Title: Owner of A Lonely Heart
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 3, 50episodes
Prompt: 29, Lonely
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.***
Ianto placed his hand over his chest, feeling it beat strong and steady against his palm. He'd never really thought about only having one heart before, and how strange it must feel to the Doctor to rest his head on this chest and feel only heartbeat.
What was it like to have two hearts? He would never know, but he'd certainly gotten used to hearing the beating of the Time Lord's dual hearts under his ear whenever they were lying in bed and he rested his head against his lover's chest after they'd made love.
How many times had those hearts been broken over the centuries? It was a question that Ianto had often wanted to ask the Doctor, but he'd never quite had the courage to do so, even though they had both vowed never to hold back their feelings from each other.
Asking something like that seemed like such a personal question, as though he was trying to pry into a part of the Time Lord's life that he had no business seeing into. And he didn't want to do that; everyone had a right to their privacy.
Especially the privacy of a past that they had put behind them long ago, he told himself firmly. After all, the Doctor never pried into his past; he'd never asked about Lisa, even though Ianto had long ago volunteered the information about her to his lover.
He hadn't asked specific questions about Jack, either. The two of them had talked quite a lot about the immortal, but the Doctor had never asked for any particulars of his relationship with Ianto. That was all in the past; it had no bearing on the two of them.
Asking about the state of the Doctor's heart in the past, if there were still any feelings left for people he'd cared about so long ago, wasn't something that would do either of them any good, anyway. The Doctor was with him; the two of them were what mattered.
The state of his own heart before he'd met the Doctor .... ah, now that was something that he hadn't had to think about for a long time now. He could hardly remember the days before he'd met the Time Lord; it seemed that the Doctor had always been a part of his life.
He hadn't, of course, but the days before the advent of his life with the Time Lord seemed so far behind him that they were covered by a misty veil of memory. They were still there, in the back of his mind, but they didn't seem quite real any more.
Before he'd met the Doctor, there had really only been two people in his life who he'd loved fiercely and protectively, people who he would have done anything for -- Lisa, and then Jack. But he had always known that neither of them was his lifelong love, his destiny.
When he and Jack had finally broken up, after dragging their relationship out longer than it should have been, he'd locked himself into a protective shell, swearing that no one would ever have his heart again. He didn't want to risk another hurt, another heartbreak.
He'd been the owner of a lonely heart for what had seemed like a very long time; if he thought back, he could probably pinpoint just how long it had been before he'd met the Doctor, but the amount of time that he'd been alone no longer seemed to matter.
The Doctor had burst into his life like a bright comet, streaking across his sky and filling his world with a bright, shining hope. It had almost seemed impossible that this man could have fallen in love with him; it still seemed amazing to Ianto that they had bonded.
He had been absolutely convinced, during the brief time when he'd been leaving those flowers and love notes in the Tardis for the Doctor to find, that he was wasting his time. No one as wonderful as the Time Lord could possibly love him.
After all, he'd reasoned, Jack hadn't loved him. Maybe he had at one time, but his interest had eventually waned and faded away -- and if he couldn't hold Jack, how could he even begin to hope that a man like the Doctor could love him in the way that he wanted to be loved?
But his doubts had been for nothing. The Doctor had felt the same -- and even though they hadn't fallen into each other's arms immediately, it had felt as though they'd been with each other forever when they finally did. He'd never dreamed that one person could bring him such fulfillment.
His life before the Doctor wasn't something that he wanted to remember. The people who had been in his life -- yes, they were worth treasuring, and he would never lose his memories of them. But he preferred not to think about what the state of his heart had been.
He'd been the owner of a lonely heart for so long that he almost hadn't been able to believe it when he'd felt his heart stir at first sight of the Doctor. He had heard so much about the Time Lord from Jack -- but meeting the Doctor in the flesh had been a bolt from the blue.
Ianto had felt as though he was emerging from a chrysalis that he'd been gestating in; he had suddenly awakened to a bright new day, a brightness that seemed to emanate from the Doctor, from the look in those fathomless dark eyes.
When they had first met, all he'd been able to think of was how beautiful the Doctor was, how his voice sounded, how firm the clasp of his hand had been. He'd been useless for doing anything at work -- all of his thoughts had been focused on the Time Lord.
His lonely heart had been given into the Doctor's keeping at first sight, even if he himself hadn't realized that at the time. He'd merely thought that he wanted to be with this man; it had taken him more time to discover that the Doctor was the love of his life.
Ianto couldn't help but smile at the memory of their first meeting -- and at his own wonderment when he had realized just how he felt about the Time Lord. He had been like a child who had been given a gift at Christmas that he'd never expected would come his way.
Those roses and love notes might have seemed over the top, but they had paved the way for the two of them to start a relationship -- and Ianto had never been so glad that he'd let his romantic side shine through and had followed his heart.
If he hadn't, then he might never have had the courage to approach the Time Lord -- and that would have been a tragedy for both of them, he thought with a shudder. He didn't even want to think of the possibility that the Doctor might not be a part of his life.
His life now was far different from what he'd expected it to be -- he was not only traveling the universe, in time and space, but he was bonded to a man who was a half-human alien from another galaxy, a man who was centuries older than he was but certainly didn't look it.
And he was happier than he had ever been in his entire life. Not only was he incredibly happy, but he was content with his life; there was nothing else he wanted other than to be with the Doctor, to spend eternity by the side of the man he loved.
He would never have to be lonely again. He had the Doctor's hearts for eternity; he had no fear of them ever leaving each other. Their feelings for each other would never fade, never die, never grow dim. He would be here with the Time Lord for all of eternity.
With anyone else, that thought might have scared him a little. Eternity was an awfully long time -- and it wasn't something that he'd ever thought he would have. If he'd had to face that eternity alone, as the owner of a lonely heart with no love in his life, he couldn't have done so.
But he wouldn't have to. He had no reason to doubt the Doctor's love for him; it would always shine like a beacon through whatever darkness he might have to face. His heart would always be full -- and he'd given that heart to the one person who would treasure it for all time.
Smiling to himself, Ianto turned to make his way out of the Tardis library, in search of the Doctor. He was intent on showing his lover just how much this heart that was no longer lonely belonged to him -- and he was sure that the Time Lord would welcome him with open arms.***
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- Amazon.com - Torchwood: Children of Earth
- Amazon.co.uk - Torchwood - Children of Earth [DVD] [2009]
- Amazon.ca link - Torchwood - The Complete First Season (7DVD)