Title: The Inadequacy of Words
Author: marvola
Pairing: Jack/Ianto & past Ianto/Lisa
Rating: G

***

The first time Ianto mentioned Lisa since she died was to Jack.

Reports had come in about mysterious disappearances in the Brecon Beacons, and Jack had asked Ianto to get camping equipment ready for the five team members so that they could investigate.

Jack had noticed a hitch in Ianto's breathing at the request and turned to find the younger man standing there with his eyes closed and fists clenched, lost in the grip of a painful memory.

With one stride, Jack was beside him, a hand resting gently on his upper back, rubbing soothingly, wondering desperately what to say.

"You know you can talk to me," he settled on at last, silently cursing the inadequacy of words which made this sound like an empty platitude.

Ianto nodded shakily, his normally calm eyes distressed and glistening with unshed tears. The seconds ticked by, then he haltingly explained, "The last time I went camping was with Lisa. It was two days before Canary Wharf; before I lost her."

Jack's eyes closed in sympathy. He enfolded the younger man in a brief hug and pressed a kiss into his hair.

"We went to a beach in Brittany," Ianto continued once he was released, unwilling to stop talking now that he had started. "We made hot chocolate and toasted marshmallows over the bonfire. Then we sat there for hours just gazing up at the stars and making wishes. That was the moment I knew."

A tear slipped down Ianto's cheek, and Jack brushed it away tenderly.

"Knew what?" he prompted.

"That I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her." More tears fell. "I planned it all out. I was going to have our bedroom filled with lilies, her favourite music playing; I'd even picked out the ring. Emerald, she didn't like diamonds." He stopped, unable to continue.

Once again, Jack folded the younger man into his arms, trusting to the feel of his embrace doing more to comfort Ianto than those inadequate words yet again. The sound of uncontrolled sobbing filled the room as Ianto let himself go; mourning the life, the future he had lost.

Eventually, he quietened himself enough to pull away slightly and ask, "Will it ever stop hurting?"

Jack wanted to rant and rave at the universe at the injustice of hearing this question come from one so young.

He took a deep breath. He owed it to Ianto to be honest. "No, it never does," he stated gently, "But it does become bearable. You might not believe that it's possible yet but the pain you're feeling now will fade. It will always be there, but you can learn to be happy again."

"How?" came the whispered response.

"It just takes time." And as Ianto's trusting eyes locked onto his, something in them let Jack know that he had finally found the right words to say.

***