Title: Saint David's Day
By: lower-case-me
Pairing: Janto-ish
Rating: AO
Spoilers: None, really
Summary: In Jack's absence, Ianto and Tosh get a little revenge on Owen.

***

Jack frowned. Ianto calmly deposited the vase of daffodils on his desk, on a coaster.
'Let me get this straight. You hold a competition. Everyone measures their... leek? As in the vegetable? And the one with the longest wins?'
'Yes, Sir, in some places. In others we have leek-eating contests, and some people choose to wear leaks on this day' said Ianto, for the third time. Feeling that Jack was getting leek-fixated and missing the point, he added 'There is also a considerable parade, not to mention the poetry, the music and the singing.'
'And the hats? The, ah, beaver ones? Although I've gotta say I don't see anything beaver-y about them... I notice you're not wearing any hat at all, Ianto. I'm disappointed in you.'
'Dewi Sant was a rather staid character, Captain.' Ianto replied, with an edge of reproach. 'I'm sure he would approve of sartorial restraint and discretion. However, my waistcoat is made of Welsh flannel. And I've made cawl for lunch. If you had been down in the archives early this morning you would have heard me singing Land of Our Fathers in an exceptionally robust voice. Also, I could recite some poetry for you if you like. I used to do rather well in the Eisteddfod when I was younger.'

Jack allowed the grin that had been threatening to storm his face a little leeway.
'I feel as if I should be... doing something with a leek?' he asked, trying not to let it break out and take over entirely. Ianto made a 'tsk' noise, deftly snatched a daffodil from the bunch and inserted it into Jack's buttonhole. It struck Jack that the annoyance wasn't entirely for show, and that if he wasn't careful he'd be getting that funny bread made out of seaweed instead of whatever tasty Welsh delicacies Ianto had acquired for morning tea, so he put a hand over Ianto's and rubbed the knuckles lightly. 'I like your waistcoat, Ianto. And your daffodils and your... bread with fruit in it. Even your leeks. And I really, really like your gorgeous-' here, he kissed Ianto's lips quickly and lightly,'Welsh-' another kiss, 'vowels'.

They broke off the third and deepest kiss reluctantly, at the sound of the hub doors rolling open. Ianto cleared his throat.
'I should go and feed the pterodactyl, sir. Welsh lamb, in honour of the occasion, although as a vegetarian St David would hardly be pleased with that.'

Jack laughed, and listened to him sing as he walked out the door.

'Paham mae dicter, o Myfanwy
yn llenwi'th lygaid duon di
a'th ruddiau tirion, o Myfanwy
heb wrido wrth fy ngweled i?'

Between Ianto's waistcoat and his voice, he decided he could get to like St David's day, inexplicable vegetable-measuring activities or not. Jack took his coffee and moved to the railing to watch Ianto go about his day. It was good to see him looking happy for a change.

Jack glanced at down to see who was coming down into the hub and coughed as most of his coffee went down the wrong way. It was Gwen. In a tall black hat with a lacy white bonnet underneath, sucking on a large leek-shaped lollipop.

***

Jack hid in his office, doing paperwork like a good boss. He was afraid that pointing and laughing at Gwen would be considered Wales-abuse and get the quality of his snacks- not to mention the quality of his quality time with Ianto- severely downgraded for weeks to come. Because he was hiding, he didn't see any of the staff until the briefing that Ianto had neatly pencilled into his diary for 11am.
He heard Gwen, Owen, and Tosh stomp their way to the conference room just after, and Ianto, who he'd long known had sneaky silent ninja-butler powers, was probably there already. Jack carefully schooled his features into a more-or-less professional mask and proceeded cautiously out of his office.

And, thank God or maybe Saint David, she'd taken the hat off and finished the lollipop. Jack breathed a sigh of relief and sat down. True, she was wearing what appeared to be a small leek made out of green and white felt pinned to her shirt, but he could totally deal with that. His grin returned to its usual intensity when Ianto appeared, with something that smelled like hot currants and butter. Morning tea time! Already his decision not to laugh at Gwen was paying off.

Ianto put a plate with a couple of things that looked like squashed scones on it in front of Owen, who happened to be closest, and Gwen, and Tosh. Gwen said something that Jack guessed was 'thankyou' in Welsh, although it could have been 'give me a pastry, Mr Emo Coffee Boy' for all he knew. Ianto beamed and said something back. All it conveyed to Jack was the question of whether he could get Ianto to roll his Rs like that all the time.

Tosh got a great big Ianto-smile too, which wasn't fair at all, because she said thankyou in English. Jack gave her a sharp look. She was wearing a bright red shirt and she had a daffodil too, only hers was smaller than Jack's, so she must have brought it herself, from home.

The cakes Ianto deposited in front of him were steaming slightly, and smelled amazing, like frying pancakes. Instantly, Jack's mouth began to water. He picked up one of the treats and took a bite- delicious. Hot and still soft on the inside, and the currants were-

Wait. Jack stopped dead. His eyes flicked from his snack palte to Tosh's, Owen's and Gwen's. Something wasn't right at all. Owen's cakes were almost plain, but Tosh and Gwen definitely had more currants than him!

He glared at Tosh with narrowed eyes. Gwen, being Welsh, had a natural advantage, but Tosh... You think you're so clever, Sato. We'll see who gets the currants by the end of the day.

'Jack? Earth to Jack?' Owen waved a hand in front of his face, and Jack, mistakenly believing he was after the Welsh cake that was halfway to his mouth, snatched it away.
'Get your own! I mean, yes? What?'

3.

It was war. Jack had abandoned the paperwork, but he did stop once or twice to lean over the railing and try and see what Tosh was working on. It looked like a report on the geographical distribution of alien sightings in South Glamorgan, Gwent and Powys, but she was clever. It could be anything.

Just as he was going to suggest lunch, a weevil sighting in Penarth, far out of their usual range, sent them all scurrying for the SUV. Somehow Ianto managed to have four travel mugs full of hot, thick soup ready for them before they got there, but Jack was robbed of his chance to put phase one of the Saint David's day campaign into action.

He bided his time, even while running at full pace down Penarth esplanade, reminding himself that all good military leaders were adaptable. It was quite satisfying to outrun Tosh, too.

They brought the weevil home without incident, or at least without further incident, while Jack congratulated himself on quick thinking, for telling the bystanders that the weevil was a man in a costume playing a holiday prank. He left behind much tutting and shaking of heads, and discussion of the way Saint David's day used to be celebrated back when young people had some respect.

So it was that 3 o'clock brought a grinning Jack to Ianto's archives.
'Sir?'
'Shut may. Amser coffi?' Jack said, flashing more white teeth. Ianto paused. Jack didn't think he'd ever seen the man hesitate before, and it didn't last long.
'Dwedwch hy'na eto?' he said, suspiciously.
'Amser coffi... hledrithiol, os gooelch yn tha?'
'Um. Iawn. Sir. Wrth gwrs.'

'Diolk!' Jack said brightly, hoping like hell that Ianto'd said yes. He turned away, aware how showy the flappy coat looked when he did that, and headed back upstairs. Behind him, Ianto put a hand over his mouth and jammed his lips together, not really sure what expression his face was trying to form.

Gwen emerged from a corridor of storage cabinets with an empty box and a very puzzled look on hers.
'Was that... What was that?'
'An insult to a noble language' Ianto replied, but he let his hand fall and found he was smiling.

He made the special coffee, telling himself firmly that it was in honour of the day, not for Jack. He took it into the main hub with ears pricked, waiting for anything they might hear.
'Ah, Ianto! Oes yna tryoosus alla i thefnythio.'

Unless he really did want a trouser press, and Ianto wasn't naïve enough to completely dismiss the possibility, he was fairly sure that Jack had read the wrong line in the phrase book. Ianto bit his lip and said nothing as he passed around the drinks. Owen snorted. Gwen tried not to snort laverbread out her nose.
'You're kidding yourself, Jack. I bet freckles here' he waved at Gwen 'doesn't even speak Welsh, and the tea-boy hasn't used a word of it since he was a ten year old valleys brat. You hear more Polish on the streets of Cardiff than you do Welsh.'
'Y cedor lama' Gwen said, giving him the finger. Ianto smiled.
'Actually, Owen, I didn't speak a word of English until I was 12.'
'Did I say something about you being a pig-ignorant valleys brat? I think I did. And what the fuck is this?'
'Laverbread on toast, lembo.'

Jack meanwhile, had sniffed his afternoon tea suspiciously, and taken a very, very small bite. Actually, it was pretty good, despite the dubious black jelly-like appearance.
'I'll have his! I mean, idwee i bwoota... his.'

The look Ianto gave him made Jack think that maybe this wasn't such a good plan after all. Still, at least he wasn't looking at Tosh.

+

Back in his office, Jack was feeling a bit morose. Barely suppressed amusement was not the effect he'd been going for. It was getting late, and he hadn't come up with any other ideas.
'Noswaith dda, Jack.' Ianto held up a large flat object. 'I have the trouser press you asked for.' To his credit, he keep a completely straight face.
'Oh. Hi Ianto.' Inwardly, Jack groaned. Trouser press? His pronunciation must have been worse than he thought.
'No Welsh greeting, Captain? It's still Dydd Dewi Sant for another three hours.'

Jack grinned and hoped to look playful instead of embarrassed.
'Well, y'know. It's a difficult language.'
'You did very well, Sir.'

Ianto deposited a large plate of hot buttered fruit bread on Jack's desk.
'No need to be patronising, Ianto.'
'I'm not being patronising. In fact I found it very... endearing.'
'Did you now?'
'Oh yes, Captain.'

Jack felt a whisper of warm air against his ear as Ianto leaned down into his neck.
'Can I teach you something, hmmm?' Ianto breathed. 'There's a few words I think you should know. A hand snaked down and deftly stroked under Jack's balls. 'Ceilliau, for example.'
'I think I like this lesson.'
'Learning can be fun, Captain.'
'I'm a very quick study' Jack said, as Ianto circled his balls with a single finger.
'Clearly, because you've already guessed my next word.' Ianto's touch slid up and became a grasp of the half-formed hardness he found there. 'Codiad.'
'Codiad' Jack repeated, deciding that he really could learn the Welsh language after all.

Rough translations:

Shut may. Amser coffi? (Sut mae. Amser coffi) = Hi. Coffee time?
Dwedwch hy'na eto? = Say that again
Amser coffi... hledrithiol, os gooelch yn tha? (Amser coffi... lledrithiol, os gwelwch yn dda) = Magic coffee time
Um. Iawn. Sir. Wrth gwrs = Um. Okay. Sir. Of course
Diolk (Diolch) = thanks
Oes yna tryoosus alla i thefnythio (Oes yna wasg trywsus alla i ddefnyddio) = Is there a trouser press I can use
Y cedor lama = an insult, lit. 'The llama's pubic hair'
lembo = fool

The others I will leave you to guess...

***