Title: Reconsider Me
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Jack Harkness
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Rating: PG-13
Table: 2, letter100
Prompt: 78, Past
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Tenth Doctor or Jack Harkness, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

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Dear Doctor,

I've never been good at putting my feelings into words. You know that. It's always been easier for me to show you that I love you than to say the words. But you know how I feel. You've always known. I think you knew that I still loved you, even when I walked away.

I couldn't say it then, but I can say it now. I love you. I've always loved you, ever since we first met, when you were in a different body. If you want to hear those words every day, then I'll say them -- every day for the rest of our lives together. For the rest of eternity.

I've spent a long time trying to hide myself behind barriers, because ever since I became immortal, I've had a hard time letting people get close to me. I've lost too many people I care about; you know what it's like to outlive every person in your life. I don't have to tell you.

You know what that's like. You know what it's like to know that you can be the only person in someone's life until the day they die, but they can't be the only one in yours. It's hard to live like that and not be terrified that every person you love is going to leave.

I guess that says a lot about how I felt when I left you. I knew that you would never leave me, and maybe I was scared of that. I wasn't used to it, you know. I couldn't help thinking, in the back of my mind, that something would happen to take you away from me, too.

I let those fears get the better of me, and I almost let them destroy what I have with you. But you wouldn't accept that we were over, that we were done for good -- and you came back. I could feel your presence. I knew that you were out there, waiting for me.

And I had to answer. I couldn't just let you believe that I didn't care, that I didn't want to come back, that I'd meant for us to be over when I left you. I never really wanted to leave. I knew I was making the wrong choice. But at the time, I was too scared to do anything else.

That's the biggest regret I have, of all the things I've ever regretted in my life. I'll probably have a lot more regrets to add in the future, but that's still going to be the biggest of them all -- that I wasted so much time away from you when we could have been together.

I'm lucky to have you in my life, Doctor. I'm lucky that you gave me another chance, and I'll always be grateful for that. This time, I'm not going to let you down. I know where I belong -- and where I want to be, for the rest of eternity. And that's right here by your side.

Every night when we were apart, I'd look up at the sky and wonder where you were. If you were close, I would have known it. I always knew when you were around. I could feel you, even if you weren't anywhere near the Hub. I could feel that you were in my universe.

I wanted so much to find you, to ask you to reconsider me. But I had too much pride. I didn't want to admit that I'd been wrong, even though I knew in my heart that I was. And I was scared that you wouldn't feel the same way about me any more, that you'd turn me away.

I know that I hurt you when I walked away, and I deserved to have you do the same thing to me. But if you had, then I think my faith in love would have been destroyed forever, so I'm glad you didn't. If you had, my heart would never have gotten over it.

We both know what it's like to have our hearts broken -- and I know that I'm the one who broke yours. I'm more sorry for that than I can say, Doctor. I wish I'd never been so stupid ax to walk away from you. It was the biggest mistake I've ever made in all the centuries of my life.

But you've given me a chance to make up for that mistake, and I plan to keep making up for it every day of our lives together. Since we're probably both going to live forever, that's a lot of making up. And it's never going to stop, because I can never make enough amends for what I did.

I've never had the right to expect you to reconsider me, but I'm glad you had it in your hearts to do that. I'll never be able to put into words how happy I am that you never stopped loving me, and that you thought what we have was worth giving another chance.

If you hadn't felt that way, then I would have felt the pain of watching you walk away from me -- and it would have served me right. I made you feel the same way, and you had every right to turn your back on me. Most people would have don't that, without a backward glance.

But you aren't most people. You're uniquely who you are -- the last of the Time Lords, and the man I love. I'll never turn my back on you again, and I know that you'll never walk away from me. We're here together, until the end of time -- whenever that might be.

We're not always going to agree on everything. I know that. I accepted that fact long ago. But we'll never leave each other again; we both know how much that hurts, and I don't believe that either of us is willing to put the other through that kind of pain again.

What we have is more special than anything else I've ever known in all my life, and I'm pretty sure that you feel the same. We might not always tell each other how we feel in so many words, but the emotions are there. I can see them whenever I look into your eyes.

I guess the long and short of this letter is that I love you. I've always loved you, from the first time we met until the very second that I'm writing these words down. And I'll always love you, not only until the end of time, but until the end of existence itself.

You'll never know just how grateful I am that you decided to reconsider me, Doc, because I'll never be able to put feelings that deep into words. But I'll try to let you know every day, maybe not in words, but in actions. And once I finish writing this, some action will definitely be coming your way.

Love always,

Jack

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