Title: Rescue Me
By: Jessie Blackwood
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: AO
Disclaimer: Characters owned by RTD and the BBC. Midsomer Murders owned by ITV (I think). I don’t own any of it anyway, except maybe the idea for the story, etc. etc. etc., no infringement of copyright intended, no money being made, etc, etc. Just love them, just playing with them, like everyone else here. Any resemblance to any persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
Warning: Explicit, M for adult themes. This is an AU folks because as we know, Ianto is alive and well and its 2010. Season 3? What Season 3?
Why did I write this? Reason one, Jack and I have both suffered loss at the end of 1999. Still miss you Dad. Reason Two, I, too, have been sick as a dog and have been cared for by someone I love. Reason three, I have been depressed and been dragged from the brink by a good friend (you know who you are!) and I have had to deal with someone else close who is depressed. Reason Four, I have been so lonely the days were bleak and endless and I got through it by stubborn refusal to give in and good people who were there for me. Reason Five, pain drags you down and you need warmth and comfort and reassurance and painkillers (I was given pentothal when I was having my baby and I remember rambling on like an idiot, although not what I was rambling on about) and a hand to hold is essential. Reason six, You shouldn’t let anyone be alone at Christmas or New Year. Reason Seven, we love it when the boys take care of each other, when they show their compassionate side and their vulnerability and, of course, when they show their tenderness and love too. Because 2009 was a bad year for Torchwood, lets hope 2010 is better.
Summary: Six times Jack and Ianto were there for each other and one time they were both there for someone else. Torchwood isn't always about rescuing the World. If you can't rescue each other, there's no point. AU you'll see why.

Illness…

The bed depressed next to him with the weight of someone sitting and a cold flannel was placed gently on his burning forehead. Heavy eyes slid open and he managed a weak smile.

“How are you feeling?”

He took a moment to assess his condition and decided it wasn’t great. “Pretty rotten. How are you?”

“I’m good. Can I get you anything? You hungry?”

He grimaced, the thought of food making him queasy. A small shake of his head was enough to dissuade Jack of that idea. “Thirsty?” he nodded to that. Next moment a large and gentle hand slid under his neck to lift his head and a glass was held to his lips. The cool water was welcome as it slid over his tongue and down his throat.

“Thank you.” A smile, intense blue eyes meeting his. “What are you doing here?”

An answering frown, puzzlement. “Looking after you.” He said it as if it were obvious.

“Yes, but why?”

“Because you needed looking after. You collapsed at the Hub you idiot, you’ve got a fever. Owen says its from that alien that exploded all over us, the bacteria in its guts, the green crap that smelled of cabbages…” Ianto’s stomach complained at the memory. “Apparently Gwen’s feeling a bit sick as well but you bore the brunt of it. Owen said…” Jack stopped as Ianto groaned, clutched his stomach and swallowed convulsively. “Whoops!” Jack grabbed the bowl Owen had suggested he leave beside the bed as Ianto retched.

Could things get more miserable, Ianto wondered briefly. He felt awful, his head was pounding, he was losing his lunch and possibly his breakfast as well and worst of all, he was throwing up in front of the one person he didn’t want to witness his moment of weakness. Suddenly warm and gentle arms wrapped round his shoulders to steady him, holding him firmly. “Shh, its OK.” Jack soothed. “Owen said this will pass soon, its just like alien flu.”

Ianto coughed and lay down again, shakily. “I caught flu from an exploding alien…God, it sounds like the tag-line for a talk show…Jeremy Kyle, eat your heart out…”

Jack laughed “That’s more like it.” He was relieved to hear Ianto acting more like himself again “You’ll be OK.”

“Jack…don’t go.” He was embarrassed at how pathetic he sounded.

“I’m not going far…Just going to clean this.” Jack said and he went to the kitchen to clean and disinfect the bowl.

“Jack?”

“Coming. You OK?”

“Any more water? My mouth tastes vile…”

“Sure. Owen said to get you to drink, you need fluids.” Ianto’s hands were shaking too much to hold the glass and Jack held it for him, supporting his head again and tipping the glass carefully. “You sure I’m going to be alright?” his voice was weak and uncertain.

“Owen said…”

“But does he really know? For sure? How can he…? I mean, this is alien flu were talking about…” there was a hint of panic in the normally calm façade.

“Ianto, be calm.” Jack said firmly “Its not fatal to humans. I know, OK? Never mind Owen, I know. Me. The thing that exploded blew because it couldn’t stand the air pressure here. The bacteria are nothing harmful, they’ll give you a fever as your body burns them out of your system but human DNA isn’t compatible with them. Now you listen to me, you’re going to be fine. I’ll stay until you’re able to look after yourself, you hear me?” Ianto nodded, calming down, latching onto his lover’s gentle voice. “Owen will be calling tomorrow so you relax and sleep if you can. I’ll be right here.” And he settled onto the floor, his back to the bedside. He felt gentle fingers carding through his hair and he turned to smile at Ianto lying there. The younger man smiled back, albeit a weak one. Jack sighed softly, reached a hand back to lace into Ianto’s. He sat there, just quietly lending his presence, hoping he was right about the DNA and that Owen knew what he was talking about. He had faith in the doctor’s abilities, but this was Ianto he was talking about. He wanted the young man to be safe. He was damned if he was going to let him worry himself to death about something that would be gone in a few days….

Injury…

“Take it easy, its OK, you’re safe now…”

“OW, Goddamn! That hurts!” Jack was in obvious agony, the muscles of his forearm were shredded, blood was flowing freely and his sleeve was in tatters. Not far away the perpetrator of the attack, a weevil, lay under a tree, very dead.

On hearing Jack's cry for backup Ianto had come running. He had shot the ugly thing and killed it but he hadn’t been fast enough to get there before it had torn into Jack as he flung his arm up to ward off the attack.

Ianto hurriedly loosened his belt and wrapped it around Jack's upper arm as a tourniquet, drawing it tight and eliciting another moan of protest. “Shh, if I don’t do this, you’ll lose too much blood and die before you can heal. Do you want that?” He watched as Jack shook his head, knowing the man hated to die. He had described coming back to life like being dragged over broken glass, never a nice or an easy experience. It was painful and disorientating at best, at worst, it was torture. If Jack could avoid it, he would. All that this wound required, however terrible it looked, however much it looked like it needed hospital attention, was time to heal. Jack leaned against him, the blood loss having weakened him and the pain dragging him down. Ianto held him, stroking his back in soothing circles as he willed the wound to heal. Jack's hand fisted into his collar and he grimaced as he spoke, his voice husky. “Painkillers? Please?”

“Somehow I doubt paracetamol will touch this.” Ianto murmured. Jack huffed a laugh, although the smile didn’t quite reach his lips. “Can you walk? The medkit is in the SUV. Its not far…” Jack grunted and Ianto helped him stand. He swayed, rather dramatically, so Ianto thrust an arm between his legs and hoisted him into a fireman’s lift, carrying him back to the car over his shoulders. Jack was in too much pain to argue.

By the time they arrived, Ianto’s back was screaming in protest. Jack was not the lightest of men and he certainly packed more muscle than Ianto when it came to carrying people. Ianto put Jack down and leaned him against the vehicle, got the door open and manhandled him onto the passenger seat, then stood up and stretched his back out. He distinctly heard something pop back into place. Grimacing, he went round to the back of the car and opened the boot, rummaging in the grab-bag for the anaesthetic spray.

Jack's eyes were closed when he returned and Ianto wondered if it had been too much but he roused when he felt Ianto’s fingers peeling back his sleeve. Ianto was glad to see that the blood was no longer flowing and the wound was closing.

“Still hurts.” Jack ground out when Ianto asked how he was feeling.

“OK.” Carefully, Ianto applied the spray and Jack sighed as the pain eased. Ianto unfastened the belt from around his arm and inspected the damage. “Its healing. You’ll be fine soon.” He reached over and fastened Jack's seatbelt to stop him falling over. Blue eyes met as they regarded each other from a few inches distant.

“Light headed…” Jack complained.

“That’ll be the loss of blood.”

“No shit.”

“I need to go collect the dead weevil." Ianto replied, ignoring the sarcasm. "Can you manage?”

“Yeah…go. Its…improving. Slowly.”

Before he went, Ianto retrieved a blanket from the boot and spread it over Jack, tucking it in around him. “There, just so you don’t go into shock before I get back.”

Jack looked down and smiled “Thank you Yan.”

“No problem.” He said, more lightly than he felt. Then he went back down the hill to bring the weevil back. The damn thing was only marginally lighter than Jack and, sure enough, his back was complaining again before he returned. He dumped the disgusting thing in the boot and shut the door on it, getting into the driving seat and starting the engine. The sooner they were back at the Hub the better.

“Ianto?” Jack looked at him as the younger man returned from storing the weevil in one of the cold storage drawers in the autopsy bay.

“Jack.” he replied “Like a coffee? I was going to make myself one…”

“Yeah…thanks. Ianto…”

“What?”

“Good shooting today.” Ianto had self consciously ducked his head in acknowledgement of the praise and gone to make them their drinks. When he returned he was clutching a packet of biscuits under his arm. He put the mugs down on the desk and offered the biscuits up for Jack to open. His arm was just about whole again, in a half hour or so there wouldn’t be as much as a bruise.

“Ooo, pushing the boat out tonight?”

“Thought we deserved it.” Ianto said gently.

“I know something else you deserve.” Jack grinned, which is why, ten minutes later, Ianto found himself naked and lying face down on Jack's bed. Jack's large hands were easing the aches as he massaged Ianto’s back and shoulders. “It’s the least I can do.” He said gently, working at a particularly tight knot at the nape of his neck. Ianto sighed and smiled. This more than made up for lugging two dead weights up that hill. He resolved to rescue Jack more often if this was the result.

Grief…

Jack sent the team home early. Tosh’s predictor programme indicated nothing until the following evening and it was New Year’s Eve. Jack watched them go, wishing each other, and him, Happy New Year as they left. Non of them noticed that he didn’t wish it back, he simply waved and tried to smile. The last to go was Ianto. He hesitated at the door and seemed to be considering something. Then, quite deliberately, he turned back. He shed his coat and walked purposefully back into Jack's office.

“Ianto…what…?” Jack was not a little confounded by his response.

“I’m not going.” Ianto sat down, decisively. Jack eyed him with a frown.

“I told everyone to go, no exceptions.” He said, his voice hard.

“Not listening.”

“Ianto?” Jack was surprised. This was a change.

“Jack, I have made my mind up. I’m not leaving you alone. Not tonight.”

“Ianto…”

“No, I refuse to go home. I’d be all alone anyway. Its not like I’ve anyone to share it with either. Not the type to get invited to any parties…”

“Ianto…”

“Jack, its my last word. You need someone with you tonight, I can’t leave you to suffer this alone. I am not going, that’s all there is to it and there’s nothing you can do to make me…”

“I’m not going to…”

A pause “What?”

“I said, I’m not going to…make you go that is.” He sighed and fixed the younger man with a look. “I know when I’m beat, OK? I just can’t promise to be good company, that’s all. And I don’t celebrate at midnight either. I don’t even want to hear it…OK?”

Ianto smiled “Then we’d best figure out a way of distracting you then…”

Jack flashed him the megawatt grin and reached for the whisky decanter and a couple of glasses. “You want to call out for pizza?”

“New Year’s eve Jack, nothing will be open…”

“Ah…”

Ianto shook his head “Don’t worry, I stocked the fridge. I can microwave some Chinese. Or you could come back to my place and I’ll cook us something else. Its better stocked.”

“Do you mind if we stay here?”

“No, of course not. Why though?”

“Just…memories. Even if I want the distraction, even if I don’t want to know when midnight is, doesn’t mean I don’t think of them…”

“Of course it doesn’t.” Ianto said “Nobody said you had to forget.”

“Can’t…loved ‘em.” He said succinctly. Ianto smiled and reached out a hand, covering Jack's own where it lay on the desk. The two of them exchanged a look and Jack leaned in for a kiss, lips pressing gently against Ianto’s. When they broke for air, Jack's eyes were serious “Thank you for staying.” He said softly “Its been ten years…” he murmured and felt Ianto’s fingers tighten on his. “Time flies…but no matter how long it is…I don’t forget the people I love Ianto. Never could.”

Depression…

Ianto gazed out of the window at the rain sliding dismally down the glass. Lisa was dead. He was to blame, he should have accepted she had died at Canary Wharf. Why was he carrying on, he wondered? The team had ignored him as the ‘Tea Boy’, gopher, general dogsbody and shit cleaner. Ask no questions, get no lies, ever seen mincemeat in mince pies? He sighed. He remembered his Tad coming out with that one once. His Tad was dead now. Seemed like everyone he loved died…Jack was the only one who kept coming back, although he had lost him in a different way…

Darkness fell. Still he stood there, unable to move. He knew he should eat but he couldn’t be bothered. He went to work, cleaned their shit, made them coffee, came home. Day in, day out, nothing changed. He was still alone. He was losing weight, not sleeping, barely existing. Still the rain ran down the window, mimicking the rain in Ianto’s heart.

“Ianto?” the voice from the doorway startled him. At first he thought he was hallucinating.

“Jack?” he frowned. “What are you doing here? How did you get in?”

“Spare key. You didn’t come into work today. Where were you?”

“I did.” He frowned, puzzled. “Made you coffee before I left. We went at 7, because it was quiet and Tosh’s predictor said there wouldn’t be anything until…” he paused, uncertainly.

“That was yesterday Yan.” Jack crossed the room and closed the gap between them. He reached out and rested a hand on Ianto’s brow, frowning. The younger man’s skin felt clammy and cold. He reached for Ianto’s hand and his frown deepened “Ianto, you’re freezing. How long have you been standing here?”

“I don’t know…” he whispered huskily.

Jack gazed searchingly at him, worry plain in the blue eyes. “You need to be in bed. I’m going to call Owen and we’ll find out what's wrong with you, don’t worry.” He pulled Ianto to sit on his bed and undressed him quickly and carefully and got him lying down under the covers. Then he rang Owen and ordered him to come over. He searched the kitchen and found a hot water bottle, boiled the kettle and filled it, then placed it at Ianto’s feet, they were icy. Then he sat down on the bed to wait.

TW

“Acute Clinical Depression, in my opinion.” Owen said “He’s displaying all the symptoms.”

“So what can we do?” Jack looked back through the bedroom door at the mound under the bedclothes.

“Anti-depressants, time and counselling.” Owen replied “Not much else we can do. ‘Cept watch him in case he does something stupid.”

“Suicide watch? Are you serious?”

“Yes Jack, I’m serious. This is my serious face. What do you think, you pratt? Of course I’m serious.”

Jack stared at him, speechless for once. Owen had never called him a pratt before, as far as he remembered. Must be serious, he thought and glanced over at Ianto. He was sleeping, looking peaceful under his duvet. “So what do I do?”

“Watch him, stay with him. Let me put him on these drugs and get his mood stabilised first. Then we can look at counselling later, when he’s mentally strong enough.”

“OK, what about the rest of you? Can you manage without me?”

“I’m sure we can Jack, at least until he’s on these pills. You make him take them though. I’ll come back with the prescription and you can get him started on them when he wakes up. I’ll call later in tomorrow to see how he’s doing.”

Jack nodded and let Owen out, watching the man walk down to his car and drive off. He mentally kicked himself for not noticing what had been going on with his youngest operative. It was hardly a surprise after all. He returned to the bedroom to find Ianto sitting up, somewhat confused and tired.

“Jack? How did you get in?”

“Spare keys, remember?”

“Oh, yes. Right.”

“You want a drink?”

“Something warm…”

“I’ll make us tea, you don’t want coffee, too much caffeine.”

TW

“Hungry.” Ianto said, standing at the kitchen door. He was adorably wrapped in his duvet, blinking blearily.

“That’s good.” Jack encouraged “What do you fancy?”

“Toast. Marmalade.”

“Right, I can do that.” He busied himself with the toaster, finding the bread and the marmalade and plates. “Mind if I join you?”

Ianto smiled “I really am falling apart then…” he said with the ghost of a smile. Jack laughed and glanced at him, trying to assess his mood. “I’m not going to top myself, despite what Owen might think.” Ianto said gently. “Thank you for being here Sir.”

“That’s OK. I…” he sighed “I’ve been neglecting you.”

“You don’t owe me anything Sir.” He replied, looking at the floor.

“Ianto, you’ve no need to call me that and, despite what you may think, you’re still part of this team. I decided that when I let you come back. As such, I ought to have been aware of how you were feeling.”

“Sir…Jack, you’re not responsible for me.”

“I’m your Boss. For once you happen to be wrong. In becoming that I made you my responsibility. Besides, I’m your friend, despite everything.” For once, Ianto had the good grace to realise he wasn’t going to win this argument. Jack placed a plate of toast in front of him at the kitchen table then poured them both tea and he took a seat opposite, fished in his pocket and pulled out the bottle of pills. “These are from Owen, he wants me to get you to take them.”

“Anti-depressants?”

“Yes. They’ll help Yan. Please…I trust Owen’s judgement on this. Take them.”

“Is that an order Sir?”

“If you want me to make it an order, I will. I want you to be well Yan.” Jack faltered, looking at the table.

“Why?”

“Why what? Why do I want you to be well? Because I…you need to be…you deserve to be…”

“Why do I? I got you killed and nearly got people killed who wouldn’t have come back. Why do I deserve anything?”

“Because you’re alive Ianto. You’re a human being. You made a mistake, she’s dead, but you did it because you loved her and you wanted to help her. You were amazingly loyal Ianto, you were resourceful, inventive, compassionate, its just a pity it was misdirected. I wish…I wish I could inspire such things in you. I wish this didn’t hurt so much.”

“Sir? Jack?”

“It hurts Ianto. It hurts because I failed you. I failed to inspire your loyalty and trust and compassion. I thought we had something. It hurt to find we didn’t.”

“We did Jack. Its just…she was there first…I felt so bad…I felt I’d betrayed her with you!” he felt the tears begin to fall. For a moment he sat there feeling alone and bereft and vulnerable and then, then Jack's arms were around him, firm and warm and secure. He was held close, fingers stroking through his hair and across his cheek, wiping the tears away and kisses were dropped on his hair like blessings. He sighed and calmed, leaning into the Captain’s chest and closing his eyes.

“If I thought we had something…” he began “…I wouldn’t feel so alone…”

“Can’t tell you that.” came the crushing reply but then Ianto was surprised “I can’t tell you because I don’t know you anymore. So let’s start from scratch. Let’s you and me begin from square one and we’ll see where it goes. Let’s do what people like us usually do. You know, go on dates, out for dinner, movie, that kind of thing, OK?” Ianto nodded, not quite believing it. Then he reached out and picked up the pills, threw them down his neck, and chased them down with a gulp of tea. He sighed and Jack released him, smiling. Yes, he thought, we’ll see where we go, and he applied himself to eating his toast. The future suddenly looked a whole lot better. He glanced through the window to find that the rain had stopped and the sun had finally come out.

Loneliness…

“OK people, home time. Go do whatever it is you do when you’re not being institutionalised down here.” Jack stood, hands in pockets, at the door of his office. Owen threw his coat over his shoulders and sauntered out with a cheerful “See you tomorrow, Losers.”. Gwen wasn’t far behind. Rhys was apparently baking a lasagne and she didn’t want to be late. Jack pondered on whether Rhys could cook anything else, he always seemed to be baking lasagne. Still, at least the man cooked her dinner. There was a time when the boot would most certainly have been on the other foot. Tosh was last to go. She got up reluctantly and retrieved her coat, shutting her workstation down to standby and going through the contents of her bag, looking for something.

“Tosh.” Jack said gently “Just go. Come on, have a lovely evening and relax.” She avoided his eyes and muttered something, heading for the door. Ianto joined him and they watched her disappear through it, the cog rolling shut on her departing figure.

“What did she say to you?” Ianto asked, frowning.

“Not sure. Why? I thought she said she’d be in tomorrow.”

“Not what it sounded like to me.”

“Oh? And what did it sound like to you?”

“That’s what's worrying me. Sounded like ‘As if you care’. That’s not like Tosh.”

Jack frowned “You sure you heard her right? Anyway, she’s probably tired. We've all had a helluva week. Look, how about we go to your place and collect Thai on the way. We can call into that DVD rental place and get ‘28 Days Later’.”

“Trust you. All you’re going to do is to rubbish it all the way through like you did with Snakes on a Plane.”

“Oh come on, I rent the movie, I get to critique it.”

“Critique? It was a massacre.” Ianto grabbed his coat and some paperwork.

“Oh no, you can leave that right there, I’m not sharing you with paperwork tonight!”

Ianto sighed “No can do. Sorry. It’s the report for UNIT. Mace is calling first thing in the morning. If I don’t do this you won’t be prepared for him.” Ianto brandished the folder and added “It’ll only take me five minutes, ten at the most.”

“It had better.” Jack retrieved his coat and paused by the computer, frowning. “Ianto? Come here…” He was looking at the CCTV image of the Plas above them. “Is that Tosh?” he pointed to a slim woman leaning on the railing overlooking the bay.

“What's she doing there?” Ianto was puzzled.

“Come on.” Jack said. “Got a bad feeling about this.” And he thumbed the controls on his wrist strap and brought the invisible lift down. “This is quicker.” He said, jumping on, snaking an arm round Ianto’s waist as they ascended “and I’ve a feeling we need to be quick.”

Tosh left that evening with a certain dread that she would have to face the evening alone again. The flat was empty and cold, devoid of human warmth. She felt guilty about brushing Jack off like that. She sincerely hoped he hadn’t heard her muttered words. He was the one who had saved her from that hell hole after all. Didn’t stop her feeling bitter though. Why was everybody else able to find love but not her? Everyone she had fallen in love with, everyone she had ever liked, had gone. She often wondered how Jack could stand it. He must have lost lots of people, although he seemed to affect indifference, holding himself away, aloof. Maybe he managed by not caring. Poor Ianto, she thought, although he had chosen to wrap himself in Jack, to the detriment of their friendship. He hadn’t exchanged two words with her all day.

She frowned as she left the Tourist Office and closed the door behind her. Would anyone miss her if she didn’t come to work tomorrow? Oh, they’d miss her, then they’d worry, they’d search, fruitlessly. The police would find her body, washed up on the beach and they’d mourn and move on, forgetting her. She shook herself. How on earth could she think like that? Easily, a part of her admitted. She was lonely, she went home, didn’t talk to anyone, except her mum on the phone, every month, once a month, the agreement she’d made with Jack right from the beginning, three years ago. Even then she couldn’t tell her anything. She leaned on the rail above the water, gazing at the grey waves in the bay. She sighed. What was there, really, she thought? She could never have a life, a partner, kids. She could never have what Gwen had. Her service to Torchwood was a penance, exacted by Jack Harkness.

“Tosh?” the voice surprised her. Jack stood on her right, watching her casually.

“You OK?” It was Ianto on her other side.

“Yes.” She tried to make it sound light, relaxed. She didn’t want anyone to find out what was eating her. “What are you two doing here?”

“Going to his place, for a Thai and a movie.” Jack said, glancing at Ianto, who nodded. “Wanna come along? There’s room for a small one.” He grinned, trying to be encouraging.

“Oh no, you go on. I’ve got plans.” She looked at her watch “Oh, look at the time. I’m meeting someone actually.” She grinned. “Gotta go.”

“Ooo, anyone nice?” Jack asked, playfully.

“Just a friend…”

“Have a nice evening then.” Jack leaned back against the rail and they watched her go. Waved as she turned and waved back them. “You buy that?” Jack asked, smiling and waving.

“Nope. Did you?”

“Not at all. So, what's wrong there do you think?”

“Not sure, but she was being evasive or I’m no judge of body language.”

“Come on, I’ve a feeling we’re gonna have to rescue one of our own tonight.”

Tosh was lying on the couch, channel hopping, although she wasn’t really interested in another reality TV show where people who blatantly didn’t get on with each other were crammed together for months at a time on an island or in a house. She watched another Midsomer Murder and wondered if the death toll would ever reach the point where there were no more inhabitants, found a quiz show but the contestants were all morons who didn’t deserve the paltry sum they were fighting for, encouraged as they were to vote each other out as the weakest. Bored and tired, she was about the call out for another fattening and spot-inducing pizza when the doorbell rang. Puzzled, she dragged herself to her feet and went into the hall. One of her neighbours probably. “Who is it?” She called.

“Your friendly neighbourhood watch.” Came a familiar voice. Startled, she opened the door to find Jack and Ianto standing shoulder to shoulder, smiling.

“Good evening Ma’am.” Ianto said formally “Sorry to disturb you but we were in the area and we had to call. My colleague and I are in the business of rescuing people and we are of the opinion that you, Ms Sato, are in dire need of rescuing.”

“So much so, that if you really are meeting a friend tonight, we’ll both be very embarrassed that we were so wrong.” Jack added, fixing her with a look. It was too much for Toshiko. She burst into tears.

Jack dished up the food (they had bought enough for three) while Ianto found his arms full. He sat on the couch with her, cradling the sobbing woman, shushing and rubbing her back, letting her find comfort.

“Hey.” He said eventually, lifting her chin so she had to look at him. She hiccuped and sniffed and he produced a clean handkerchief for her to blow her nose on. “Tell me, I thought we were friends, what's the matter?”

“Its only me being silly.” She said, disparagingly.

“Nothing that gets you this upset is silly Tosh.” Ianto reassured “Now tell us. Or must I resort to letting Jack torture a confession out of you?”

“That could be fun.” Jack said, bringing the plates over. “I could tickle it out of her.”

“Oo, that’s harsh.” Ianto joked. “Seriously Tosh, I want to know, never mind him. You’re my friend.”

She looked at them both, knowing they had diverted their evening to come see if she was alright, saw the sincerity in their eyes and the concern. She crumpled, taking a deep breath. “I’m lonely…its silly, I know. But…its hard to face coming home some nights. I don’t speak to anyone between leaving work and getting back again in the morning…” Ianto’s arms tightened around her and Jack sighed.

“First off, its not silly. Loneliness is nothing to be joked about. Its hard sometimes. God knows, I should know. Been there, done that, more times than I care to remember. I know how bad it can be.”

“Tosh, we’re here for you. Look love, we’re friends, your friends.” Ianto said gently “That’s why we’re here. Now, we have food to share, we can talk, watch the movies we brought, I’ll make coffee, then we’ll go and leave you to sleep, but not before we’re had a great night, and we’ll see this doesn’t happen again. OK? We’ll make a regular thing of it if necessary. You and me or you and him or all of us even.”

“I’m sorry…”

Jack waved her apology away. “We’ve both been there Tosh. Enough. You’re not getting rid of us now anyway, I’m starved. Hope you like Thai…” and he proffered her the plate. They sat and ate, afterwards watching 28 Days Later (and Ianto apologised for Jack pulling it apart) and they talked, half listening to music. Ianto grabbed her for a slow dance to Snowpatrol’s Chasing Cars and as they swayed she looked up into Ianto’s eyes. He smiled down at her and hugged her to him. She smiled back, realising that perhaps she had been wrong about them. They would miss her.

She waved them off at gone one in the morning, tired and happy. She went to bed, asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow, thinking that true friends were hard to find but the ones that mattered were there for you, no matter what. Loneliness was a killer but there were ways to get through it and get through it she would. Tomorrow was another day.

Pain…

The slow return to wakefulness was painful. His arm was hooked up to a drip, he was lying in bed…not in hospital though. His office? He frowned. What the hell…?

“Jack? You’re awake…” Ianto was sitting on the end of the makeshift bed. He fixed Jack with a look, watchful and concerned.

“Yeah…what’s…going on? Hell…” he hissed. “Something hurts…I think.” he ground out, an ache in his ribs manifesting alongside a sharp throbbing pain in his neck and shoulders.

“You remember that alien that bit you?” he saw Jack nod “Well, Owen’s done your blood work and there’s a chemical in your bloodstream from the thing’s saliva. Its an inhibitor, its effectively slowing down your healing ability. In anyone else it would be fatal but with you, its making you more…well, normal actually. You have broken ribs, a cracked shoulder blade, wrenched right knee, dislocated right shoulder…”

“OK, OK, I get the picture, so what now?”

“Owen’s hooked you up to an IV, just to keep you hydrated. He gave you pentothal just before you woke, just to make you comfortable.”

“That’s why I feel strange…”

“How so?”

“Starting to drift…” the pain was beginning to lessen, he was also feeling lethargic and warm. “Where’s Owen then?”

“Setting up the dialysis machine. We’ll run your blood through and clean it of the inhibitor then you should be back to your old self in no time.”

“Ianto…will you stay? I…please…don’t leave…” Jack felt his good hand grasped and held gently.

“I’m right here Cariad. Don’t worry.”

Half closed eyes met his “I feel safe when you’re here, did you know that? Warm, so safe…you’re so kind. Ianto, I love you, I may never have said it before but I do, really do.” He grasped Ianto’s fingers and carried on “I want you with me…just here, you don’t have to do anything…” his voice was drowsy and gentle. “Just stay, please…watch me…”

“Jack, Cariad, sssshhhh, its alright.” Ianto reached out and laid gentle fingers on Jack's lips to shut him up. Owen had been right. Pentothal was a good painkiller but he had said to expect Jack might not want to shut up. It made patients relaxed and chatty and co-operative. “You’re going to be fine, but you need to rest.”

“I am resting…very comfortable actually…”

“Jack, shhh. Have done. Close your eyes, and your mouth too, I won’t go anywhere. Look, keep holding my hand then I can’t get away.” He watched Jack's eyes sag shut and sat there, willing Owen to sort things out. He hated seeing Jack so vulnerable, although he was sweet like this. Ianto was thankful that he probably wouldn’t remember this later.

Death…

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Vigil. Darkness and quiet. A figure sits in the darkened room, watching, waiting. The still form lies silent and unmoving, when he should be up and running, voice loud and eyes bright. No, the sitter thinks, do not go gentle into that good night. He starts to speak, reciting the words of Dylan Thomas, but the famous words issue from a throat tightened with grief. Those words spoken now for blue eyes and ready wit, bravery and loyalty and love.

“Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”

Rage indeed, rage that this happened at all, that once again danger caught up with them and did its worst. But that is what Torchwood is all about, isn’t it? The needs of the few outweigh the needs of the many. That’s why they’re doing this, isn’t it? Anything else would cheapen the sacrifice.

“Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.”

Every time it gets harder, not easier. Every time it happens, frequency doesn’t make it easier to bear. He looks around in the darkness, seeing the chink of light as dawn prods its way in. Time moves on.

“Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”

He laughs softly at the appropriateness of the word ‘gay’ although in this context it means something other than sexuality. Seen his fair share of meteors too, come to that, and sometimes he can be blind. Blind as to what's right in front of him.

“And you, my father, there on that sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.”

He lost his father a long time ago. What would he think of all this? Would he be proud of his son or not? A glance at his watch shows the time to be near 05:00. He’s been sitting here all night. How much longer should he stay? Damn it, all night if necessary.

“Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”

Dragged over broken glass, that’s how he described it to Gwen, but its not Gwen whose arms come around him as he gasps back to life, the disorientation making him dizzy and scared to look at where he’s fetched up this time. Strong arms tighten around him, a voice utters reassuring words that he’s ok, he’s back, he’s not alone, he’s safe, spoken in lilting welsh-accented vowels. The eyes gaze down at him, slightly fearful and hiding it, concerned and so, so blue.

“You took your time Sir.”

“Sorry. Didn’t exactly plan this you know.”

“I know.”

“How long?”

“All night.”

“All night? You’ve been here all night?”

“Didn’t want you waking up alone.” The voice is slightly defensive this time. The arms let him go. Instantly he missed their warmth and comfort.

“Was kind of enjoying that…”

“Oh, were you? Well…” the arms wind round him again. There's soft breath in his ear as he is held against a warm solid well-muscled chest. Momentarily, something twitches further south but right now, he is too comfortable to move, never mind suggest anything more strenuous.

“That’s good.” He nestles into the warmth and comfort being offered “I appreciate this Ianto, thank you.”

“No problem Sir.”

“I mean, I hate to wake up alone.”

“Are you flirting with me?”

“What? No, actually…” he falters “I mean it, I really do hate it, after…times like this…you know?” There’s a pause and then, suddenly, soft lips press against his in the darkness.

“Ummm.” He opens his mouth to the kiss, always ready to experience life after death, so-to-speak. The tongue finds its way in, teasing gently, sweeping over his bottom lip, sucking it. With a struggle, he sits up, using the arms holding him as leverage. The dawn light is greyer and its easier to see him now. The eyes are tired, shadowed and heavy.

“You need sleep.” the tone brooks no argument. “Come on.” He is already in the bed, he must have been taken back to Ianto’s flat for some reason. All it needs is to pull back the covers, invite him in and watch as he gets undressed. He hesitates, Jack pats the bed, their eyes meet. Jack smiles and Ianto capitulates, sliding between the covers into Jack's waiting arms. The warmth and comfort are all that is needed for them both to fall asleep in each other’s arms.