Title: My Worst Enemy
By: Fighting Hand
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: PG
Summary: Jack and Ianto look back on "Countrycide". No sex or swearing. PG by the skin of its teeth.

***

Ianto knows that Jack will want to get him alone. He knows that Jack will find some way to get him alone. He knows that when this happens, he will break against Jack like a wave against a rock.

Ianto is not particularly looking forward to this. He and Jack have barely touched each other since Jack killed Lynda. They are neither lovers nor friends now and Ianto does not care to break down weeping in Jack's strong arms like a girl. He doesn't want Jack touching fingertips to the abrasions on his face and kissing them softly better. He certainly doesn't want to give Jack the satisfaction of having to thank him for the nick-of-time, matinee idol rescue.

But there's no avoiding it. When Jack calls him back downstairs for one more thing before you go home - just as Ianto is stepping out into the street - he only sighs and turns around.

Jack is at his desk, playing around with a small envelope. He doesn't look up for a moment, not until Ianto actually clears his throat, keen to get the whole sorry scene over with.

'How're you doing?' says Jack. He glances up for a split second, glances at a chair.

Ianto pulls the chair up to the desk but he can't bring himself to sit down. 'As well as can be expected, sir.'

They both know that he wasn't seriously injured. He was only scraped and bruised. He only needed a few stitches. The concussion wasn't serious. He was back at work only two days later (and the state the place was in, a Dduw!).

With a shock that drops him into the chair he's holding, Ianto realises that Jack is _weeping_.

Jack pushes away the tears with the heel of his hand as though they're irritating insects. 'I thought you were dead,' he says. 'I thought you were all dead. I thought those butchers would already have got you,' he draws a deep, hard breath, 'got you hanging from the ceiling.' He wipes at his mouth. 'Like sides of meat.'

Something is curdling inside Ianto's chest. Is Jack hoping Ianto will slip around the desk, and hold _him_? When Jack is the only one of them who wasn't pushed through those curtains of plastic, filthy with blood-spatter? Jack wasn't shot or groped or cuffed or gagged or smashed in the face with a rifle butt.

Jack picks up the little envelope. He says, 'This is a very new drug. For trauma victims.' He pushes it across the desk to Ianto. 'It's safe and it's doing well in advanced trials. But if you're going to take it, you need to take it right now. It shouldn't have taken me so long to get my hands on it.'

Ianto looks inside the envelope. There are a couple of purple pills in there. Poison, he thinks, knock out drops, memory killers. 'What does it do?'

'It prevents shell shock.'

'Post traumatic stress disorder,' says Ianto, automatically.

Jack nods. 'It won't make you forget what happened. It just stops the memories from turning into long-term psychological damage. Nightmares and flashbacks.'

'You'd have to retire me, wouldn't you, sir?' says Ianto. 'If I did develop long-term psychological damage. With these, I'll be able to soldier on.'

'God, Ianto, that's not why I'm giving them to you,' insists Jack. 'I've seen a lot of men and women with PSTD. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.'

Ianto slips the envelope into his suit pocket. 'Thank you, sir. Is that all?'

Jack heaves a sigh. 'Why don't you quit, Ianto? Why haven't you quit?'

Ianto stares at him. 'Are you telling me you want me to go, sir?'

Jack shakes his head. 'I don't know how'd we'd cope without you,' he says. 'I don't know how I'd cope.'

Ianto nods and stands up. 'Good night, sir.'

Jack doesn't watch as he leaves.

Ianto will probably take the pills. Jack is probably being straight up about what they contain; he knows Ianto will be able to check on the drug in a few confidential medical databases.

Ianto remembers the troubled look Jack gave him over the fold-out table, deep in the cold of the Brecon Beacons. Only two days ago. There was something in that look that said, I know, I know what's coming, I know it in my guts, Ianto:

_You're_ my worst enemy.

***