Title: Making A Change
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Jack Harkness
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 3, letter100
Prompt: 82, Flirtation
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones, the Tenth Doctor, or Jack Harkness. Please do not sue.

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Dear Jack,

You know that I've always loved you, even when I first met you, before I was in this body. It might not have been a classic case of "love at first sight," but I've always had feelings for you, even if they could only be described as nothing but lust.

I know that a lot of people have told you that; I'm sure that hearing someone wants you is nothing new to you. But I'd like to think that me wanting you from the very beginning would leave much more of an impression on you than hearing it from anyone else.

It's been so surprising to me that you'd try to curb your instincts for flirting whenever we go out. That night at the bar, the last time we decided to go out, completely shocked me. I wouldn't have thought that you had it in you to behave like that.

Really, I'd expected you to flirt with any available man, and to ask me if I minded you running off to spend a bit of time with him. That was why I seemed so tense and nervous when we first went into the bar; I thought it would be a repeat of our past relationship.

I was so shocked when you told me that you wouldn't share me with anyone else -- and that you didn't want to be with anyone else. I suppose that I'm so used to you always looking around for someone you think will be better that I expected to fall into your old habits.

I'm sorry about that, Jack. I should trust you more, I know that. I should be able to put the past behind us and start an entirely new relationship on a blank page. But that's easier said than done for me. To be honest, you've hurt me too many times in the past.

No, this doesn't mean that I'm leaving you! I couldn't do that even if I wanted to -- and I don't. I want this relationship to work; I want us to stay together this time, to be faithful to each other and to be happy with what we have, with no straying in any way.

I know that's hard for you, Jack. Flirting is so much a part of who you are that it's like a second skin for you. You don't see it as being anything that can hurt the person you're with, because you don't expect anyone to be faithful to you, any more than you are to them.

But with you and me, it's different. This isn't just any relationship, Jack. This isn't something that you can just flit in an out of, looking for nothing more than a good time, and expect the other perseon to always be here. This is a commitment, one that will last a lifetime.

In our case, that might be several lifetimes, at least in the time factor. You and I could very well be with each other for eternity, Jack. Or at least what may seem like eternity. I don't want you to feel that you have to become an entirely different person because of that.

Yes, I love that you're trying to make me happy. I just want to be assured that you're happy doing so. I'm going to feel guilty every day of our lives together if I feel that you're forcing yourself to be faithful to me when you don't really want to be.

I'm trying my best to trust you, love. And I do trust you, in so many ways. I trust you with my life. I'm absolutely positive that you would never let me come to harm -- and that you would lay down your life for me in any way that you had to.

I don't doubt your love for me. In some ways, I never have. But I know you well enough to know that love doesn't play a very big part in your psychological makeup. And I can't help worrying that you're only being less of a flirt because you're forcing yourself to do it.

I want to believe that you're not flirting because you really don't want to share me, and you don't want me to have to share you with anyone else. I suppose that it's so hard for me to believe that you've given up on flirtation because you'd never have done it before.

What I need to do is to stop looking back on our past relationship as though it's the only way you could possibly ever act. I have to make myself believe that you've changed, that loving me and being away from me for so long has made you a different man.

But not too different. I don't want you to flirt with other people, that's true. I've never wanted you to do that. But at the same time, I don't want you to become so different that you lose the personality traits that made you the Jack Harkness I fell in love with.

Really, I don't think there's any danger of you doing that. I can't see you changing that much, Jack. I can see you keeping your propensity for flirtation under wraps. I believe you can do it -- if you want to. And from what I've seen, you do want to.

I honestly do believe that you want to be faithful to me this time around. I believe that our parting has made you see relationship in a different way -- and that you realise the value of having one partenr that you're completely faithful to for all of your life.

Even if you weren't faithful to me, I'd still love you. You know that; you've always known it. But I couldn't stay with you -- and you've always known that, too. I believe it's one reason you left me; because you knew that our relationship couldn't last as it was.

You wanted to leave me before I left you. And I can understand that. You're not the type of man who can bear emotional pain easily. Physical pain is no stranger to you, but you've always gone out of your way to try to avoid a pain that strikes at your heart.

I don't blame you for that, Jack. Anyone would want to avoid that sort of pain. I don't like being blindsided emotionally, either, but it's happened. It's not pleasant, but it's something that everyone in relationships has to deal with at some point in their lives.

It hurts to have to face that pain, I know. I've been through it -- most recently with you. But you have to face pain in your life at times, Jack. I know that it's easier to avoid that pain, but you can't always keep running from it, as much as you might want to.

One thing that you can rest assured of is that I love you, and that I'm not going to leave you. I know that you're trying your best to be the man that you want to be, and the man that I need for you to be. And that's good enough for me.

I don't want you to change yourself entirely, love. I'd never want that. I want you to be my Jack, the Jack I fell in love with, the Jack who I'll always love. But I have to admit, I'm glad that you're getting rid of the side of yourself that likes to flirt with other people.

You don't have to change yourself completely for me, sweetheart. I'd never expect that of you. But you're trying to change some things about yourself for the better -- and I love you even more for having the courage to know that you can make those changes and still be who you are.

Eternally your

Doctor

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