

GeneralInuendo: Think we scared him off?

PCGwen: Sometimes, you're so childish.

IantoKingOfCoffee: It's in his nature.

MasterOfAllSex: Ianto knows allll about nature…

IantoKingOfCoffee: He's so old and all, it kinda makes sense that he reverts to childhood every now and then…

PCGwen: Oh, please... Tell me it isn't your lube!

LordOfNookie: HEY!

IantoKingOfCoffee: (warningly)Jack

ColonelKinky: Less of the old you insolent sprog!

LieutenantLove: You know you love it…

PCGwen: ok. I'm not sure I can stand much of this...

IantoKingOfCoffee: Insolent sprog? That's not what you were saying last night - Captain

Cap'nJack: I seem to remember you weren't complaining about my age or experience either

PCGwen: Oh GOD... It's yours isn't it?

TheIncredibleHunk: What flavour is it?

IantoKingOfCoffee: Calm down Gwen.

IantoKingOfCoffee: Jack!

PCGwen: FLAVOUR?

TheInsatiableHarkness: Sorry... any chance of coffee? Not decaf... Please not decaf

IantoKingOfCoffee: Ummm, yeah, what flavour is it?

PCGwen: Er... Strawberry?

IantoKingOfCoffee: No sorry, all you deserve is decaf.

IantoKingOfCoffee: Oh strawberry? Yum!

CaptainSexy: Not mine... I've got a vanilla fetish.

YourGorgeousOverlord: Yum is not something most sensible people say about lubricant, Ianto...

PCGwen: why is it on my desk?

IantoKingOfCoffee: I like strawberry, actually I kinda fancy strawberries now, I might pop to Sainsbury's.

Ianto'sGorgeousUnderlord: If you give me decaf, I'll purposely raid the archives like I did last Tuesday... remember the mess?

PCGwen: when you do, could you buy me a new sanity? I lost mine...

LordHorny: Might have to get some more lube...

IantoKingOfCoffee: No no, don't you dare! fine I'll make normal!

PCGwen: JACK

CaptainCool: I am supreme…

IantoKingOfCoffee: Oh write me a shopping list why don't you, huh? I'll get your coffee, sir.

SexySupervisor: Thanks Ianto.

TheSex has joined the conversation

PCGwen: I'm going... I'm going to... Oh GOD I have to put it in the bin and that means touching it,..

Jack: Back for round two already?

TheSex: I'll sort that out Gwen, I have my gloves on... Disgusting people.

TheSex: Teaboy I want coffee, two cups.

PCGwen: Thanks... Think the incinerator will work it?

TheSex: The autopsy's not quite dead.

PCGwen: Ooh... Can I have a cup of tea?

PCGwen: OWEN! That's so cruel!

TheTantricTaskmaster: Nice one. Interrogation time?

TheSex: Well, how was I supposed to know it was in deep hibernation?

ForemanOfForeplay: Can I be good cop this time Ianto?

PCGwen: You're a doctor... don't you have monitors?

TheSex: Bloody sat up as I cut its stomach open, didn't it.

Texpert has joined the conversation

TheSex: Deep hibernation Gwen, no sign on the monitors.

PCGwen: You're disgusting.

IantoKingOfCoffee: I guess so, if you really want Jack.

HeadOfOperations: I bet you just pissed your pants eh?

ManagerOfMasturbation: Oh, I want…

PCGwen: JACK!

TheSex: thought you liked being the bad cop Jack?

Texpert: You know, some of us do work here...

OvarianOverseer: Yeah.. but you've never seen Ianto be bad cop.. it's hot.

TheSex: Sorry Tosh.

IantoKingOfCoffee: Sorry Tosh - Cup of camomile?

Texpert: It's ok Owen.

Texpert: Ooh.. That'd be lovely Ianto

Texpert: Any pastries?

IantoKingOfCoffee: Right that's four coffees, a camomile a tea and pastries.

PCGwen: I have to pee... brb

PCGwen's status is set to be right back

IantoKingOfCoffee has left the conversation

SuperintendentOfSex: I want extra cream…

CopulationCommander: Why does he always leave just before I say that?

Texpert: So... Owen... want some help with that autopsy?

TheSex: It's not quite an autopsy Tosh

AdmiralAmorous: he might need some help with his wet pants.

Texpert: I know, but what do we call it now it's alive?

TheSex: Gotta sew him back up and deliver him to interrogation.

Texpert: Is he sentient? Can he speak English? Do you need me to make a translator?

TheSex: I didn't wet my pants.

LasciviousLieutenant: Oh yeah? I can see the wet patch from here...

TheSex: He seems to have learnt English quite well Tosh.

Texpert: Oh... Good...

TheSex: Well at least army-American, as he asked for a cup of joe.

Texpert: You know it's a he?

TheSex: And I'm now ignoring you Jack.

TheAmazingAphrodisiac: Aha! An alien after my own heart...

TheSex: Well he's got a wotsit Tosh...

SexOnLegs: Where's Ianto with my coffee?

Texpert: some species have different genitalia Owen...

TheSalaciousSentinel: It's true... I remember this time...

IantoKingOfCoffee has joined the conversation - with a full rattly tray

IantoKingOfCoffee: reminiscing Jack?

PCGwen's status is online

CaptainLecherous: Always.

PCGwen: Oh good, I missed the anecdote. No nightmares for me tonight…

TheSex: This one has fairly regular genitalia, although, he did tell me that he's a he anyway.

MasterOfTheLustyServingWench: Well, actually, I was about to say. This Chelonian.. They're like giant tortoises.. Well.. The males have the holes and the females have well...

IantoKingOfCoffee: There's your tea Gwen.

PCGwen: Thanks Ianto.. Not strawberry flavour? I'm disappointed.

TheTeaboy'sCaptain: I think they're called protrusions...

IantoKingOfCoffee: And we had no pastries Tosh, I've got cookies, of the choc chip variety, or the muffins Rhys baked us, of the blueberry variety…

Texpert: Jack... Enough.

Texpert: COOKIES

Texpert: not that Rhys' muffins are bad...

PCGwen: OI! His cookies are lovely!

TheSex: Muffins, Gwen, muffins.

PassionatePrivate: If lovely is synonymous with vomit inducing...

PCGwen: well.. yeah, but they didn't rise and they're rock solid.

PCGwen: they make good cookies.

TheRuler: Ah, poor Rhys... always has the same problem... things don't rise...

PCGwen: How bloody dare you!

TheSex: Oh, guess I haven't seen them then. in that case, what did I eat earlier?

JackOfHearts: Giggle. Kidding

EmperorOfErotica: who knows Owen...

IantoKingOfCoffee: I have no idea Owen, what did it look like?

PCGwen: You can be such a prick sometimes Jack Harkness

TheSex: Well a blueberry muffin of course.

Texpert: Gwen, Jack... drop it both of you.

Beryl has joined the conversation

PrissyPrick: Yes ma'am.

BERYL: Is that my joe? Thank you Ianto.

ThePerfectPenis: Hi Beryl... Er...

BERYL: I believe you may have eaten... something of mine... I do apologise

PCGwen: (very slowly) How are you feeling?

BERYL: A little cut up Gwen, but otherwise fine.

AnAstonishedAdonis: SNORT! Beryl, what species are you?

PCGwen: Oh... Is the coffee good?

BERYL: I don't think you have a word for me Jack.

Texpert: Owen... fancy a drink later?

CaptainOfTheCock: Try me. I like learning new things.

BERYL: The joe is very good, not quite as strong as the stuff they served up in the army, but good all the same…

Texpert: He didn't...

PCGwen: Uh oh...

GeneralOfTheGenitalia: Ianto.. are you ok?

IantoKingOfCoffee has left the conversation - to make the coffee machine brew stronger

: Was that thud in the distance Ianto collapsing from shock?

BERYL: Oh dear - did I upset him? I didn't mean to.

TheSex: Yes, Tosh, if we can get away from this madhouse, I would like to take you for a meal.

TheWankingWarlord: He'll be fine.. I'll just go check.. Gwen... Censor the horny ones.

TheWankingWarlord has left the conversation to attempt nookie in the kitchen

Texpert: I know a cute new Italian place on the bay...

BERYL: I'm afraid I cannot pronounce my species for you Jack, my voice box will not allow it.

TheSex: Italian is always good, milady.

PCGwen: Well... We'll just call you Beryl then...

Texpert: giggle

PCGwen: oh God... you didn't just pull the milady trick on Tosh?

TheSex: Yes, Gwen I did.

TheSex: Oh no, I didn't pull a trick!

PCGwen: Sorry, can't speak, too busy retching…

Texpert: It's ok Owen, I know you only want me for may amazing boobs and fabulous legs...

TheSex: Tosh is a true lady.

MasterOfTheMember has joined the conversation

MasterOfTheMember: pout he...

DukeOfTheDick: he hit me on the head with the tray...

BERYL: I sense that last is a jab at Gwen, Owen and I don't think it is in good taste.

OverseerOfOral: I think he's really cross 'cos he wouldn't even let me grope him...

TheSex: Nice one teaboy, finally coming to his senses is he Jack?

PCGwen: Oh... went right over my head lovely. Thanks for pointing it out.

BreastInspectionAgent: Hey... Check the CCTV footage for last night, you'll see what Ianto COMING to his senses looks like!

Texpert: Oh dear... I'll go talk to Ianto...

TheSex: OH God Jack - did you have to!

SupplierOfSemen: Yes I did...

Texpert has left the conversation the be the eternal diplomat

ValiantVoyeur: I know you watched it already Owen, I saw you wanking over the footage

PCGwen: OH GOD! I don't know who I'm more disgusted with!

TheSex: I did not.. how dare you impugn my honour sir!

PrecociousPornstar: Okay, but Gwen was gullible enough to believe it hehe.

SexIdol: Anyway, you have no honour…

PCGwen: I second that motion..

InstructorOfIntercourse: I'll show you motion!

BERYL: I, I third it

BesottedWithBreasts: Thanks for the third

BERYL: I'm getting a little confused.

PCGwen: JACK

PCGwen: Sorry Beryl... what's confusing you?

BERYL: I think I may go back to the autopsy room, have another nap.

Texpert has joined the conversation

PCGwen: Ok Beryl. See you later.

BERYL: Thank Ianto for the joe. When you're ready to interview me, I'll be, sleeping.

Texpert: He says he's practicing his coffee 'til it's perfect...

Beryl has left the conversation

Texpert: He says he's never eating, sleeping or allowing sexual contact again until it's perfect...

AddictedToMorethenYourCoffee: BUT IT'S ALREADY PERFECT!

TheSex: That's put you in a pickle hasn't it Jack?

PCGwen: Aww that's actually quite sweet that you think that sweetheart.

WorshipperOfIanto'sMassiveCoffeeMachine: Owen, don't look so cocky, I'm gonna need something to screw until he comes to his senses... you might be on the menu.

TheSex: ARGH!

LoverOfTheKingOFCoffee: I think I might cry... I want my Ianto back...

Texpert: Oh, now that is sweet...

SlaveToTheSecretary: pout

TheSex: Lets all aww over the poor Captain.

PCGwen: awwwwwwwww

Texpert: don't be so mean. Jack, are you ok?

TheSex: I'm going to go sew Beryl back up - at least he talks sense!

ServantOfTheTeaboy: sniff I want more coffee...

Texpert: You just want him for his coffee? You deserve to be upset!

TheSex has left the conversation

IantoKingOfCoffee has joined the conversation

IantoKingOfCoffee: Here you are sir, new and improved coffee.

JiltedLover: IANTOOOOOOO! clings Your coffee is perfect.

IantoKingOfCoffee: Where's that alien gone?

CaptainEasilySatisfied: Ianto... it's the same as the last cup.. Purrfect!

Texpert: He went for a nap.

PCGwen: I'm going home early. Got a meeting with a dress fitter for the wedding.

Texpert: Oooooh have fun!

EasilySatiatedSinner: Nice of you to ask permission from the boss sulks

IantoKingOfCoffee: Do you need a wedding fairy along, for a second opinion?

PCGwen: Oh grow up Jack. Thanks Tosh, have a nice time tonight with Owen.

IantoKingOfCoffee: and when I get my hands on that alien...

PCGwen: Ooh... I would say yes, but I think Jack would eat me!

IantoKingOfCoffee: Yes, I understand.

PossesivePhilanderer: You're not allowed to touch the alien. you're mine!

IantoKingOfCoffee: Well, blue tooth me if you need me.

PCGwen: sigh I'm off. bye guys. I will Ianto, thanks. xxx

PCGwen has left the conversation

IantoKingOfCoffee: I figured I'd be the bad cop Jack.

Texpert: Oh dear... I'm alone with the lovebirds...

AutomaticallyAroused: I like it when you're bad cop…

IantoKingOfCoffee: I know you do.

FanOfFetish: I'm gonna get you a police outfit... Made of PVC...

Texpert: Umm... Still here!

UpForAThreesome: You can have a nurse's outfit, Tosh

Texpert: Thanks...not what I meant.

IantoKingOfCoffee: I don't think I suit a police outfit Jack…

: Unit uniform?

ReactsWellToRolePlay: You can be general, I'll be a private…

Texpert: Urgh.. Unit really turns me off.

BeggingForBondage: Understandable... Though you do look cute in a jumpsuit...

Texpert: I think that's a compliment... In which case... Thanks...

Texpert: I'm gonna go see where Owen got to...

Texpert has left the conversation

GaggingForIt: Well... I don't think they suspect anything at all about us...

IantoKingOfCoffee: No not at all Jack.

BestAtBlowjobs: Exactly.

IantoKingOfCoffee: When can you get that unit uniform then?

RearOfTheYear: Heeeeyyy... You don't think the alien was just an excuse for those two to go have sex?

IantoKingOfCoffee: And I thought you wanted me in the red cap?

HasNaughtyDreamsAboutTheStaff: Oh, the red cap... Yeah...

ExoticAndEroticWithEmployees: Martha says she's in the process of getting one, but she's gotta steal it.

IantoKingOfCoffee: Not the generals outfit.

SuchABitchForDomination: Fine, I'll be a civilian.

IantoKingOfCoffee: Possibly an excuse for sex, but I think the Italian tonight is a more likely one…

SupersonicSexMachine: You'd be amazed at the security surrounding Unit uniforms... They have lasers...

LastsLongerThatDuracell:Hmm... You think they'd have sex in a restaurant?

IantoKingOfCoffee: Hope Martha can cope with the lasers.

BetterThanAVibrator: Even I'm not that exhibitionist...

IantoKingOfCoffee: Um, well, we did…

GoesDownOnGuysInTheGents: Yeah but in the toilets!

IantoKingOfCoffee: Well, I expect they'll go to the toilets as well…

IantoKingOfCoffee: Or just Owen's afterwards.

FantasticFuck: I dunno.. Owen is a bit weird…

IantoKingOfCoffee: But Tosh isn't.

LikesToPlayDoctor: Hmm.. Ever been in Owen's flat?

ButPrefersHisCoffeeBoy: It's really presumptuous..

HotForYourCuteSuit: So.. What game do you wanna play tonight?

SupporterOfNaturism: We haven't played cluedo in a while...

IantoKingOfCoffee: I was thinking dominoes.

AppreciativeAndAroused: oohh... good plan!

InnovativeAndIntriguing: The things you can do with dominoes...

IantoKingOfCoffee: Hmm, I'm not sure I want to find that out!

PracticingYourPerfection: Trust me, you do...

IantoKingOfCoffee: Hmmm, ok... Your place or mine?

PatientWithYourPants: Well... I don't really have a place.

IantoKingOfCoffee: I'm thinking mine, because Tosh and Owen are still here.

ThinkingDirtyThoughts: And your bed is much bigger…

HasASexyIdea: Yeah...

IantoKingOfCoffee: Race you there?

LovingTheLubricant: Seriously... From the noises you'd think they were having a threesome with the alien!

ComingQuickly: Indeedy. dibs on the SUV!

IantoKingOfCoffee: Don't say that, I was trying to block the noises!

BringYourStopwatch has signed out really, really quickly

IantoKingOfCoffee: Happy thoughts, happy thoughts!

IantoKingOfCoffee: damn!

IantoKingOfCoffee has signed out

Texpert has signed in

Texpert: guys... small problem... the alien is trying to suffocate Owen...

Texpert: guys...

Texpert: GUYS?

Texpert: Ah well...

Toshiko has gone to do the fucking job herself.

***

When Ianto got back to his flat, in record time, it had to be said, the SUV was nowhere to be seen. He smirked. Jack often got confused on the way to visit Ianto because all the blocks in the area looked exactly the same. He was probably off somewhere right now terrorising some poor person who lived in the corresponding flat a few blocks down. Giggling to himself at the mental images, Ianto let himself into his own home quickly. The lights were all out, but he knew his way around. As he was padding down the corridor, having kicked off his shoes and hung up his jacket, something big, strong and warm dived out of the darkness and pinned him to the wall. Ianto almost panicked. Almost. If it hadn't been for the fact that this was about the fifth time he'd been ambushed in his own home by a horny Jack Harkness, he might've struggled. As it was, he sighed as his back hit the wall, and rolled his eyes as Jack's mouth went straight to his neck.

"Hello Jack." He smirked, trying to ignore how good what Jack was doing to his collarbone felt. "How lovely to see you. Where'd you park the SUV?" Jack looked up, eyes shining in the darkness and reached to flip on a light.

"Round the back. You wouldn't have been nearly so surprised I was here if you'd seen the car…" Jack smiled then went back to consuming Ianto's upper body. "I won the race… Do I get a prize?" Ianto laughed, pushing Jack off of him.

"I'll make coffee whilst you think about what sort of prize is suitable." Jack grinned, and Ianto practically saw the thought processes going from lewd to even worse… The appraising look Jack gave him only served to confirm that he was going to be worn out tomorrow. He sauntered into the kitchen, careful to sway his hips a little because he knew Jack was staring at his arse. Flipping the switch on his own coffee machine (now there's an innuendo for you wink) he placed a cup underneath and waited for it to fill with mocha. Whilst he waited, he listened to the sounds of furniture being shifted around in his living room. He wasn't sure if that was Jack ruining his flat, or just setting everything up so he had a good view for their game of dominoes. He also wasn't sure which was worse. Once he'd made two coffees, he stalked into the living room to see that Jack had pushed everything but the low coffee table out of the way, leaving a large 'play-space' on the floor. He'd also got out a box of antique, ornate, ivory dominoes. Ianto sat, pushing Jack's coffee towards him, and picked up the nearest one, admiring the carving on the back, and running his fingers over the smooth surface. He looked up at Jack. "Well?"

"Prize time!" Jack grinned, and practically launched at him. Ianto found himself on his back with Jack over him, looking at him like a predator about to feast. He smiled nervously.

"Any particular sort of prize you were after?" He ran his hands up Jack's sides, settling them at his waist. Jack grinned and lunged for his mouth, engaging him in a playful kiss. After a few moments teasing, he pulled back.

"I was thinking maybe the naked kind of prize… possibly with some sort of sweet, liquidy foodstuff such as honey.. Or syrup… or whipped cream… or whatever you have in your fridge." Ianto groaned. Jack was in a messy mood. Great. They should have stayed at the hub. "Okay, I'll forego the foodstuffs… How long do I get?" Ianto smiled with the relief and plucked his stopwatch from his pocket.

"Two minutes… starts…. Now!" He grinned as Jack descended on him again, locking their mouths together in a searing kiss, then moaned as he did that thing he did with his tongue which always turned Ianto into some kind of goo. Jack's hands barely moved, Ianto was sure, but all of a sudden, he was lacking of a shirt, and had a mouth clamped over one nipple, and a hand teasing the other. He gasped and arched into it as Jack trailed his hand lower, tickling and teasing the muscles of his abdomen. "Jack!" He wriggled as the tickling became too much. Jack giggled against the skin of his shoulder which he was now attacking viciously. Ianto checked the stopwatch. "One minute left." Jack growled and moved his mouth further up Ianto's neck, earning himself a few gasps and groans as he went. Ianto was fairly panting beneath him now. He grinned and nipped at the skin before leaving a large and blatant love bite just below Ianto's jaw line, where everyone would see it. Ianto moaned, not out of pleasure, but more out of irritation, and swatted Jack on the bum as punishment. It didn't work as planned however, as Jack just giggled and whispered lecherously,

"If you wanna play bondage, you only gotta ask." Before biting down on his earlobe. Ianto inhaled sharply, clutching at Jack's back involuntarily. He checked the stopwatch and grinned.

"Three." Jack licked a line from the base of his neck up to his jaw line. "Two." He nibbled his way along said jaw line. "One." He captured Ianto's lips again, silencing him. The younger man waited a moment, then pushed him off, straightening himself out. "Time's up." He pulled his shirt back on, with great difficulty considering his strong urge to strip naked and beg Jack to have him right then. Jack pouted and handed him his tie. Smirking, he pecked his lover on the lips and fastened the strip of silk around his neck. He reset the stopwatch so it was ready and watched Jack settle into position.

"We wearing the same number of items?" Jack asked. Ianto counted his own. Boxers, trousers, socks (they counted as one item together, because bad as a naked man in socks may be, a naked man in one sock is impossibly worse!), shirt, tie. That made,

"Five for me." He announced. Jack frowned and counted his own. Boxers, trousers, socks, t-shirt, shirt, braces, waistcoat. He pulled off the waistcoat.

"Same here."

"Jack, that's six." Ianto smirked. "Cheating already?" He stood and went to the door, pulling on his jacket. "There, fair's fair." Sitting again, he began to shuffle the tiles. "Rules?"

"Play 'til we get bored. Winner of each round gets oh, say… three minutes to do whatever they like, meaning the number of clothes is insignificant anyways. When we get bored, I take you upstairs and screw you into your mattress." Ianto smirked.

"Sounds good to me." He stopped shuffling and allowed Jack to pick his dominoes, doing the same once the captain was finished. "Liked some of your messenger names today." Jack grinned wolfishly.

"Some of them were pretty good huh?" He set his dominoes out, placing down the double six, and waiting for Ianto's move. "I meant it when I said your coffee was perfect." Ianto smiled and placed his own domino.

"Bloody good. I know it is!" He grinned, and they lapsed into silence as they played, neither wanting to lose, but neither wanting to win either. It was very difficult playing games with Jack, because more often than not, losing felt very much like winning to Ianto. Before he knew it, Jack had placed down his last tile, and Ianto still had three. He laughed and grabbed the stopwatch. "Three minutes… Last time it took you nearly that to undo my belt. Time starts… Now!" Jack smirked and sat back.

"It takes you a lot less time to take off your belt. I want a striptease." He folded his arms behind his head and leant back on the edge of the coffee table. "Hesitation only earns me more time, Mr Jones." Ianto gawped. He wasn't really sure how to even begin a striptease. However, he wasn't about to let Jack know that, and he prided himself on the fact that he learned quickly and was a natural at these games Jack liked to play. Smirking slightly, he stood and reached for his tie.

"A three minute strip tease? Want music?" Jack smiled and shook his head, obviously staring as Ianto began to loosen the knot in his tie and went to slip it over his head.

"A three minute strip tease, Ianto. And you can leave the tie on" He winked and grinned lecherously, and it almost threw Ianto, but he was used to these sorts of kinks by now. He simply began to slowly unbutton his shirt, aware of Jack staring at his hands and the newly exposed skin. "You know, you have really, really sexy hands…" Ianto smirked and wiggled his fingers, and Jack giggled. He carried on, and once the shirt was unbuttoned and un-tucked, he let it hang as he slowly removed his cufflinks, before turning round. Looking back over his shoulder with a sly grin, he allowed the shirt to slowly slide off his shoulders and down his arms, and looked at Jack from under his eyelashes, commanding eye contact. Jack let out a breath.

"How long left?" He turned around again, his tie hanging loosely around his neck, the black contrasted against his pale, unblemished skin. Jack looked at him confused, then checked the stopwatch.

"2 minutes 10 seconds." He drank in the sight of a topless Ianto. He'd seen it before, but every time he liked to relish it. "Carry on." Ianto smiled lazily and ran one hand down his chest to meet his trousers. He gripped the belt and raised an eyebrow. Jack nodded enthusiastically, so he unbuckled it slowly, and slid it through the hoops on his trousers, letting it fall to the floor beside his shirt. He momentarily worried about the creasing this would cause, but remembered he wouldn't really be needing clothes for the rest of the night anyway. He tilted his head downwards, and gave Jack another 'come-hither' look through his eyelashes, before flicking open the button of his suit trousers. The quick action made Jack inhale sharply, and Ianto smirked, slowly bringing down the zipper, and watching as Jack held the breath unwittingly.

He turned round and dropped the trousers to his ankles, and Jack made a small sound in his throat. Grinning wickedly, he bent over slowly, giving Jack a good look at his boxer-clad rear. As he freed his ankles of the trouser legs, he slipped off his socks, leaving them on the ever-increasing pile on the floor.

"1 minute 15." Jack gasped at him, eyes wide and erection obvious. "Get on with it!" He groaned, and Ianto had to resist the urge to make him beg. After all, it was Jack's three minutes. He hooked his fingers under the waistband of his boxers and looked directly into Jack's eyes, questioning. "Now!" Jack moaned like a stubborn child, and Ianto grinned devilishly as he dropped the offending article to the floor, kicking them away, and stood completely naked before his lover.

That was when he remembered the huge floor-to-ceiling windows of his flat, which looked out over the bay. He paled, and turned in horror, only to sigh with relief when he saw that Jack had closed the shutters. He wasn't putting on a show for unsuspecting fishermen… Just for one ex-RAF Captain. One very horny ex-RAF Captain if the way Jack was stalking towards him was anything to go by. Jack grinned like a Cheshire cat as he reached Ianto, and cupped his face with one hand for a kiss, the other trailing over his pale chest and abdomen, before moving lower to tease along the length of his cock. Ianto moaned softly and bucked his hips a little, and Jack released his mouth, dropping to his knees. He glanced at the stopwatch.

"30 seconds, then I'm stopping." And that was all the warning Ianto got before he was being deep-throated by an insanely talented mouth. He gasped, one hand flying to Jack's shoulder to support himself, the other gripping his hair tightly, and moaned as Jack drew back to tease him with his tongue, and graze his teeth gently over the sensitive skin. Ianto tried to count down in his head, tried to focus on anything but the amazing sensations Jack was causing. He got as far back as 22 before he forgot what he was counting for, or even what numbers were. Jack pulled back completely to run his tongue over the head of Ianto's cock, one hand coming up to stroke the base, the other gently stroking his balls. All of a sudden, the warmth of Jack's mouth and hands were gone, and Ianto nearly collapsed from the loss and may have uttered something which sounded like,

"Butisnofair!" Before he was pulled into a wicked kiss and handed the stopwatch.

"Incoherent after 30 seconds? I'll shuffle." Jack winked and settled himself. "Oh, no, don't get dressed." He added as Ianto went to get his boxers. Rolling his eyes, Ianto sat himself back down, the tie he was still wearing brushing against the table and tickling his naked chest. He watched as Jack shuffled the dominoes, determined to win this round. Finally, when Jack sat back, a small, satisfied smile on his face, Ianto leaned forward to pick his tiles. They played and flirted at the same time. Not really speaking much, but teasing each other when they did, and laughing at each other and themselves. Finally, they each had one domino. It was Jack's turn, and Ianto was sure he was going to play the tile and win again. Fortunately, Lady Luck was on Ianto's side. Jack couldn't put the tile down, and had to pick up. Grinning wickedly, the archivist placed his last domino down, and eyed the Captain with a hungry look on his face. Jack, for his part, had the decency to pretend to be at least a little nervous. The older man picked up the stopwatch and looked his lover over expectantly.

"Three minutes eh?" Ianto mused out loud. "Well, the washing up needs doing. Three minutes of washing up please, Cariad." He grinned as Jack's jaw dropped.

"Washing up? That's not really sexy Yan." He pouted. Ianto smirked.

"You never said it had to be sexy. That wasn't in the rules. And I've told you before, don't call me Yan. It's annoying, and only my cousin calls me that. And he frequently gets rugby tackled for it." He leaned forward, "And no, I am not going to rugby tackle you." He watched as Jack stood and stretched, then handed him the stopwatch. "Okay, time starts… Now. And I want you to wash up properly this time." He grinned at his jilted lover and followed him through to the kitchen, perching on a work surface to watch him work.

"I think you're some new form of sadist designed to make me horny as hell then leave me hanging…" Jack grumbled, turning on the hot water.

"Where'd be the fun in that for me?" Ianto offered. "You'll get yours, just be patient. I don't plan to 'leave you hanging' at all. In fact… I plan for you to have a great time. I just need the washing up done first. You know, can't concentrate on sex whilst there's cleaning to be done." He winked as the older man scowled.

"Owen has always said you've got OCD."

"Well, Owen being the amazing psychiatrist he is, he's almost certainly right. Just like usual. Why would you even talk about him in a situation like this? The only use for Owen Harper in a sexual situation is to think about him to stop yourself coming too soon." He slipped off the side and went to the fridge, listening as Jack cracked up and giggled for a little while. He retrieved a bottle of beer and opened it, taking a long drink.

"Oh, I can't get the images out of my head now." Jack giggled. "You're evil, you know that?" He reached for the final plate. "How long left anyway?"

"55 seconds." Ianto replied, glancing at the stopwatch. "You know you'd shag him if he asked. You'd shag anything." He sauntered over, wrapping his arms round Jack's waist from behind and placing a few kisses along the side of his neck.

"Not anything, even I have limits. But yeah, I'd shag Owen. He's got pretty hands and a cute ass." Jack placed the final plate down as he spoke and took the plug out of the sink. Ianto chuckled into his ear and gave him one final kiss before stepping back, looking at the stopwatch.

"Okay, times up. Next round?" He turned to walk back into the living room, but was stopped by Jack's arms, which pulled him back, up against a work surface. Jack pinned him to the side and kissed him, one hand playing with his hair. He groaned and kissed back, hands coming up to unbutton his lover's shirt.

"I'm bored of dominoes." Jack whispered, pulling back from the kiss and running his hands down the sides of Ianto's body, then back up to grope his arse, pulling their hips even closer together. "Entertain me." Ianto snorted and went to work kissing a wet line down Jack's throat to his collarbone, whilst sliding the now-unbuttoned shirt off his shoulders. He ran his hands down his lover's firm chest, then up under his vest, feeling the warmth of his skin. He grazed his teeth over Jack's clavicle and relished the moan he earned, pushing the undershirt up further, and pulling back to get it over his head and onto the floor. As the cotton crumpled into a heap, he flipped them round, pinning Jack to the cupboard and attacking his neck with teasing kisses and nips. Working his way down, he sucked gently on a nipple, before drawing his teeth over it, earning him a gasp and a moan. Jack's hips bucked forwards, grinding against his, and he felt strong hands groping at his rear and back, nails digging in to pull them as close as possible. He groaned and pulled back with effort.

"Upstairs?" He looked into Jack's eyes questioningly, still teasing a nipple with his tongue.

"Upstairs." Jack confirmed, and hustled him out of the kitchen. Grinning, Ianto grabbed something off the table, but refused to show it to his lover, who simply laughed and removed the tie which still hung loosely around Ianto's neck. He didn't drop it though, which gave the younger man some inkling as to what sort of mood the Captain was in. Together, they climbed the stairs in between kisses and gropes, and the occasional rude comment and ensuing giggle.

When they reached Ianto's bedroom, Jack pushed him onto the bed, losing his own trousers and underwear efficiently before climbing on top of him to straddle his hips. Their erections brushed together deliciously, and Jack spent a while just moving his hips and enjoying the sensations. Ianto got bored of this, and decided to flip them over, landing Jack on his back with an aroused Welshman between his legs. The Captain grinned up at him, and he took the tie and managed to tie it tightly around his lover's wrists and the headboard. Jack growled at him playfully, then arched an eyebrow suggestively as Ianto showed him the stopwatch.

"Reckon I can beat my record?" He asked, arching an eyebrow of his own and smirking delectably. "7 minutes 37 to beat eh?" Jack nodded and licked his lips nervously. "You're pretty horny… Sure you can last?" He grinned and leaned down to kiss him on the lips.

"I always do, don't I?" Jack asked, testing his bonds and finding them quite secure. He grinned, knowing this was going to be fun, and relaxed as Ianto began to work his way down his body with his mouth. "Mmmmmh. S'good." He sighed, as his young lover left tiny love-bites on his abdomen. He quickly shut up, however, as a tongue darted out to roughly lick the length of his cock. Ianto looked up at him, eyes twinkling, and maintained eye contact as he pressed the button on the stopwatch and slowly descended on Jack's cock, taking as much of it in as he could without choking. He began replaying all the tricks Jack had taught him, and a few he'd picked up by himself, earning him a variety of pleasing noises. Using a hand on Jack's hip to stop him from bucking his hips too much, he brought the other up to tickle the insides of his thighs.

Jack lost it earlier than he'd meant to. Ianto was really learning fast at this sex game. They'd only been doing it for a short while, and he was already close to breaking the five minute barrier. Not close anymore… He's broken it, Jack thought, as his orgasm washed over him and he yelled a few obscenities and praised a few off-world deities. Finally, he gasped Ianto's name, and his body stilled. Smiling and swallowing as best he could, Ianto stopped the timer and pulled back.

"4 minutes 32. That's pretty pathetic, Cariad." He leaned up for a long, slow kiss, untying Jack, who wrapped his arms round his waist, stroking his back and hair.

"You're getting too good. Gonna have to put you in your place sooner or later." Jack winked. "How am I supposed to screw you senseless now?" He panted, still high from his orgasm.

"You'll recover at some point. In the meantime, there's a certain part of my anatomy which requires your attention." Ianto grinned, kissing him dizzy again. Jack rolled them so Ianto was on his back, and grinned at him.

"It would be my pleasure to return the favour." He whispered, moving to nuzzle at the sensitive spot just behind Ianto's ear.

"You actually don't have a choice." Ianto teased, arching up into the touch. Jack chuckled at him.

"Don't be cheeky or I'll teach you a lesson." He warned, mouth working slowly down the younger man's neck, leaving little marks on the hot skin.

"I'm not cheeky, just self-assured." Ianto said, more of a moan than speech. He wiggled under Jack, trying to press their bodies closer, but had no luck.

"Oh is that so? Well, let's see how self assured you are in 4 minutes 30 seconds." He retrieved the stopwatch and pressed the button, before dropping to lick a trail from Ianto's hip to his belly button, before returning to the other hip to nip and suck at the sensitive flesh there. Ianto groaned, which only encouraged him, and he scooted down the bed further to trail soft, wet kisses from his knee up the inside of his thigh. Ianto was rigid with anticipation, but Jack had other ideas, and bypassed his groin completely, running his fingers lightly over the tensed muscles of Ianto's thighs, feeling them twitch under just the right pressure. He left a big, dark love-bite just above a hip, and continued to lick, bite and suck Ianto's abdomen, hips and thighs, whilst completely ignoring his straining erection.

"Mhh! What are you doing?" Ianto complained, wriggling in an attempt to force Jack's mouth where he wanted it. He dropped a hand to Jack's head to gently push him, but Jack simply caught his wrist and pinned it to the mattress.

"I'm returning the favour, lover." Jack smirked from where he was dipping his tongue into Ianto's navel. "Something wrong?" Ianto made a small noise of frustration in reply.

"Would you just get on with it? I'm on the verge of exploding here!" He writhed, attempting to get some kind of friction, but failing miserably, and groaning.

"Oh, well we wouldn't want that, would we?" Jack just continued what he had been doing before, catching Ianto's other hand before he could try to use that too, and pinning both wrists to the sheets with one hand, using the other to tickle up his lover's chest and across to play with a nipple. Ianto gasped again, and bucked his hips, but Jack went with him and the young man met nothing but air.

"JACK!" He growled, writhing some more.

"Not so self assured now eh?" Jack glanced down at the stopwatch. "It's only been three minutes." He grinned and licked a trail up the inside of Ianto's thigh, before sinking his teeth into a hip bone and practically purring against the aggravated skin. Ianto whimpered.

"You win, now just do it!" He wiggled some more, but the Captain put a stop to that with a hand on his stomach.

"You haven't asked nicely." He winked, kissing a trail which went oh so close to where Ianto wanted that mouth, but not nearly close enough.

"Please?" Ianto panted, and Jack groaned at hearing it. "Oh, God you want me to beg?" Ianto flushed, and Jack took the time to study his lover. He was a picture, completely naked, arms pinned to the bed, face flushed, eyes half-closed, lips full and parted and red from kissing. Jack grinned.

"Mmmhm. I want to hear you beg." He confirmed, and Ianto gasped as Jack went back to shamelessly teasing him. He didn't want to beg, it made him feel weak and uncomfortable, but he supposed he would have to; to get what he wanted. He looked down at Jack, who was biting the sensitive skin of his inner thigh, then soothing the marks with his tongue.

"Please, Jack." He whispered, barely audible, and Jack smiled around his latest mouthful of thigh muscle. Ianto cleared his throat. "Please. I need… Please!" He writhed and whimpered as Jack began a slow path from somewhere near his knee back upwards. He wasn't going to take any chances, so continued with his encouragement. "Jack! Please… I want… I need… pleaseplasepleasepleaseplease…" It became a sort of mantra, Ianto just whispering the same word over and over, head thrashing from side to side. Jack smirked and moved up to lick the length of his lover's neglected cock, and listened to the gasp and the strangled sob it caused. The mantra didn't end, though. Jack released Ianto's hands, and one clutched the sheets, knuckles quickly turning white, whilst the other moved to grip his hair. "Please…" Ianto whispered again, and Jack decided enough was enough, and took the whole of the younger man into his mouth, sucking hard. Ianto's hips snapped upwards, and words failed him, he simply howled with pleasure and came straight away, gripping Jack's hair tight, and arching upwards. Jack stopped the stopwatch without thinking, and cleaned Ianto with his tongue. He crawled up his spent lover's body, draping himself carefully over the younger man. Ianto's mouth still worked silently, and Jack saw he was still saying please over and over. He chuckled softly and placed a soft kiss to his lover's mouth.

"Okay, Ianto. Come back to earth for me?" He gently stroked his face, and soft black hair, and pressed soft kisses to his forehead, lips, cheeks and throat. Slowly, Ianto relaxed all the muscles in his body, and opened his eyes to look at Jack, dazed.

"Oh God. That was… amazing." He gasped, voice hoarse from screaming. He snuggled into Jack, his arms resting around the older man's waist, their foreheads pressed together.

"Fuck but you're beautiful when you come. You know that?" Jack grinned, kissing Ianto again, their tongues sliding lazily against each other. They shuffled so that Jack was lying on his back, Ianto draped easily across his body, and settled together, boneless and satiated.

"Thank you." Ianto whispered, his head resting on Jack's shoulder. He pressed little kisses to wherever he could reach without having to move too much.

"Oh, by the way, 4 minutes 22. I win." Jack beamed down at him. Ianto scrunched up his face and bit an exposed collarbone gently.

"Feels like I win." He snuggled further into Jack's neck. "Anyway, you promised to screw me and I'm feeling suspiciously unscrewed." He smiled as he felt more than heard jack's chuckle.

"Gimme 15 minutes and I'll fulfil that promise." He replied, stroking lazy circles on Ianto's back.

"Mmmhm… no need to wake me up though, just… Feel free." Ianto waved a hand in no particular direction, before promptly falling asleep on Jack's chest. Jack smiled. It was so rare that they had time to snuggle after sex, and it was something Jack particularly enjoyed. The quiet time when he could breathe in the familiar, calming scent of his lover, and the memory of amazing sex drowned out any other thoughts. He lay there for a long time, before he finally dozed himself.

When Jack woke, and looked at the clock instantly, it was 6 am and the two were shrouded in darkness. Ianto was stirring too, and Jack noticed that the alarm was beeping. That must've been what woke him. Grumbling, he reached out to hit the button, shutting off the sound. The damage was already done though, Ianto was awake now, and he had an uncanny ability to go from sleeping to being fully alert in a matter of seconds. Jack looked at him through sleepy eyes and smiled.

"Morning lover." He leant forward to kiss Ianto on the lips.

"Morning Cariad." Ianto replied, shifting to get out of the bed.

"Where do you think you're going?" Jack questioned, winding his arms round the younger man's waist to stop him from escaping.

"Coffee?" He tried, wiggling to get out of Jack's grip, with no success.

"I know a better way to wake up in the morning." Jack whispered, biting gently on his earlobe. "And I still haven't fulfilled my promise. And I've got a morning erection here with your name on it.." He kissed and nuzzled at Ianto's neck sleepily. Ianto grinned.

"Oh really? I thought my name was written all over you in permanent marker?" Ianto smirked, twisting to return Jack's kisses. "I'm sure coffee can wait for a few minutes." He added, pushing Jack to lie back on the bed and hovering over him, attached at the mouth. Jack pulled back for air and ran his hands appreciatively up and down his lover's sides.

"Your name," He whispered softly, eyes shining, "Is carved into my heart eternally." Ianto was a little shocked at this, since Jack wasn't the type to over emote, especially not when he was sleepy, but he accepted the affection. "Now c'mere and kiss me properly!" Jack pulled him down into a passionate kiss, which conveyed their emotions without needing any words. They were comfortable together, they loved each other unconditionally, but not in the way that 21st century society expected. There was no need for sap and romance between them, they were settled. Perfectly at ease in each other's company, and inside each other's bodies. Flowers and love songs weren't needed, only moments like these where they could be together without interruption, and without having to think or analyse each other's actions, because they didn't matter. Nothing mattered except for the building passion, and the combined rhythm of their increasing heart-rates. They didn't need words, because their souls brushed against each other, each healing the scars of the other for a few stolen minutes.

After a few moments, the kiss wasn't enough, and Jack flipped them over, gesturing for Ianto to get comfy whilst he rattled through the dresser drawer to find some lubricant. They always used condoms when Ianto was on top, because Jack was NEVER going to get pregnant again, but when it was Jack on top, there was no need. He pulled out a tube of vanilla-scented, tingle sensation lube, and popped open the cap whilst he settled himself between Ianto's legs, placing hot, wet kisses to his chest and neck. Ianto groaned and ran his nails down Jack's back, earning him a sharp gasp and a dirty chuckle. He was, however, unprepared for what came next. Jack squeezed some of the lube onto his fingers, and then, instead of using it in the conventional way, he let his playful side get the better of him, and decided to draw a smiley face on Ianto's chest with the slick substance. It was cold, and Ianto gasped, then laughed, then growled angrily.

"That's going to dry and be nasty. You're so immature sometimes." He swatted at Jack's hand playfully as the older man giggled and wiped some more lube across his face. "Jack!"

"If you're complaining, I can stop!" He squeezed some more of the tube out. "Okay, I'm gonna use it properly this time." He grinned and leaned forward for a deep kiss, sliding a finger inside Ianto as he did so. The younger man gasped and arched into the touch, and Jack took that as a cue to start doing something. Slowly and gently, he prepared Ianto, taking care not to hurt him or to rush. By the time he was satisfied that his lover was ready, Ianto was a pile of loose bones on the bed. "You make this too easy for me." Jack whispered, removing his hand and smoothing some lube over his erection.

"I am not easy, Jack Harkness." Ianto replied, shifting so that he was in a good position for Jack. "Remember how long it took you to ohh…" He was cut off as Jack pushed inside him, and his eyes fluttered shut, his mouth open.

"Yeah. I remember. You're not easy." Jack soothed, kissing his parted lips, and pulling his legs up to rest round his waist. Ianto opened his eyes and brought his arms up to wind them round Jack's neck, returning the kiss. The pulled back for air, and moaned simultaneously as Jack began to move. He set up a slow rhythm, luxuriating in the feel of Ianto all around him, and enjoying the sight of the younger man losing himself to the sensations.

"This is all very nice," Ianto groaned, grinding his hips to meet each thrust, "But could you hurry up and screw me properly now?" He gripped Jack's hip, digging his nails in to pull their bodies closer. Jack obliged him by shifting to change the angle, and speeding up. "Mhhh… That' it." Ianto groaned, head falling back, eyes half closed. Jack chuckled and sped up even more, making Ianto have to work to keep up with him. "God, Jack."

"Nah, I'm not God. Just amazing." Jack grinned, and Ianto laughed between gasps. The two promptly stopped talking, however, as their need became too great. Jack shifted them again, pushing Ianto's legs further up around his waist, so that he was brushing that spot which made Ianto see stars every thrust. He lost control of his rhythm and started to buck his hips wildly, one hand coming round to stroke Ianto, the other gripping his hip so hard it would leave marks. The room filled with load moans from both of them, and the sound of heavy panting. After a few more thrusts, Ianto came, calling Jack's name and convulsing delightfully around the older man's cock, pushing him over the edge too. Jack shuddered, thrust a few more times, lazily, then collapsed on top of his lover, whispering his name and a few obscenities.

When the two finally regained their breath, Jack pushed himself up, pulling out of Ianto and rolling over onto his side. Ianto collapsed beside him, and they lay there gazing at each other and running their hands over the each other's bodies for a few minutes.

"We should get up and shower." Ianto said softly, pressing a warm kiss to Jack's cheek. Jack turned his head to capture Ianto's mouth in a lazy kiss, and mmhmed in agreement.

"Yeah, we'll be late otherwise." He wriggled into a sitting position and watched Ianto get out of the bed and stumble into the bathroom. He heard soft cursing and followed him to see the younger man attempting to wash off the lube-based artwork on his chest using a warm flannel. Chuckling, he took the cloth and finished the job for him. "Shower?" He asked, a cheeky grin on his face. Ianto laughed, took the flannel and threw it in the sink and grinned back.

"Shower." He agreed and turned on the spray. Grinning like a Cheshire cat, Jack pulled Ianto under the hot water and began to wash him from head to toe with an extremely tickly sponge. Ianto giggled and reciprocated, and soon they were both clean and awake. Jack reached for Ianto, a familiar glint in his eye, but the younger man knew they needed to get to work, so, stepping back, he shut off the hot water, and watched Jack's howl of shock and disgust as the water turned suddenly freezing. Ianto laughed at him and shut the cold off too, chucking him a soft, fluffy towel. "Can't have you getting horny again, my evil bastard boss'll kill me if I'm late for work." He grinned, drying himself of with a matching towel. Jack grinned at him and winked.

"I hear he's a real ball breaker." He drawled, sauntering through to the bedroom to hunt for some clothes.

"Yeah, and he's so ugly too…" Ianto teased, following. He went to his wardrobe to find a suit for the day, but found himself tackled onto the bed and being tickled fiendishly.

"Take that back!" Jack demanded, relentless in his tickling.

"NEVER!" Ianto giggled, writhing to get away.

"Take it back or I'll go into the archives!" He threatened, and Ianto gasped in mock-horror.

"Oh no! Please, Captain, anything but the archives!" They burst into fits of giggles, and Jack kissed him playfully before getting up and throwing him a pair of boxers.

"Wear the cute suit?" He begged with his eyes, and Ianto chuckled.

"All my suits are cute." He protested, standing and putting on the underwear.

"Wear the cutest one. The charcoal one with the pinstripes." He demanded, pointing at the suit in question and placing a kiss on Ianto's cheek. "And the red shirt, and the black waistcoat." Ianto rolled his eyes,

"That suit doesn't go with a waistcoat…" he stopped at the pout Jack was giving him. "Fine… If it'll make you happy." He grinned. Jack spun him round and kissed him again, then drew back to look into his eyes.

"You make me happy."

***

LooksGoodInASuit has logged on

CaptainCaptain has logged on

CaptainCaptain: I just found some terrifying deleted CCTV footage on Tosh's PC.

CaptainCaptain: In her private records...

CaptainCaptain: marked 'bribery'

LooksGoodInASuit: What were you doing on Tosh's PC?

LooksGoodInASuit: Bribery? that doesn't sound good

CaptainCaptain: Yeah… I say terrifying, I mean hot... It's actually only terrifying for you because I have no shame!

Jack: You remember when we played naked hide and seek?

LooksGoodInASuit: Errr, yes...

LooksGoodInASuit: That was quite fun

CaptainCaptain: Well, it has nothing to do with that, I just wanted to make you remember.

LooksGoodInASuit: Oh.

CaptainCaptain: Anyway, she has footage of every time we've ever er... what word did you use? dabbled? In the Hub...

LooksGoodInASuit: That's quite naughty.

LooksGoodInASuit: Oh dear.

CaptainCaptain: And I think she plans to use it against us for her own evil gains...

LooksGoodInASuit: That's quite a lot

CaptainCaptain: It is.. a lot of material to use... (If you catch my drift )

CaptainCaptain: I have formed a counter plan!

LooksGoodInASuit: Bad Jack, you're making me blush!

LooksGoodInASuit: A counter plan? Why does that worry me?

CaptainCaptain: I know, I'm watching you on CCTV…

LooksGoodInASuit: Eek

LooksGoodInASuit: It's like bloody big brother in here!

CaptainCaptain: Heey, the only side effect of my last counter plan was that you had green hair for three weeks and your favourite suit got charred!

CaptainCaptain: And I would hope you don't see me as a big brother... although just 'big' I can understand…

LooksGoodInASuit: Humpf. That's an 'only' side effect? It was a pretty big problem - I looked like a bleeding elf AND I had to buy an exact replica of said suit because it's YOUR favourite... It's designer, it cost a lot.

CaptainCaptain: The Queen paid for it.

LooksGoodInASuit: Hmmm, you are more big than a brother...

LooksGoodInASuit: She did? Missed that one.

LooksGoodInASuit: Must write and thank her majesty.

CaptainCaptain: She pays for everything, Ianto.

CaptainCaptain: Thank her for my new handcuffs while you're at it.

LooksGoodInASuit: I'm sure she'll be glad to know what you use her money for...

LooksGoodInASuit: Oh god.

LooksGoodInASuit: Does that mean we're getting kinky tonight?

CaptainCaptain: And the vibrator I bought Gwen as a prank... I planted it in her purse and it fell out in front of Andy giggle

CaptainCaptain: Actually, tonight i was thinking twister.

CaptainCaptain: But we can find some use for the handcuffs, I'm sure.

LooksGoodInASuit: Hmmm twister... We should get Gwen to join in...

CaptainCaptain: OO Ewwwwwwwww. That'd be like... Playing twister with your sister!

CaptainCaptain: Hehe! That rhymes.

CaptainCaptain: Do you have a Gwen fetish or something? Is there something I should know about?

CaptainCaptain: Because if I'm keeping you form an archive rendezvous with PC Cooper, feel free to leave pout anytime

LooksGoodInASuit: No, no fetish here. I just thought a nice team game would be fun.

CaptainCaptain: I think you have missed the point. I was thinking naked twister. If you wanna invite the team, go ahead, but then it says 'right hand green' and you end up with a hand between Owen's legs, don't come crying to me!

CaptainCaptain: I'll be too busy groping Tosh

LooksGoodInASuit: Hmmm naked twister... Ok, I think I can win that one.

KingWeevil has signed in

GeekyButGorgeous has signed in

CaptainCaptain: Oh? Think you're more flexible than me?

CaptainCaptain: Er... Hi guys...

GeekyButGorgeous: Jack - Why will you be groping Tosh?

KingWeevil: You make me sick Harkness.

GeekyButGorgeous: More flexible... Err I might leave now

CaptainCaptain: Because her boobs are lovely, Tosh...

KingWeevil: I second that opinion

GeekyButGorgeous: Who's been messing around with my computer?

CaptainCaptain: It was Gwen! I saw her do it!

CaptainCaptain: She was ranting like a wild woman about making the world a better place!

GeekyButGorgeous: Yes jack, I completely believe all of that...

CaptainCaptain: She did, then she touched Ianto's bum, drank all the coffee and finished Owen's word-search...

KingWeevil: So it was you! I'll get you Jack! I'll get you with vengeance waves fist

LooksGoodInASuit: Oh that was Gwen? Wow, she's really good at pinching my arse!

CaptainCaptain: If by 'you', you mean 'Gwen', then ... yes...

LooksGoodInASuit: I don't think

CaptainCaptain: Thank you Ianto

CaptainCaptain: Oh... sulk fine.

LooksGoodInASuit: No, no, no - whoever pinched my arse is good at it - I just don't think that it was Gwen.

KingWeevil: So, Tosh... Everything ok with your PC?

GeekyButGorgeous: Maybe I should ask Gwen…

CaptainCaptain: Oh, that's good then.

KingWeevil: If she weren't daydreaming about her loverboy, you could

GeekyButGorgeous: Oh, yes, it all seems to be fine... though some files have been deleted.

KingWeevil: prods Gwen

GeekyButGorgeous: But that's simple enough to fix.

CaptainCaptain: Any files in particular?

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish has joined the conversation

CaptainCaptain: Aha! I'm emailing you a file here, I wont say what's in it, but I've secretly named the file ''

KingWeevil: Finished swooning Gwen?

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: What's going on? Why's Tosh getting cryptic in our other conv?

transferring file

GeekyButGorgeous: Well done Gwen.

GeekyButGorgeous: Jack - What the hell is that?

CaptainCaptain: Because she's on to you, you naughty, naughty woman...

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: What? What am I supposed to have done Jack?

CaptainCaptain: Gotcha! You thought you were the only one who could retrieve deleted files, but with my supreme knowledge of technology, I have found a retaliation

KingWeevil: Jack says you messed with Tosh's PC, pinched Ianto's arse, drank all the coffee then did my word-search.

CaptainCaptain: nods The weevil king speaketh the truth.

transfer complete

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: Well, I did finish the crossword, sorry Owen.

KingWeevil: Ianto, you're very... quiet...

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: But the rest of it - Wouldn't dream of it

KingWeevil: Cooper! You owe me beer for that!

KingWeevil: Beer and a blowjob.

LooksGoodInASuit: I'm just making some coffee, and soaking it all up.

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: Fuck off Harper!

CaptainCaptain: Heeey! I've seen the way you look at our sexy sexetary!

CaptainCaptain: I mean... very important archivist!

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: OMG, I just said fk oh, oh, oh so sorry everyone!

KingWeevil: Aww c'mon, if Jack had said that, you'd've laughed.

CaptainCaptain: It's ok Gwen.

CaptainCaptain: Owen, that's because I'm charming and hot and have a bigger dick.

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: Eewww, no I wouldn't touch Ianto's arse. It's like fondling my brothers... if I had a brother that is...

KingWeevil: This calls for proof!

CaptainCaptain: ARE YOU CHALLENGING ME?

KingWeevil: YUP!

LooksGoodInASuit: I would have thought a bigger dick would be less reason for Gwen to accept the idea of a blow job Jack?

CaptainCaptain: IANTO! Fetch the measuring tape! This is no time for logic!

LooksGoodInASuit: Surely Owen would be less than a mouthful

KingWeevil: Sigh shakes head

LooksGoodInASuit: Yessir...

KingWeevil: Oi teaboy!

LooksGoodInASuit is away

KingWeevil: Like you can talk!

CaptainCaptain: Not with his mouth full!

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: sigh. Tosh, you don't believe that I messed with the computer do you?

KingWeevil: You are disturbingly wrong.

CaptainCaptain: Believe, Tosh, beliiiieve

GeekyButGorgeous: What Gwen, oh sorry I was a little... busy... Jack's a bit... um well, of course I believe you Gwen

GeekyButGorgeous: To be honest I'm not sure you'd be able to hack into my computer….

CaptainCaptain: Oh really Tosh? prepares to send a file to Gwen Do you now?

KingWeevil: What? Seriously, Jack, we know it was you.

GeekyButGorgeous: Oh come on Jack, stop being so childish.

CaptainCaptain: Hey, I'm not the one who had a blackmail folder!

CaptainCaptain: I'm just giving you a taste of your own medicine Miss Sato!

GeekyButGorgeous: Ahha - now we have the truth

CaptainCaptain: Yeah, Tosh is evil. FACT

KingWeevil: Still... you hacked her PC...

CaptainCaptain: She hacks people's PCs all the time!

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: What exactly is going on? What are you sending each other?

KingWeevil: No idea

GeekyButGorgeous: For WORK!

CaptainCaptain: I was working to start with!

LooksGoodInASuit is set to online

LooksGoodInASuit: I have the tape-measure sir, would you like me to be adjudicator?

CaptainCaptain: I needed to retrieve some files from the Abaddon incident which had been deleted due to inaccuracy.

GeekyButGorgeous: Oh I bet you were!

CaptainCaptain: Kinky, Ianto, but I don't think it's needed anymore.

KingWeevil: Chickening out, Harkness?

GeekyButGorgeous: I never delete any files for work purposes

CaptainCaptain: Do you really want me to drop my trousers and shame you Owen? 51st century. Everything is developed

CaptainCaptain: Don't believe me, ask Ianto. He never lies...

CaptainCaptain: You had to delete those. They were corrupting the data about the rift opening.

CaptainCaptain: I couldn't retrieve them anyway. Maybe you can?

CaptainCaptain: I found your blackmail folder when I was looking through the system files.

LooksGoodInASuit: He is quite big Owen, and I saw the videos of you and Tosh... I really don't advise challenging him.

KingWeevil: What videos?

KingWeevil: And ewww Teaboy, TMI

GeekyButGorgeous: Oh, I can try and find them later, is that alright?

CaptainCaptain: Sure thing. Just don't retrieve them if they're gonna screw the systems again.

LooksGoodInASuit: Sorry Owen. Thought brutal honesty might help.

KingWeevil: Yeah, well, it helped to bring up my lunch.

LooksGoodInASuit: And the videos are the ones from the autopsy bay the other night...

CaptainCaptain: Enough, children. Ianto, any chance of a latte?

KingWeevil: Oh.. then... good times

LooksGoodInASuit: Sigh. Anything else whilst I'm in the kitchen?

CaptainCaptain: Cookies?

GeekyButGorgeous: Ohhh yes that night...

KingWeevil: It was pretty good huh?

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: Am I missing something?

GeekyButGorgeous: It was very... private Owen

CaptainCaptain: No Gwen, world peace is still not here, go back to sleep.

GeekyButGorgeous: Nothing, nothing. A camomile tea please Ianto.

KingWeevil: Yeah, well, not now Teaboy and Captain Cock have made a movie of it

LooksGoodInASuit: Cookies, latte. camomile tea, Owen? Gwen?

KingWeevil: Tea for me mate.

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: Hot chocolate and a slice of your chocolate brownie please Ianto.

CaptainCaptain: I like that... Captain Cock... I might get it on a T-shirt.

LooksGoodInASuit: Right. Be right back.

CaptainCaptain: I'll have a slice of your chocolate brownie Ianto…

LooksGoodInASuit is set to brb

CaptainCaptain: dirty chuckle

GeekyButGorgeous: If the T-shirt fits...

CaptainCaptain: But would it? I mean... it's pretty big Tosh...

KingWeevil: Oh dear God... rolls eyes

GeekyButGorgeous: Jesus, Jack. Do you really have to?

CaptainCaptain: Yes I do. Be right back... forgot to tell Ianto I want chocolate sprinkles

CaptainCaptain is away

KingWeevil: Yeah, chocolate fucking sprinkles. Seriously shakes head

Tosh: So, do you fancy meeting up one night this week?

KingWeevil: Sure. I was gonna ask the same. How's Thursday?

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: Yeah, yeah, that would be great... Rhys is away for a couple of days.

KingWeevil: blink Cool.

GeekyButGorgeous: Oh, sorry Gwen I meant... How's Tuesday suit you?

GeekyButGorgeous: Thursday's fine Owen

KingWeevil: Great. Wanna go see that new movie?

CaptainCaptain is online

GeekyButGorgeous: Which one?

CaptainCaptain: Man those are good sprinkles!

KingWeevil: The one with the zombies?

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: Sorry Tosh... Tuesday's ok, if your sure?

KingWeevil: Don't worry, I'll shield you in the scary bits.

GeekyButGorgeous: Zombies? Don't you get enough of that at work?

CaptainCaptain: Ooooh a date? Can I come?

KingWeevil: No! My patients stay dead. Except Beryl, but he was an exception, and a really nice guy.

GeekyButGorgeous: What do fancy doing on Tues Gwen? You could come over for a girly night, ice cream, brownie dough, pjs and pillow fights?

KingWeevil: No, Jack, you can't come. NEVER.

GeekyButGorgeous: You can't come Jack, its a me and Owen thing.

KingWeevil&Jack: Aahhhh the pillow fights collective sigh

CaptainCaptain: Well what if I want to make it a me and you thing?

CaptainCaptain: Just kidding. Have fun kids. And play safe.

CaptainCaptain: There's condoms in the stationary cupboard if you need them…

GeekyButGorgeous: I always play safe.

GeekyButGorgeous: And I already knew that

KingWeevil: Why? Whhhhyyyyyy?

KingWeevil: Whhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyy?

GeekyButGorgeous: Who do you think refills it?

CaptainCaptain: Well... So no-one gets pregnant of course...

CaptainCaptain: Ianto refills it... or maybe I do…wink

KingWeevil: Is this national 'make Owen Harper vom' day or what?

KingWeevil: And men don't get pregnant you prat.

CaptainCaptain: Suuure they don't.

GeekyButGorgeous: Honey, I do... sometimes

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: Jack's right, I mean Arnold Swartzenegger did...

CaptainCaptain: You refill the cupboard? Or get pregnant?

KingWeevil: Oh dear... Who wants to explain?

CaptainCaptain: Stay back team, I'll handle this one...

GeekyButGorgeous: Refill the cupboard.

LooksGoodInASuit is set to online

CaptainCaptain: Gwen, Arnold Swartzenegger was in a MOVIE. A MOOOOVIE. Things in movies don't happen in real life.

LooksGoodInASuit: Coffee is here.

CaptainCaptain: He wasn't really pregnant. It was a cushion.

LooksGoodInASuit: Oh... We're doing that again?

CaptainCaptain: dies of love Coffeeeeee! pounce

KingWeevil: It does happen once a day.

LooksGoodInASuit: The 'men can get pregnant argument again'?

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: HEYYY!

CaptainCaptain: Just because aliens really exist, it doesn't man barney the dinosaur does, and just because they have good prosthetics, doesn't mean men get pregnant.

CaptainCaptain: It was all just a joke. (Or was it? )

KingWeevil: Stop confusing her. It's not her fault, she's Welsh.

CaptainCaptain: gasp You didn't!

LooksGoodInASuit: I'm welsh!

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: That's racist!

CaptainCaptain: bites lip and hides

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: And you always pick on me!

KingWeevil: Yup, proving my point. All stupid.

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: It's not fair!

KingWeevil: I pick on Teaboy, but he doesn't cry like a baby... more than once a day.

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish has left the conversation

GeekyButGorgeous: Errr, guys, you made Gwen cry... Again.

CaptainCaptain: Oh well done. I'll go flirt with her 'til she thinks she can have me again. It'll cheer her up

CaptainCaptain has left the conversation

LooksGoodInASuit: Oh no you don't... dammit!

KingWeevil: She really ahs no sense of humour... must be 'cos she's welsh...

LooksGoodInASuit: Watch it frog face.

KingWeevil: Calm down loverboy, he'll come back when he's done shagging her.

KingWeevil: Oooh fighting talk from the fairy. Brilliant.

LooksGoodInASuit: Again, watch it frog face.

KingWeevil: Now usually you have more than one insult... He really must be getting to you.

KingWeevil: Seriously... Want me to go hit him?

GeekyButGorgeous: Calm down, or I'll have to spray you both like dogs.

KingWeevil: I know I hate you, but I sorta like you.

LooksGoodInASuit: You'd do that? For me?

KingWeevil: Hose me down baby!

LooksGoodInASuit: Wow.

KingWeevil: Course I would.

KingWeevil: Not that I think he's doing anything mind... I mean, been there, done that, got the T-shirt. She's lousy in bed

LooksGoodInASuit: Oh, ew, ew, ew. mental images mental images...

LooksGoodInASuit: And again

LooksGoodInASuit: And thanks Owen, that means a lot

KingWeevil: Er... sorry. did you just complain of mental images regarding colleagues having sex?

KingWeevil: Welcome to my life.

KingWeevil: Hey mate, no worries... awkward manly silence

GeekyButGorgeous: Ok, that sorted itself out well. Awww, sweet

John has signed in

John: Hey kids, having fun?

GeekyButGorgeous: Smug grin I knew you two could get along.

KingWeevil: Course we can...

KingWeevil: Er... what's he doing here?

John: By 'he', would you happen to mean the amazing, dashing, handsome wonder-boy that is me?

KingWeevil: That'd be a no. What are you doing here?

GeekyButGorgeous: Oh, I misread that... I thought it was Jack... what the hell are you doing here

John: Ooooh alright, keep your knickers on. I came to see if you had any jobs going. Thought you might've bumped off the irritating gap-toothed welsh bird by now. Thinks she owns the place...

John: Sweetness, I'm nothing like Jack come over here and look closer, you'll see. wink

LooksGoodInASuit: I think you mean Gwen, and she's a vital member of this team.

GeekyButGorgeous: Thank you, but I'd really rather not.

John: Oooh, Eyecandy. You'd know all about vitals eh?

John: Suit yourself pretty, but if you change your mind, let me know.

John: Eyecandy... unsuit yourself.

KingWeevil: Ok... seriously... can I shoot him?

CaptainCaptain has logged on

GeekyButGorgeous and LooksGoodInASuit: PLEASE!

John: Why hello lover...

CaptainCaptain: Lover? Where? Not sure you have any lovers here. glares

LooksGoodInASuit: Grinds teeth Stay away from him!

KingWeevil: Jack.. can I shoot him?

LooksGoodInASuit: Can I as well?

John: Oooh... Eyecandy's getting all angry and possessive... I want some of that...

John: No shooting. No touching.

GeekyButGorgeous: I'm fairly certain he won't survive three bullets…

CaptainCaptain: Seriously, no shooting.

John: I take back the no touching. Eyecandy, you can touch.

CaptainCaptain: No touching!

John: Awww, play nice baby!

LooksGoodInASuit: I wouldn't, even if I had a 6 foot barge pole.

CaptainCaptain: Not your baby. What do you want here? smiles at Ianto

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish has logged on

John: Apart from a threesome?

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: Sorry bout that guys…

John: Oooh the activist! How's the world? Perfect yet?

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: What's he doing here? And why isn't he dead yet?

CaptainCaptain: contemplates threesome Well mind spins I er... Ummm...

John: I'm not dead because the Captain wants some.

GeekyButGorgeous: Jack seems to be contemplating sex with him!

CaptainCaptain: I contemplate sex with anything...

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: True enough…

CaptainCaptain: I mean, no I'm not!

CaptainCaptain: No I don't!

GeekyButGorgeous: Mmhmm

John: Oh dear. What do you have to say about all this Eyecandy?

CaptainCaptain: Ianto...

LooksGoodInASuit: Be honest Jack. I mean, I caught you eying up an Alsatian once!

LooksGoodInASuit: But contemplating is not doing.

CaptainCaptain: I eyed it, I decided it was too slobbery, I moved on to eyeing up the owner.

GeekyButGorgeous: sigh do we have a sex addicts anonymous anywhere nearby?

CaptainCaptain: I... It's an interesting idea... I can't say I'm not attracted to him.. we had a good thing for those 2 weeks...

John: He wants me!

CaptainCaptain: I'm over it.

John: You want me!

CaptainCaptain: Shut it!

KingWeevil: Sex addicts anonymous shut down after it turned into an orgy in the first session.

John: Eyecandy. Consider my offer? I'll make it worth your while

CaptainCaptain: Stay away from my Ianto!

CaptainCaptain: growl

KingWeevil: I think you ought to go.

GeekyButGorgeous: Oh, he growled... it's love!

CaptainCaptain: I don't growl to show love...

CaptainCaptain: Ianto... whine

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: Aww Yan, he's all overprotective it's so cute!

CaptainCaptain: Don't call him Yan! It's my nickname pout

LooksGoodInASuit: It's ok girls, I already know all that.

John: Oh God... It's like you're married...

LooksGoodInASuit: Now, can we do what Owen says and throw him out?

CaptainCaptain: Better than being married to you!

LooksGoodInASuit: Wow I agreed with Owen!

John: Whatever. I'm leaving. Just... call me if you want that threesome.

KingWeevil: That means the world's ending mate.

John has left the conversation

LooksGoodInASuit: Whyioughta...

CaptainCaptain: Did you just say whyioughta?

CaptainCaptain: Nevermind runs away

CaptainCaptain has left the conversation to go hide in his office and whine

KingWeevil: Er... that was weird

GeekyButGorgeous: Why did Jack run away?

KingWeevil: I think he went for a wank...

LooksGoodInASuit: I should probably go check...

CaptainCaptain is definitely doing no such thing!

LooksGoodInASuit: Maybe not... I'll let him wank in peace!

KingWeevil: Maybe he was worried that Teaboy was cross 'cos he fancies the time-travelling freak show?

CaptainCaptain is definitely hiding for that very reason

KingWeevil: Hmm... It's a fifty-fifty chance mate...

LooksGoodInASuit: I most definitely do not fancy him!

KingWeevil: Still, which is worse? Jack sulking or Jack wanking?

KingWeevil: I meant Jack fancies him.

KingWeevil: I mean, we've all seen Jack wanking. It's when he's quietest really...

LooksGoodInASuit: Yhe 'whyioughta' was I should punch the time-travelling freak…

KingWeevil: But Jack sulking... It's like twenty petulant children wailing at the same time...

KingWeevil: Maybe he read it wrong and thought you were pissed at him?

LooksGoodInASuit: Oh, and I don't really care if Jack fancies him, he's with me that what counts…

KingWeevil: Hmm... Tosh, womanly advice please?

LooksGoodInASuit: Hmmm. I'll go talk to him.

KingWeevil: I'd ask the vegetable, but she's Welsh, she'd come up with the wrong answer..

GeekyButGorgeous: Jack wanking would be preferable. Ianto, go talk...

KingWeevil: There, listen to the wise woman..

GeekyButGorgeous: Or whatever...

KingWeevil: Ewwww no whatever! Please, not whatever!

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: He probably just misunderstood…

KingWeevil: Oh, the leek speaks.

GeekyButGorgeous: Well it's Jack and Ianto... It's going to happen

LooksGoodInASuit has left the conversation

KingWeevil: True... Whilst they're away do you wanna...

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: That's really hurtful!

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: And I'm still here!

KingWeevil: Sorry Gwen, I didn't mean it. rolls eyes

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: It's alright Owen. I think i might go call Rhys,

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish is set to on the phone

KingWeevil: Ok Gwen...

KingWeevil: Hmmm... all by ourselves?

GeekyButGorgeous: Finally

KingWeevil: Yeah... we never get time together.

GeekyButGorgeous: No we don't

KingWeevil: What do you wanna do?

GeekyButGorgeous: So um what did you wanna do?

KingWeevil: Hehe

GeekyButGorgeous: Oh, oops giggles

KingWeevil: Well, we could go check out the morgue...

KingWeevil: I have suspicions that it might be empty...

GeekyButGorgeous: Yeah, that sounds like a good idea... I'll meet you there in 5? I just wanna go... freshen up.

KingWeevil: Why do women always go 'freshen up'?

KingWeevil: What do you do in there?

KingWeevil: Ah, never mind...

KingWeevil: See you there.

KingWeevil has left the conversation in anticipation of nookie

GeekyButGorgeous has left the conversation

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish's status is set to online

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: Guys, I'm going home.

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish: Oh, they're gone…

MightyGwenQueenOfTheBlowfish has left the conversation

***

Ianto bounded up the stairs to Jack's office, unsure what sight he would be greeted with when he got there. In fact, what he encountered was completely unexpected. Jack was nowhere to be seen. Not at his desk or in his quarters. Frowning, Ianto used Jack's computer to do a search of the Hub, and found what appeared to be a Jack-shaped blob in the toilets. Confused, but expecting to catch Jack with his hand down his trousers, he walked slowly to the bathroom, giving Jack time to finish up if he was indeed wanking.

Pushing open the door, he called softly, expecting to be told to go away, but received no reply. Getting a little anxious, he went into the room properly to see Jack curled up in a small ball in the corner, worrying at his lower lip. His eyes were ringed with red as though he had been trying not to cry.

"Jack?" He asked softly, crouching beside his lover and reaching out to brush his hair out of his eyes. Jack whimpered. "Are you ok?" Watery blue eyes fixed on his, and Jack's lip wobbled,

"Aren't you angry at me?" He asked, voice thick.

"No. Why would I be?" Ianto asked soothingly, hand resting on one of Jack's arms, which were hugging his knees to his chest.

"Because of John. I thought you were mad at me because I still find him attractive…" He sniffed pathetically, and Ianto smiled.

"Of course not. I don't care who you find attractive. Hell, you once told me Margaret Thatcher was sexy. You're mine, that's what counts." Ianto leaned forward, bringing his hand up to tilt Jack's face towards his, and kissed the older man gently.

"Why are you so understanding?" Jack asked with a small smile, beginning to uncurl himself.

"Would you rather I was the jealous type like you are?" Ianto asked, helping Jack to stand then wrapping his arms round his waist possessively. "Remember how angry you got when that UNIT woman pinched my arse?" He grinned, kissing Jack again.

"Well, she had no right to touch you. You're mine." He stated with a slight growl, hugging Ianto closer. "About what John said… I don't want a threesome. I don't want anyone else, I just want us. And I don't want anyone else seeing you or touching you." He nuzzled at Ianto's neck, breathing in the familiar scent.

"Good, because I never want to see him again. I'm sorry, but I don't find him attractive at all." He tilted Jack's head again, kissing him quickly. "I note that you said a few days ago that the only place you didn't get images of us together was in the toilets… It may be time to amend that." He grinned and leaned forward once more, pressing their bodies together and capturing Jack's bottom lip between his teeth. Jack gasped and gripped his hips tight, pulling him even closer, before engaging him in a playful kiss, nipping at his lips before running his tongue over the bite-marks to soothe the abused skin. Grinning, Ianto deepened the kiss, thrusting his tongue into Jack's waiting mouth to taste the coffee he had made earlier. Groaning, he gripped Jack's hair with one hand, giving his bum a playful squeeze with the other, before pulling back for air.

"Need me to confirm that I know you're mine, sir?" Ianto asked in a teasing voice.

"Yes, please." Jack growled. "Shouldn't I be calling you sir?" He winked. Laughing, Ianto spun him to face the mirrors, moving behind him to nip and suck at his earlobe.

"Ianto will do fine, but I want to hear you saying it." He growled, running his hands down Jack's toned chest, digging his nails in to elicit gasps and groans from his lover. He kissed his way down Jack's neck as his hands made short work of the buttons on his shirt., sliding beneath the material to tease his already hardened nipples, and tickle at the sensitive skin of his sides. Jack groaned and tilted his head back, making it easier for Ianto to suck a mark into his pulse point, so that everyone could see he had been claimed. Sliding the shirt off Jack's shoulders, he tilted his head to whisper, "Who do you belong to?" Barely breathing the words into Jack's ear. The response was a moan as Ianto trailed a hand down Jack's chest.

"Iantoooo." He whimpered, wriggling back to get closer to the warmth behind him.

"That's right." Ianto confirmed, one hand sliding lower to unzip the fly of Jack's trousers. "Look at yourself." He commanded, and Jack opened his eyes and whimpered again as he saw himself in the mirror. He was topless and flushed, lips swollen and parted, eyes half closed, hair a mess, leaning on Ianto and looking wanton and dishevelled. Ianto's face over his shoulder was smirking in a self-satisfied manner. "Watch yourself, cariad." He breathed, sliding his hand inside the trousers to cup Jack's straining erection through his briefs.

"Ianto…" Jack gasped, hips bucking, maintaining eye contact with his lover in the mirror.

"Shhh. It's ok." Ianto soothed, rubbing him slightly through the rough material of his underwear, causing Jack to whimper and rock his hips in time with the movement. Jack could see a flush rising on Ianto's cheeks as he watched the show Jack was putting on in the mirror, could feel the erection digging into his backside. He moaned and ground his hips harder, making Ianto gasp as well.

"Ianto!" Jack moaned as the hand slipped inside his briefs, cool on his sensitive skin. He gasped and writhed as Ianto teased the tip of his cock with his thumb before setting up a steady rhythm, stroking him whilst he kissed his neck and shoulder and whispered delicious things into his ear.

"Look at you." Ianto panted, appreciating the sight in the mirror and pushing Jack's trousers and underwear to the floor. "Look at yourself, falling apart for me." Jack did as he was told, and moaned at the sight of his cock twitching in Ianto's slowly moving hand. He moaned louder as Ianto's other hand moved down to cup his balls, stroking softly.

"Ianto… please!" He gasped, and Ianto rewarded him with a gentle squeeze, which had him bucking his hips madly and mumbling incoherently. He whimpered as Ianto let go of his cock, and pushed him gently towards the sinks, bending him slightly over the counter.

"You want this?" Ianto asked, lips trailing soft kissed down Jack's spine.

"Yes…" He gasped, "Yes, Ianto, please!" He writhed as Ianto held him in place with a hand on his lower back, and rummaged in his trouser pockets.

"Good job I came prepared." He grinned, squeezing some lube onto his fingers. "Ready?" Jack nodded enthusiastically, whimpering as Ianto slowly pushed a finger inside him, pushing his hips back and moaning. He screwed his eyes closed, only to open them again to look in the mirror. Ianto smiled at him in the glass as he slowly thrust the finger in and out, driving Jack wild with the need for more. He almost came already when Ianto gave him a second finger, brushing over his prostate with every slow, gentle thrust. He rocked his hips back and forth to fuck himself, but Ianto stopped him with a hand on his back, so he settled for whimpering and moaning and incoherently begging for more. Sucking at Jack's neck, Ianto obliged him, sliding in a third finger and slowly stroking his prostate, earning him involuntary shudders and whimpers.

"God Ianto! I'm so close!" Jack gasped, head flung back, but eyes still on Ianto's in the mirror.

"Alright, love." Ianto soothed, removing his fingers and ignoring the whimper he caused. "Just hold on a little longer." Groaning himself, he pulled off his shirt, not caring where it landed, and lost his trousers and underwear quickly. Taking his own neglected cock in his hand, he covered it with lubricant, keeping his eyes on Jack's in the mirror. He moved forward again, slowly sliding inside his lover until he was completely buried. Jack moaned wantonly and pushed his hips back, and Ianto held him still a moment to get his bearings, before setting up a hard, fast pace. Leaning forward, he gasped and panted into Jack's ear. "I want you to watch. I want you to watch yourself come, want you to watch me come inside you." He moaned, bringing a hand round to pump Jack's cock in time with his thrusts.

"Yes! Ianto!" Jack gasped, forcing his eyes to stay open as his body jerked wildly with each thrust of Ianto's hips. Ianto continued to slam into him, before running his thumb over the head of Jack's cock, pushing him over the edge. He keened Ianto's name, gasping and writhing as he watched himself come in the mirror, and watched the spasms of his body push Ianto to his own orgasm. Ianto moaned wildly and bit down on Jack's shoulder, thrusting his hips a few more times before stilling his movement and pressing soft kisses to Jack's neck as he regained his breathing.

"Mmmhhh." Ianto purred softly, arms wrapped tightly round Jack's chest, nose buried in his hair. "You're so beautiful." He mumbled, kissing down his neck as he slowly straightened and released Jack.

"Yes I am." Jack grinned, turning to face him with a grin on his face.

"Oh, back to Jack are we? That's good, I hate to see you moping. Although it does make you rather compliant, I must say." He grinned in return and stepped forward for another kiss before retrieving his clothes from the floor. "I expect the others have gone home now…" He mused, looking in the mirror to check his hair was immaculate as ever. It hadn't even moved throughout the encounter.

"Good. Because I believe I had promised you a game of naked twister." He grinned and swatted Ianto's hands away to do his tie up for him, still naked himself. Ianto laughed and kissed him again.

"If you're not careful, Jack Harkness, you'll become a domestic animal." He teased, throwing Jack's 'Spiderman' underwear at him.

"Oh, Ianto, I didn't know you were into animals… If I had I would have introduced…"

"And you can stop right there before the Welshman jokes start thank you very much!" Ianto interrupted. "Now put on some clothes. I think the hothouse would be best for naked twister… it's warm."

"True, true." Jack looked up at him as he pulled on his trousers. "And we could leave evidence to freak Owen out tomorrow…"

"Sometimes, cariad, I think you only sleep with me to disgust other members of the team." Ianto grinned.

"You know better." Jack smiled, throwing his shirt over his shoulders and stepping forward to catch Ianto round the waist and pull him in for a slow, sloppy kiss. "Although it is high on my list of reasons… Oww!" He squeaked as Ianto smacked his bum. "I was only kidding. You can kiss that better later…" He leered.

"Oh, I promise." Ianto winked, and Jack hummed happily and kissed him again.

"You should wink more often. It's hot." He smiled, nuzzling behind Ianto's ear.

"I'll bear that in mind in our next Unit meeting, Sir." He smirked, pushing Jack upright. "I'll make coffee. You set up for twister." With that he was gone up the stairs. Jack smiled happily and set off up the stairs himself, not bothering to do up his buttons.

Ianto sipped his coffee as he climbed the stairs, and moaned gratefully as the warmth spread through him. He pushed the door open and stepped into the hothouse, smiling as he heard the strains of Glen Miller playing softly. Jack was sorting something out on the table, his back to Ianto, hips swaying gently to the music, and Ianto couldn't resist creeping up behind him and stepping close to sway with him, his chest resting against Jack's back. Jack turned his head, grinning, and took the cup he was offered, taking a sip and groaning himself.

"Perfect." He announced, turning o face Ianto and draining half the cup quickly, before setting it on the table next to him.

"Yes you are." Ianto smiled, running his hands up and down Jack's sides. "Now, naked twister… I think you may be wearing too many clothes."

"Well observed Mr Jones. As the name suggests, naked twisted does require the participants to be naked, and we are fully clothed." His mouth twitched in a smirk.

"My, my, what a dilemma…" Ianto murmured, mouth close to Jack's ear. "What can we do about that I wonder?" He ran his hands up Jack's chest and popped open a button. "Oh!" He gasped, as if surprised. "Well, a solution has presented itself."

"That's not the only thing presenting itself!" Jack purred, grinding their hips together to emphasise his point. He began to undress Ianto slowly, pausing every so often for soft kisses. Eventually, both were naked, and Jack had Ianto pinned to the table. Ianto glanced down. On the table was a big bottle of water, the twister dial, and Jack's wrist-strap.

"Oh, the wrist-strap is off?" He mumbled. "does that mean we aren't cheating today Captain?"

"I'm not sure how one would go about cheating at naked twister, Ianto." Jack said innocently. "Hold on, I have to do something. He grinned and left for a moment, going to the far side of the room to play with the control panel on the wall. "Just making the temperature higher." He grinned. "We don't want you getting a chill after all."

"Of course not." Ianto nodded, stepping forward into Jack's arms for another kiss. "Now, shall we start?"

"Yes, let's. You can go first." Jack smiled.

"Oh, no, age before beauty." Ianto smirked, gesturing for Jack to go. Laughing, he spun the dial and got right hand green. Grinning suggestively he bent over to place his hand on the floor.

"You are such a slut sometimes, you know that?" Ianto asked, spinning himself and getting left hand red. Bending himself so that his face was close to Jack's, he passed the dial.

"Your flattery knows no bounds, Ianto." Jack grinned. "Oooh. Left foot yellow…" He put his left foot on the farthest Yellow, bringing his body closer to Ianto's. This continued for some time until Ianto noticed that he had a fine sheen of sweat all over him, and he was feeling distinctly warm.

"Jack, when you turned the heating up, did you turn it up much?" He asked. Jack grinned as he put his right hand on green, meaning that he was now on all fours over Ianto, who was spread-eagled on his back in an extremely awkward position, with one of Jack's hands between his legs.

"Only 10 degrees…" Jack answered nonchalantly. "I find it incredibly sexy when you sweat like that." Ianto sighed and spun the dial groaning as it meant he had to move his other leg so that Jack was fully between them now.

"You find sweat sexy?" He asked, incredulous. Jack grinned and took the opportunity to rub himself up against Ianto as he spun the dial.

"Mmmhhh." He groaned, rubbing himself against Ianto's thigh. "Only when I know you're all hot and bothered over me." He grinned at the dial. "Left hand blue." he glanced at the blue circle nearest him, then a grin crossed his face and he reached further away to put his hand next to Ianto's head.

"Why put your hand there? It's further away." Ianto asked, confused, and getting a little frustrated that Jack was using his thigh as a humping post.

"So that I could do this." Jack answered, pushing himself up and over Ianto to grind their hips together. Ianto gasped and bucked his hips upward.

"Think that'll win it for you?" He grinned, spinning himself. His eyes lit up in triumph as he got what he wanted, and moved his right foot so that he was on all fours underneath Jack. "Think again, lover." He grinned over his shoulder, pushing himself up to bring his back flush with Jack's chest. Jack gasped as Ianto's backside rubbed against his erection.

"I don't need to think again, I'm going to win." He grinned, fighting the urge to ignore the game and just take Ianto right there. He spun and shifted to he was further away.

"Oh no you aren't!" Ianto grinned, spinning and shifting so that he was on top of Jack now, chests almost touching. Unfortunately, as he placed his hand on the mat, it slipped on the smooth surface and he collapsed on top of Jack, who's legs and arms gave way, sending them both to the floor.

"Hah! You fell! You lose!" Jack grinned, triumphant.

"Oh, no, actually you hit the ground first, so you lose." Ianto grinned.

"But… I…" Jack opened and closed his mouth a few times. "No fair!" He pouted. Ianto laughed.

"Alright, alright, you win." He conceded. Jack grinned and wrapped his arms round Ianto's waist where they still lay on the twister board. Pulling him forward, he kissed him roughly.

"Good, because I was going to have to resort to whining if you didn't let me be the winner."

"Heaved forbid!" Ianto gasped, reaching over to his trousers to retrieve the lube, which he passed to Jack. "Now can you get on with it and fuck me already? You've been teasing for nearly twenty minutes and I'm starting to get frustrated." he growled. "Where do you want me?" Jack laughed at him.

"So matter of fact. You take all the romance out of this." He giggled, then put on a really bad French accent. "In ze language of luurve, let me put it zis way," dropping the accent and choosing what he liked to think was a cowboy drawl, he finished, "I want you to ride me like a Texas stallion!" Ianto laughed, partly at the silliness, and partly because Jack's attempts at accents were so bad it was genius.

"Yes, sir!" He giggled, leaning down to kiss Jack messily, playing with his tongue and teeth, and latching onto Jack's throat as the older man squeezed out some of the lubricant and began to prepare him. He gasped and dug his nails in to Jack's chest as Jack worked, pushing himself up for a better angle, and whimpering softly, his breathing becoming more and more rapid. "Ready…" He gasped. "I'm ready!" Jack laughed.

"Patience, patience." He smirked, and Ianto writhed as he straddled Jack's hips, head thrown back, eyes closed, moaning every time Jack moved his hand. "Ok, maybe you are ready…" He grinned, coating himself with the last of the tube, which he threw into a nearby flowerpot.

"Mhhhhhh." Ianto moaned, satisfied, as he slid down onto Jack's length. "God I love twister." He gasped, opening his eyes to look down at Jack, who was grinning up at him, and gripping his hips tightly.

"Me too." Jack breathed, then groaned as Ianto began to move, rocking gently on Jack's lap, barely moving, but causing a divine, sensuous friction between them. Leaning down, he captured Jack's mouth in a ferocious kiss, and began to move properly, hands splayed out on Jack's chest. He broke the kiss and sat up properly again, lifting his hips fast, then slamming them back down again to bury Jack inside of him.

"God Jack!" He panted, moving wantonly above his lover. Jack moaned in appreciation of the feeling, and of the sight of Ianto riding him for all he was worth.

"I like this… we should do this more often!" he gasped.

"Yeah…" Ianto managed, his speaking capabilities rapidly disappearing. His orgasm building, he started to moan wildly and mumble incoherently, and Jack found himself doing the same. He managed to maintain enough presence of mind to bring one hand between them to grasp Ianto's cock, and the other to the back of Ianto's neck to pull him down for a dizzying kiss. They drank down each other's moans as they came together, shuddering.

"Ianto…" Jack gasped, once he'd caught his breath a little.

"Yes, Jack?" Ianto asked softly, lifting himself up, before collapsing on Jack's chest.

"How would you feel about me getting a double bed in my quarters?" He asked, wrapping his arms round Ianto to snuggle into him gently.

"Ahh… Marry me?" Ianto replied, his voice full of playful laughter.

"Don't joke about such things. You haven't even told your mother!" Jack teased, and Ianto brought his head up lazily to gaze at Jack's face.

"Seriously? A double bed? I would be ecstatic." He grinned.

"Good, cos I kinda had one installed this morning whilst you were out getting the dry cleaning done…" He smiled, and Ianto's face lit up. "Wanna come christen it with me?"

"Sure." Ianto giggled, rolling off Jack and watching as he stood up. "Hold still." He said, shifting to his knees and moving forward to press a soft kiss to Jack's backside where he had smacked him earlier. "There, I promised I would kiss it better." He grinned as Jack pulled him to his feet.

"Ianto Jones, you make everything better." Jack declared with a wink, before leading him towards his quarters to christen the new bed.

***

-Owen has logged on-

-Tosh has logged on-

Owen: Hey!

Tosh: How are you feeling?

Owen: I'm not.

Tosh: Oh, sorry I... I didn't mean to be insensitive...

Owen: I was kidding Tosh. I'm fine.

Tosh: Oh. Well. Do you need anything? I could go to the shops for you?

Tosh: Oh, sorry, didn't think.

Owen: Not really... Can't really use anything.

Owen: No worries...

-Martha has joined the conversation-

Owen: Hi!

Tosh: Maybe I could come over later Owen?

Owen: Sure. Think we've run out of movies...

Martha: Hey Owen, Tosh, what's happening in Cardiff?

Martha: It's pretty quiet here. Except for that Sontaran thing... Pretty quiet.

Owen: Crazy nutcase circus people making the teaboy cry mostly...

Martha: Ianto's scared of clowns?

Martha: Who'd'a thunk it!

Owen: How'd it go with them? Any left? I'd like to get my hands on one to autopsy...

Owen: He wasn't scared, he was a weepy git.

Martha: Sorry Owen, 'fraid I nearly got my hands on the few we had here, but the powers that be wouldn't let me...

Martha: Jack'd understand that though. The Doctor can be a bit sanctimonious when he wants to be!

Owen: Hmmm... Still... baked potato...

Martha: Ok, weepy... That's... peculiar!

Tosh: Baked potato?

Owen: No it isn't! He cries all the time!

Owen: Sonataran... Potato...

Tosh: Owen, that's hardly fair!

Owen: same difference

Owen: It is! He cries every time something happens.

Martha: Except for the speaking and addiction to war, yeah, same difference.

Owen: He nearly cried when I broke the milk steamer on his precious coffee machine.

-Ianto has signed in-

-Jack has signed in-

Jack: Hey kids

Ianto: Sorry I'm late guys, what did I miss?

Owen: Nothing...

Owen: Just discussing Sontarans... And the fact that you're a cry baby...

Tosh: He didn't cry at that though... It was deeper than that!

Tosh: Hi Ianto

Tosh: Jack

Jack: Ianto's a cry baby?

Jack: Hi Tosh. Nice heels today! Sexy.

Martha: Jack! Had someone asking after you the other day... I'll let you guess for yourself though!

Jack: Tell him it's not happening. I've gone off Generals...

Tosh: Thanks Jack. They were half off in Faith. Must remember to tell Gwen...

Owen: Teaboy? You gonna retort? Or too busy crying?

Jack: Hmm... Faith... Sounds fun...

Martha: He wouldn't appreciate that, hates being classed with the army.

Jack: Oh! HIM! You saw him? Is he ok? Does he have a new someone?

Ianto: Sorry Owen, I was just making the coffee. Though, I can't do your latte. Problem with the milk frother.

Jack: Thought you meant an old flame... We used to play *ahem* war games in the UNIT boardroom...

Martha: He has a new someone...

Martha: Big, redhead, Londoner, and NOT in love with him!

Martha: Big pin to his ego I reckon... :-D

Owen: Ianto, if you need a private consult regarding your sexual health, there are better ways to tell me.

Jack: Sounds interesting... I always liked redheads ;-)

Ianto: I'm sorry, who are we talking about?

Jack: He needed deflating anyway...

Jack: Just someone...

Jack: No need to worry...

Owen: I have an idea...

Ianto: If I did, Owen, I'd go to a GP, not a doctor whose speciality is dissecting dead aliens!

Tosh: Really, Owen?

Ianto: Or indeed someone who can breathe...

Tosh: Ianto, that's below the belt and below you!

Owen: Yes, Tosh. We can discuss later...

Owen: Well, we are talking about below the belt problems...

Ianto: wait. Jack, you said no need to worry... That makes me worry!

Jack: Quit it. I can quite conclusively inform everyone that Ianto is in full working order :-P

Martha: Jack, are they always like that?

Jack: Ianto, really, it's in the past.

Martha: Oh god. TMI. Really, TMI!

Jack: Yes. Martha, may I introduce you to my children...

Jack: How's the beret coming along?

Owen: Seriously... If there's no latte, can I have a cuppa?

Martha: oh there was this really sweet kid who was gonna get me one for you. The Doctor loved him, but he was on the front line when the other me made us attack the Sontarans...

Martha: I'm still working on it though!

Jack: If the milk frother thingy is broken... What's gonna happen to my cappuccino?

Ianto: No. You can't.

Ianto: I'm too busy hand whisking the milk for Jack's cappuccino.

Jack: hmm... keep trying. Important mission and all that. Promise to send photos!

Jack: Oh, Ianto, you're so good with your hands...

Martha: Oh, there's no need, really!

Owen: SERIOUSLY?

Tosh: JACK!

Owen: Not like I could drink the tea anyway...

Jack: TOSH!

Tosh: WHAT!

Jack: I dunno... You did it first...

Tosh: oh sorry, yeah, you and Ianto; hands, beret, good working order. Far too early...

Tosh: I'll be on the whisky by 10 at this rate!

Jack: Yeah, whatever, I can see you blushing from where I'm sitting.. You love it!

Ianto: What's wrong with my tea Frogface?

Owen: I can't digest it Ladyboy!

Tosh: Mmmffuffwa!

Jack: Now, let's not result to petty insults, Ianto, I'm still waiting for my coffee...

Martha: Is Tosh ok?

Jack: Good typing skills for a tech expert, Tosh...

Owen: I think she melted...

Owen: I would resuscitate her, but I can't breathe...

Tosh: I object to this conversation. I have to back up some files. I may return later.

Tosh: lovely to hear from you Martha!

Jack: yeah, backing up files is what they call it nowadays :-P

-Tosh has signed off-

Owen: Think she's ok?

Ianto: Jack, can you buy me a new milk frother? My hand hurts!

Ianto: She looked fine when I gave her her tea

Jack: Anything you like baby. Why don't I buy a whole new coffee machine?

Martha: I miss your coffee Ianto. They serve sludge here in... Oh, forgot top secret place in which I'm working...

Owen: You gave her frothed tea?

Jack: Canada is not top secret... it's just often overlooked...

Ianto: No, she had plain tea, Jack had frothed milk...

Martha: Damnit, how do you do that?

Jack: Guess I'm just magic ...

Jack: Martha, I know everything... And Ianto told me...

Martha: Leaking top secret information... Grrr!

Owen: Teaboy, can we stop with the embarrassing revelations please? I don't want to be forced to do another handstand, but the urge is quite strong...

Ianto: Well, actually, Tosh is the whizz, I just look over the shoulder...

Jack: Top secret? Pah! I eat top secret for breakfast!

Martha: A handstand?

Jack: And whilst he looked over her shoulder, I looked over his ass ;-) and nice it is too!

Owen: Accidently drank beer... had to get it out of my system... Hence a handstand.

Jack: Uurgh, the memories! I still have bile on my boots!

Martha: Hmmm, so how's that little project of yours coming along...? You're not the only ones who can find out Top Secret info!

Ianto: anyone have any ideas on how to clean that, cos it really stinks and I've tried Everything I can think of!

Jack: The 'get Ianto to let me tie him up' project, or the 'Get Ianto to accept more weapons training project'? Both are progressing... Slowly.

Owen: Vinegar?

-Tosh has signed in-

Owen: Jack, please, some of us haven't got the option to pass out from disgust here.

Ianto: tried it - actually made it worse!

Ianto: I am not accepting more weapons training!

Owen: Err... That cleany thingy you use... When stuff is... Dirty... And stuff?

Jack: Well, you already know how to work a weapon pretty well...

Ianto: Or indeed letting you tie me up. That will never happen. Never. Only. In. Your. Dreams.

-Gwen has signed in-

Jack: And dream I do ;-)

Ianto: I. Do. Not. Trust. You. To. Tie. Me. Up!

Jack: And it is hot...

Jack: Only cos I once threatened not to untie you after...

Owen: RIGHT! THAT'S IT! I'M LEAVING!

Martha: Weapon... Oh dear lord this place is worse than a house I once visited at uni!

-Owen has gone to see his weevil subjects-

Gwen: Hi guys, was just checking my emails... What's this? Why's Ianto tied up? Huh?

Tosh: Jack, I need a little assistance with a couple of passwords on um... Oh never mind doesn't matter.

Jack: ? Tosh, are you propositioning me?

Martha: Why do I get the feeling she's trying to hack my account?

Jack: ... I'll be there in a sec!

Tosh: No, no neither of those, really, honestly!

Tosh: Eeep!

Jack: Darn...

Ianto: Oi!

Gwen: Jack, I thought you'd grown out of that phase?

Ianto: That's no way to get me to trust you

Jack: Just joking Ianto!

Jack: Joke! Honest! Please don't look at me across the hub like that, it makes my head hurt!

Ianto: Gwen, I am not currently, nor do I ever intend to be tied up by Jack.

Gwen: Oh, phew... Guess I got confused.

Gwen: Explains why you can still type.

Ianto: -Stops glaring- Good, it's supposed to!

Ianto: Exactly, Gwen. How are you today, would you like something hot to drink?

Jack: Well... I like your tie today... It makes you look... Erm... -thinks of a word that is not 'hot'- Handsome?

Gwen: Oooh! Have we got any chocolate sprinkles? And any whipped cream? I'd love a hot chocolate special!

Tosh: Oh, Gwen before I go and do some work, there's a half price sale on at Faith at the moment. I got these boots there.

Gwen: Ooooh! Faith! Squee!

Ianto: One hot chocolate special coming right up.

Jack: Ahhhh, the boots... They beg to be fucked...

-Ianto has left the conversation-

Jack: Ictually, Ianto... You may be running short on cream... If you recall... Ahem...

Jack: Crap, I'll go tell him...

Tosh: Jack, I don't think Ianto would appreciate that.

-Jack has left the conversation-

Tosh: Fucking my boots I mean... Oh dear!

Gwen: Oh dear... Are they gonna have another pissy fight?

Gwen: Last time, Jack pouted so much he nearly tripped over his bottom lip...

Martha: Why is there a problem with cream?

Gwen: ... You don't wanna know.

Martha: Or do I not want to know?

Martha: Thought as much!

Gwen: Jack... Fetishes... This time last year, it was peanut butter...

Martha: So how was the wedding?

Gwen: Then those chuppa-chup lollies...

Martha: Oh eeew, that's disgusting!

Gwen: Oh... Er... You didn't hear?

Martha: Chuppa-chup lollies?

Martha: Yes, I did sort-of.

Gwen: It went... Well as far as can be expected for a Torchwood function...

Martha: Meant to say honeymoon.

Gwen: chuppa-chup lollies... -Nods and grimaces- It wasn't nice...

Gwen: The honeymoon, however, was amazing!

Tosh: Gwen, you're forgetting the yoghurt phase and the sushi phase...

Tosh: He actually got me to teach him how to make sushi!

Gwen: Oh, yeah... The sushi phase was funny because he kept bullying Tosh to join in.

Tosh: That too... Never ever going to happen!

Gwen: Didn't you say he went through a phase before me with Suzie and the aubergines?

Tosh: There's only one man for me...

-Jack has signed back in-

Tosh: Oh god yes, that was... Messy :-S

Jack: Nope, definitely no cream... -licks lips-

Jack: What was messy?

Gwen: Hehehe! Got any CCTV?

Martha: Hello Jack, looking forward to seeing the Doctor again, I've got some very interesting stories to tell him!

Gwen: But I wanted a hot chocolate! –pouts-

Jack: Oh? Wanna share?

Tosh: -Twitches- Cream, eep. Oh, and we were discussing aubergines Jack.

Jack: Sorry, Gwen... There are marshmallows though...

Jack: Ooohhh... The aubergines... That was... Messy :-S

Jack: Suzie was displeased...

Jack: I enjoyed myself though!

Gwen: Ooooh! Marshmallows! Yay!

Martha: Gwen.,. What CCTV did you want? Cos I may or may not have a direct link to the folder he keeps it all in...

Tosh: Marshmallows... I know we forgot something!

Jack: What are you talking about? I certainly do not keep sexy CCTV in a folder marked 'for wanking purposes'!

Jack: Oooh.. The marshmallows.. The look on Ianto's face... Priceless! Hahahahaha!

Gwen: How much for the link?

Tosh: I remember walking in on him with Suzie and someone else melting marshmallows on each other and other such things...

Jack: Hehe, maybe there's a reason he doesn't trust me... took him ages to get the pink stain out of his black tie... this is why torchwood shouldn't do formal parties!

Martha: I'll send it you free if you go get me a pair of killer boots from Faith... I'm a little out of town at the moment.

Gwen: Size?

Tosh: You did marshmallows with Ianto as well... oh dear lord I thought we, I mean you decided that was a bad idea to try again!

Martha: Oh, um, 7's please sweetheart.

Martha: Please tell me the other person wasn't you Tosh?

Jack: But the sugary goodness of the marshmallows... It was too tempting!

Jack: And who can resist Ianto's arse in his dinner suit? It's a work of art!

Tosh: No, no, it wasn't me with Jack and Suzie.

Gwen: OMG!TOSH! WAS IT OWEN?

Gwen: Size 7 it is... I look forward to the link :-D

Tosh: Hmmm, Jack makes a fair point, there are few who can!

Gwen: It is true, he does have a lovely bum...

Jack: OI! Hands off ladies!

Jack: You wanna play; you play with both of us ;-)

Tosh: I think it was around about the time they found the sex perfume... Of course they didn't know it was a sex perfume until they tried it on each other...

Gwen: Hey, I'm a married woman!

Jack: I just wanted to see what would happen :-D

Tosh: Pass... Don't think for a moment I can cope with Jack Harkness on a sex rampage!

Martha: Of course you did Jack.

Jack: Not on a rampage anymore... Getting it like clockwork ;-P

Jack: Well, the outcome was amazing... -chuckles dirtily-

Martha: I've got to go... Promised I'd call Tom, he's still in Africa. BRB.

Gwen: Byee Martha!

-Martha is on the phone-

Jack: Say hi to the lucky man for me!

Tosh: Gwen, hunny, why is Rhys walking into the hub?

Gwen: Hmm... Best go get those boots. Back soon, Faith's only round the corner...

Martha: Sure thing Jack... Talk again in a mo.

Gwen: RHYS! NO! Right, I'm off, explain later and all that!

-Gwen has left in a supreme hurry-

Tosh: Ok, that was weird.

-Ianto has signed on-

Jack: -Rolls eyes- Great, now we have to deal with him!

Jack: -Pout-

Ianto: Gwen, I've got your hot chocolate.

Jack: Oooh... Hey Ianto!

Jack: Er... She just ran away...

Ianto: Where's she running off to?

-Rhys has signed on-

Ianto: Guess I'll drink this then...

Ianto: Hi Rhys!

Rhys: I've tried yelling at you all, but you only seem to be able to talk on MSN.. Where the fuck is my wife?

Tosh: Hi Rhys, what are you doing here?

Tosh: Dunno she just kind of bolted...

Rhys: Hi Ianto, hi Tosh.

Rhys: I'll fucking bet she did!

Tosh: Said something about buying Martha some shoes?

Rhys: Shrank my fucking Cardiff shirt, didn't she!

Rhys: I'm supposed to be at a match in two hours. Now what do I wear?

Ianto: Oh dear... Was it a special one, because I'm sure she can buy a new one!

Jack: -Snicker-

Tosh: Did you work out that machine Ianto?

Rhys: You can shut up, Harkness.

Ianto: Almost, why?

Rhys: Yeah, it was special. It was signed by the team. Now it might fit my ten year old nephew!

Tosh: It's some kind of laundry washing, clothes manipulator isn't it? Might work on Rhys' shirt.

Jack: Rhys, do you have the shirt with you?

Ianto: Well, yeah I guess, I've never tested it on stretching though...

Rhys: Course I do, I'm gonna bloody throttle her with it!

Ianto: No! No, don't do that. Chuck it here, I'll see what I can do.

Jack: Steady there! Let's not throttle anyone... Ianto, can we get a cup of tea for Rhys too?

Ianto: On my way boss man.

Rhys: Ok... S'not like you can make it worse... -Chucks shirt-

Jack: That's sir to you!

Ianto: Wow, I make awesome hot chocolate, -Slurp- Sir yes Sir –salutes-

Jack: Hehe, good job.

Ianto: Right, be right back with the tea... milk one sugar? Or shall I make it three for the shock

Rhys: Two is good... Strike a balance.

-Ianto is making tea-

Jack: Tosh, can you work the machine...

Jack: Stupid question, I know.

Tosh: I can turn it on, and prepare the shirt... But I don't know the precise settings.

Tosh: Ianto worked most of this out...

Jack: well, if you get things set up, Ianto can take over...

Tosh: No worries... Right, first that switch, there the machine is warming up. I'll just soak the shirt. Won't be long.

-Tosh is away-

-Ianto has returned, again-

Jack: So.. Rhys... Nice honeymoon?

Ianto: Has Tosh started the machine?

Rhys: ... Yeah, thanks... It was really good to have Gwen to myself for a while...

Jack: Yeah... She's sorting the shirt out.

Ianto: Here's your coffee, that's great.

-Tosh is online-

Jack: Mmmh coffee... For me?

Tosh: There you go Ianto.

Ianto: Luckily, even though I said coffee and meant tea for Rhys, I have indeed made you a cup of coffee.

Rhys: Cheers mate!

Jack: You are a god!

Ianto: Cheers Tosh, now I pop this in here, feed that in there and wait 5 minutes...

Ianto: I know!

-Martha is online-

Jack: -drinks noisily and makes pornographic coffee-appreciation sounds-

Martha: So modest Ianto!

Rhys: That good eh?

Martha: Tom says hi.

Jack: Nyaaaah... -melts into goo-

Rhys: Hello... Martha, is it?

Martha: Oh... You must be Rhys, Gwen's husband, I'm Martha Jones.

Martha: Yep that's me.

Rhys: I'd like to say she's talked about you, but she doesn't say much about work really...

Martha: Well that's probably for the best.

Rhys: Tell me about it. Alien bloody whales and all that!

Jack: Mmmuh... Coffee... Good...

Martha: Hey, I forgot, how did you guys cope with the Sontaran smoke of death, doom and destruction?

Jack: We hid in my hole and drank coffee...

Martha: Yeah, she told me about that... That was horrible, poor thing!

Martha: You all fitted? In there? REALLY?

Jack: It's one of the events of the past I was taught about in the future... So I knew it would... Blow over.

Jack: Heeey! Contrary to what Ianto says, there is adequate space in my hole for everyone!

Tosh: Ianto... I hate to say this... but there's smoke coming out of that machine...

Rhys: What? I'm not getting this...

Rhys: WHAT!

Martha: If you knew it was going to happen... Why didn't you SAY SOMETHING!

Ianto: Don't worry, don't worry. I'm sure it's supposed to do that...

Jack: BECAUSE I KNEW YOU'D SORT IT OUT!

Ianto: -Opens lid tentatively- Oh bugger!

Jack: Sorry for the yelling. Martha, if I could tell people every time bad things were going to happen, I would, but you of all people should know about how fragile time is.

Jack: I wont risk changing the future.

Rhys: What? What is it!

Martha: Yeah, yeah, yeah, spoilers I know... But you could have saved me from the evil cloning bastard baked potatoes, I'm still having nightmares!

Ianto: Rhys, what size should it be?

Jack: Nightmares are good for you. They build character...

Ianto: Please don't panic or freak out...

Jack: Least that's what I told Ianto after the cannibals tried to eat him...

Rhys: Ok -Takes deep breaths- Should be an L...

Tosh: That's such a typical male thing to say!

Rhys: -Grimaces-

Ianto: That's what I thought...

Jack: Yeah, well, I said it when we were snuggled up in bed watching Atonement because he couldn't sleep. AND I was being all cuddly... So there!

Ianto: would an XXL be much too big then -Scratches head nervously-

Rhys: Well... It was getting a bit tight... Beer gut and all... But that is a bit baggy... Yeah...

Rhys: But I can still wear it if it's baggy... Right?

Tosh: Well, I guess that makes the time you said it to Ianto ok, but not to Martha. She went through something really traumatic!

Jack: I mean... Atonement! Cuddling!

Ianto: Well, XXL may have been an understatement...

Jack: Meh... cloning is fun!

Ianto: I'll try it again...

Rhys: -Growls- What have you done!

Jack: I'm gonna have to ask you not to speak to Ianto like that, even if he has made your shirt into a tent...

Martha: Oh God no, Jack you sick, sick f$&**%&*#$%

Jack: Otherwise, I will kill you... :-)

Jack: Whaaaaaaat? You know you love it ;-)

Ianto: It's not quite the size of a tent, more a duvet cover.

Rhys: You know what, I fucking give up!

Jack: There.. Now you have a signed duvet...

Ianto: But I can fix it. All I have to do is flip that switch reverse that and leave it alone for 2 minutes.

Rhys: You'd better fix it.

Ianto: HEY I'm trying to help you here!

Jack: Again, less threatening Ianto. I mean it about the killing...

Rhys: Alright, alright. Thank you Ianto for being so helpful.

Ianto: If you're not careful, it won't even fit your tiny insignificant penis.

Rhys: -grumbles-

Ianto: Thank you that's better.

Jack: -Gasp- That was a little harsh lover...

Tosh: Wow... Ianto... That was... Masterful!

Martha: -Waves pompoms- Go, Ianto go! Go, Ianto go!

Rhys: -mouth flaps open and shut like a fish out of water- Guh...

Jack: Actually, kinda sexy when you get all authoritative... –muses-

Jack: Definitely sexy... Yup...

Ianto: Don't you bloody start Harkness... Otherwise that beloved trench coat...

Jack: I'm quiet! I'm quiet!

Ianto: ... Oh, sorry, forget the threat to the coat... Sorry... But stay quiet.

Jack: -Hugs coat protectively- But... But Ianto... You love my coat...

-DING-

Jack: ^_^ Jack is a good boy!

Rhys: And? How is it?

Ianto: Yes Jack, yes I do... It is most helpful, and I wouldn't dream of destroying it.

Tosh: You do know that threat will never work again now don't you Ianto?

Jack: -Nods vigorously-

Jack: Hehe, I win!

Martha: Yeah... Kinda lost it there sweetie...

Ianto: And I am awesome!

Jack:-Does the winning dance-

Jack: Awesome? Yes... But why?

Rhys: Forget all this... How's my fucking shirt!

Ianto: Rhys, one signed Cardiff shirt, resized, unstained, and ironed.

Rhys: YESSSS! Thanks mate, that's amazing!

Ianto: That's why I'm awesome...! Oh dear... Silly people.

Ianto: You are welcome.

Jack: -Pout- You called me silly... -Pout more- Does that mean I'm not sexy anymore?

Rhys: Look, guys I gotta go, pre-match stuff starts soon. Say hi to Gwen for me...

-Rhys has gone off singing loud football songs-

Martha: Ianto, do you think that thing could get the smell of clones out of clothes? Only I was quite fond of what I was wearing, and a new lab coat costs a fricking fortune!

Jack: Maybe it could get the Owen sick off my boots...?

Ianto: Should do yeah, just have it couriered over.

Ianto: It could indeed.

Tosh: I was about to say that.

Jack: Brilliant! -Takes boots off-

Tosh: Martha, you are lucky you aren't in the Hub...

Tosh: Ianto how do you sleep with that foot odour?

Jack: Heeey! They don't smell that bad!

Jack: Who said anything about sleeping?

Ianto: Hmmm boots... That's this setting and then this one and then fiddle this knob, flick that lever, spin that bit round and drop them in...

Martha: Jack, is it just me or does he remind you of someone?

Jack: If you hurt my boots, I get to tie you up as penance...

Jack: He reminds me of... Nope... Nobody... Tell me!

Jack: Oh wait!

Ianto: Fine, fine... As long as there's whipped cream involved... Afterwards...

Jack: No waaaay! O_o

Jack: I'll order some in ;-)

Jack: Are you suggesting what I think Miss Jones?

Martha: Just the way he's muttering to himself, flicking those switches... Kinda the way the Doctor does with the TARDIS don'tcha think?

Jack: I would never compare them, but... Yeah I s'pose so...

Jack: 'Cept the Doctor doesn't have love bites on his neck.

Ianto: Shush... You promised you wouldn't mention those!

-Gwen had entered the conversation tentatively-

Gwen: Has he gone?

Jack: Oh, come now, everyone can see them.

Martha: Tosh, check for me! Take a photo and send it!

Jack: Hi Gwen...

Jack: Yes, he's gone.

Ianto: I rather think I'd hidden them quite well.

Tosh: I pulled the shirt collar down... yep they're there. Should be receiving the photo soon...

Gwen: What? The love bites? You might as well have put up a neon arrow saying 'look here at what I've been doing!'

Gwen: Was Rhys... Ok?

Tosh: The ones you can see are a few days old...

Tosh: The better ones are just underneath the tie and collar.

Jack: And there's more where they came from... I get bored whilst he's sleeping...

Ianto: -Glaring at everyone- He's fine Gwen. I fixed the shirt. He's gone to the pub, or possibly the bar in the stadium.

Gwen: Oh, Ianto love, you're a star!

Jack: You glare now, but you know you love it!

Gwen: Oh, Martha, I got your boots. Want me to post them or will you be around any time soon?

Ianto: Yeah I guess so...

Jack: Ianto... you know... never mind.

Martha: Um, keep them for a bit... I'm not really sure what I'm doing for the next couple of weeks

Ianto: what?

Gwen: Sure thing love.

Jack: Doesn't matter...

Gwen: Well, I'd best go home and sort out dinner for when he gets back from the match...

Ianto: I was wondering, do you fancy checking on that plant we found and put in the hot house?

Jack: Ooh... The plant... Yeah, actually, that'd be fun...

Gwen: I'm off before the heavy petting starts... See you later!

Martha: Yeah, I'm supposed to be sorting out the transport for tomorrow... Talk soon guys, whenever I'm free anyway.

-Gwen has bumbled home-

Tosh: Yeah me too!

Martha: Ianto, can you tell Gwen that I'll email her that link, and Direct Debit the money?

-Tosh has signed off and gone in search of Owen-

Ianto: No worries... Talk soon.

Martha: Cheers sweetheart.

Jack: Bye Martha.

-Martha is offline-

Ianto: So just you and me?

Jack: Soo... Hot house?

Ianto: Race you there

Jack: Hehe you're on!

-Ianto is offline-

-Jack is offline-

***

Ianto took the shortcut to the Hothouse, and ended up getting there first, so he rested on a desk with a smug smile on his face, and remembered the time not long passed when they had played twister in here. That had been a good night. Perhaps they would play again, but Jack wasn't one to repeat his games too soon. He decided that Jack would have something else in mind. Just as he was speculating the possibilities, Jack charged through the door, and stopped, looking at him in shock.

"But… You were… How did you get in here first?" He whined accusingly.

"Shortcut." Ianto grinned.

"Cheat!" Jack pouted and glowered at him. "I thought I was the only one who knew about that shortcut anyway."

"Why didn't you use it then?" Ianto smirked, amused. "And please do me credit in future. I know everything." He pushed himself into a standing position and crossed the room to wind his arms round Jack's waist and press close to him. All of a sudden, Jack forgot to be sulky, and found it much more fun to giggle like some sort of screwed-up pixie, and pinch Ianto's bum. Hard. It hurt, but Ianto refused to acknowledge this, seeing as playing with Jack was like playing with most toddlers. If you didn't react to their bad behaviour, they soon tired of it.

"Notice anything?" Jack asked with an impish grin when he got no reaction from his suited playmate.

"No, should I have?" Ianto asked, faking bemusement and looking Jack over as if to try and spot something. "Done something with your hair?" He questioned.

"Nope, try again." Jack grinned even wider, and pinched Ianto again, looking closely for any reaction. Fortunately, this was what the young archivist had been expecting, so he was able to restrain the startled 'ooh!' which would otherwise have escaped him.

"Oh, I don't know." He mumbled casually. "New shirt?" He smiled at Jack, who resumed his earlier pouting.

"You're no fun, you know?" He murmured, shoving Ianto gently away from him. Ianto laughed in reply and pinged Jack's braces, stepping back out of reach before Jack could react. "Argh!" Jack yelped as the elastic material pinged back into his chest sharply. "Hey!" He lunged for Ianto, but he was too quick, stepping sideways and sending Jack stumbling. "Wish I'd never trained you in defensive strategy now!" Jack groaned, rubbing his head where he'd gone straight into the glass.

"You started it." Ianto teased, and poked his tongue out childishly. Jack laughed at the rarity of seeing the more immature side of Ianto, and nodded his head.

"That is true. And now I'm going to stop it." He grinned and lunged towards Ianto, grabbing him by the waist and crushing their bodies together. "Like this." He added quietly, his face close to Ianto's, before he closed the gap with a searing kiss.

"Mmph!" Was all Ianto could say by way of reply before he was being thoroughly ravaged, and enjoying it far too much. When at last Jack pulled back to breathe, Ianto was left panting. "Well, I suppose that's the end of that then." He gasped teasingly. "Now at least I know what sort of mood you're in!" He leaned in for another dizzying kiss, aware that Jack was practically holding him upright now, but not particularly caring.

"Right!" Jack panted, pulling back again. "Hide and seek. Rules are simple. One hides, the other seeks. When found, the hider suffers a forfeit. If not found in the given time limit, the finder suffers one instead. Are we in agreement?" He laughed at Ianto's bemused face.

"You know it's really not fair to ask me to concentrate on things when you've just done that!" He grumbled, waving his hand non-specifically. "But yes, we are in agreement."

"Brilliant. You hide first. Time limit of ten minutes. You have 1 minute to hide." Jack grinned, releasing his hostage, and watching him walk away towards the door. "Oh, Ianto, did I forget to mention, it's naked hide and seek." He grinned like a wolf at Ianto's face, a mixture of shock, horror, embarrassment, intrigue and lust, before covering his eyes and beginning to count. "60...59...58...57" There was rapid rustling as Ianto divested himself of his clothing, then the sound of bare feet padding away, and Jack smiled inwardly. It wasn't often he caught Ianto off guard. This was going to be fun. "39...38...37" He strained his ears to try and hear where his lover was hiding, but Ianto was too at home in the Hub to make unnecessary noises. All was silent save for the whirr of the heating in the hothouse, and the gentle humming of the rift manipulator. "5...4...3...2...1... Coming, ready or not!" He exclaimed to nothing in particular, and uncovered his eyes. Ianto's clothing was, Jack noticed with dismay, folded neatly on a chair. It was sickening how tidy the man was, even with a time limit. Apart from that, there was no evidence as to where he was. Jack wagered he wouldn't be in the main hub or the morgue, they were far too cold for nudity. That didn't narrow his search much, but he figured that 10 minutes was time enough to catch the younger man's scent. Grinning, he stripped, leaving his clothes haphazardly on the floor as he was accustomed to doing, and setting off towards the kitchenette.

Ianto resisted the urge to laugh as he watched Jack wandering towards the kitchenette, unabashed in his nakedness. Instead, he padded down the secret passageway, muffling a giggle with his own arm as he realized that this was the second time that day that he had tricked Jack using the secret tunnel. When he emerged in the hothouse, he closed the door soundlessly and settled himself on the edge of a table to wait. It wasn't long before he could hear Jack getting frustrated and crashing about the place.

"Ianto!" Jack growled as he flung himself round the corner into his office. It was empty. Of course, that didn't mean that Ianto wasn't there, it just meant that Jack would have to try to find him, which was too much effort for the immortal to cope with, really. He knocked some things about, glanced at his watch and cursed. "Goddamnit!"

"Indeed." Said a smug voice from behind him, and upon turning round he saw Ianto leaning on the doorway. "You're not very good at this game, are you?" The grin Ianto was sporting almost tipped Jack into a reel of abuse, but it was Ianto wearing it, so he merely shrugged and pouted.

"You win this time, Jones." He grumbled, before remembering that this way he got to do a forfeit, which would inevitably be more fun than tedious. "What's it to be?" He asked with a leer.

Ianto noted the leer and was tempted to be a real tease and insist on some filing. The urge for sex, however, overwhelmed him, and he merely leered right back at Jack, and stepped closer to close the gap between their bodies.

"Well, for starters, you can warm me up." He purred. "It's bloody freezing in this Hub." Jack complied by enveloping him, and running his hands up and down Ianto's back enthusiastically.

"Any particular part of you that's cold?" He grinned, pressing his face to Ianto's neck and inhaling deeply. "You smell good."

"I'm cold everywhere, you'll have to improvise." Ianto purred, tilting his head so that Jack could press kisses to his jaw line. "And thank you… though I don't know what I smell of…"

"You." Jack mumbled between kisses. "You smell of you." He left Ianto's throat to kiss him lazily on the mouth, pressing their bodies further together for heat.

"My, how unusual." Ianto muttered sarcastically before his mouth was claimed. Sounding his approval, he slid his hands round Jack's waist, feeling goose-bumps under his fingers, and pulled back. "S'cold. Your room?"

"Aww.. I didn't get a chance to hide!" Jack whined, ever like the petulant child.

"Fine, you go hide, but I still get the prize." Ianto rolled his eyes.

"Deal, but in that case, I'm not coming out after ten minutes, I'm hiding 'til you get me." The leer was back with force, and Ianto became slightly concerned.

"What if I can't find you?"

"I'll be behind the sofa." Jack winked, and was gone, and Ianto was left with the sound of his own laughter. Needless to say, it was not difficult for him to find Jack very quickly. When he did find him, however, he was in for yet another shock.

As he approached the sofa, able to see Jack's feet sticking out at one end, he heard a low groan, and instantly assumed Jack had hurt himself. Rushing to his side, he realised he had been wrong. Very wrong. In fact, he was greeted with the sight of Jack Harkness pleasing himself behind the sofa. He almost laughed, then he was almost appalled, and then, he was extremely horny.

"You are an insatiable tease!" He accused, as Jack opened one eye to ensure he had an audience.

"And you love it." Jack replied, not bothering to stop in his own ministrations. He pushed himself into a sitting position, leaning on his other hand and pulled his best sex face as Ianto looked him over appreciatively. "See anything you like?"

"Dear God." Ianto groaned, covering his face. "Could you be any more cheesy and predictable?" They both laughed, and Jack stumbled to his feet, removing Ianto's hands from his face, and placing them instead on Jack's hips, before pressing into him again.

"You wouldn't have it any other way. Right?"

"Right." Ianto laughed again before leaning in for an intense kiss.

"Now… Where were we?"

"I believe I was about to take you to your room and ravish you…" Ianto grinned, letting his eyebrows say the rest.

"Oh, well, carry on then."

"I'd be happy to." He spun them round, and pushed Jack gently towards his office, and the hole in the floor that was his bedroom. The new double bed made for an excellent landing pad, so they tumbled in easily and fell to a struggle over who was to be on top. Ianto won by sinking his teeth into one of Jack's nipples and not relenting 'til he had the older man firmly pinned beneath him.

"Ngh!" Jack gasped, obviously in pain, but obviously enjoying it more than he ought to. For all he was pulling an expression of discomfort, he was arching up towards Ianto's mouth just the same.

"Behave." Ianto said sharply, and Jack ceased his wriggling, and watched for what would come next. He liked moments when Ianto tipped the scales in his own favour. They were few and far between, but always extremely enjoyable. He sighed as Ianto soothed the burning skin of his chest with gentle kisses, working his way upwards and taking his own sweet time.

"We really don't have time for the slow thing." Jack groaned, hesitant to break Ianto's stride and his own enjoyment, but aware of their time constraints. Ianto hoisted himself up onto his arms, his body hovering tantalisingly close to Jack's chest, and he involuntarily found himself breathing more deeply to try and make their bodies meet.

"Well then you shouldn't have wasted time with hide and seek." He said matter-of-factly, before draping himself over Jack and sealing their mouths together, one hand rummaging around in the bedside drawer. Jack hummed in response and pulled Ianto's hips downwards to grind their bodies together. Ianto made a noise of approval, and one of triumph as he found what he was looking for in the drawer, alongside a few things he would most definitely be questioning Jack about later… Like what had felt suspiciously like lacy underwear… Putting the thought aside, he pulled back to brandish his prize… A tube of… toothpaste…. "Oh…"

"Sorry, honey." Jack mocked in an overtly feminine voice, "But there is no way you're smearing that all over me!" He snickered, and Ianto hit him on the nose with the toothpaste for his sarcasm.

"Careful or I'll do just that." He grinned, leaning over to actually look in the drawer this time. "What did you do with the… Oh!" He delved into the drawer and retrieved some lubricant. "Got it."

"See anything else in there that interests you?" Jack asked with some real interest himself.

"Much, but none of it in a sexual way…"

"Not even the vibrator?"

"Never liked plastic…"

"No, metal was more your thing…" Jack grinned, then pouted as Ianto punched him gently.

"I thought we had agreed to stop with the Lisa comments? You sound like you're some prissy, jealous teenager."

"I'm whatever you want me to be." Jack purred, winning Ianto over with a gentle nip to his collarbone and a thrust of his hips.

"Can't argue with that…" Ianto mumbled before tumbling back onto Jack and popping open the cap on the tube.

"Can you smell mint?" Jack asked when Ianto had two fingers firmly inside him.

"Umm… yes." Ianto replied, a look of abject horror suddenly washing over his face. He looked down, then back to Jack's face, still horrified.

"What? OH!" Jack gasped. "No you did NOT!" He grabbed the tube from where it had been discarded near his head. "Oh thank god! It's just that mint sensation stuff which is supposed to tingle but doesn't…" He dropped the tube and covered his face with his arm.

"Only because you're a brazen, desensitized whore." Ianto grinned playfully. "Makes me tingle." He added, his mouth close to Jack's ear.

"With anticipation?"

"Something like that. More a bizarre craving for Polos…"

"Neigh." Jack chuckled.

"Oi!" Ianto used his free hand to deliver a sharp smack to Jack's behind.

"Owww!" Jack's grin widened. "Do it again."

"No." Ianto laughed, kissing his way down Jack's neck and removing his fingers. "I refuse to indulge you in your spanking fetishes." He knew without looking that Jack had an adorable pout on his face, so he surged upwards to wipe it off with a kiss. "Now, I believe we were in a hurry?"

"So hurry up." Jack poked his tongue out suggestively, then withdrew it and inhaled sharply as Ianto pushed forward. "Mmmhh. Forget the tingle, this is what I want." He sighed, gripping Ianto's back, and arching upwards.

"Like I said… whore." Ianto grinned, before setting up a steady pace. "How much do you charge?"

"I like to be paid in coffee." Jack gasped. "Can we shut up now?" Ianto laughed and obliged, speeding up to force small moans and grunts out of Jack, and revelling in the feeling that was slowly building up inside him. Jack, meanwhile, writhed and gasped accordingly, and ran his nails sharply down Ianto's back to hear the gasp and feel the shudder that it elicited.

Panting, Ianto pressed closer to kiss and bite at Jack's neck and chest, whimpering as he felt Jack tightening around him. Realising that he was close, he slid his hand between their bodies to grasp Jack's neglected cock and rub it in time with his increasingly erratic thrusts. Jack let him know it was the right thing to do by digging his nails sharply into Ianto's back, arching off the bed, and letting out a primal cry of bliss as he came all over the both of them. Feeling Jack go tipped Ianto over the edge, and he yelled hoarsely, following suit, before collapsing on top of his sated lover. Jack shifted to accommodate him, and collapsed with a silly grin on his face.

"Man, I love orgasms." He mumbled. "They feel gooood."

"I think that's the general idea." Ianto said in a deadpan from somewhere near his shoulder. "I'm sticky…"

"You're sticky? Well, I am so sorry for your inconvenience."

"Mmh. Your sympathy makes it all better. Need a cloth…"

"Well then, go get one."

"Can't move. You go."

"Can't move either."

"Looks like we'll be sticky forever then…"

"Could be worse…" Jack chuckled. "We could be covered in toothpaste…"

"True. I'm going to sleep now." Ianto replied, snuggling into Jack's neck.

"You mean you aren't going to talk to me about our future, and how emotionally close we are?" Jack asked mockingly.

"I'd rather eat the toothpaste." Ianto groaned. Jack laughed and hugged him closer.

"You know we have to get up and dressed before someone comes back to the Hub?" He asked, nudging Ianto gently, and receiving a groan in reply.

"Fine." Ianto sighed and pushed himself up, rolling over to sit on the edge of the bed. "One of these days, I will fall asleep after sex, and you will allow me to do it."

"One of these days." Jack laughed. "I promise. Now c'mon, lets go rescue our clothes from Owen's plants."

Once they made it to the hothouse, which took significantly longer than expected because Jack was walking behind Ianto and being hypnotised by his bum and engaging him in frantic kissing sessions, they fell to getting dressed. It was odd, but Jack seemed to have turned putting clothes on into a game of seduction. Ianto was slightly confused by this, but accepted the extra physical attention every time he put on another layer with enthusiasm. He pulled on his trousers, watching Jack do the same, and the realised that the look in Jack's eyes meant that they were going to come back off in a second anyway.

"Good God, you're horny today." He gasped as Jack lunged for him, his hand instantly inside Ianto's underwear.

"Must be something in the coffee." Jack mumbled, kissing him ferociously. Ianto gave over to him, returning the favour by sliding his hand into Jack's trousers, and kissing him back with just as much passion. And that was when Gwen Cooper, also known as Queen of the annoying people who interrupt perfectly good sex, walked in.

"Oh" She gasped, and the two broke apart. Ianto was mortified, Jack was mildly amused. They broke apart, and as Gwen rushed out of the room, Ianto followed her, pulling on his shirt. He listened as Jack made even more horrifying jokes about her joining in naked hide and seek, and heard himself telling her that Jack cheated all the time, but all he could think in his own head was 'ohgodohgodohgodohgod!'. When Jack went back into the hothouse, he took the opportunity to tell her about the package on her desk, before disappearing after him.

"Oh God." He breathed as the door closed behind him, and he was confronted by a leering, laughing Jack Harkness. "No!" He gasped, mortified further that Jack was still in the mood.

"O, c'mon." Jack laughed, stepping closer and kissing Ianto's neck seductively. "She already knew."

"But now she's seen!" Ianto stammered, his face flushing.

"Well, at least we weren't naked." Jack grinned, "Although… Her face!" He laughed, and Ianto couldn't help but laugh too, despite his own sense of horror.

"Anyway… 'Work to do'? I'm work now, am I?" He asked tartly, looking sternly at Jack.

"Aww, c'mon, I'm messing with her." Jack smiled. "You know it isn't like that, I know it isn't like that. She doesn't need to know." This made Ianto smile.

"Are you being all secretive?"

"I just… Want this to be mine, not anyone else's… Except yours of course…" Jack gave him a rare, sincere, bashful smile, and Ianto felt his horror and anger dissipate for good.

"Mine, you say?" Ianto asked, eyebrow raised, a hand trailing its way down Jack's chest, popping open buttons as it went.

"Oh, all yours." Jack affirmed, surging forwards to capture him in a dizzying kiss.

"We'll see about that." Ianto mumbled, no longer caring that Gwen was still in the Hub, or that Jack would be livid with him when he found out about the GPS he had given her. He gave himself up to the sensation, knowing he would love every second of it.

***

• Main Torchwood slash page
• New stories page
• Jack/Ianto stories
• Ianto/Owen stories
• Other pairings stories - ie threesomes
• F/F stories
• Gen stories
• Amazon.com - Torchwood: Children of Earth
• Amazon.co.uk - Torchwood - Children of Earth [DVD] [2009]
• Amazon.ca link - Torchwood - The Complete First Season (7DVD)