Title: The Night Before Torchwood's Christmas
By: x-juicy-lucy-x
Pairing: very mild Jack/Ianto
Rating: PG
Summary: A play on the poem, Torchwood style.

***

The Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the Hub,

Not a team-member stirred, as they'd been to a club.

Owen was drunk and passed out on the stair,

And Gwen in the toilets with sick in her hair.

Ianto, done cleaning, was asleep on the couch,

While Tosh dozed beside him in an uncomfy slouch.

The whole of the base was enveloped in black,

And there was no sign of their leader, Jack.

For there he was, standing alone on the roof,

When suddenly he spied a police call booth,

With a great roar of engines and flashes of blue,

The moment he saw it, Captain Jack knew.

"The Doctor is here!" He cried in delight,

And a startled Myfanwy took off with a fright.

He ran to the others and shouted "Surprise!"

They grumbled and groaned, and rubbed at their eyes.

The cog door rolled open, and everyone noted

That dishevelled someone upon whom Jack doted.

The Doctor grinned as he passed through the gate,

And yelled "Merry Christmas! I hope I'm not late!"

"Well, really you're early" Ianto sighed in disdain,

As Owen groaned, gripping his head in pain.

"Never mind, Never mind" said the Doctor with glee,

"You'll all soon cheer up with presents from me!"

"For Owen, and authentic hangover cure,

So he wont have to grumble and groan anymore!

For Gwen, a shampoo that will make her hair shiny,

So she will not be so incessantly whiney!"

"For Ianto, I've got the latest machine,

Which will automatically keep the Hub clean!

Toshiko, for you, a gift from the future,

A brand new, state of the art computer!"

"And Finally, Jack" He turned with a flourish,

"I've got you something you'll really cherish!

An anti-ageing cream from the planet Finkle,

To erase even the slightest wrinkle!"

"Oh my! How fantastic!" The team-members shouted,

"But wait, dear Doctor" Jack added, and pouted.

"Your gifts are so lovely, and useful too,

But we didn't get a present for you!"

Their faces fell, they all felt so mean,

No present for the Doctor? Not even a bean!

The Doctor just smiled and turned to the exit,

"I don't want a present, so now just forget it."

"Your present to me is your continued survival,

Which I cannot think of a gift to rival.

Now I must be off, for I've people to see,

In fact, I am going to 4000 BC."

"For I've got a friend there in need of good cheer,

And so, Merry Christmas! And see you next year!"

The Doctor departed and Torchwood agreed,

There never existed a man with less greed,

So into the post, they popped him a present,

Which they all agreed was heaven-sent.

On Christmas day, when the post arrived,

The gift was received with a smile so wide!

Imagine the Doctor's delight to see

A thermos filled with Ianto's best coffee!

The Doctor's Christmas was saved from the brink

By Ianto's talent with a hot drink,

So the moral this poem wants you to know

Is for a Merry Christmas, befriend Ianto!

***