Title: Separate Lives
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Jack Harkness
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Rating: PG
Table: 30_losses
Prompt: 21B, Separate Ways
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Jack Harkness. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor leaned back against the park bench he was seated on, staring at the pigeons pecking at the ground all around him. This wasn't a place where he'd usually be, but he'd felt that he had to get out of the Tardis for a while, to be around humans. To .... think.

Not that thinking was a task that required him to be out and about, but he was rapidly tiring of his constant solitude. He certainly wasn't in the market for a companion, not at this stage -- but at the moment, he preferred the company of people to being alone.

He wasn't going to think about Jack.

A wry smile twisted his lips, a smile that was almost a grimace, gone as soon as it crossed his features. He didn't want to think about Jack, about the circumstances of their parting, but his thoughts would always inevitably come back to that.

Of all the people in the world who he could have fallen in love with, it would have to be the one who wouldn't stay with him. Of course, there were many, many more who wouldn't stay -- but Jack had been the one human who would have been most able to.

It had seemed perfect -- an immortal. Someone who had the power to give him the forever he needed, the companion he craved who would always be with him. So what had gone wrong? Why had it all ended so abruptly? Why hadn't Jack stayed?

Maybe it hadn't been so abrupt, the Doctor told himself, crossing his arms over his chest and stetching out his long legs in front of him. Maybe everything had simply been building up to the day of Jack's departure, and he just hadn't noticed it.

No, he'd have noticed. In the back of his mind, he'd probably always known. But he'd blinded himself to it because he hadn't wanted to acknowledge the fact that Jack would leave him. He'd wanted to live in the delusion that he'd finally found a companion who would be with him forever.

That had been a dream. And dreams, he reflected morosely as he stared unseeingly at the view around him, always had to end with an awakening.

Of course, he and Jack had parted on the best of terms. He'd held back his emotions, not wanting his lover to know how devastated he was. It was the last gift that he could give Jack -- letting him think that he was going to be all right on his own.

He would, really. It wasn't as though he hadn't spent most of his life alone. Even when he'd had companions, he'd always known that they wouldn't be with him forever. How could they? They had limited life spans; they only had so much time to give him.

But Jack .... with him, it would have been different. Jack could have been with him until the end of his days, could have given him the forever that he'd always needed from anyone he'd loved. But it wasn't to be. It wasn't what Jack had wanted, and he had to respect that.

What was that ridiculous human saying? "If you love something, set it free." He'd set Jack free -- but he was very doubtful if the rest of that saying would prove true and Jack would come back to him.

Torchwood was what he wanted. He felt that was where he belonged, where he could do the most good in the world. Fine; the Doctor had no problem understanding those feelings, and even sympathizing with them. But there were things that Jack wasn't considering.

They'd promised each other that they wouldn't be parted. That they were going to last forever. Maybe Jack looked at those promises as nothing more than pillow talk -- but to the Doctor, they'd meant something. He hadn't taken those words lightly.

It might be wrong of him to assume that Jack did, to think that he hadn't meant those words. Maybe he'd meant them, but had found the promises impossible to keep. Or was he just looking for excuses, for some way to exonerate the man he loved?

If he didn't mean the words, then he shouldn't have said them, the Doctor told himself, scowling. He hadn't thought of that, had he? He hadn't thought that what he said would be taken seriuosly, that his words might have an effect on another person's life and emotions.

But that was Jack all over. He couldn't help smiling at the thought; even when he was exasperated with the immortal, it was impossible not to love him.

And that was his dilemna, the Time Lord reiterated to himself, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. He was still in love with Jack Harkness, though Jack apparently no longer felt the same about him. The other man had changed. He hadn't.

He probably never would.

It had been -- how long now? -- a little over six months, and he still felt just as strongly as he had the day that Jack had told him, gently but firmly, that he had to go back to Earth and take up the reins of Torchwood again. Not, not just as strongly. Even more so.

He'd told himself over and over again that he just needed to give it time -- that in time, he wouldn't feel this way. He'd be able to look back at his time with Jack and have nothing but fond memories, instead of an ache that tore at his hearts on a constant basis.

They might have gone their separate ways, but Jack was going to be a part of him forever. He'd accepted that, albeit reluctantly. There was no getting the other man out of his mind, or out of his hearts, no matter how hard he tried. Even if he found someone else, Jack would still be there.

It wasn't a situation he'd ever wanted to be in, nor one he'd ever thought he would come to. But it had happened nonetheless.

No matter how many times he told himself that letting his emotions get the better of him where humans were concerned, he never seemed to listen. The Doctor lifted his head, sighing as he rested his elbows on his knees. Only another one of his many failings. Not listening when he should.

Falling in love was never something he planned. Oh, it had happened before -- more than once. But never with the fervor and intensity that it had happened with Jack. Jack was his other half, the one human who'd ever been able to understand him -- even if they did have their differences at times.

He had to learn how to deal with not having Jack as a part of his life any more -- that much was obvious. They would still be friends -- that was never going to change. But Jack wasn't a part of his day-to-day existence now, and hadn't been for some time.

But it was still so hard to make himself accept that fact. So hard to force himself to believe that they had to lead separate lives. It wasn't his choice -- but he had no right to hold Jack back from leading the life that he wanted, even though it had broken his hearts to let the other man go.

The Doctor got up from the bench slowly, dusting off his coat and moving off along the path. He'd go back to the Tardis, take the ship somewhere, and get away from Earth for a while. That seemed to be the best solution to his problems at the moment.

But no matter where he went, he knew that Jack would always follow him. Those memories would never die -- and neither would his feelings. If only it was that easy to bottle them up and tell them that they were wrong, that it was best for him to be on his own.

Try as he might, he was sure that he'd never quite adjust to life without the man he loved.

He and Jack might have gone their separate ways -- but somehow, his hearts refused to acknowledge it. He doubted that they ever would.

***