Title: Promises in the Dark
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: PG
Table: 3, letter100
Prompt: 79, Promise
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

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Dear Doctor,

It always feels strange for me to write that, as though you're millions of miles away, traveling the galaxy while I'm still on Earth. That was the case at one time, but it's not so any more, and I can't begin to say how glad I am that I'm here with you.

There were so many promises made between us when I was staying on Earth and missing you, and somehow, we've managed to keep most of those promises we made to each other. Even though not all of them were kept, that doesn't matter now.

You know, I don't even remember which promises were broken. I think they were so inconsequential that they never really mattered. The promises that were kept, and added to, are the ones that matter most, and always will.

I made so many promises to you, to remain faithful, to always be there when you returned to me, and to always hold you in my heart. And I kept all of them. It wasn't hard to do.

The promises you made to me were harder to keep. You promised to come back to me exactly as you'd been before; and I know that some of the experiences you had when you were out there on your own made that nearly impossible for you.

But you kept those promises, and I can't put into words how much that means to me. You always came back to me -- and you always carried me in your hearts, just as I kept you in mine. That's something that never fails to amaze me.

Of all the people in the world who you could have chosen to be with you, to give your hearts and soul to -- you chose me. How that happened I'll probably never know, but I won't question why. I'll just be grateful that you love me and want to be with me.

There's still a part of me that feels I don't deserve you, even with all the time we've spent together and how closely we've bonded. After all, I'm human. How could I possibly be worthy of someone like you, who's so much more than a human could ever be?

But I know you don't see me in that light, so I try not to. I know that I have to try to live up to what you see in me -- and I try to do that every day of my life.

Those promises I made to you -- I'm still keeping them, Doctor. I'm still holding you close to my heart every day, and never letting you slip away from me. That's much easier to do now that I'm with you all the time, and not wondering where you are and if you're safe.

It was so hard to make myself believe that you would come back to me when I was alone there on Earth, gazing up at the stars every night and wondering where you were. I wanted to believe that you would, but sometimes I had doubts.

I shouldn't have. I still rebuke myself for that -- for feeling sometimes that I might never see you again, that you wouldn't be able to find your way back to me. I should have known that youl would always come back, no matter what might happen.

One thing I've learned about you, Doctor -- you always keep your promises. They're never made in vain, and you take them seriously. More so than anyone else I've ever met, you have a sense of honor that runs more deeply in you than anyone can see.

I'm your soul mate, the man you're meant to be with. I should have always known that you would find a way to come back to me, even if it wasn't easy for you to do it.

In my heart, I never doubted. I never could. I'd look up at those stars, and somehow, I'd always get this feeling that you were looking down at me, watching over me even though you were miles away, maybe even galaxies away.

All those promises .... That we'd have our time together one day, that we'd never be parted. There was a time when I let myself stop believing, and that's what caused you to back away from me. I'll never forgive myself for that.

What you went through when you gave yourself to the Master -- that was my fault, Doctor, whatever you might say about it being your own decision. I pushed you to do that; I was the one who made you think that you had no other choice.

I don't want you to feel guilty about that. I blame myself enough for the both of us. I know that I need to put that part of our lives behind me, just as you do, to look at it as a test of our bond with each other and move on from it.

Maybe one day we'll both be able to do that, with each other's help. And helping you to get past all of that is yet another promise that I'm making you.

I've reiterated that over and over again since we brought you back, and now I'm saying it again, here in writing. I hope that I've started to do that already, and that the promises I've made since then have been promises that I'm living up to in every way.

Those are promises that I'll add to the ones I've already made to you -- promises to love and cherish you for the rest of my life, and beyond. All of those promises have only been intensified since I've given up my life on Earth to be here with you.

I haven't regretted that decision for a second. You promiesd me when you gave me the choice to be here that you'd take care of me, that you would try to make me happy in every way, and try to keep me from missing what I'd left behind.

You've kept those promises many times over already, my beloved. I haven't regretted leaving that all behind me, not for one second. I have everything to look forward to -- and that's all because I'm by the side of the man I love more than life.

All of those promises we made between ourselves in the dark, whispers from one to the other after we made love -- they're all just as strong and true now as they were when we first made them.

I'll always keep those promises, my love. And I know that you'll always keep the ones you made to me. You're the one thing in my life that I have no doubts about -- and I'm secure in the knowledge that you'll never have reason to doubt me, either.

Your loving
Ianto

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