Title: One Day At A Time
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Jack Harkness
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1, letter100
Prompt: 33, Eternal
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones, the Tenth Doctor, or Jack Harkness. Please do not sue.***
Dear Jack,
Now that we're back in each other's lives, I feel contented in a way that I haven't for a very long time. I don't think that I fully realised how much I missed you, and how much you've come to mean to me over the passage of time.
When you first walked away from me, I literally thought it would be too hard for me to go on without you by my side. Even though I knew that we would always be friends, after having you as a lover, that didn't seem like nearly enough.
But I didn't give in to that despair that I felt. I gritted my teeth and hung on, getting through each day one at a time, until the pain of losing you receded. It never quite went away, of course. I think hoping for that would have been too much to ask.
There were times when I thought that it would be too painful for me to see you again -- yet each time I did, the pain seemed to lessen after the initial flare-up. I began to think that maybe it was for the best that the two of us had parted.
But I never could quite get it out of my mind that the two of us were meant to be together. You've the only person who can give me the forever that I've always wanted from a lover, and it seemed to me to be such a waste that you didn't want us to be with each other.
From the first time you told me that you loved me, I'd thought that what we felt for each other would be eternal. The relationship that we had only seemed to be growing stronger; I had no idea that you felt we were growing further apart.
Or maybe that isn't precisely what you felt. I think it was your natural restlessness, looking for more new and different experiences. You've always been like that, Jack; it's part of who you are, and I can't change it, no matter how much I might want to.
Whatever it was that drove you away from me, I doubt that I'll ever understand it. I've accepted it over the time that we've been parted, but understanding how you feel is too much to ask of me. I'm too close to the situation; my hearts are too much involved.
It really doesn't matter now, does it? You're back with me, and you say that this time you won't leave. I have to admit, I'm still having a hard time trusting those words. You said that you wouldn't leave before, and yet there came a time when you did.
I know that it's been difficult for you to accept the fact that my trust in you is no longer what it was. But give me some time, Jack. After all that's happened between us, I think the least you can do is make allowances for my feelings.
You know that this is what I've wanted more than I can put into words, to have you back in my life again on a permanent basis. But it isn't going to be easy for me to completely trust in you again. Building that trust is going to take some time.
We have time, though, don't we? After all, I'm a Time Lord, and you're immortal. That eternity that I used to dream of for us to be together seems to have come to us, and I don't want to let it crumble into dust again. That's why I'm being cautious this time.
I'm afraid that in some ways, I took our relationship for granted at first. That's something I don't ever want to do again, not now that I know how easily it could all slip away from me. I want to treasure every moment that I'm with you.
It's far too easy to take others for granted when you feel that you have all the time in the world. But it's always a mistake to slip into that kind of complacency -- because you never know what each passing day will bring.
I won't do that again, Jack. I won't take what we have for granted -- or the fact that you're here with me now. I'm going to take each day, each moment, as it comes to us, and file all the pleasant times away in my mind to hold close to my hearts.
The promises that you made to me that first night we were together feel like they're starting to blossom into glorious life now that you're back. And my trust in you is growing, with each day that you're by my side and showing no signs of leaving.
You made so many promises when we first began, and there's still a part of me that wonders if you do mean to keep them all. But I'm slowly letting go of my apprehensions and throwing myself into this relationship with all of my hearts and soul.
There's no telling how long we can last. We may not have all the time that we both think we do, but whatever time we have will be precious to me. I'm not going to look towards the future; I'm simply going to enjoy what we have one day at a time.
We can only both hope that this time around, the two of us will be eternal. I believe that we will be, and that we can be much stronger than we were the first time. With both of us working towards that goal, I don't see how it can fail to happen.
Always your
Doctor***
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- Amazon.com - Torchwood: Children of Earth
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- Amazon.ca link - Torchwood - The Complete First Season (7DVD)