Title: Restlessness & Redemption
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Ianto Jones/Tenth Doctor
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rating: R
Table: 3
Prompt: 40, Restless
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Ianto Jones or the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

***

He couldn't stop tapping his fingers on his knees. On any available surface. Or tapping out a rhythm with his feet, even when he was supposed to be sitting still. Fidgeting, that was what Ianto called it.

The Doctor sighed, looking down at his hands and forcing them to be still. If he couldn't stop himself from doing this, he was going to wind up sitting on his hands in an effort to keep them in one place.

He clenched his fists on the table, gritting his teeth. Why was it so hard for him to stay still, to keep from looking around him, to relax and stay calm and in one place? He'd never had this problem before. Well, he had, but not for what seemed like a very long time.

It had been a long time, he realized with a shock. Since before he'd met Ianto. Since before his life had been inexorably turned around by his love for the young Welshman. Since .... since he'd finally decided that he needed to make a concerted effort to be at least a bit more settled.

What had been the use of how he was living? he told himself fiercely, his nails digging into his palms. He'd been fleeing from the Master, moving through time and space as though that was somehow going to keep him safe. It didn't matter where he hid. The Master always managed to find him.

He'd been here, in Ianto's world, for several long weeks now. Stable, static, in one place. Easy enough for the Master to track him down here.

That was how he'd been able to take Ianto. That bastard had simply followed him here, settling into this world just as the Doctor had, zeroing in on the young man he loved. He'd been able to find out just what Ianto meant to him -- and the Master knew better than anyone how the Doctor valued those he loved.

He'd led the Master here, to Ianto. It was due to him that Ianto had been hurt as he had. Ianto would never have suffered the torture that the Master had put him through if it hadn't been for him. His fault, utterly, completely, entirely his fault.

He had to go. He had to leave Ianto behind, to keep him safe. He couldn't risk the Master taking Ianto again, hurting him -- perhaps even killing him. It was hard enough to contemplate a life without Ianto in it, knowing that his love was alive and safe. But existing in a world without Ianto .... it was inconceivable.

That was why he was feeling so restless lately. That inner need to flee, to hide himself from the Master, was starting to become the strongest imperative in his life, overriding everything else.

Stronger than his love for Ianto? Never, he whispered to himself, digging his nails even deeper into his palms, barely noticing when they cut into his flesh. Nothing was stronger than that. It wasn't possible.

That restlessness had never overtaken him so strongly before -- and he was sure that he knew why. It was his inner consciousness, telling him that he had to keep Ianto safe. This was the only way. He couldn't sacrifice the boy he loved, not for his own selfish reasons.

His reasons for staying with Ianto were selfish. He didn't want to be alone any more. That was it, first and foremost.

No. That wasn't it, not at all. He loved Ianto. Loved him. Loved him with all the strength he was capable of. Loved him more than he had ever thought possible. Their bond had grown too strong for him to even think of walking away. That was why he stayed.

Because he couldn't tear himself away. Not without his entire world crumbling around him, withering and dying and leaving him ....

Alone.

The Doctor buried his face in his hands, feeling sobs welling up in his throat. He couldn't stay. He knew that. His presence here put Ianto in far too much danger. Ianto was at risk every second that the Doctor was anywhere near him. That had become painfully obvious.

But how could he go? He'd sooner tear out his own hearts and hand them over to the Master without question, bloody and beating in his outstretched hands.

What choice did he have? It was either sacrifice Ianto, eventually -- or sacrifice his own happiness. And Ianto was far, far more important to him than anything in the world had ever been. Ianto would understand why he'd left. He had to.

"What's wrong, my love?"

The Doctor's head jerked up, a gasp leaving his throat. Ianto was kneeling beside him, his soft grey-blue eyes darkened with worry. Ianto was touching him, stroking a gentle hand through his hair, soft fingertips on his skin. Ianto was there, gathering him into those strong arms.

The Doctor curled into that embrace, giving himself over to the tears that he could no longer hold back. He cried into Ianto's shoulder, dimly hearing the soft crooning sound of his young lover's voice.

"What is it, beloved? What has you so upset?" Ianto's voice was filled with worry, trembling a bit. The Doctor felt a wave of guilt wash over him at the sound of the young Welshman's words. He had no right to put Ianto through this, or anything else that his lover might suffer because of him.

"I .... I have to go," he managed to choke out, the words sending him into another round of sobs. Now that the floodgates had opened, it seemed that they weren't going to close any time soon.

"Then I'm coming with you," Ianto answered softly, pressing soft lips against the Doctor's cheek, his forehead, his closed eyelids. "You aren't going to leave without having me right there by your side. I thought we'd discussed this already, Doctor. Even Jack thinks that I should go with you."

"You can't," he whispered, not realizing that his hands were clutching Ianto's shoulders as if he was clinging to a life preserver. "He'll find us. If I go alone, then he'll only be able to catch up to me. You'll be safe, here where he can't get to you."

"If you mean the Master .... then you must know that he'll be able to find me anywhere," Ianto pointed out, his voice gaining strength. "If you're not here, what's to stop him from using me to find you? He knows that if he takes me, you'll give yourself over to him. So your leaving wouldn't solve anything on that score. You'd only be running away."

"Then I'll run away!" The Doctor's voice was fierce, his eyes burning with barely-concealed determination as he raised his head to lock his gaze with his young lover's. "I won't expose you to any more danger. You've already suffered far too much because of me."

"That won't change things, my love." Ianto's words were soft, his gaze holding the Time Lord's, almost mesmerizing him. "It's much safer if we're together. I'd rather face danger and even death with you than live the rest of my life safely without you in it. You have to at least give me that choice."

"I can't," the Doctor choked out, the tears crowding up into his throat again. "I can't risk losing you forever, Ianto. I can't."

Ianto took the Doctor's face between his hands, laying his lips on the Time Lord's and kissing him passionately, melding their mouths together until the Doctor was breathless. He'd never been kissed like that before -- not by Jack, nor any other lover in his life. Ianto had never even kissed him this powerfully before.

"You won't lose me," Ianto whispered against the softness of the Doctor's mouth. "Not if I'm there by your side. You can protect me -- and I can do the same for you. I made a vow to you that I would always be there for you, Doctor. I mean to keep that vow, no matter what may happen."

"I can't stay here." The Doctor's words were subdued, the tears finally starting to recede. "I have to go, Ianto. I don't belong here; I'm too settled, too static. I can't stay here indefinitely, even with you. It's .... it's killing me."

"Then we should prepare to go, shouldn't we?" Ianto's voice was deceptively soft; there was steel under his words, just as his warm comforting embrace hinted of a hidden strength in those muscular arms. "The two of us, Doctor. Together."

"Yes," the Time Lord whispered, burying his face in Ianto's shoulder again. The decision had been taken out of his hands. Ianto would be with him. There would be no wrench of a final parting, no roaming the galaxy with his hearts still anchored in Ianto's world, in his time.

No loss. No loneliness. He would have Ianto.

But at what unseen risks to the beautiful young man at his side?

The Doctor pushed the thought of the danger they could be facing away from him. Whatever it was, they would get through it. As long as they were together, they could face anything. And if worst came to worst .... well, he would rather go with Ianto by his side than face death alone.

He looked up at his young lover, managing a smile through his tears. "I suppose it's time to tell Jack that he may need to find someone else to make his coffee for a while," he said softly, raising a hand to wipe ineffectually at the wetness on his face.

"I have a feeling that he may already know," Ianto said softly, not relinquishing his grip on the slender figure clasped in his arms. "He's only been waiting for us to say it."

"Then we should say it as soon as possible," the Doctor replied, not making a move to get up, even though his words seemed urgent. "I've been too restless for too long. I need to take some sort of action."

Ianto's mouth was hovering just above his own; the Doctor couldn't take his eyes off that perfect, pink cupid's bow of a mouth, so soft, so sensual.

"Not quite yet," Ianto murmured, just before his mouth covered the Doctor's, melting the Time Lord's senses with another passionate kiss.

"No, definitely not yet," the Doctor whispered, closing his eyes and abandoning himself to Ianto's kiss. The restlessness within him turned over, began to recede, settling into a far corner of his consciousness.

Maybe it wasn't so imperative that he leave right now, after all ....

***